This is the first time I'm posting anywhere on any kind of 'social media' about it, but we actually came to the conclusion last month.
So, when we moved the Virginia in 2010, the plan was basically: Take a high-paying job up north, buy a house, wait 5-8 years, sell the house for a profit, move back south with my pay set at a higher price point, and buy a house with the profits of the VA house sale.
Way back when, it was common for jobs to ask you what your previous salary was during the interview, so it was difficult to get much of a bump. Say you were making 70K. Even if they had the budget for 90, they wouldn't offer more than 75. So part of the move up north was to completely change my pay bracket. Which worked wonderfully. I got a job making nearly double, in gross dollars, what I was making in Texas. Now higher cost of living and additional VA taxes took a huge bite out of that, but the gross value was set to make negotiations easier when I came back south. She also moved up in her career and is making maybe double what she used to.
Took us a couple of years to get the house, because we were coming in at the tail end of the last housing bubble. But we were able to have one built in the boonies for a reasonable amount. Then we sold last year during the covid house shortage and made 6 figures profit, right at the 8 year mark. Moved into an apartment, and I very quickly found a job in Texas paying exactly what I was already making in VA.
So, I moved into an apartment in Texas. Carrying my share of both bills, but without paying state income tax, the amount I was saving every paycheck very nearly covers the Texas expenses. The plan was: Live apart until the VA lease was up, then she'd put in for a transfer and move down. That's pretty much what we did for the last big move.
But the kicker: After I moved, she told me she didn't want to move back to Texas. She says the girlfriend really doesn't have anything to do with it, but I'm pretty sure it does. But that's just a guess. Instead, she wanted me to try to find another job in VA so I could move back. But after living alone for a couple of months, I realized, I neither wanted to move back, nor was I super keen on having her move back down here. Without getting into all of the nitty gritty of it all, we've pretty much grown apart, and I've become a bit of a third wheel to her and the girlfriend's activities. So we had a mature talk about it, and agreed to divorce.
I'm not super broken up about it right now (though we were both very emotional during that discussion), and she doesn't seem to be either. There aren't any winners, losers, good guys or bad guys here, so I'm sorry to report that there won't be any food for drama or schadenfreude. Because of the laws of both states, filing can't happen until February in either case (VA has a waiting period, TX has a residency minimum). We've already split the house money and most of the physical items. I expect that things will be final in April without much fanfare.
I don't really feel any kind of way about it right now...just kinda meh.
So, when we moved the Virginia in 2010, the plan was basically: Take a high-paying job up north, buy a house, wait 5-8 years, sell the house for a profit, move back south with my pay set at a higher price point, and buy a house with the profits of the VA house sale.
Way back when, it was common for jobs to ask you what your previous salary was during the interview, so it was difficult to get much of a bump. Say you were making 70K. Even if they had the budget for 90, they wouldn't offer more than 75. So part of the move up north was to completely change my pay bracket. Which worked wonderfully. I got a job making nearly double, in gross dollars, what I was making in Texas. Now higher cost of living and additional VA taxes took a huge bite out of that, but the gross value was set to make negotiations easier when I came back south. She also moved up in her career and is making maybe double what she used to.
Took us a couple of years to get the house, because we were coming in at the tail end of the last housing bubble. But we were able to have one built in the boonies for a reasonable amount. Then we sold last year during the covid house shortage and made 6 figures profit, right at the 8 year mark. Moved into an apartment, and I very quickly found a job in Texas paying exactly what I was already making in VA.
So, I moved into an apartment in Texas. Carrying my share of both bills, but without paying state income tax, the amount I was saving every paycheck very nearly covers the Texas expenses. The plan was: Live apart until the VA lease was up, then she'd put in for a transfer and move down. That's pretty much what we did for the last big move.
But the kicker: After I moved, she told me she didn't want to move back to Texas. She says the girlfriend really doesn't have anything to do with it, but I'm pretty sure it does. But that's just a guess. Instead, she wanted me to try to find another job in VA so I could move back. But after living alone for a couple of months, I realized, I neither wanted to move back, nor was I super keen on having her move back down here. Without getting into all of the nitty gritty of it all, we've pretty much grown apart, and I've become a bit of a third wheel to her and the girlfriend's activities. So we had a mature talk about it, and agreed to divorce.
I'm not super broken up about it right now (though we were both very emotional during that discussion), and she doesn't seem to be either. There aren't any winners, losers, good guys or bad guys here, so I'm sorry to report that there won't be any food for drama or schadenfreude. Because of the laws of both states, filing can't happen until February in either case (VA has a waiting period, TX has a residency minimum). We've already split the house money and most of the physical items. I expect that things will be final in April without much fanfare.
I don't really feel any kind of way about it right now...just kinda meh.
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( I understand the heartache well, even if it is the right choice and you grew apart. I hope the coming months arefull of things that bring you joy and make you happy. Enjoy rediscovering yourself. 
