So this thread is going to be about several different things. I have a couple of big, possibly long-term things coming up, and they are somewhat related so, I thought I'd combine them into one big thread so that I could find it easier.
Thing #1 - Spouse and I want to move. We currently live in South Carolina and it's not exactly friendly territory for people like us. That being gender-nonconforming*, liberal, agnostic/atheist types.
Problems with this are many. First off, spouse is disabled and can't work. We are trying to get them on disability, but anyone who is on it knows how tough of a road that is. So, we live off of my income alone. They do freelance work for the publishing world, but it is nowhere near enough for the bills we have. I do ok, but it makes it so we don't have a lot of money. That disability plus other health issues means we'd have to be somewhere within easy driving distance to a myriad of doctors and/or a decent hospital for spouse's health. So that kinda limits us to bigger cities.
We have been looking at places in New England like Providence, Rhode Island; North Hampton, Massachusets; West Hartford & New Haven, Connecticut; etc. We've also looked at Denver and Minneapolis as well. It's mostly just the starting phase of trying to get a good general idea of the areas, what jobs are available, etc. Sadly, those places are all kinda expensive to move to. I want to have a job secured before we go so that we'd have income when we got to the new place. And yes, we have talked about pairing back what we want in order to make a move more feasible.
Thing #2 - I've recently begun to realize that I am trans. It's something I am still scared to reveal here even knowing the response I will get. I have made several threads before only to delete them before posting. I'm just really nervous to admit this to anyone. So far only my spouse knows and they are super suportive. They want the best for me no matter what and being on the trans spectrum as non-binary themselves, it makes it much easier.
It's something that has been simmering for a while. I have been a crossdresser in private for years and years and for a while thought I was simply a straight and liked wearing women's clothing, so no problem. But recently, a few things have really kick started the gender dysphoria for me. One was Faceapp. I have it on my phone and have done the gender swap thing and I see myself and I just want to look like that. I know it's an unrealistic portrayal of what I could look like, but it hit me harder than I expected. Second one might be the weirder one, Animal Crossing. I made my character as close to my real world self as I could when it first came out. I then discovered that I could wear any clothing I wanted and there were no issues with that. I know in previous games there were, but New Horizons is the first I've actually played for any length of time. The ability to dress how I want, to wear my hair how I wanted, to put on makeup, all of it without any negativity really hit me. I want to be that character. Many of you have probably seen me come over to your island or you've come to mine and seen my character dressed feminine, well this is why.
I have not yet started any sort of therapy (see "poor" above) or come out to anyone in my family yet. I know some of them won't care, but some may and I've seen so many stories where lovely, accepting people have a very negative reaction to their own child/sibling/relative coming out. It makes me extremely nervous to even broach the topic.
The other thing that goes along with this is that I still am in love with my spouse. I still love the female form. So it seems not only am I a trans woman, but I'm also a lesbian. It seems trans lesbians are not as accepted in the LGBTQ+ community as many others. Just gotta choose the hardest path, I guess. Also, this all wraps back into Thing #1 in that wherever we wind up moving, we will want to have a connection to the local queer community and we would want somewhere that is accepting to us and not trying to pass discriminatory laws.
So, going to post a few questions and answers now.
Moving:
A) Do I want moving advice or advice about areas? Yes, I've moved a couple times in my life and know generally how it goes, but have never made a long move like this, so advice would be appreciated. Same for anyone living in the areas we are interested in. If you have general info about what to expect in those areas or places to NOT go, I would not mind hearing from you.
Trans:
1) Am I sure? Fuck no. I am afraid I'm going to go through all of this and wind up regretting it. Like this is a "midlife crisis" for me. This is where I think a qualified therapist needs to be consulted. I'm certainly not going to proceed with any permanent changes until I am sure. I'm not one that has always thought or known that I was a girl. It's been a more gradual thing over the years and only recently has been given any real shape. Some things from when I was young do make more sense now.
2) What pronouns would I like to be addressed with? Right now, it doesn't matter. He/She/They, I ping back and forth from boy to girl mode so much that I really don't care. Whatever feels apropriate to you is fine with me. This may change in the future and when it does, I will let everyone know and will likely change the gender marker on my profile.
3) Would I like any advice? Yes, please. I know we have had several trans members over the years. If any of you would like to give me any advice, encouragement, warnings, or anything else related to this, I would love to hear it. PM me or post here, whichever you are more comfortable with, but don't feel like you HAVE to say anything.
Huge hugs to @Hailey Knight for your thread and being so brave putting yourself out there. Same to Aimee, even though I don't think she is around anymore. I apologize if I am forgetting anyone else.
If anyone has any other questions, I will try to answer them. I may be a bit slow because work has been a bit hectic as of late and I'm probably going to run away for a bit after posting this.
