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Element 117
Is that last one bleeding sakura blossoms?
It's About That Time. Lesbaw Anyone?
- Thread starter Shegokigo
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Chibibar
never underestimate the power of the fortune cookie!
how did you think we sell so much? ^_~So today is another "bad" day.
I spent the good portion of last night, trying to convince a girl that I've been interested in for 2 months, to stay with the guy she's seeing right now, even though all I want to do is tell her that I would be so much better for her than him. Yet I'd rather not lose her or him as friends, as they're the two people I'm closest to here in this city.
This morning, "Pregnant Girl" invites me to her baby shower. I start to think "Oh here we go, I'm finally getting into the inner circle", just to find out she's invited a few people from work. *sigh*
I spent the good portion of last night, trying to convince a girl that I've been interested in for 2 months, to stay with the guy she's seeing right now, even though all I want to do is tell her that I would be so much better for her than him. Yet I'd rather not lose her or him as friends, as they're the two people I'm closest to here in this city.
This morning, "Pregnant Girl" invites me to her baby shower. I start to think "Oh here we go, I'm finally getting into the inner circle", just to find out she's invited a few people from work. *sigh*
So I'm feeling pretty meloncholy today.
I'm sure this is the case with anyone who closes in on their 30s and are single. It seems like anyone who I'd be interested in is either taken, or "gone straight". Even the girls I have been out with are "Bi" and not gay. It seemed much easier to find dates in my early twenties yet now it is getting more and more scarse. The ones who are single, seem to be for a reason... D:
When I do find someone, I find myself thinking "maybe I should make things work with this person, what if I don't get another chance anytime soon?" which was the case with "Cosplay Girl". I know that's pretty negative thinking and most people look at me and say "You're too young to be worrying about that." but my prospects as I enter my 30s are looking more and more slim.
I didn't want to be looking to start a relationship in my 30s, I wanted to be celebrating my 10+yr anniversary and talking about all the crazy times we had in our 20s. *sigh*
I'm sure this is the case with anyone who closes in on their 30s and are single. It seems like anyone who I'd be interested in is either taken, or "gone straight". Even the girls I have been out with are "Bi" and not gay. It seemed much easier to find dates in my early twenties yet now it is getting more and more scarse. The ones who are single, seem to be for a reason... D:
When I do find someone, I find myself thinking "maybe I should make things work with this person, what if I don't get another chance anytime soon?" which was the case with "Cosplay Girl". I know that's pretty negative thinking and most people look at me and say "You're too young to be worrying about that." but my prospects as I enter my 30s are looking more and more slim.
I didn't want to be looking to start a relationship in my 30s, I wanted to be celebrating my 10+yr anniversary and talking about all the crazy times we had in our 20s. *sigh*
I'd like to say not to worry about it, that there are lots of single people in their thirties. I'd like to say that I'm single and 32 and that it's fine.
But I know that, for myself, I'm single because I'm largely a loser.
Don't stress about your own situation, Sheki. Trying too hard isn't going to help you.
But I know that, for myself, I'm single because I'm largely a loser.
Don't stress about your own situation, Sheki. Trying too hard isn't going to help you.
Shego, please visit here, and hang in there, things will get better.
North_Ranger
Staff member
At the risk of dismemberment...
*gives Shegs a big, warm, fuzzy teddy bear hug*
I know what it feels like. Minus the going straight part, that is. I'm not going to offer you any platitudes or clichés, because I'm betting dollars to donuts you've heard every last one of them. I'm just gonna say that you should never, ever lose hope of finding someone with whom you click. Keep an open mind and be active, that's what I intend to do now that I'm single once more. I could sit in-doors and mope, but I try to keep my friendships alive, and try to get out once in a while. The person I want to meet sure as hell ain't coming to my door. Unless she's a saleswoman. In which case I might try and pull the 'Nudist Zone' trick. But I digress...
