For you married folks
- Thread starter MindDetective
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Amen, son. Amen. We'll probably never get to travel much, but for my honeymoon, damned if we're not going on a long and romantic whirlwind adventure, dangit![/QUOTE]it's one day, save the money for your honey moon
Hell to the yeah.
Yes, because the purpose of a wedding and reception is to go drink
Would you invite someone to a party at your home, put out drinks, and then if they go for a beer ask them to cough up some money to "recover some of the costs"? Because it's the exact same thing. When you invite people to a party, whether it be a birthday party or a wedding reception, you take on the responsibility of playing host and everything that comes with it.
. It's pretty easy to put "Toonie Bar" on invites. How tacky!Paying a stipend for drinks isn't there to make money, it's to keep control on over-indulgence.
Pff, don't be embarrassed. You spend money on things that are important to you. If you can do it without going into debt... well, good on you
R
rabbitgod
Yes, because the purpose of a wedding and reception is to go drink
Would you invite someone to a party at your home, put out drinks, and then if they go for a beer ask them to cough up some money to "recover some of the costs"? Because it's the exact same thing. When you invite people to a party, whether it be a birthday party or a wedding reception, you take on the responsibility of playing host and everything that comes with it.
. It's pretty easy to put "Toonie Bar" on invites. How tacky!Paying a stipend for drinks isn't there to make money, it's to keep control on over-indulgence.[/QUOTE]
I had an open bar and I (along with my bartender) found it a lot easier to control over-indulgence. A less reputable bartender might keep giving that crazy aunt drinks because she's a paying customer. An open bar has no incentive to keep dishing out drinks since they get paid the same.
And I agree with Droll and Zen. If you can't afford alcohol, then don't have it. That's what happens when you host. You absorb the cost of the event. If you can't afford the food would you pass that along to the guests? The DJ/entertainment?
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Even if I didn't want it I had to have an open bar. My location can't get a permit necessary to have a cash bar. But there are easy ways to save on the alcohol. As people have already said, have minimal selections. We had a few beers, 2 wines, and 4ish cocktails. If you can buy your own and have the bartender use it. That way at the end of the night you get to keep it. We had the bartender go to Costco for us and he left everything in a few boxes for us to take home. All of it was used.
Another way to save is to find a place that IS the decoration. We had a tiny decoration bill because the place we chose had a wonderful garden and lights in the trees. We went minimalist on it because it was already nice to look at.
When you can, try to buy or make the things yourself. We made a dessert so our cake bill was half. Things like that.
---------- Post added at 07:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:17 PM ----------
Pff, don't be embarrassed. You spend money on things that are important to you. If you can do it without going into debt... well, good on you
[/QUOTE]Yes to this. Mine was around that cost. Some communities are just more expensive than others. Weddings are a big cultural deal here. Because of that people charge a lot. You shouldn't be embarrassed for getting married. There are far worse things to spend your money on.
-Her mother runs a bridal shop.
-Her father is licensed to be an officiant.
-Her youngest sister sang.
-Her other sister's husband is a professional photographer.
-I typeset the invitations and made the maps myself.
-She assembled all the invitations by hand.
-Her dress was ordered and imported from India (a lehenga choli).
-My tuxedo was the same one I was required to wear as my choir uniform
(purchased at wholesale discount thanks to #1 above)
-Rehearsal and wedding were held the same day.
-We put an original 1GB iPod Shuffle through my studio monitors to provide the reception music.
-We held the reception at an awesome bed and breakfast.
-We invited a total of about 25 people. They all came.
-The reception was a 5-course ordeal with a different beer matched for each course*.
-Any guests who did not want to drive home after stuffing themselves with 5 courses of great food and beer were invited to stay in one of the Inn's 10 rooms.
Total cost? Somewhere between $4000 and $5000 (we're not sure exactly how much her family covered).
--Patrick
*Menu and pairings available on request.
-Her father is licensed to be an officiant.
-Her youngest sister sang.
-Her other sister's husband is a professional photographer.
-I typeset the invitations and made the maps myself.
-She assembled all the invitations by hand.
-Her dress was ordered and imported from India (a lehenga choli).
-My tuxedo was the same one I was required to wear as my choir uniform
(purchased at wholesale discount thanks to #1 above)
-Rehearsal and wedding were held the same day.
-We put an original 1GB iPod Shuffle through my studio monitors to provide the reception music.
