North_Ranger
Staff member
Hey, LittleSin...
I don't think I have the words. So... here's a teddybear hugging Cthulhu.
I don't think I have the words. So... here's a teddybear hugging Cthulhu.
Rant VI: Now Drama Free
- Thread starter Dave
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In a good way though.
North_Ranger
Staff member
"Then my job here is done."
*walks off into the sunset*
*walks off into the sunset*
Leaving his pants as the only evidence that he was there...
Wasn't that about three months ago for you, gnome boy?
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Wasabi Poptart
Vent like you've never vented before. Get it all out in a PM to anyone. Take a couple deep breaths.
We're here for you if you need us.[/QUOTE]
I'm afraid that I may come off as girly or irrational or petty.It doesn't FEEL petty too me nd it more then this incident today thats bugging the shit out of me but I don't want to be judged..nd I don't want him to be judged. He is what he is...he says tries hard to change but in the end he keeps coming back to this...this problem and I feel like it ruining me.
I fear that it may ruin our son as well. My husbands fathers acts like this aswell, see?
What the hell can I do? He saw counsellor once but refuses to go back. I'm just overwhelmed and exhausted from dealing with this fucking shit.[/QUOTE]
If his behavior is causing you this much stress, and it is something that he (by all appearances) is not committed to changing, then it may be good for you to leave for a while until the two of you can come to some sort of resolution. Obviously, waiting for him to permanently change or adjust his behavior isn't working out. If this is "what he is", then you are faced with the decision of learning to deal with his "infantile bullshit" or finding another solution that will make you not feel so overwhelmed.
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Wasabi Poptart
Only if she gets to hit him over the head with the empty bottle. lol
North_Ranger
Staff member
Leaving his pants as the only evidence that he was there...[/QUOTE].
I was recently informed that I will be fired as of March 31st.
Related: http://www.halforums.com/forum/show...WIN-Thread-2-EPIC-HARDER!&p=352427#post352427
Related: http://www.halforums.com/forum/show...WIN-Thread-2-EPIC-HARDER!&p=352427#post352427
Sin, you're a mom. That means you first do right by your kid, then you do right by yourself. If that means you have to get out, maybe that's the best option. I don't know the particulars. But if your husband is aware that his behavior is a serious problem and doesn't want to fix it, I don't see that he's leaving you a lot of options.
Thanks to those sending me pms. It helped to get it out nd know some people really cared.
fter consideration, I've decided to post the whole stupid, sordid affair here. I probly won't leave yet..but if he comes home tonight with out an apology or some SERIOUS, heartfelt effort I just may.
I should mention that he's never bad to the baby. lso, my lap top is going in for service tommrow, won't get it back for a few days so if you don't see me it unlikely something bad has happened.
Shamlessly copy nd pasted from a pm I sent to someone recently:
Steve has a bad temper. He always has but it's become worst in the past year or so. No...maybe before that. His anger is rarely about me, it usually about something else. I just get dragged into it some how by existing in the same universe when he's throwing a fit. I can usually handle it ell.
However, today it was bout me. I admit, I was being a bitch. This is where I'm embarrassed: This started over a bottle of water. He told me I shouldn't driving with a bottle in my hand. I told him I could drive nd drink at the same time. He said I couldn't. So I set out to prove him wrong. I started drinking my bottle while we were driving home. He put his bottle in the cup holder nd I told him to move it as I was done with mine. He says he's trying to prove that I cn't drive with a bottle in my hand. I tell him that I didn't mean for an extended period of time nd its unfair that he's introducing a new variable into the situation.
I know. stupid, right?
So thing s get more heated and totally bat shit crazy. He finally moves it as we're pulling into the drive way. I slam the bottle down nd flash a tiny bit of water on him nd me. HE LOSES IT. I ask him if water stains. He screams its not the point, takes the bottle and pours the whole $2.00 thing out then throws it across the lot. I stare for a minute then tell him that was not very mature. He marches out the car nd into the house. I grab the baby, follows...to find him punching a whole in a painting I had been working on for months.
