Great Dad or Greatest Dad?

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Skinny Santa

More people need to get Stephen Colbert references (he used to ask liberals the same thing about Bush)
 
I don't have kids, in fact I'm not even married. But I can guarantee that if I have a teenaged daughter 20 years from now, her boyfriends will be TERRIFIED of me. I think one of the reasons there are so many teen pregnancies nowadays is because the father isn't around enough (or is just too "understanding") to give the pissant a bone-crushing handshake and whisper into his ear, "I'll hunt you down like a dog if you hurt my little girl."

If I caught them having sex IN MY OWN HOUSE I'd beat the hell out of him. Shooting him for consensual sex is a bit too much, but there's nothing wrong with kicking his ass. As for the girl, I suppose I'd let the missus deal with her. Btw, the kid needs to stop being such a baby. It's not like those wounds were life-threatening.

My friends and I also have a pact about "baby daddies." First, we'll raise our daughters with enough self-respect so they won't have unprotected sex with scumbags. In the event of that worst-case scenario actually happening, we'll get the limesucker to marry her. If he doesn't, we'll blow his fucking head off. If he ends up not being a good husband, we'll blow his head off too. If we blow his head off, we'll help bury the body someplace hidden.
 
If I caught them having sex IN MY OWN HOUSE I'd beat the hell out of him. Shooting him for consensual sex is a bit too much, but there's nothing wrong with kicking his ass. As for the girl, I suppose I'd let the missus deal with her. Btw, the kid needs to stop being such a baby. It's not like those wounds were life-threatening.
Obviously, nothing wrong with assault and battery. And kids these days, making a big fuss out of being shot, jeez.
 
I

Iaculus

Btw, the kid needs to stop being such a baby. It's not like those wounds were life-threatening.
Gwuh?

He got shot in the hips and thighs. Quite apart from the major blood vessels occupying that region (which it is quite possible to bleed out from if they're ruptured), do you have any idea how agonisingly painful a busted pelvis can be? There is no safe, non-threatening place to shoot someone. Period.

Yay for Internet tough guys, I says.
 
K

Kitty Sinatra

That's not actually what I'm "confused" about. It's Iaculus talking about internet tough guys while sporting a tough guy avatar.

Let's file this joke under "bad" . . . and having explained it, I'm also tagging its toe.
 
I have a 20 year old daughter.

You know, I can't picture myself shooting anyone over sex.

I have a 17 year old soon-to-be stepson. He has a girlfriend, and they're sexually active. I'll tell y'all like I told him: I was 16 once. I had sex. I know he's going to have sex. I don't really *care* if they're having sex. That said, I'm not about to condone sex in the house.

Every time they have sex they risk pregnancy. Especially when they're only using condoms. So, my job is to make sure that instead of having sex every day like bunnies (which I'm sure they would if they could), they get few opportunities when they can sneak around and find a private place. Because less sex means statistically less chance of pregnancy and therefore less chance of fucking your 17 year old life up.
 
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Kitty Sinatra

Why are they only using condoms? Don't doctors prescribe birth control pills for sexually active 16/17 year old girls down there?
 
Why are they only using condoms? Don't doctors prescribe birth control pills for sexually active 16/17 year old girls down there?
Nope..generally a parent has to take their kid and get them a prescription. And, of course, most parents around here act insane about their girls having sex, as you've already seen in this thread.

It's freaking retarded. I think there should be much easier access to birth control pills for teens, personally. If I were to go to the girls parents and tell them "hey, you should probably put your daughter on the pill" they'd probably shoot me and/or my soon-to-be stepson.
 
The sheer disrespect involved with having sex with my daughter under my very roof warrants an ass-kicking.

And yes, I'll admit using a gun went a bit too far.
 

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Dear people whining about readers not getting your sarcasm:

The forum software doesn't record the inflection you hear in your head when you write your post.

Thanks,
Fade.
 
K

Kitty Sinatra

That's why I bought the sarcasm detector.

Unfortunately it broke under the strain.
 
S

Steven Soderburgin

I don't really understand why it's disrespectful. They're gonna have sex somewhere. Might as well be in my house where it's safe.
 
I forget who said it first but:

Daughters are God's revenge on you for being a man; you live in fear that she'll meet someone like you were at 17.
 
S

Steven Soderburgin

When I was 17, I was reading Sight & Sound and drooling over Brad Pitt.
 
you know, I really hope ironbrig isn't being serious, but I'm pretty sure I'm wrong
I already said that using a gun would be going too far. But an ass-kicking is entirely justified. What's that saying? "Under my roof, you live by my rules."

I understand that I can't stop them from having sex if really want to. In fact, forbidding it will just make them want to do it more. I used to be a 17-year-old boy so I know. But I can still not allow it in my home, where I am the master of the house. The problem these days is American men have forgotten to act like men and the art of an old-fashioned ass-kicking has been lost. You shouldn't shoot somebody for that, but neither should you stand idly by while some punk disrespects your authoritah.

Hell, an offense like this used to result in a group of armed men dragging the miscreant off into the woods and making him disappear.
 
I already said that using a gun would be going too far. But an ass-kicking is entirely justified. What's that saying? "Under my roof, you live by my rules."
That doesn't give you permission to kick the crap out of someone who does something you don't like... Throw them out of your house? Yes. Assault and battery? Not so much.
 
You don't necessarily have to be a legal resident of the premises in order to be compelled to live by my rules. But while he is under my roof, there will be certain rules he has to follow:

1. Wash your hands after using the bathroom.
2. If you're hungry, help yourself to anything in the fridge unless it's marked for a party or something (I put post-it notes on that stuff).
3. You can drink as long as an adult is present.
4. Don't touch my guns (I want a shotgun, an M1 Garand, and a SMLE).
5. Don't have sex with my daughter in the house, or you will be calling down the thunder.

Again, I WOULD NOT SHOOT HIM.
 
K

Kitty Sinatra

But you know what you need to do if you do want to shoot him, though, right?


"He's coming right on her!"
 
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