-We held the reception at an awesome bed and breakfast.
-We invited a total of about 25 people. They all came.
-The reception was a 5-course ordeal with a different beer matched for each course*.
-Any guests who did not want to drive home after stuffing themselves with 5 courses of great food and beer were invited to stay in one of the Inn's 10 rooms.
Total cost? Somewhere between $4000 and $5000 (we're not sure exactly how much her family covered).
--Patrick
*Menu and pairings available on request.
Yes to this. Mine was around that cost. Some communities are just more expensive than others. Weddings are a big cultural deal here. Because of that people charge a lot. You shouldn't be embarrassed for getting married. There are far worse things to spend your money on.[/QUOTE][/COLOR]Pff, don't be embarrassed. You spend money on things that are important to you. If you can do it without going into debt... well, good on you
The only thing is, I know many couples that for whatever reason, tradition, what folks in the region of the country expect, keeping up with the Joneses, etc, have gone into major credit card debt for their wedding.
It's not worth it. In NO way is it worth that.
R
rabbitgod
Yes to this. Mine was around that cost. Some communities are just more expensive than others. Weddings are a big cultural deal here. Because of that people charge a lot. You shouldn't be embarrassed for getting married. There are far worse things to spend your money on.[/QUOTE][/COLOR]Pff, don't be embarrassed. You spend money on things that are important to you. If you can do it without going into debt... well, good on you
The only thing is, I know many couples that for whatever reason, tradition, what folks in the region of the country expect, keeping up with the Joneses, etc, have gone into major credit card debt for their wedding.
It's not worth it. In NO way is it worth that.[/QUOTE]
Agreed. You should have the wedding you want. My in-laws paid for some of the wedding because they wanted to keep up with the Jones' and it's something I just had to shake my head at. A wedding should be make you happy. Costly or not.
---------- Post added at 07:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:43 PM ----------
Also we had a Harpist. I'm not sure where that came from, but it was pretty nice.
We had a "Björk". She had to be fed but she really rocked that wedding march.
I can actually only remember having been to one wedding where there's been a bar at all. Most of the people I've been close with enough to be invited to their wedding have abstained for religious reasons, or because there would be enough people who would oppose it on religious grounds that it wasn't worth the fight of having one.
The one that had a bar ... well, the groom came from a family that did not abstain for religious reasons. I don't think I would be exaggerating to say that if there had been no alcohol, his family might not have shown up at all (even though it was in his hometown.)
The one that had a bar ... well, the groom came from a family that did not abstain for religious reasons. I don't think I would be exaggerating to say that if there had been no alcohol, his family might not have shown up at all (even though it was in his hometown.)
So much abstaining; I didn't know we had so many Muslims. Every Christian wedding I've been to had a few people liquored up by the end.
C
Chibibar
wait... there suppose to be a ceremony??!!??!!?
J/K We got married via JP (Justice of the Peace for those who don't know) and spend most of the money on our 10 day Mediterranean cruise for our Honeymoon it was awesome.
J/K We got married via JP (Justice of the Peace for those who don't know) and spend most of the money on our 10 day Mediterranean cruise for our Honeymoon
it was awesome.
There's so many smart people here too.wait... there suppose to be a ceremony??!!??!!?
J/K We got married via JP (Justice of the Peace for those who don't know) and spend most of the money on our 10 day Mediterranean cruise for our Honeymoon
Total cost for rehearsal, wedding and reception were somewhere between 4-5k. No bar at reception, neither of us were "of age" anyway (yeah, we were married at 19, been almost 21 years now...). She found her dress during one of the "last year model" sales, about 1/4 of original cost and it was the one that she wanted from the beginning. Rehearsal dinner was done by my mother and a couple of friends, spaghetti and the trimmings for everyone. Reception was what most local receptions are, light snacks, cake, punch and meet & greet (I didn't even get a bite of my chocolate grooms cake). Photag for wedding/reception was a church friend that gave us a break on cost, and she's still using pictures from our wedding to show what can be done. Minister was our pastor, groomsmen rented their own tuxes, bridesmaids helped in making their own dresses (another family friend is a seamstress that also used the time to teach the girls about basic sewing).
Do what makes you happy, avoid debt if at all possible (you don't need to start in the hole) and have fun with it all and enjoy each other. If others have a problem with what you choose to do, they were only looking out for themselves and not what would make YOU happy.