I put the baby down in the crib in his room, shut the door...nd promptly flip my shit. I tell him that someone had commissioned this painting and paid the cost of canvas in advance, that now we'll have to either reimburse the ash or buy a new one..it's looking like the former. He screams that my customer, the first one i ever had, can suck it. I tell him to get out, go to his friends house nd go to work Go to work. NOW.
He actually obeys but not with out a few self esteem shattering comments.
So here I am. I feel better now after being to the gym nd pool. I can almost forgive him...if he's only say sorry. He's called...but he's never said sorry only "I'll reimburse the cost of the canvas." I could here his voice get squeeky when I told him it was 150.00..he hung up.
There we go folks.
fter consideration, I've decided to post the whole stupid, sordid affair here. I probly won't leave yet..but if he comes home tonight with out an apology or some SERIOUS, heartfelt effort I just may.
I should mention that he's never bad to the baby. lso, my lap top is going in for service tommrow, won't get it back for a few days so if you don't see me it unlikely something bad has happened.
Shamlessly copy nd pasted from a pm I sent to someone recently:
Steve has a bad temper. He always has but it's become worst in the past year or so. No...maybe before that. His anger is rarely about me, it usually about something else. I just get dragged into it some how by existing in the same universe when he's throwing a fit. I can usually handle it ell.
However, today it was bout me. I admit, I was being a bitch. This is where I'm embarrassed: This started over a bottle of water. He told me I shouldn't driving with a bottle in my hand. I told him I could drive nd drink at the same time. He said I couldn't. So I set out to prove him wrong. I started drinking my bottle while we were driving home. He put his bottle in the cup holder nd I told him to move it as I was done with mine. He says he's trying to prove that I cn't drive with a bottle in my hand. I tell him that I didn't mean for an extended period of time nd its unfair that he's introducing a new variable into the situation.
I know. stupid, right?
So thing s get more heated and totally bat shit crazy. He finally moves it as we're pulling into the drive way. I slam the bottle down nd flash a tiny bit of water on him nd me. HE LOSES IT. I ask him if water stains. He screams its not the point, takes the bottle and pours the whole $2.00 thing out then throws it across the lot. I stare for a minute then tell him that was not very mature. He marches out the car nd into the house. I grab the baby, follows...to find him punching a whole in a painting I had been working on for months.
I put the baby down in the crib in his room, shut the door...nd promptly flip my shit. I tell him that someone had commissioned this painting and paid the cost of canvas in advance, that now we'll have to either reimburse the ash or buy a new one..it's looking like the former. He screams that my customer, the first one i ever had, can suck it. I tell him to get out, go to his friends house nd go to work Go to work. NOW.
He actually obeys but not with out a few self esteem shattering comments.
So here I am. I feel better now after being to the gym nd pool. I can almost forgive him...if he's only say sorry. He's called...but he's never said sorry only "I'll reimburse the cost of the canvas." I could here his voice get squeeky when I told him it was 150.00..he hung up.
There we go folks.
Wow. Judging off that? Plan your way out, then execute it. Seriously, the longer you stay, the more danger you're in. None of this "It's more complicated than that" bullshit. He sounds like a petty vindictive man-child who is prone to immature and violent outbursts. Next time maybe it's not the canvas, it's your face. Does that sound like fun? Does that sound like a good place to raise your kid?
Make arrangements, then go.
Make arrangements, then go.
Yikes, and I thought I'd had problems with The Psycho. Punching the hole in your painting has set off the warning klaxons in my head. I'd get away from him for a while. If he still refuses to see a counselor then I don't think you have much of a choice left. A lot of domestic abuse cases involve a slippery slope of gradually escalating violence.
M
makare
Everyone's pretty much said it. I would just add that if it were me I would be scared for myself and for the kid. Someone who has outbursts like that and can't control his temper is dangerous. That's just my two cents though.
M
makare
There are a lot of rage issues in my family and my uncle has really benefited from a combination of "anger management" and medication. Without it he and my aunt would have divorced a long time ago because he is impossible to live with due to his outbursts and raging. I will say that never once in their entire marriage which must be around 18 years he never once hit her or attempted to hit her even when he wasn't on his meds.
