Like a cell phone in a bomb shelter, I don't get signals (dating advice)

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Norris

Norris

Charlie Don't Surf said:
actually on second thought, if you unironically say stuff like "friend zone", don't ask her out and stay home and read about the ladder theory and wait for a better opportunity for another 60 years until you die
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Oh fuck off. I'm not the person who brought up the concept (Shego did) and there is, in my experience, a certain point where a close friend of the opposite sex ceases to be seen as a member of the opposite sex. I love Mrs. M, and she loves me, but it ain't romantic love and we just plain don't think of each other in that way. I did once, but now I don't. It is the point where they become a member of your chosen family, your "tribe" if you will. It had nothing to do with any "Nice Guy (TM)" bullshit. To me, the friend zone is a mutually agreed upon zone, albeit often an unspoken one.

On that note, I asked if she wanted to join me for ArtPrize. As a great man once said, "here...we...GO!"*

*I am awkwardly proud that I just referenced two comic book movies in one sentence.
 
LordRendar

LordRendar

If im Interested in a woman I wont even let it get close to the friend zone. Recieve signals?Pah.I be sending em like a castaway on a deserted Island when a plane passes by.I let a woman know im interested in her and make it stick.Then ask her out and let nature take her course.As Shego so wisely said, women know at the very beginning if they are interested in you or not and they wont run after you if you dont show any interest in them.
 
ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

It's very simple, man.

Next time you see her, drop trou and ask, "So, how about it?"

But seriously, instead of making a big deal about asking her out on a date, just invite her out for something. Don't even call it a date. Just ask in a way that you'd ask a friend to hang out. Just the two of you. See a movie together. Do some sort of nerdy activity together. Don't think of it as a date, just hanging out with a friend. Maybe somewhere in there, you slyly joke that her boyfriend must be pissed that she's out with some dude. Might be a bit over-the-head obvious, but it's better than simply asking if she's single or something.
 
Norris

Norris

ThatNickGuy said:
It's very simple, man.

Next time you see her, drop trou and ask, "So, how about it?"
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Oddly enough, that is the advice another message board gave me, just as seriously. :p

Though I am starting to worry. She's been on FB multiple times since I messaged her about ArtPrize. No response. Don Quixote may be tilting at another windmill.
 
Norris

Norris

I'm sure that the in person approach would work more quickly. It is, however, unfeasible in this situation.
 
B

Biannoshufu

Norris said:
How about "I have a question for you - you look fantastic, you're a nerdy dream girl, how are you still single?"
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I have a sack of testicles I keep in the fridge. If you keep delaying i'm going to give you a pair. JFDIA

face to face. Prefferably with a nicely groomed appearance.
 
Espy

Espy

Norris said:
I'm sure that the in person approach would work more quickly. It is, however, unfeasible in this situation.
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You don't have her number yet? If not then get it from your friend. Facebook is the WORST way next to texting to get accurate information or ask a question of someone.
 
Norris

Norris

Amorous Eyes said:
How is that an illogical step? It can often be much harder to go from friend to romantic interest rather than simply from "some guy I met the other day."
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Let me rephrase - I was not sure she did anything more than tolerate me as a favor to her roommate.


That is rarely the way make a girl swoon over you.
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I know, hence my confusion. When i met her, I was still deep in a funk from being dumped and undoubtedly came off as weird and depressing (as opposed to usual my weird and somewhat charming). When I began hanging out at the apartment, well the the residents are my (very married) best friend, her happily dating a guy roommate, and roommate who met me while I was in a funk. So I kinda decided "screw it" and set myself to "I'm not trying to impress anyone" mode.

Espy said:
You don't have her number yet? If not then get it from your friend. Facebook is the WORST way next to texting to get accurate information or ask a question of someone.
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I dunno man, I'm from the facebook/texting generation. That's like...90% of how the people I know communicate and I have never had a problem using FB. Since she hasn't given me her number (and it just seems rude to ask Mrs. M for it), the apartment is three miles away through the heart of downtown, and I have no logical reason to go there, Facebook it is.
 
Norris

Norris

Amorous Eyes said:
So you showed your true self? Awesome! Beats faking some cardboard persona just to try and make yourself appear different than you truly are.
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Showed my true self, did nothing to hide my crippling insecurities and dirty sense of humor, either or.

Oh, and if this ArtPrize thing falls through because you didn't get an answer of her in time, nothing is lost. Just ask her out when you first see her. Though please do this face to face, not texting or Facebook, really.
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ArtPrize is a three and a half week long art exhibition that stretches through the entire city and has venues as close to me as across the street. I *think* I can manage to put something together.

Now, if only it weren't my favorite classes that were in the afternoons. Otherwise I could just ditch and make planning even easier.
 
strawman

strawman

Norris said:
Since she hasn't given me her number (and it just seems rude to ask Mrs. M for it)
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"Hey, I want to ask your friend out. Do you have her number?"

It's not rude. It's the truth. Mrs. M will let you know if she thinks she shouldn't give the girl's number out. Guess what? The girl hasn't given it to you because you've never asked! It's not as though the number is secret and specifically being hidden from you. If she declines to give it to you - no skin off your back. You understand that sometimes people aren't sure they should give out other people's numbers, and you can simply say, "I understand," and await the facebook message that will never come.

Further, telling the friend that you are interested, even if she doesn't give you the number, will give you a lot of information, and further your express interest will probably reach the girl's ear.

I guess I just don't see the point to walking on eggshells.

Quite frankly if these people are that easy to break, you must be stressed out all the time you interact with them.

They're just people. They want to have fun, same as you. Be assertive, confident, and direct, and magically they'll tell you what they like and don't like.
 
SpecialKO

SpecialKO



EDIT: Bah, can't embed to the right time.

