A Normal Day At Calleja's Shitty Job

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Calleja

Calleja

(the following is translated from the original Spanish)

*headset rings, I unmute*
Me: Thank you for calling (ISP name) tech support, this is Fernando Calleja speaking, how may I help you?
Customer: ...yes. Hi. Yeah. I don't have any internet, this thing isn't working.
Me: Very well sir, we'll figure out what's wrong in just a second, may I please have your name and phone number with area code?
Customer: uh... yes.
Me: .... sir?
Customer: I don't have internet!!
Me: (gives up trying to fill the system with the guy's info) Alright sir, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: I'll tell you what the problem is, you people sold me a defective internet!
Me: I'm sorry... to..uh.. hear that, sir. What exactly is wrong with your (brand name) service?
Customer: My computer won't recognize this thing you gave me to connect to the internet. I want to look at the youtube thing and I can't cause you sold me a defective internet.
Me: Do you mean the router/modem, sir?
Customer: Sure, yeah, that thing. Doesn't work.
Me: Ok, let's check what could be wrong with it... do you have it in your line of sight? Can you please tell me how the LED lights on the front are turned on?
Customer: Uhh... no, I can't see it, it's still in the box.
Me: ....oh. Ok then, let's go ahead and open the box and configure your brand new modem, sound good?
Customer: Oh hell no, I ain't opening anything.
Me: ..... may I ask why, exactly, sir?
Customer: Cause I paid for a wireless connection, I don't want cables all over the place.
Me: That's quite alright sir, I can help you to configure your wireless connection right now, let's just go ahead and please connect the modem to the power outlet with the supplied--
Customer: WHAT?! NO! I'm not connecting it!
Me: ... sir?
Customer: Why are you tech people always so stupid? I bought a WIRELESS connection, alright? I don't want any cables, so just do whatever you need to do so I can watch the youtube.
Me: *mutes headset, looks around, roars with laughter, unmutes headset* Ok sir, for your computer to be able to connect wirelessly to the DSL service, we need to supply power to the modem.. so let's go ahead and connect it to the power grid right now, please.
Customer: NO! Why are you so fucking stupid?! *growls in exasperation* Listen to me... I bought a (sounds it out phonetically in Spanish) WIRELESS modem, that means NO CABLES, alright? So I don't need to connect anything to anything, alright? Just... ugh, never mind, I'll call again so I don't get stuck with a moron.
*click*
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
Reminds me of some douchebags I used to get when I worked summers as a telemarketer. I have something of a rural accent in Finnish that most customers find amusing and friendly (and are therefore more likely to buy what I'm selling :) ), but then there are the capital city yuppies:

Me: "Hello, this is [Real Name] from [Name of Company] Publications. I am calling you with a one-day only offer..."
Client: "Look, I don't have time to listen some hayseed. Goodbye!"
*click*

The term he actually used was quite derogatory, basically meaning a completely witless person from the countryside. It doesn't translate well...

Almost as annoying are little old ladies who are just so happy that somebody calls. Either they won't let you do your job and keep insisting that you listen to their entire life story and then some, or they let you tell them the offer, they sound interested, you're sure you're gonna get a sale... and then they say this:

"Oh, I'm not going to buy anything. But it was just so nice to hear such a nice young man talking. Thank you, bye bye."

Damn wrinkled old prune-suckers...
 
R

Rubicon

Oh, I get calls like that practically every day.

Me: "Thank you for calling Vonage Technical Support, my name is *InsertRealNameHere*, how may I assist you today?"

Customer: "It aint workin"

Me: "Ok sir, what isn't working and how is it not working?"

Customer: "The dang old Vontage (yes, they mis pronounce it all the time..) box isn't workin, I can't use mah phone"

Me: "You currently have no service sir?"

Customer: "Yea, nothin"

Me: "Ok sir I'll be glad to help you with that today, I understand your service is important to you"

*insert 3-5 minutes of me getting the customer's information so I can take a look at his account*

Me: "Yes sir, I do see your Vonage device is offline at the moment, let me just get some information from you so we can troubleshoot that for you today; Who is your internet provider sir?"