Take care of yourself, you maniac, you. *hugs*
*gives Shegs a big, warm, fuzzy teddy bear hug*
I know what it feels like. Minus the going straight part, that is. I'm not going to offer you any platitudes or clichés, because I'm betting dollars to donuts you've heard every last one of them. I'm just gonna say that you should never, ever lose hope of finding someone with whom you click. Keep an open mind and be active, that's what I intend to do now that I'm single once more. I could sit in-doors and mope, but I try to keep my friendships alive, and try to get out once in a while. The person I want to meet sure as hell ain't coming to my door. Unless she's a saleswoman. In which case I might try and pull the 'Nudist Zone' trick. But I digress...
Take care of yourself, you maniac, you. *hugs*
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Chazwozel
Shegs needs a female version of me.
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Iaculus
We all need that, Chaz. For target practice, if nothing else.
Does she have good dental?
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Element 117
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Psychotic-One
I know that some may not agree but this is what I think on this whole matter concerning any form of relationship.
Any form of a relationship requires an opening into the heart.
The deeper the relationship the further in they come.
The relationship will end due to differences or due to death.
And when it does the rigged blade as it pulls out tares into the heart.
Yet we all need and seek the very thing that will cause pain when all is over.
Things I learned from life to help lessen the amount of wounds.
Never show 2 faces always be yourself.
If they still like you, observe them for a while (I observe 3 to 6 months) see who they really are.
Ask yourself will they be a good fit, will they bring something to the table.
If you even think for a second that it will not work, don't waste your time.
When one does end try to only remember the good if any.
Never run out and try to fill the hole it wont work.
Let it heal the best it can.
last there is a special person or persons for you it takes time and pain to find them but when you do it is worth every moment.
Any form of a relationship requires an opening into the heart.
The deeper the relationship the further in they come.
The relationship will end due to differences or due to death.
And when it does the rigged blade as it pulls out tares into the heart.
Yet we all need and seek the very thing that will cause pain when all is over.
Things I learned from life to help lessen the amount of wounds.
Never show 2 faces always be yourself.
If they still like you, observe them for a while (I observe 3 to 6 months) see who they really are.
Ask yourself will they be a good fit, will they bring something to the table.
If you even think for a second that it will not work, don't waste your time.
When one does end try to only remember the good if any.
Never run out and try to fill the hole it wont work.
Let it heal the best it can.
last there is a special person or persons for you it takes time and pain to find them but when you do it is worth every moment.
unfortunately now that the fortune cookie has told you, YOU ARE NOW EXPECTING IT AND IT WILL NO LONGER OCCUR![/QUOTE]
I know a paradox when I read one!
Cajungal
Staff member
Hi, Shego! Good luck with finding someone who just wants you to be you and shares your interests. That's all you need right there. As for fortune cookies... I don't care if they can be extremely broad, I love em. The first week of my last semester of school, I opened one that said "Your goal will soon be achieved." Damn right it will, tiny magical cookie!
Now, I'm just putting this out there, Sheg's. but, just letting you know, from what I hear, once you go CrimsonSoul, you never go back.
You know, I was skeptical, but turns out it's true.
Necronic
Staff member
One advantage of being single is knowing that you aren't with someone just because its comfortable. I spent the better part of my youth/early 20s single/one night stands/2 month relationships, and it felt normal to me. Then I had started doing the long-term thing, and now being single is harder than I ever remembered it to be.
Before, I avoided long relationships for 2 reasons. First, because I was immature and just found problems that weren't there. Second, however, was because these girls really weren't right for me.
When I got older the problem became that I would stay with people not because I loved them and they were right for me, but because they were willing. This has lead me to stay with girls I shouldn't. I constantly wonder if my issues with them are due to immaturity and I should just get over it, or if they are real problems. Over time though I have gotten better at understanding this, and am in a relationship that is incredibly comfortable and makes me happy.