First of all, ask her the hell out. That was practically a bat-signal for "ask me out!!!"

Second, IMO, it's much more important that you suggest something specific with a time/date than how you contact her. Asking to go "do something sometime" will get you turned down even by a girl who is chasing you like a lava flow.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Norris said:

I dunno man, I'm from the facebook/texting generation. That's like...90% of how the people I know communicate and I have never had a problem using FB. Since she hasn't given me her number (and it just seems rude to ask Mrs. M for it), the apartment is three miles away through the heart of downtown, and I have no logical reason to go there, Facebook it is.
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Wait, I thought you were an old school romantic? I'm confused.

Damnit I promised myself I wouldn't post in this thread again till the "aftermath" but I just had to mention that.
 
David

David

Norris said:
See, the sarcasm here would be funnier if I hadn't lost a friend once already in the last year because I dared to ask her out. Asked a girl I got along with great on a date. She said no. She then blocked me on FB and has refused to speak to me since.
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I don't know if this has been addressed, can't read the whole thread until later, but this is NOT a normal reaction to being asked out. Either you're omitting something creepy you did or the girl you asked out was fucked up. Don't let this point have any bearing whatsoever on your decision.
 
Tress

Tress

David said:
I don't know if this has been addressed, can't read the whole thread until later, but this is NOT a normal reaction to being asked out. Either you're omitting something creepy you did or the girl you asked out was fucked up. Don't let this point have any bearing whatsoever on your decision.
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This. A thousands times over.
 
C

Chibibar

sometime the best approach is the honest approach. Don't think too much, you will scare yourself silly and probably make a situation worst than it really is. A simple "Do you want to go out on a date with me?" is straight forward as it gets.

Don't worry about she saying yes or no. Men are not mind readers. If you worry too much she might say no, you are gonna talk yourself out of it.
 
B

Biannoshufu

Chibibar said:
sometime the best approach is the honest approach. Don't think too much, you will scare yourself silly and probably make a situation worst than it really is. A simple "Do you want to go out on a date with me?" is straight forward as it gets.

Don't worry about she saying yes or no. Men are not mind readers. If you worry too much she might say no, you are gonna talk yourself out of it.
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this, a million times this.
 
C

Chibibar

(weird my last reply didn't post)
I say go up to her and ask her. "How about a date just you and me?" simple, straight forward and to the point.
If you worry too much, you are gonna talk yourself out of it. Men are not mind readers, but we tend to "overthink/analyze" the situation. Just do it.
 
Norris

Norris

David said:
I don't know if this has been addressed, can't read the whole thread until later, but this is NOT a normal reaction to being asked out. Either you're omitting something creepy you did or the girl you asked out was fucked up. Don't let this point have any bearing whatsoever on your decision.
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I found out later that she is so phobic of sex that the idea of doing anything that could remotely lead to sex freaks her the fuck out. By "remotely lead to", I mean "hug".

And Mrs. M is on record as being completely and utterly unable to picture in her mind Me and Mads together, she's also not a big fan of me going in directions that lead to heartache, so yeah.

They do have my business card with cell phone number up on the fridge, so if she wanted to call me, she could.
 
strawman

strawman

Norris said:
I found out later that she is so phobic of sex...

And Mrs. M is ... not a big fan of ... heartache.
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Lives lead by fear are [insert pithy statement here].

Sounds like you need to start looking outside your normal* group.

If you didn't bring up the subject of dating this other girl, though, and Mrs. M made that comment out of the blue, chances are good the girl is sending signals, and Mrs. M is furiously trying to keep things so that she is comfortable. After all, she'll be happier if you all remain friends than if something disrupts it, even if there's a good chance something better might come of it.

As others pointed out, don't let your experience with asking the crazy chick out color your expectations for future encounters. Quite frankly she did you a favor - if it was that easy to get rid of the crazy ones, men of the world of over would rejoice.

*abnormal
 
Norris

Norris

stienman said:
If you didn't bring up the subject of dating this other girl, though, and Mrs. M made that comment out of the blue, chances are good the girl is sending signals, and Mrs. M is furiously trying to keep things so that she is comfortable. After all, she'll be happier if you all remain friends than if something disrupts it, even if there's a good chance something better might come of it.
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Naw, it was a few months back and I used her as a hypothetical. She said the hypothetical was invalid because she could not ever see the scenario happening.

As others pointed out, don't let your experience with asking the crazy chick out color your expectations for future encounters. Quite frankly she did you a favor - if it was that easy to get rid of the crazy ones, men of the world of over would rejoice.
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Fair enough.
 
strawman

strawman

Norris said:
Naw, it was a few months back and I used her as a hypothetical. She said the hypothetical was invalid because she could not ever see the scenario happening.
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Oh shoot, discard that right now. "Dating advice" has a half life of 3.2 weeks nevermind months. People change quite a bit, and more frequently, than you'd think.

Don't base your decisions on a short convo you had with someone months ago.

Besides, if she's a good friend, even if she thinks it will only end in heartache, she'll help you take the leap anyway. The worst that can happen is you'll have the same conversation again, only this time it won't be hypothetical. And that's not going to hurt anyone, is it?
 
SpecialKO

SpecialKO

Did she say that she "couldn't picture it" or that she actually thinks that "it's a horrible idea"?

If it's the first, just go for it, because it means she's unimaginative when it comes to you dating.

If it's the second, just go for it, because you're too much of a man to take her negative advice.

If it goes badly, she'll have a fond memory that she'll think is hilarious and rib you about for the rest of your lives.

If it goes well, it will become her idea in the first place.
 
Norris

Norris

She did say "can't see it". So yeah. I dunno. I am at the point of asking her what she thinks (though I think I'll bury the lead on this one) but Mrs. M apparently forewent sleep last night for homework and hasn't been online today.
 
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