Customer: "Internet?"

Me: "Yes sir, who do you get internet service with?"

Customer: "Well we ain't gots no internet."

Me: "You have no internet access at the moment sir?"

Customer: "We aint got internet"

Me: "Ok sir you do realize you need a high speed broadband connection, either landline cable or dsl for Vonage to function, correct?"

Customer: "Nah I never knew that. That why when I plugs in mah phone here, I just get silence?"

Me: "Yes sir, we are a voice over internet phone company (i dont bother explaining the term voip to them), you need internet access to use our service, no computer required just internet service is the backbone of what we use"

Customer: "Computer? What's a computer?"

Me: *mute headset* i had to face palm, *unmute* *insert brief technological explaination of a computer, he seriously didnt know what it was, and this guy was in his 30s give or take*.

Customer: "Oh, well no one told me dat. Thank you, bye *hangs up*"

One of the best calls Ive ever taken
 
Green_Lantern

Green_Lantern

Staff member
Calleja said:
(the following is translated from the original Spanish)

*headset rings, I unmute*
Me: Thank you for calling (ISP name) tech support, this is Fernando Calleja speaking, how may I help you?
Customer: ...yes. Hi. Yeah. I don't have any internet, this thing isn't working.
Me: Very well sir, we'll figure out what's wrong in just a second, may I please have your name and phone number with area code?
Customer: uh... yes.
Me: .... sir?
Customer: I don't have internet!!
Me: (gives up trying to fill the system with the guy's info) Alright sir, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: I'll tell you what the problem is, you people sold me a defective internet!
Me: I'm sorry... to..uh.. hear that, sir. What exactly is wrong with your (brand name) service?
Customer: My computer won't recognize this thing you gave me to connect to the internet. I want to look at the youtube thing and I can't cause you sold me a defective internet.
Me: Do you mean the router/modem, sir?
Customer: Sure, yeah, that thing. Doesn't work.
Me: Ok, let's check what could be wrong with it... do you have it in your line of sight? Can you please tell me how the LED lights on the front are turned on?
Customer: Uhh... no, I can't see it, it's still in the box.
Me: ....oh. Ok then, let's go ahead and open the box and configure your brand new modem, sound good?
Customer: Oh hell no, I ain't opening anything.
Me: ..... may I ask why, exactly, sir?
Customer: Cause I paid for a wireless connection, I don't want cables all over the place.
Me: That's quite alright sir, I can help you to configure your wireless connection right now, let's just go ahead and please connect the modem to the power outlet with the supplied--
Customer: WHAT?! NO! I'm not connecting it!
Me: ... sir?
Customer: Why are you tech people always so stupid? I bought a WIRELESS connection, alright? I don't want any cables, so just do whatever you need to do so I can watch the youtube.
Me: *mutes headset, looks around, roars with laughter, unmutes headset* Ok sir, for your computer to be able to connect wirelessly to the DSL service, we need to supply power to the modem.. so let's go ahead and connect it to the power grid right now, please.
Customer: NO! Why are you so fucking stupid?! *growls in exasperation* Listen to me... I bought a (sounds it out phonetically in Spanish) WIRELESS modem, that means NO CABLES, alright? So I don't need to connect anything to anything, alright? Just... ugh, never mind, I'll call again so I don't get stuck with a moron.
*click*
Click to expand...
Mav said:
Oh, I get calls like that practically every day.