Do what makes you happy, avoid debt if at all possible (you don't need to start in the hole) and have fun with it all and enjoy each other. If others have a problem with what you choose to do, they were only looking out for themselves and not what would make YOU happy.
J
jasonisgreat
"My wedding was $1500." "My wedding was $3000."
Damn. That's amazingly low-cost. Well done. We've been planning ours for a month and so far it looks like our end total will be around $20,000.
On the topic of open bar, I have to say that if you are going to have booze, you should make it free. Guests appreciate a good meal, open bar, and good music more than flowers or decorations or fancy invitations.
Damn. That's amazingly low-cost. Well done. We've been planning ours for a month and so far it looks like our end total will be around $20,000.
On the topic of open bar, I have to say that if you are going to have booze, you should make it free. Guests appreciate a good meal, open bar, and good music more than flowers or decorations or fancy invitations.
Looking at how much some people spent here is... amazing.
I know the high costs are mostly the norm, but my wife and I didn't have a lot of money and were not going to spend a lot on the wedding.
Invitations - $50
We bought a template and printed them out ourselves.
Locations - Free
When we got married we had the ceremony at a small church overlooking a large area of southern Austin. As long as you reserve the spot, you can use it free of charge. As for the reception, my wife worked for a photographer that rented a plantation house that was once used for wedding receptions. She let us use the property for free. The nice thing about that was...
Photographs - Free
As my wife's boss was at the wedding anyways, she took all the pictures and gave the negatives to my wife.
Dress - $190, Suit -$200
We decided we didn't need fancy outfits, so she got a small but fancy wedding dress and I just bought a re-usable suit. My old suit was getting kind of old anyways.
Music - $150
Rather then having a DJ we decided to have a full band play. The band a friend of our family, so they gave us a discount on what the would normally charge.
Decorations - $50
My wife and her friends bought a bunch of cheap items like blue christmas lights and other small ornaments with some string, and hung them from the trees at the reception location a few days before hand.
Food and Drinks - $400, Cake - Free
We had limited drinks, and ended up just having a BBQ joint in town cater for us for a good 50 people. The cake was baked by a co-worker of mine, who did it as a wedding gift to us. The goodie bag we gave guests was just M&Ms in a small little decorated bag.
Our honeymoon was another $300 that we spent out in the country for a few days. All in all between the two of us we spent a little over $1340 or so by the time we got back home.
I know the high costs are mostly the norm, but my wife and I didn't have a lot of money and were not going to spend a lot on the wedding.
Invitations - $50
We bought a template and printed them out ourselves.
Locations - Free
When we got married we had the ceremony at a small church overlooking a large area of southern Austin. As long as you reserve the spot, you can use it free of charge. As for the reception, my wife worked for a photographer that rented a plantation house that was once used for wedding receptions. She let us use the property for free. The nice thing about that was...
Photographs - Free
As my wife's boss was at the wedding anyways, she took all the pictures and gave the negatives to my wife.
Dress - $190, Suit -$200
We decided we didn't need fancy outfits, so she got a small but fancy wedding dress and I just bought a re-usable suit. My old suit was getting kind of old anyways.
Music - $150
Rather then having a DJ we decided to have a full band play. The band a friend of our family, so they gave us a discount on what the would normally charge.
Decorations - $50
My wife and her friends bought a bunch of cheap items like blue christmas lights and other small ornaments with some string, and hung them from the trees at the reception location a few days before hand.
Food and Drinks - $400, Cake - Free
We had limited drinks, and ended up just having a BBQ joint in town cater for us for a good 50 people. The cake was baked by a co-worker of mine, who did it as a wedding gift to us. The goodie bag we gave guests was just M&Ms in a small little decorated bag.
Our honeymoon was another $300 that we spent out in the country for a few days. All in all between the two of us we spent a little over $1340 or so by the time we got back home.
Oddly enough, I'm the one that wanted the ceremony and reception - my wife wanted to elope. My thoughts were her parents aren't together and her family is spread all across Canada so it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get her family back together. Most of my family is in BC so it wasn't such an issue for them.
Having both of us working paid for all of the costs and our 3 weeks honeymoon in Thailand. Woo!