Anyways, back to you. Don't think that all the good girls are dissapearing. First, it's probably not true, but more importantly it will lead you to the wrong kinds of compromises. Some compromises are ok, even good. When I broke up with my last girl I immediately focused on finding the 'cos-play' girl you described, more or less. Then I realized that those superficial personality traits didn't really matter, so I compromised that. On the other hand, when I was dating someone that was great for me in a lot of physical ways, but I noticed that she was pretty much filled with crazy sauce, I knew that was a compromise that wasn't worth taking.
Understanding the difference between the good and bad compromises will allow you to find a person at any age.
So there are other women that will work for you, definitely. But maybe they aren't what you need right now. Coming out of a long term relationship changes your priorities in really bad ways. You look to long term relationships for short term happiness.
Edit: I guess I'm all over the place here. What it boils down to for me is that relationships are addictive. The longer and more often we are in them the more we look to them for our happiness. It is important for a relationship to make us happy, but it can't be the primary source of happiness in our lives. That's one of the hardest things for me about being single when leaving a long-term relationship, rebuilding the sources of happiness that I let fall by the wayside when a significant other was providing it. It's easier to just find another significant other to provide it, but then it becomes like a drug. Each time you compromise more and more of your true happiness to find the fleeting comfort of a relationship, and each time you are made less and less happy, all the while loosing your ability to generate it for yourself.
Before, I avoided long relationships for 2 reasons. First, because I was immature and just found problems that weren't there. Second, however, was because these girls really weren't right for me.
When I got older the problem became that I would stay with people not because I loved them and they were right for me, but because they were willing. This has lead me to stay with girls I shouldn't. I constantly wonder if my issues with them are due to immaturity and I should just get over it, or if they are real problems. Over time though I have gotten better at understanding this, and am in a relationship that is incredibly comfortable and makes me happy.
Anyways, back to you. Don't think that all the good girls are dissapearing. First, it's probably not true, but more importantly it will lead you to the wrong kinds of compromises. Some compromises are ok, even good. When I broke up with my last girl I immediately focused on finding the 'cos-play' girl you described, more or less. Then I realized that those superficial personality traits didn't really matter, so I compromised that. On the other hand, when I was dating someone that was great for me in a lot of physical ways, but I noticed that she was pretty much filled with crazy sauce, I knew that was a compromise that wasn't worth taking.
Understanding the difference between the good and bad compromises will allow you to find a person at any age.
So there are other women that will work for you, definitely. But maybe they aren't what you need right now. Coming out of a long term relationship changes your priorities in really bad ways. You look to long term relationships for short term happiness.
Edit: I guess I'm all over the place here. What it boils down to for me is that relationships are addictive. The longer and more often we are in them the more we look to them for our happiness. It is important for a relationship to make us happy, but it can't be the primary source of happiness in our lives. That's one of the hardest things for me about being single when leaving a long-term relationship, rebuilding the sources of happiness that I let fall by the wayside when a significant other was providing it. It's easier to just find another significant other to provide it, but then it becomes like a drug. Each time you compromise more and more of your true happiness to find the fleeting comfort of a relationship, and each time you are made less and less happy, all the while loosing your ability to generate it for yourself.
I've been going through phases. Almost like clockwork:
Phase 1: I'm perfectly content being alone. I realize that I'm doing just fine without anyone in my life and that I'm ready for a long haul by myself. I'm not going to bother looking or searching, and if it comes my way, fine. If not? So what. I'm good.
Phase 2: I still don't need a relationship with anyone to be happy. I'm starting to get hard up and start wondering what my options are for getting release. Do I hit the clubs/bars and fire up a 1-night stand? Do I call up "Cosplay Girl" and hit that, even though it'll restart the drama machine. Do I just get myself off and forget the whole thing?
Phase 3: Everywhere I look there are couples. There are people who are dating who don't even want to be in relationships. I can't stomach it. I start to wonder what's wrong with me, why can these losers find great people to date and yet I'm single and don't have any real prospects. I begin wondering if I should call my ex out of the blue and hope that she's single and wanting to get back together. I start to think that maybe I can make things work out with "Cosplay Girl". I start signing up with online dating sites and write profile after profile. Only frustrating myself further when I end up going nowhere.