Me: \"Thank you for calling Vonage Technical Support, my name is *InsertRealNameHere*, how may I assist you today?\"

Customer: \"It aint workin\"

Me: \"Ok sir, what isn't working and how is it not working?\"

Customer: \"The dang old Vontage (yes, they mis pronounce it all the time..) box isn't workin, I can't use mah phone\"

Me: \"You currently have no service sir?\"

Customer: \"Yea, nothin\"

Me: \"Ok sir I'll be glad to help you with that today, I understand your service is important to you\"

*insert 3-5 minutes of me getting the customer's information so I can take a look at his account*

Me: \"Yes sir, I do see your Vonage device is offline at the moment, let me just get some information from you so we can troubleshoot that for you today; Who is your internet provider sir?\"

Customer: \"Internet?\"

Me: \"Yes sir, who do you get internet service with?\"

Customer: \"Well we ain't gots no internet.\"

Me: \"You have no internet access at the moment sir?\"

Customer: \"We aint got internet\"

Me: \"Ok sir you do realize you need a high speed broadband connection, either landline cable or dsl for Vonage to function, correct?\"

Customer: \"Nah I never knew that. That why when I plugs in mah phone here, I just get silence?\"

Me: \"Yes sir, we are a voice over internet phone company (i dont bother explaining the term voip to them), you need internet access to use our service, no computer required just internet service is the backbone of what we use\"

Customer: \"Computer? What's a computer?\"

Me: *mute headset* i had to face palm, *unmute* *insert brief technological explaination of a computer, he seriously didnt know what it was, and this guy was in his 30s give or take*.

Customer: \"Oh, well no one told me dat. Thank you, bye *hangs up*\"

One of the best calls Ive ever taken
Click to expand...
both of you put this in http://notalwaysright.com/ RIGHT NOW
 
Andi

Andi

Those calls must have been prank calls. Come on, no person being able to use a telephone can be THAT stupid. Please tell me that they were just prank calls. Please...
 
G

GeneralOrder24

Andi said:
Those calls must have been prank calls. Come on, no person being able to use a telephone can be THAT stupid. Please tell me that they were just prank calls. Please...
Click to expand...
Eh, I could easily see how a country bumpkin, or someone equally unknowledgable about computers could confuse wireless internet with some kind of wireless cellular service. It's a simple mistake. When you work in support long enough, you start to see common user errors. While this one might be a bit more uncommon than most, I can kind of almost see where he's coming from.

Doesn't make it any less hillarious though.
 
Steve

Steve

When I was in college I had to take a required basic computer class. The first day of class the instructor started with "now this is a mouse. It has two buttons on top to click, right and left." And people in the class asked if he could slow down. It was the most frustrating class to sit through. I didn't have to do anything to pass the class, the instructor let people who knew anything about computers do whatever they wanted to.
And when I think people can't be that stupid when it comes to computers I am reminded they are. My brother in law couldn't connect to the internet. He said it was his computer. He called his provider and they said it was probably a bad modem so they sent him a new one. Still didn't work. I stopped by and saw the ethernet cable coming out the back of his computer and the other end just laying there under his desk. I asked why he disconnected it. He said "I didn't know it needed to be connected." This came after him telling me how tech support are a bunch of idiots because they couldn't fix his problem.
 
R

Rubicon

Adammon said:
I wish I could share my stories but they're so ludicrous, no one would believe me.
Click to expand...
Oh I don't know about that. I get some of the stupidest calls.. Not really stupid people as they are just people without much knowledge of basic computer usage. But the calls themselves, with what people say, are hilarious.

The sad part is every call, at least for my company, is recorded yet we can't get copies of them. Which sucks cause I came up with a great idea, take these calls, make a website where you can listen to them (bleeping out any customer information for legal purposes) but just let anyone upload tech support calls.

You'd make a fortune off google adsense itself, let alone any kind of other advertising you might use.
 
Adam

Adam

Mav;259690][quote=Adammon said:
I wish I could share my stories but they're so ludicrous, no one would believe me.
Click to expand...
Oh I don't know about that. I get some of the stupidest calls.. Not really stupid people as they are just people without much knowledge of basic computer usage. But the calls themselves, with what people say, are hilarious.
[/QUOTE]

Ok here's one from my college days working for an ISP. Our area is mostly older people, just getting the hang of this whole "internat thang".