He just does bizarre things when he is off his meds. Like this one time, well to understand this story you have to understand that he is also a horrible racist but anyway, this one time he was at a movie place and this little black girl was sitting behind him. The little girl kept kicking his seat and kicking his seat and instead of talking to the girl or her father, he stood up and poured his drink all over her. Then he sat back down and watched the movie. So some of us rage outbursts aren't violent or involve yelling they are just bizarre.
I always wondered why the little girl's dad didnt do anything but I imagine it is because my uncle is a very scary looking man.
Not sure why I told that story but my point is, anger management is real and it works well especially combined with meds. That's all I got.
He just does bizarre things when he is off his meds. Like this one time, well to understand this story you have to understand that he is also a horrible racist but anyway, this one time he was at a movie place and this little black girl was sitting behind him. The little girl kept kicking his seat and kicking his seat and instead of talking to the girl or her father, he stood up and poured his drink all over her. Then he sat back down and watched the movie. So some of us rage outbursts aren't violent or involve yelling they are just bizarre.
I always wondered why the little girl's dad didnt do anything but I imagine it is because my uncle is a very scary looking man.
Not sure why I told that story but my point is, anger management is real and it works well especially combined with meds. That's all I got.
Aw, sin, I'm sorry about this. I remember the last time you posted about him blowing up. You son is very likely to have the same problem if your husband doesn't significantly change his behavior in the next year or two.
The one thing I haven't heard others say that you should very carefully consider - whether he goes to counseling or not, you should go. If he does go to counseling, make sure that you also go - both to joint counseling, and separate counseling.
While we might be able to offer advice and support, we can't possibly know enough about you two to really help. A counselor can help you in so many ways, especially with helping you understand how to raise your child so he avoids the habits your husband is prone to.
The only thing that really concerns me right now is that he went right to damaging something that he knew you valued very, very highly, and he did it while he was in his passion - not just unwilling to control his anger, but well beyond being able to control it.
At some point he's going to be angry enough to hurt something else that you value even more highly, and even if he also values it, his anger will push him to do it just to hurt you.
Go to counseling with or without him, regardless of how sincerely he apologizes and makes amends, so that a professional can more clearly and objectively view the whole picture, and let you know if you or your baby are in more danger that you might think you are. Don't let any time go by without making and keeping an appointment for yourself.
You are in our thoughts and prayers.
The one thing I haven't heard others say that you should very carefully consider - whether he goes to counseling or not, you should go. If he does go to counseling, make sure that you also go - both to joint counseling, and separate counseling.
While we might be able to offer advice and support, we can't possibly know enough about you two to really help. A counselor can help you in so many ways, especially with helping you understand how to raise your child so he avoids the habits your husband is prone to.
The only thing that really concerns me right now is that he went right to damaging something that he knew you valued very, very highly, and he did it while he was in his passion - not just unwilling to control his anger, but well beyond being able to control it.
At some point he's going to be angry enough to hurt something else that you value even more highly, and even if he also values it, his anger will push him to do it just to hurt you.
Go to counseling with or without him, regardless of how sincerely he apologizes and makes amends, so that a professional can more clearly and objectively view the whole picture, and let you know if you or your baby are in more danger that you might think you are. Don't let any time go by without making and keeping an appointment for yourself.
You are in our thoughts and prayers.
P
Philosopher B.
Yeah. Seriously, it's one thing to go into the house and punch a hole in the wall, it's quite another to punch a hole in your painting. Shit's fucked up to the max.
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Wasabi Poptart
I agree with Steinman and Gusto. It seems like every few months there is an episode like this where your husband goes off the deep end. A counselor can help you, as Steinman said, with or without Steve being there. As a mom, you need to do what is right for your child. Getting him out of this kind of hostile environment is important. Many times we think babies won't understand what's going on, but they hear the yelling and pick up on the stress. It does effect them. Like I said in my first response, take your son and go stay with someone else. The fact that Steve purposely attacked something of value to you also sends alarms off in my head. Please be careful, whatever you decide to do.