Thing #1 - Spouse and I want to move. We currently live in South Carolina and it's not exactly friendly territory for people like us. That being gender-nonconforming*, liberal, agnostic/atheist types.
Problems with this are many. First off, spouse is disabled and can't work. We are trying to get them on disability, but anyone who is on it knows how tough of a road that is. So, we live off of my income alone. They do freelance work for the publishing world, but it is nowhere near enough for the bills we have. I do ok, but it makes it so we don't have a lot of money. That disability plus other health issues means we'd have to be somewhere within easy driving distance to a myriad of doctors and/or a decent hospital for spouse's health. So that kinda limits us to bigger cities.
We have been looking at places in New England like Providence, Rhode Island; North Hampton, Massachusets; West Hartford & New Haven, Connecticut; etc. We've also looked at Denver and Minneapolis as well. It's mostly just the starting phase of trying to get a good general idea of the areas, what jobs are available, etc. Sadly, those places are all kinda expensive to move to. I want to have a job secured before we go so that we'd have income when we got to the new place. And yes, we have talked about pairing back what we want in order to make a move more feasible.
Thing #2 - I've recently begun to realize that I am trans. It's something I am still scared to reveal here even knowing the response I will get. I have made several threads before only to delete them before posting. I'm just really nervous to admit this to anyone. So far only my spouse knows and they are super suportive. They want the best for me no matter what and being on the trans spectrum as non-binary themselves, it makes it much easier.
It's something that has been simmering for a while. I have been a crossdresser in private for years and years and for a while thought I was simply a straight and liked wearing women's clothing, so no problem. But recently, a few things have really kick started the gender dysphoria for me. One was Faceapp. I have it on my phone and have done the gender swap thing and I see myself and I just want to look like that. I know it's an unrealistic portrayal of what I could look like, but it hit me harder than I expected. Second one might be the weirder one, Animal Crossing. I made my character as close to my real world self as I could when it first came out. I then discovered that I could wear any clothing I wanted and there were no issues with that. I know in previous games there were, but New Horizons is the first I've actually played for any length of time. The ability to dress how I want, to wear my hair how I wanted, to put on makeup, all of it without any negativity really hit me. I want to be that character. Many of you have probably seen me come over to your island or you've come to mine and seen my character dressed feminine, well this is why.
I have not yet started any sort of therapy (see "poor" above) or come out to anyone in my family yet. I know some of them won't care, but some may and I've seen so many stories where lovely, accepting people have a very negative reaction to their own child/sibling/relative coming out. It makes me extremely nervous to even broach the topic.
The other thing that goes along with this is that I still am in love with my spouse. I still love the female form. So it seems not only am I a trans woman, but I'm also a lesbian. It seems trans lesbians are not as accepted in the LGBTQ+ community as many others. Just gotta choose the hardest path, I guess. Also, this all wraps back into Thing #1 in that wherever we wind up moving, we will want to have a connection to the local queer community and we would want somewhere that is accepting to us and not trying to pass discriminatory laws.
So, going to post a few questions and answers now.
Moving:
A) Do I want moving advice or advice about areas? Yes, I've moved a couple times in my life and know generally how it goes, but have never made a long move like this, so advice would be appreciated. Same for anyone living in the areas we are interested in. If you have general info about what to expect in those areas or places to NOT go, I would not mind hearing from you.
Trans:
1) Am I sure? Fuck no. I am afraid I'm going to go through all of this and wind up regretting it. Like this is a "midlife crisis" for me. This is where I think a qualified therapist needs to be consulted. I'm certainly not going to proceed with any permanent changes until I am sure. I'm not one that has always thought or known that I was a girl. It's been a more gradual thing over the years and only recently has been given any real shape. Some things from when I was young do make more sense now.
2) What pronouns would I like to be addressed with? Right now, it doesn't matter. He/She/They, I ping back and forth from boy to girl mode so much that I really don't care. Whatever feels apropriate to you is fine with me. This may change in the future and when it does, I will let everyone know and will likely change the gender marker on my profile.
3) Would I like any advice? Yes, please. I know we have had several trans members over the years. If any of you would like to give me any advice, encouragement, warnings, or anything else related to this, I would love to hear it. PM me or post here, whichever you are more comfortable with, but don't feel like you HAVE to say anything.
Huge hugs to @Hailey Knight for your thread and being so brave putting yourself out there. Same to Aimee, even though I don't think she is around anymore. I apologize if I am forgetting anyone else.
If anyone has any other questions, I will try to answer them. I may be a bit slow because work has been a bit hectic as of late and I'm probably going to run away for a bit after posting this.
and not offending by making jokes or asides that might hit nerves). Weren't you also somewhere in-between-ace-and-possibly-trans-but-figuring-things-out? Or am I mixing stuff/people up?
)
Slightly edited but I might've missed some bits.