One woman calls, claiming she's having trouble with her mouse. I go through the usual getting account information and stuff, check the call logs, etc, making small talk about her job as a seamstress and how she loves to make dresses, her kids bought her a computer and she's just learning to use it and the weather here is lovely this week.

So, I get into the troubleshooting. I ask her what seems to be the problem and she says she finds the mouse hard to use. I ask her if she can just try moving the mouse back and forth and I hear her grunting and struggling on the end but she says, while awkward, she can move back and forth, the arrow on her screen just doesn't to be moving in synch with her mouse. Thinking that her mouse ball is dirty, I ask if she can flip over the mouse to see if there's a lot of gunk in the under side. She sets the phone down and I can hear her grunting again. She comes back to the phone a little winded and says "It's a little dirty". I suggest cleaning it out and explain how to slide open the ball holder.

She listens to my instructions carefully and puts the phone down to clean out her mouse balls. I hear more grunting and more effort being expended then necessarily required to clean a mouse. Eventually she returns to the phone and I ask her to try again. She tries on her hand and explains that, there's no difference - it's still difficult to navigate.

At this point, thinking maybe it's a driver problem I ask her to follow me through the Control Panel by clicking on Start, going up to settings and to Control Panel. She's really hard at it now. I can her struggling like crazy, fumbling the phone, grunting and straining.

After a good minute or so, she says "This is really hard."

I respond "Yes, it takes a lot of practice but after a while it will be second nature. I just need you to left click on the start button at the bottom of the screen."

More struggling by which point I can detect an edge of frustration in her voice. I politely ask what is the hardest part of what she's doing (maybe I can find an easier way to do it).

She responds
"My toes aren't strong enough to push the buttons down." Her history as a seamstress had led her to believe that the mouse was like a foot pedal for a sewing machine, leaving both hands free for the keyboard...which makes TOTAL sense if that's what you're used to operating.

At this point, I'm just flabbergasted. I mean, it all made sense upon retrospection but I'd never experienced anything of that sort. In my calmest, sweetest voice I explained that she was trying to do it the hard way and that was for more experienced users.
Newer users may find it a lot easier to put the mouse on their desk and move it by hand instead

After that was done, she was incredibly happy and relieved and the mouse continued working happily ever after. I wonder if she ever brought it up with her kids...
 
C

Cuyval Dar

I would be awesome in tech support. I can totally deliver those "You are an idiot" explanations while laughing inside.
 
R

rabbitgod

Andi said:
Those calls must have been prank calls. Come on, no person being able to use a telephone can be THAT stupid. Please tell me that they were just prank calls. Please...
Click to expand...
Sadly there are people out there like that.

I'm the go to guy at my company for computer stuff, despite not being all that proficient myself.

Here's small unimpressive list:

-I moved the server a few months ago, when my boss came in he couldn't turn his computer on (he knew the power supply was on the way out) so he asks me "what the hell" I did to his computer, because surely moving a different computer does that.
-Nobody understands that our copier can duplex. They all think I'm doing some weird thing with the software. They just can't comprehend that the copier itself is flipping the page and that you can do it in any application. "Even emails?"
-And of course, I've driven out to one of our facilities to troubleshoot why the printer isn't working, only to flip the power switch on.
 
bhamv3

bhamv3

Reading about these things gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. No matter how stupid I get, I'll never be bottom of the pile. :)
 
I

Icarus

Adammon said:
Ok here's one from my college days working for an ISP. Our area is mostly older people, just getting the hang of this whole "internat thang".

One woman calls, claiming she's having trouble with her mouse. I go through the usual getting account information and stuff, check the call logs, etc, making small talk about her job as a seamstress and how she loves to make dresses, her kids bought her a computer and she's just learning to use it and the weather here is lovely this week.

