M
makare
Dave... tasers... they are the only answer left.
- Status
Dave... tasers... they are the only answer left.
K
Kitty Sinatra
:laser:
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Twitch
W
Wasabi Poptart
Dave - My grandmother would tell you he needs a swift kick in the ass.
An ever-increasing chore/rent/etc burden might help ease him into self-sufficiency as well. Start off with the, "You have to pull your weight around here." and get him to deal with trash, laundry, lawn care, cooking, etc. All the skills he'll need to take care of for himself if he lives alone. Then start extracting money. If he doesn't have money, barter for games, computer, etc - distractions you can sell on ebay.
You can give him the nuclear option of trading it all in for a full time load at school. (ie, he has few/no responsibilities at home as long as he's in school full time)
You have a few goals here:
* Teach him the skills to take care of his own needs
* Give him the confidence that he could if he HAD to
* Give him the choice of living an austere life with no entertainment in his free time, or getting a job for some portion of his free time
* Put him in a position to see that he can afford to move out, and that he'd be happier out from under filial obligations than having a little bit of a free ride.
-Adam
You can give him the nuclear option of trading it all in for a full time load at school. (ie, he has few/no responsibilities at home as long as he's in school full time)
You have a few goals here:
* Teach him the skills to take care of his own needs
* Give him the confidence that he could if he HAD to
* Give him the choice of living an austere life with no entertainment in his free time, or getting a job for some portion of his free time
* Put him in a position to see that he can afford to move out, and that he'd be happier out from under filial obligations than having a little bit of a free ride.
-Adam
T
Twitch
D
Deschain
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Twitch
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Twitch
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I have to admit that at some point this went terribly wrong.
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Deschain
T
Twitch
Man, that article sure tries it's hardest to make the parents sound like jerks that just want to get rid of the kid...
Yeah, it the kid is just sitting on his ass and doing nothing one should definitely do something about it, but there's such a thing as overreacting, kicking him/her out even if he'she was trying to get a job and did help around the house etc. is stupid.
Dave... tasers... they are the only answer left.[/QUOTE]
Nah, there's still the option of lobotomy... worked for Doc Savage.
But seriously, taking a year off is nice and all, but after it should be either college or a full time job... you don't want him turning into a hippie, do you?
Yeah, it the kid is just sitting on his ass and doing nothing one should definitely do something about it, but there's such a thing as overreacting, kicking him/her out even if he'she was trying to get a job and did help around the house etc. is stupid.
Dave... tasers... they are the only answer left.[/QUOTE]
Nah, there's still the option of lobotomy... worked for Doc Savage.
But seriously, taking a year off is nice and all, but after it should be either college or a full time job... you don't want him turning into a hippie, do you?
My mother calls me an idiot if I make any reference of me not living with them in my thirties. "We have no problem paying for your bills, why would you want to go live somwhere else?"
I don't intend to comply, but I find this to be pretty weird...
I don't intend to comply, but I find this to be pretty weird...
How long until he turns 19? Because it seems like this is way easier than you're making it out to be. Let him know under no uncertain terms that at X period of time (doesn't have to be 19, whatever you think is reasonable to get a job) he either pays rent, goes to college, or moves out. Period.
Give him some time to get a job or get signed up at your college, but not too much time. There's a law of inverse proportionality wherein the more time you give someone to do something, the more they wait until the last minute and put less time into it. (I'm speaking as a young twenty something who really wishes people had been MORE hard on me to give me more incentive to get my ass in gear.)
Dave
Staff member
He's already been told 19, as that's when he's off of our insurance and needs to do something.
I was lucky enough that my Dad had connections that got me summer jobs in the oil field. I made really good money, but I had to bust my ass for that cash. There was nothing like 10 hours a day of shovel work, to make you want to get back to school and make some decent grades.
I intend to move the hell out as soon as I can after I graduate. Even if I need to go full-time at Best Buy until something better comes up, I have no intention of living at home, and my parents have made it abundantly clear that I'll be paying rent if I stay. I get along very well with my family, but I feel that when I'm in my twenties it's time to cut the umbilical cord and live independently.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, is driving me absolutely nuts about this. His brother and sister both lived at home until they were almost thirty, and now he's settled into a comfortable rut at home with his parents, who I have a really bad history with and he doesn't like half the time either. The worst part? He has a great job and could easily afford to live on his own, but he doesn't want to "throw money away" on rent and is saving up for a down payment on a condo. He wants me to live at home for a year or so after I graduate and put money away for that as well. It's a great idea in theory, but two adults living at home (as we both are right now) leads to some logistical problems when it comes to certain adult activities. Screwing around in your parents' basement when you're 15 is one thing, but it's really passe when you're in your twenties.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, is driving me absolutely nuts about this. His brother and sister both lived at home until they were almost thirty, and now he's settled into a comfortable rut at home with his parents, who I have a really bad history with and he doesn't like half the time either. The worst part? He has a great job and could easily afford to live on his own, but he doesn't want to "throw money away" on rent and is saving up for a down payment on a condo. He wants me to live at home for a year or so after I graduate and put money away for that as well. It's a great idea in theory, but two adults living at home (as we both are right now) leads to some logistical problems when it comes to certain adult activities. Screwing around in your parents' basement when you're 15 is one thing, but it's really passe when you're in your twenties.
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Twitch
H
Heavan
My one fear in life is turning into my uncle. He's 55 and my grandmother still has to budget his money. And by 'budget his money' I mean he gives her whatever salary he earns when he decides to work (he does contract jobs, makes maybe 6000 dollars a year because he's such a lazy jerk) and she pays his rent, buys his food, buys his gas, and gives him fifty dollars every time he comes to ask, spending probably fifty grand a year on him easily. My grandmother is almost 80 and she's still working full time to support my uncle, who could easily do this himself if he just got off his ass. It makes me sick.
J
JCM
Simple.
Or he goes to college, or he pays rent and food.
Playing softie with one's kid in his age, especially with the crisis, highly qualified job market and unemployment level of these days is basically giving your son a "be a bum for the rest of your life" card.
Then the only real problem is making sure you stick to that. Whatever you're doing, make sure there are actual visible consequences for not doing it. If he has no reason to believe you're actually gonna move all his stuff out to the curb at 19 and you or your wife will just say "eh, he'll move eventually" then he's not gonna move, or if he does it'll be slowly and without really learning the universe has consequences he has to deal with on the universe's terms, not on his.
Likewise if you're going the "increase the load of chores until he gets up and leaves" route that others have been suggesting, make sure there are actual consequences to not doing the chores. If not, it'll basically amount to "he may or may not get around to them if he feels like it."
- Status