I hop back and forth between those phases weekly. *sigh* I was Phase 1 yesterday.... now I'm starting to lean into Phase 2....
Phase 1: I'm perfectly content being alone. I realize that I'm doing just fine without anyone in my life and that I'm ready for a long haul by myself. I'm not going to bother looking or searching, and if it comes my way, fine. If not? So what. I'm good.
Phase 2: I still don't need a relationship with anyone to be happy. I'm starting to get hard up and start wondering what my options are for getting release. Do I hit the clubs/bars and fire up a 1-night stand? Do I call up "Cosplay Girl" and hit that, even though it'll restart the drama machine. Do I just get myself off and forget the whole thing?
Phase 3: Everywhere I look there are couples. There are people who are dating who don't even want to be in relationships. I can't stomach it. I start to wonder what's wrong with me, why can these losers find great people to date and yet I'm single and don't have any real prospects. I begin wondering if I should call my ex out of the blue and hope that she's single and wanting to get back together. I start to think that maybe I can make things work out with "Cosplay Girl". I start signing up with online dating sites and write profile after profile. Only frustrating myself further when I end up going nowhere.
I hop back and forth between those phases weekly. *sigh* I was Phase 1 yesterday.... now I'm starting to lean into Phase 2....
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Chibibar
Shego: Phase 3 is not always what you perceived. You be surprise that in later age, people tend to "stay in relationship" cause they don't want to be alone. Sure there might be happy times when you see them, but there might be a lot of unhappy times at home, or cheating, or something..... You can see the U.S. highest single parents and highest divorce rate.
But that doesn't mean stop looking. It just mean that you may have to spend more time looking and keep on truckin. Don't compromise too much cause remember, when you do choose someone, you would want someone to share more happy times than sad times for a long long time
But that doesn't mean stop looking. It just mean that you may have to spend more time looking and keep on truckin. Don't compromise too much cause remember, when you do choose someone, you would want someone to share more happy times than sad times for a long long time
Objection! Speculation.Shego: Phase 3 is not always what you perceived. You be surprise that in later age, people tend to "stay in relationship" cause they don't want to be alone. Sure there might be happy times when you see them, but there might be a lot of unhappy times at home, or cheating, or something..... You can see the U.S. highest single parents and highest divorce rate.
But that doesn't mean stop looking. It just mean that you may have to spend more time looking and keep on truckin. Don't compromise too much cause remember, when you do choose someone, you would want someone to share more happy times than sad times for a long long time
The truth of the matter is, no relationship is perfect, and everyone needs to work at it. Relationships can't make you happy unless you yourself find happiness in them. There is no general rule to making relationships work or finding that special someone. Having things in common, having complementing personalities, even being sexually compatible isn't a hard and fast rule to finding success in relationships.
Necronic
Staff member
You need to get to Stage 4:
Stage 4: You are content being alone. You have a good group of friends that you get your social support from. You look at exes and appreciate why they are exes. You have hobbies that keep you active and occupied. You can go a couple of months without 'stress relief'. You aren't pounding the bricks for it all the time, but when you see an oppurtunity you go for it. Moreover you are able to differentiate the stress relief and your long term goal, finding a suitable life-mate.
You are also a cylon replicant.
Stage 4: You are content being alone. You have a good group of friends that you get your social support from. You look at exes and appreciate why they are exes. You have hobbies that keep you active and occupied. You can go a couple of months without 'stress relief'. You aren't pounding the bricks for it all the time, but when you see an oppurtunity you go for it. Moreover you are able to differentiate the stress relief and your long term goal, finding a suitable life-mate.
You are also a cylon replicant.
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Chibibar
Objection! Speculation.Shego: Phase 3 is not always what you perceived. You be surprise that in later age, people tend to "stay in relationship" cause they don't want to be alone. Sure there might be happy times when you see them, but there might be a lot of unhappy times at home, or cheating, or something..... You can see the U.S. highest single parents and highest divorce rate.