So, I get into the troubleshooting. I ask her what seems to be the problem and she says she finds the mouse hard to use. I ask her if she can just try moving the mouse back and forth and I hear her grunting and struggling on the end but she says, while awkward, she can move back and forth, the arrow on her screen just doesn't to be moving in synch with her mouse. Thinking that her mouse ball is dirty, I ask if she can flip over the mouse to see if there's a lot of gunk in the under side. She sets the phone down and I can hear her grunting again. She comes back to the phone a little winded and says "It's a little dirty". I suggest cleaning it out and explain how to slide open the ball holder.

She listens to my instructions carefully and puts the phone down to clean out her mouse balls. I hear more grunting and more effort being expended then necessarily required to clean a mouse. Eventually she returns to the phone and I ask her to try again. She tries on her hand and explains that, there's no difference - it's still difficult to navigate.

At this point, thinking maybe it's a driver problem I ask her to follow me through the Control Panel by clicking on Start, going up to settings and to Control Panel. She's really hard at it now. I can her struggling like crazy, fumbling the phone, grunting and straining.

After a good minute or so, she says "This is really hard."

I respond "Yes, it takes a lot of practice but after a while it will be second nature. I just need you to left click on the start button at the bottom of the screen."
Click to expand...
Be glad she wasn't using a real live mouse *laughs*

I mean, "turn it over and see if it's a little dirty" and "see if the mouse's balls are dirty and clean them" might have been a bit too much for the little mouse *laughs*.
 
Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

That mouse story is... that's just so interesting. I can't get after her for ignorance, because that really does make sense due to her line of work. Innocent mistake, but so strange.
 
chris

chris

i working in the same field, and I can feel your pain, calleja.
It was yesterday at 23:45, 15 minutes before the end of my shift.
A young woman calls and explains she has problem connecting the computer with the router via wi-fi. She tell me that she already called that day because of phone problems and a colleague told her to reset the router. The phone work, but she has problems with the internet now. I ask her what she typed in as passphrase, but it is the same written on the plague on the back. So I want her to connect the router with the computer via LAN to proof if it even possible to open a website with a cable. It doesn't work but I could ping the router and I start to think something with the computer must be wrong.
I check with her some basic stuff on her computer and start to get frustrated because I can't find the problem. I ask her again what the LED´s are doing and she tell me that all LED's working fine and only the LAN LED's are out. After I told her to switch the cable to another slot, she tell me that the Internet is now available. The router have to be broken so I tell her i will send her a new one. suddenly, out of the blue, she announce that I don't have to send her one, because my colleague already did that.

I could strangle her for that, I spend over 17 minutes trying to connect a router, that was already identified as broken by a colleague.
 
K

Kitty Sinatra

plus, it's called a "mouse" and mice scurry around on the floor . . . man, you know a button-less mouse that you place on the floor could maybe really work.
 
Shakey

Shakey

God I'm glad I don't do tech support anymore. I had to go through the whole Blaster virus problem with XP. It caused everyones computer to restart if they weren't up to date, which was nearly everybody. It was absolute hell for a few days.

Worst was when I had a guy tell me he was going to drive down and kill me. His dialup modem was dead, probably got hit by the lightning storm the night before. After trying to reinstall the drivers, I couldn't get it to recognize at all. He got all pissed and tried telling me I broke his computer. I ended up just adding a modem on a generic open port he had. It obviously didn't work, and he got so pissed he said "I'm going to drive down there and beat the life right out of you." Not the best thing to hear on a Saturday when you are alone in the building. But he never showed up, and we canceled his account.
 
Jake

Jake

A few months ago we moved our lab to a new location that wasn't set up as lab space, but was cheap. Among the 1001 frustrations: there were ethernet and phone jacks all over, but when I looked in the maintenance closet, there were just dozens of cut cables hanging out of the ceiling, all identical Cat5, nothing labeled. Good job for a contractor to handle, but the theme here is: cheap.