Having both of us working paid for all of the costs and our 3 weeks honeymoon in Thailand. Woo!
fade
Staff member
I have to throw in with HowDroll and ZenMonkey. I think a cash bar at a wedding is tacky. I'd rather see no alcohol at all. At the weddings I've been dragged to with a cash bar, there's very little activity at the bar anyway, so it might as well not even be there. That's totally anecdotal, of course. I agree with them for most of the same reasons.
As far as the original question goes, my mother in law paid. I hated that. She dropped probably 25000, I kid you not. We had it outdoors at a plantation (our original choice), but it was so done up by the end, that it felt like I was a guest at someone else's wedding. It was huge! I was embarrassed in the end, too, because my wife's entire extended family came in to MY HOME STATE (SC), and my own family couldn't manage to come (outside of the nuclear). The ceremony was ridiculously lopsided, and I hated that. My fucking friends who lived IN THE SAME TOWN skipped out on me.
Sorry. That's a rant I've held in for a while.
On another note, my sister just got married this weekend, coincidentally. She went completely shareware. The food AND the alcohol were potluck. And my entire family was employed. I was DJ/videographer.
As far as the original question goes, my mother in law paid. I hated that. She dropped probably 25000, I kid you not. We had it outdoors at a plantation (our original choice), but it was so done up by the end, that it felt like I was a guest at someone else's wedding. It was huge! I was embarrassed in the end, too, because my wife's entire extended family came in to MY HOME STATE (SC), and my own family couldn't manage to come (outside of the nuclear). The ceremony was ridiculously lopsided, and I hated that. My fucking friends who lived IN THE SAME TOWN skipped out on me.
Sorry. That's a rant I've held in for a while.
On another note, my sister just got married this weekend, coincidentally. She went completely shareware. The food AND the alcohol were potluck. And my entire family was employed. I was DJ/videographer.
S
Silvanesti
Drinks are required at a wedding. If by the end of the night there aren't at least a couple people drunk off their ass then you did something wrong. The way I see it is the reception is just a big fucking party, thats it. And at least for my familty and friends then booze will help the party be more fun.
also, since we have a lot of married folks here i was just wondering. What music did you have when you were walking down the aisle? I mean i know the traditional is the here comes the bride thing, but thats so... lame. I was just thinking about it the other day and there has to be people that have done something different.
also, since we have a lot of married folks here i was just wondering. What music did you have when you were walking down the aisle? I mean i know the traditional is the here comes the bride thing, but thats so... lame. I was just thinking about it the other day and there has to be people that have done something different.
C
Chibibar
Heh. Wow. that is a lot.
My friend did host a small gathering at our local restaurant. It was around 20 some odd people, it was a lot of fun. That was pretty much the reception.
As for cash bar, my wife and I did think about doing a 10 year ceremony thing so we might have a ceremony (she wanted one but didn't want to spend too much money) and alcohol did came up. Neither one of us drink so we decided that we will not have a bar at all. It is up to you, but I don't think making people pay for their alcohol is cool
6 years later we still have people tell us our dirt cheap wedding was the nicest one they have ever been too. When we ask why most people tell us because it felt like it was about celebrating the marriage, not having an extravagant show.
You can do simple and elegant. Classy doesn't always mean spending tons of cash, although I would reiterate, we got tons of help with stuff that would hav cost us money so it brought our cost down.
I think in the end it's about the atmosphere you set up for people that makes it a good wedding or a bad one.
Hey, I hear you, fade. If I was told someone was spending 25k on my wedding, I'd have to ask, "And what are you doing with the other 20,000?"
I wish we could just do a small ceremony. It's hard to exclude people though.
I know someone who had the "Wifeing" theme from Conan the Barbarian at his.
I wish we could just do a small ceremony. It's hard to exclude people though.
Faline is planning to have a theme from Chrono Cross going, played by my violinist friend.
I know someone who had the "Wifeing" theme from Conan the Barbarian at his.
I'm probably a bad person to ask, because we had decided what we could afford, and her parents took a look at it and said that just wasn't going to cut it for their daughter's wedding. So, the compromise was that whatever they wanted to do was fine as long as they covered the costs. So, they did. 500 people, live band, family style food catering, 3 rounds of shots for everyone, free beer and wine and select liquors to cover the rest of the night, church, priest, photographer, videographer, flowers, dress, what have you.
I ended up paying for the honeymoon, and that's it (tux ended up being free with a package deal).
Of course, I don't want to look like I am complaining, because it was the best wedding celebration I or any of my friends have ever attended.