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makare
My poor mom. She got a letter from a lawyer so she called him. Apparently, a few years ago, either my sister or one of her friends stole my mom's credit card number and put 8000 dollars on it. They told her that if she pays 4000 they will forgive the rest but it has to be lump sum. And since the address used, my sisters old one where she lived with her roommates, is a family address they could claim that my sister put the charges on there legitimately and my mom is just trying to get out of paying. She is really upset. She isn't going to say anything though to the person we think did it. He was doing really badly at the time, he even went to jail for theft, but he has been doing so well that she doesn't want to ruin things for him now. He has a bad gambling problem like my mom so she is really understanding of him.
The whole thing just sucks though.
The whole thing just sucks though.
C
Chazwozel
Nice!
Pinched FUCKING nerve. Woke up this morning and couldn't support any weight on my left shoulder. Excruciating pain seering from the left side of my neck, all over my shoulder, partly down my tricep and upper back.
Going to do the doctor, soon.
Going to do the doctor, soon.
C
Chazwozel
Wow, scary looking or not, I'd have sent him to the hospital if he did that to my kid. That aside, he should really watching doing shit like that. You never know if someone's packing a knife or gun.
---------- Post added at 10:34 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:33 AM ----------
But a Chaz ain't one.
P.S. I love you.
---------- Post added at 10:42 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:34 AM ----------
I used to have anger management issues when I was in my teens. The best thing in the world is to count backwards from 10. It really does work. I never told anyone this but the reason I'm so involved in sports is because they've always helped me with anger issues. Hockey and football are the best tension relief in the world.
In cases where my wife and I get into arguments, I usually go down into the basement and pound on my punching bag (also was a big help in grad school as I usually wanted to punch my adviser in the throat on a daily basis). I agree with Steiny, go see a counselor, but the best thing to do with anger and aggression is to channel it down and focus it into something positive.
---------- Post added at 10:48 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:42 AM ----------
Speaking of anger management.
I am fucking done with Philadelphia bums. DONE! DONE!
A bum asks me for money today because he says he's hungry. I tell him that I'll go to the corner deli and get him a sandwich quick. I come back with a ham & cheese, chips, and a soda. The guy looks at me like I'm giving him a bag full of dog shit. "I got sandwiches, nigga, is that all your poor ass can afford?". Doesn't take the bag.
FUCK YOU. I spend 6 bucks on a sandwich and now you're gonna fucking want me to buy you a fucking steak? I fucking go out of my way, walking to work, spend my fucking money on a total stranger, and this is the thanks I get. I tell him to go fuck himself to which he starts with a verbal assault on me. People walking past (namely the piece of shit, dirty hipsters that hang out at the Love Park) start telling me to stop picking on the homeless.
I HATE THIS FUCKING CITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took every ounce of my being not to fucking punch that piece of shit in the mouth. I wish that the government would drop a nice big nuke in the heart of Philadelphia, I really do.
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Chazwozel
Dude, I go out of my way to be nice. And that's the thanks I get. If I already had the sandwich with me, I would do just that, but this pissed me off. But this is why they're bums. They're big pieces of shit that don't want to fucking work and half of them are on drugs.
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makare
Wow, scary looking or not, I'd have sent him to the hospital if he did that to my kid. That aside, he should really watching doing shit like that. You never know if someone's packing a knife or gun.
[/QUOTE]
I'd have kicked his ass too. That is the right thing to do. Standing idly by while some guy does that to your kid is beyond weird to me. I really don't understand why the dad did nothing.
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Chazwozel
Wow, scary looking or not, I'd have sent him to the hospital if he did that to my kid. That aside, he should really watching doing shit like that. You never know if someone's packing a knife or gun.
[/QUOTE]
I'd have kicked his ass too. That is the right thing to do. Standing idly by while some guy does that to your kid is beyond weird to me. I really don't understand why the dad did nothing.[/QUOTE]
Maybe he was really, really into the movie? Who knows? Kids don't do that kind of shit to be vindictive.
This is similar to a news article I read where a 60 year old man slapped a 2 year old child that was crying at the register line at Wal-Mart. The store called the police on him, but personally I think I would have beat the shit out of the guy had that my 2 year old.
Either way, it's not a good idea to go around provoking strangers.
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makare
I guess, mostly, after years of listening to his hateful racist bullshit I would love to see him get his ass kicked regardless of the situation. Sigh.
I'm surprised he's lasted this long WITHOUT getting his ass kicked.
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