I'm Not Handy at All - Ask Me How to Fix Stuff!

mikerc

mikerc

I accidentally knocked Humpty Dumpty off a wall & can't work out how to put him together again. Any advice would be gratefully received.
 
Zappit

Zappit

Staff member
mroosc1979 said:
I accidentally knocked Humpty Dumpty off a wall & can't work out how to put him together again. Any advice would be gratefully received.
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Okay, first off - the king's horses and men? Screw those guys. They couldn't find their asses given each other prostate exams.

Here's what you do. You need to stay calm. A wall fall "accident" is easy enough. This happened outside, so carefully turn over the soil at the base of the wall. Use a tiller afterward to prep it for transplanting. You need to get a few bushes to plant - plain ones. Flowering plants like hydrangeas, while large, attract too much attention. Plant the bushes in a row across the entire side of the wall. Let the egg naturally fertilize the plants.

Then move on with your life.[DOUBLEPOST=1489629688,1489629274][/DOUBLEPOST]
phil said:
I can't like post a picture of it or anything but just kind of imagine my life.
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Liquidate your assets and move to New Zealand. Earlier reports that they'll pay you to move there are incorrect, but there's abundant employment opportunities - really, they're desperate for workers - and it's friggin' beautiful there.
 
phil

phil

Zappit said:
Okay, first off - the king's horses and men? Screw those guys. They couldn't find their asses given each other prostate exams.

Here's what you do. You need to stay calm. A wall fall "accident" is easy enough. This happened outside, so carefully turn over the soil at the base of the wall. Use a tiller afterward to prep it for transplanting. You need to get a few bushes to plant - plain ones. Flowering plants like hydrangeas, while large, attract too much attention. Plant the bushes in a row across the entire side of the wall. Let the egg naturally fertilize the plants.

Then move on with your life.[DOUBLEPOST=1489629688,1489629274][/DOUBLEPOST]

Liquidate your assets and move to New Zealand. Earlier reports that they'll pay you to move there are incorrect, but there's abundant employment opportunities - really, they're desperate for workers - and it's friggin' beautiful there.
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Man I've actually considered it before. I'm looking at New Zealand and Portugal for when it's time to jump ship.
 
Gruebeard

Gruebeard

I broke my hearth a couple months ago. Well, Candy broke it one night we were making love in front of the fireplace. But yeah, how do I fix my broken hearth?
 
strawman

strawman

I was installing a network jack in my wall, when the sawzall cut through a water pipe. Now water is spraying out of the incomplete hole in the wall and it's pouring out of the basement ceiling directly into the electrical breaker panel.

Do I call a plumber first, or an electrician?
 
drawn_inward

drawn_inward

stienman said:
I was installing a network jack in my wall, when the sawzall cut through a water pipe. Now water is spraying out of the incomplete hole in the wall and it's pouring out of the basement ceiling directly into the electrical breaker panel.

Do I call a plumber first, or an electrician?
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You should call it a day!

:rimshot:
 
Gruebeard

Gruebeard

stienman said:
I was installing a network jack in my wall, when the sawzall cut through a water pipe. Now water is spraying out of the incomplete hole in the wall and it's pouring out of the basement ceiling directly into the electrical breaker panel.

Do I call a plumber first, or an electrician?
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Probably 911. From outside the raging inferno.
 
Zappit

Zappit

Staff member
stienman said:
I was installing a network jack in my wall, when the sawzall cut through a water pipe. Now water is spraying out of the incomplete hole in the wall and it's pouring out of the basement ceiling directly into the electrical breaker panel.

Do I call a plumber first, or an electrician?
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You just invented an indoor pool with its own internet signal. Forget fixing it. Patent that!
 
Zappit

Zappit

Staff member
MindDetective said:
Yes.
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Okay. Thank you.

Your car blew a gasket, which creates a seal between the engine and cylinder head.

So your car blew a gasket and lost its head. There could be underlying vehicular health issues here. Have you checked its oil pressure? If its high, your car may be on the verge of a stroke. Watch for the signs. Does one side seem to droop as if you haven't been regularly been maintaining tire pressure? Does it slur when you honk the horn?

This is a red flag, and beyond my meager abilities. Please seek help for your vehicle from a trained vehicular health professional.
 
ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

I have a serious problem with this thingy. You know, the thingy with the stuff. That does the whatsits.

Well, it's not doing the whatsits right now. That's the problem with the thingy.
 
Bubble181

Bubble181

I'm a consciousness stuck on a small ball of dirt, hurling through emptiness at unbelievable speeds. My actions and thoughts seem to have no effect whatsoever on the universe around me, and my existence seems too small and fleeting to leave any lasting impact. I am utterly and completely insignificant and unimportant, yet I am gifted with emotions and thoughts that make me care about my own existence. How do I escape this hell?
 
DarkAudit

DarkAudit

Bubble181 said:
I'm a consciousness stuck on a small ball of dirt, hurling through emptiness at unbelievable speeds. My actions and thoughts seem to have no effect whatsoever on the universe around me, and my existence seems too small and fleeting to leave any lasting impact. I am utterly and completely insignificant and unimportant, yet I am gifted with emotions and thoughts that make me care about my own existence. How do I escape this hell?
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Unplug it, wait about 5 minutes, then plug it back in.
 
Zappit

Zappit

Staff member
Bubble181 said:
I'm a consciousness stuck on a small ball of dirt, hurling through emptiness at unbelievable speeds. My actions and thoughts seem to have no effect whatsoever on the universe around me, and my existence seems too small and fleeting to leave any lasting impact. I am utterly and completely insignificant and unimportant, yet I am gifted with emotions and thoughts that make me care about my own existence. How do I escape this hell?
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There is no escape, only acceptance. Embrace the fact that your actions have little consequence on the greater whole of the universe, and make peace with that fact.

Takes a hell of a lot of pressure off, if you think about it.
 
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