My bosses were confused as to why they couldn't just plug their phones and computers into the wall and have it work. Over the next week they were a little frustrated it was taking me so long to get specific jacks working :explode:. Not to mention, I had to learn the arcane art of programming a used phone system we got on ebay, the concept of which was impossible to explain to them. Add fax line, alarm line, and DSL to the mix and it was a big clusterfuck that went completely over their heads.

They're great microbial geneticists, but have always had university IT departments to do every little tech thing for them for the past 20 years.
 
fade

fade

Staff member
I always like to tell the "other side of the fence" story. Like I said in the "what you do" thread, I worked as an electrical and computer engineering prof for 3 years. All of us were extremely knowledgeable about computers. Hell, we designed hardware and software ourselves. Yet the IT guys still talked to us like babies, and worse yet, we all experienced times when we knew what was wrong, but explaining it to the IT guys was like talking to a wall. They had this hardcoded procedure, and they'd be damned if they let some prof tell THEM what was wrong. 99.99% of the time, if they'd just listened, they could've saved us both a ton of time.

ME: <detailed explanation of what's wrong complete with diagnosis and solution>
IT: Pbbbt. You're so cute when you try to talk IT. Let the big kids handle it.
[2 hours later]
IT: Well it turns out the <> needed to be <>.
ME: Oh, you mean like I said 2 hours ago?
IT: What? Oh you're so cute, tiny.

I appreciate the idiots they have to deal with daily, but if someone knows what they're talking about, it never hurts to listen. Why did I call IT in the first place? Padlocks on cases and common login passwords controlling admin privileges.
 
Hylian

Hylian

fade said:
I always like to tell the "other side of the fence" story. Like I said in the "what you do" thread, I worked as an electrical and computer engineering prof for 3 years. All of us were extremely knowledgeable about computers. Hell, we designed hardware and software ourselves. Yet the IT guys still talked to us like babies, and worse yet, we all experienced times when we knew what was wrong, but explaining it to the IT guys was like talking to a wall. They had this hardcoded procedure, and they'd be damned if they let some prof tell THEM what was wrong. 99.99% of the time, if they'd just listened, they could've saved us both a ton of time.

ME: <detailed explanation of what's wrong complete with diagnosis and solution>
IT: Pbbbt. You're so cute when you try to talk IT. Let the big kids handle it.
[2 hours later]
IT: Well it turns out the <> needed to be <>.
ME: Oh, you mean like I said 2 hours ago?
IT: What? Oh you're so cute, tiny.

I appreciate the idiots they have to deal with daily, but if someone knows what they're talking about, it never hurts to listen. Why did I call IT in the first place? Padlocks on cases and common login passwords controlling admin privileges.
Click to expand...


At some sites they are told to dumb down their talk to customers. Now that is not to say you should treat the customer like an idiot but to a certain point they just may come across that way with out actually trying to. Also some sites demand certain procedures be done before the person moves on so they may have just been trying to follow procedures but than again they could have just been jerks.
 
drawn_inward

drawn_inward

I can't remember any bad stories from the 4 years that I worked for Directv customer support. I think I blocked them out.

The only one I remember was a guy who started screaming as soon as I answered the call. He told me he was missing the season premier of the Sopranos. At first I try to help, but he keeps getting more belligerent. Finally, he tells me he is going to choke me if I don't get the show on. I blow up. I tell him that I have his credit card info, his SSN, and his street address and I know plenty of folks that would like that information. He hung up.

Towards the end of my time there, I would get a person pissed off to the point they would ask for a supervisor. I would ask them to hold while I transferred them. I would either transfer them to the spanish-speaking call center or to a sex line. The quality folks could not tell where the call was going. I found this out after I was a call was audited and the lady said I did a great job handling a difficult customer!
 
L

lafftaff

My current job I don't get too many disgruntled customers, thank goodness. I've had my fill of retail.

My job I set appts. & then someone goes out to meet them. The only resistance I get is when it's a married couple who refuses to have their spouse there. Usually that means they're trying to get something done behind their back. Though recently I did get a customer who demanded we send a white guy out to his house.
 
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