This fucking week has been drama, drama, drama.
She's acting like I'm at fault for all the shit that's happening to her when she's the one who made the decision to leave. Fuck I don't even know where to begin:
We had two cars, one belonged to my brother, the other one was mine. My brother told me before the "final descision" was made, that if she decided to make our split "final" that he wanted his car back. So I tell her that and she flips out. Yet miraculously, she finds a new car to "borrow" within a week.
Second: I asked her how soon she could move out of the house, as the majority of the things in the house were mine and the house is rented under my name, as well as all the bills. I tell her that due to the time constraints of the rental (need to be turned in by the 28th) and that I still need time to pack up the rest of the house and move it 4hrs away, a week is pretty much all I could afford to give her. She flips out again. Blaming me for not having enough time to get it taken care of, she claims she has nowhere to go and doesn't know where she can even take her things. Yet miraculously, within a week, she suddenly has a place to take everything, including the larger furniture.
Third: When splitting up the belongings, the first thing I tell her I'm not giving up is the bed (it's a water tube foam bed, the only one I've ever been able to sleep on and not have back problems) she fights me at first, then insists on taking the big computer desk, the big HDTV, the $600 couch and the oak dining table. What do I get to keep? The water bed, the guest room bed, my little computer desk, and a piece of shit entertainment center ($100 from Wal-Mart, posterboard thing).
Fourth: We had many talks about why she was leaving and if it was still salvageable. My mind said "Don't argue this, you know damn well you've wanted out of this relationship for a long time, it's finally happening, don't stop it now" and my emotions said "Fight for her, she can still find it in her heart to try again if you just convince her!" So I battled with myself and lost to my emotions. I tried to get her to stay but all she could keep saying is that even though I've changed alot (for the better) in the last 7 months, she can't see anything but the person I was for the last 6 years. She doesn't have it in her to gamble on me anymore and the only person she can trust not to let her down is herself.
Yeah the Shego cried...... I don't know why. I mean, I've been MUCH happier without her around (while I was at my brother's) my life is going to improve by leaps and bounds being single again, and most of all "new girl" is really coming around to me and we're really hitting it off. So why cry? Well I guess it was just my emotions for her finally dying out because everyday that she's been around (I'm staying here while she's still packing things, even coming into the bedroom though she's sleeping in the living room at night) I no longer feel yearning for her, I just want her to leave. Everytime we talk, it almost reaches a fight, things get heated and I find myself the one who calms down first and tells her to "deal with it". I'm really over her, and I really wish this nonsense was over.
Today she finishes packing up the last of her misc items around the house, moves most of it into the living room. Tomarrow first thing in the morning her family is coming with a truck to help her take it wherever it is she's going (she's not staying with family, they live 4hrs away). As much as I REALLY DON'T want to be here for it, I have a feeling that if I'm not around to guard "what's left to me", she or her family might take it. So I'm either going to have to sit in my room with the door locked all day while they move stuff, or do the civil thing and say hello and possibly help. Ugh Ugh Ugh. I want to kill and maim more now than I ever have, maybe I'll see if anyone is gullible enough on craigslist to meet me in an abandonded warehouse....