But that doesn't mean stop looking. It just mean that you may have to spend more time looking and keep on truckin. Don't compromise too much cause remember, when you do choose someone, you would want someone to share more happy times than sad times for a long long time
The truth of the matter is, no relationship is perfect, and everyone needs to work at it. Relationships can't make you happy unless you yourself find happiness in them. There is no general rule to making relationships work or finding that special someone. Having things in common, having complementing personalities, even being sexually compatible isn't a hard and fast rule to finding success in relationships.[/QUOTE]
Well I will go with speculation. It is what I notice that not all relationship is peaches and creams. I guess what I am trying to say is that Shego's phase 3 is not a good view to look into. She sees other couple and they look happy and wonder why she can't have that either. I'm just saying that not all relationship look as "happy" as some people make out.
I know quiet a bit of people (due to working in a community college) that people who are divorce are still living together and do things together cause of the market and can't afford to be apart (yea that is a weird one for me) and some people DO stay in a relationship for fear of being alone.
What I am trying to say is that Shego should go out and find her own happiness and not "benchmark" with other couples she see.
That's really what kept me and my recent 7yr ex together for so long. A need of being together and not enough need to not be.
It was, in the long run, a miserable relationship. I do not hope to repeat it.
So more news on "Pregnant Girl". She asked me today if I would be willing to take on the responsibility of caring for her dog. She's moving into a new apt complex that has a ridiculous pet deposit. Since I already paid the deposit on my apt, she wanted to know if I'd be willing to take care of it. She loves the dog, alot. So she's not trying to get rid of it.
I'm debating taking this responsibility on for a few reasons.
1: We're not dating. She's also not really taken toward my advances (again because she says she's not comfortable getting into a realtionship in her current condition, I also don't think she's out to her friends and family)
2: If we don't end up dating, I really don't want to have this dog and her coming around. Friend she may be, but future dating "cock block" she would quickly become.
3: I'm wondering if there is alterior motive for wanting me to take care of the dog. Does she want an excuse to be able to come over to my apartment? (Oh I was wondering how the dog was doing, can I come over?) Is she using it as a test to see if I can care for something? (She's having a child soon). So maybe she is interested in dating but wants to feel me out with the dog?
I just don't know if I should. Turning down the dog could end up being the thing that blows my chances. :?
It was, in the long run, a miserable relationship. I do not hope to repeat it.
So more news on "Pregnant Girl". She asked me today if I would be willing to take on the responsibility of caring for her dog. She's moving into a new apt complex that has a ridiculous pet deposit. Since I already paid the deposit on my apt, she wanted to know if I'd be willing to take care of it. She loves the dog, alot. So she's not trying to get rid of it.
I'm debating taking this responsibility on for a few reasons.
1: We're not dating. She's also not really taken toward my advances (again because she says she's not comfortable getting into a realtionship in her current condition, I also don't think she's out to her friends and family)
2: If we don't end up dating, I really don't want to have this dog and her coming around. Friend she may be, but future dating "cock block" she would quickly become.
3: I'm wondering if there is alterior motive for wanting me to take care of the dog. Does she want an excuse to be able to come over to my apartment? (Oh I was wondering how the dog was doing, can I come over?) Is she using it as a test to see if I can care for something? (She's having a child soon). So maybe she is interested in dating but wants to feel me out with the dog?
I just don't know if I should. Turning down the dog could end up being the thing that blows my chances. :?
It may blow your chances, but it's asking a lot for someone to take on their dog.
I don't think ulterior motives is a good way of starting dating either; dating should be dating for itself, and not needing to "test" the other person beforehand. That's a sign that more tests will follow in the future even if dating or relationship were to happen, rather than open communication.
I don't think ulterior motives is a good way of starting dating either; dating should be dating for itself, and not needing to "test" the other person beforehand. That's a sign that more tests will follow in the future even if dating or relationship were to happen, rather than open communication.
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