I ended up paying for the honeymoon, and that's it (tux ended up being free with a package deal).
Of course, I don't want to look like I am complaining, because it was the best wedding celebration I or any of my friends have ever attended.
She walked down the aisle to Bjork's "Frosti", an instrumental music box song. Very wintery, very pretty.
We left to "Where the Streets Have No Name" by some weird band, youtwo or something.
S
Silvanesti
haha awesome. That would be pretty sweet.
Hey, if that's your thing, that's fine.
I just know it's not mine. The old plan was that her grandparents were gonna pay, so I said whatever. We'd play our roles in the Christian wedding scenario neither of us gave a damn about if it made her family happy.
Well, the recession hit, they couldn't pay for it anymore, so it fell on our shoulders... yet it was still being expected for us to go along with things as before. No, I put my foot down then. If we're paying, we're doing it our way. We're still trying to work out exactly what "our way" will be, and it's starting to look like we're going to be willing to alienate people who won't be comfortable with us going full pagan... but you know what? It's our wedding and it's only happening once. And that's what we're comfortable with.
You gotta do it your way, whether that means taking full control, or handing that control to the one with the money, or whatever, so long as you're comfortable with it.
Hey, if that's your thing, that's fine.
I just know it's not mine. The old plan was that her grandparents were gonna pay, so I said whatever. We'd play our roles in the Christian wedding scenario neither of us gave a damn about if it made her family happy.
Well, the recession hit, they couldn't pay for it anymore, so it fell on our shoulders... yet it was still being expected for us to go along with things as before. No, I put my foot down then. If we're paying, we're doing it our way. We're still trying to work out exactly what "our way" will be, and it's starting to look like we're going to be willing to alienate people who won't be comfortable with us going full pagan... but you know what? It's our wedding and it's only happening once. And that's what we're comfortable with.
You gotta do it your way, whether that means taking full control, or handing that control to the one with the money, or whatever, so long as you're comfortable with it.[/QUOTE]
I'm generally a pretty laid-back guy, and if my in-laws wanted to turn a ceremony into a party, I wasn't about to get in the way of that.
If you're feeling particularily ballsy, Carmina Burana (O Fortuna, Imperatrix Mundi) by Carl Orff should do it!
But I have always been a fan of Bach's chello Sonata No. 1.
I think that's what it's called.... If you want more suggestions, lemme know!!!
ElJuski
Staff member
My brother's wedding was a shitshow of a party and a gorgeous ceremony for real cheap. Of course, they're both artists and they network with creative people, so all of the decorations, the cakes, the place, etc. etc. was all done for free of for cheap.
As for the liquor, they had an open bar. It wasn't exactly the fanciest stuff, but it was enough and it was a great time.
I should add though that their wedding wasn't exactly traditional. But I suppose that's obvious. Still, I looked fucking fantastic standing up.
As for the liquor, they had an open bar. It wasn't exactly the fanciest stuff, but it was enough and it was a great time.
I should add though that their wedding wasn't exactly traditional. But I suppose that's obvious. Still, I looked fucking fantastic standing up.
One thing we did to save money was to make our own invitations. Those things are expensive. And for what? A five cent piece of cardstock and a ten cent envelope?
In a modern twist, we also e-mailed "invitations" to most of our friends, and said that if they absolutely needed to have a physical invitation we'd send one out. Nobody insisted, so that worked out pretty well too.
Rehearsal dinner was pizza (because, really, does that dinner need to be expensive too?), cake was a friend's creation, and we decorated it with some of the flowers from the ceremony (it looked pro, at least...).
In a modern twist, we also e-mailed "invitations" to most of our friends, and said that if they absolutely needed to have a physical invitation we'd send one out. Nobody insisted, so that worked out pretty well too.
Rehearsal dinner was pizza (because, really, does that dinner need to be expensive too?), cake was a friend's creation, and we decorated it with some of the flowers from the ceremony (it looked pro, at least...).
W
Wasabi Poptart
I was going to walk down the aisle to the "Imperial March" (aka Darth Vader's theme song). The other music during the ceremony was from the LOTR movies. We were married outside on the shore of Lake Tahoe. When planning the ceremony, I was told there would be a CD player for us to use. I found out on the day of the wedding that there was no CD player unless we brought our own. I didn't have time to go buy one, so we ended up not having any music at all.
W
Wasabi Poptart
And the occasional boat. 
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