Did I...? Did I just wholeheartedly agree with something Charlie said?
OH GOD! WHAT HAS THIS THREAD DONE TO ME?!
OH GOD! WHAT HAS THIS THREAD DONE TO ME?!
Like a cell phone in a bomb shelter, I don't get signals (dating advice)
- Thread starter Norris
- Start date
- Status
Yes, seeing all of someone's crazy laid bear is not attractive. Which is why you don't lay all your crazy down in one shot. Everyone has crazy.
And I think you're incorrect. The two and a half years with my ex were some of the happiest times on recent memory. I did some things wrong, and some of those things were a result of my issues, but overall we made each other very happy. A new girlfriend would emphatically not be a cure all, I am very aware of that. But it would help. Feeling loved...holy shit. It was a reminder every day of the what I already intellectually knew but needed a reminder of on the emotional level - I'm worthy.
It isn't really sex I'm afraid of sir, nor do I feel it is something that should be done before the third date. It is orgasms that scare me. Mainly - well, male sex toys are rubber with a hole in it. Female sex toys - vibrating, rotating, all shapes, all sizes, etc. Note the subtle difference in difficulty level. That's what scares me. BUT THIS IS VERY SECONDARY and I don't think any of us want to go further down this road, so let's not.
159 people saying "This is GREAT!" doesn't tell you nearly as much as 13 people saying "here is what was wrong with this book". Most of those negative reviews still said the book had the potential to be helpful, but they felt that it was too shallow. A recurring theme was that they felt the book was more about how to hide depression under a layer of positivity than deal with it. Bottom line - I really don't feel I have as big a problem as you guys perceive this as. It doesn't upset my life. Hell, depending what you view as "symptoms", it has been around so long that I wouldn't be "me" without it.
So no one healthy ever lays awake at night with all the worries they don't have time for during a normal day just taking up brain space? Bull. Everyone has worries, everyone has fears, everyone cries. Once or twice a month is maybe 6% of a year. That ain't much.
Or I just read a message board post wrong because I was trying in vain to get going to class. Could be that.
I wanted to know if this girl was giving me a signal, not how to rewrite my entire life, get put on brain altering drugs, and become a whole new happier person.
I performed Mrs. M's wedding, it would take a fuck of a lot more than this to alienate her. No, what I am worried about is the possibility of losing a fellow Doctor Who fan, a fledgling comic fan, a fellow Browncoat, etc as a friend because I misread a piece of friendly advice as a come-on. Add to that the fact that this friend lives with Mrs. M, and getting shunned by the roomie suddenly makes things more awkward and painful.
Like everything in life, it is risk/reward evaluation - is the possibility of a relationship with a cute nerdy girl worth risking my ability to visit my bestie at her home? Since said bestie seems to think things will at least not go all to shit and could even end in a relationship, I am leaning towards "yes, it is worth the risk".
Not too good. Not in need of. I'm not "too good" for a gynecologist either, I just don't need one.
When it impairs my ability to work, study, or socialize, then I'll worry. Romance is, while awesome, something that can be lived without.
Dude, I don't know you from Adam (hi steiny!), but just listening to the way you describe yourself and rationalize and make excuses...well, you sound a lot like me before I finally found a therapist.
And I'm not saying we're necessarily alike at all, but I just want to point out that it was most assuredly affecting my ability to work, study, or socialize. I completely didn't think it at the time but comparing then and now (over a year later) it's so stupidly obvious that I only regret not finding a therapist that I clicked with years ago.
Take the plunge man, there are licensed therapists (cognitive behavioral ones, specifically) for these kinds of problems. In fact, just from where this thread started, here's the great thing about therapists:
Finding a therapist is kind of like dating, you need to find the right one. But until then, they will almost never ever say no.
Don't have sex with your therapist.
And then when everyone said yes go for it, you found 500 reasons to back down. Even people saying "Talk to her in person instead of on Facebook" ended with you finding a bunch of reasons why you couldn't.
K
kaykordeath
You also don't have a vagina.
What you do appear to have is anxiety. And the defensive attitude comes across as anger. (Not to mention coming across as superior to the many of us who have told you we have felt the exact same way and therapy HELPED). And esteem/self image issues. And possibly just simple (mild or moderate or other) depression.
I will be the first to say that therapy is not for everyone. And with the attitude you currently have, I would advise against it....as you could be doomed to a self-fulfilling prophesy of failure. But I do recommend a reconsideration of said attitude.
My advice didn't even phase him, maybe because I'm gay? I have no idea. He claims he was just asking if it was about signals, but we answered that in the first page. It went the way it did afterward because of his constant self-hate. Also, whether you disagree with LittleSin or not Norris, she's 100% right. If you're not in a good place in your life, you have no No NO business getting into a relationship. You're going to destroy her. Whether you think so now or not, you will with your self-imposed issues.
See my post about a page or so back.
bored now...predictable thread is predictable.
Yes, the reason being I don't have the kind of relationship with them where I can just drop by their apartment in the middle of the week. I have classes and homework, all three of them have classes and homework, it's a 10-20 drive from my place to theirs, it just isn't feasible. I also don't have her phone number, and I am of the opinion it is rude to call/text someone who hasn't chosen to give you their number unless you absolutely have to. So yes, I messaged her on FB to ask if she wanted to hang out five or six days from the date of the message. She replied saying "Maybe, but I have a fucked sleep schedule and piles of homework so I might not be available". If I see her in person and things go well, I ask her out on a date-date. I've explained the phases of the plan before.
Nor am I convinced I can't get by with a little help from my friends when it comes to my issues.
I do get very anxious (I call it "nerving out") but I have ways of getting around it. And, after a big spike when I got dumped, I've calmed the hell down a lot. My friends agree. I'm better than I was this time last year. So I remain unconvinced I need counseling for my issues. But only I have my issues, and I can only decide what is the best course of action for me.
Aside from that, I doubt I've been suffering from undiagnosed/unsuspected depression and anxiety since I was 13 or so. This is normal for me, how I've felt since I can really remember. Even if I was suffering from something that could be treated, I'm not sure I'd want to. Being just like everyone else at the cost of my love of comics, my sense of humor, etc might be too much.
Thank you for the the honest advice.
Well that is flat out insulting. I didn't destroy my ex. I haven't destroyed any of my closest friends. It is unfair for strangers on the internet to judge my worth as a romantic partner based on thread. I'm a damn nice guy, a sweetheart, and a supportive boyfriend. One of the big problems of my last relationship is that I lived too much for her and not enough for me. So there. Nyah.
C
Chibibar
I would think your advice would be better since you know women more intimately
One last attempt Norris: You know, not all "gaming girls" can be bold. I have met a few that wish I had ask them out. Some met my wife and goes "I wish you asked me out" well.. what is done is done
and guess what? even with that knowledge, we are still friends and hang out (and glad my wife is not a jealous type either) Human beings are known to fear the unknown and tend to make up stuff to explain that fear, but you know, there are rewards (either way) when you take the plunge.But do what you will. You ask us the hints, many of us were in your shoes once or twice or more than I can count, but if I let myself defeat myself, I wouldn't be where I am today.
Chibi's got a point, Norris. Don't go blaming her for not making the first move. She might be more shy about this kind of thing than you are. Your delay is only keeping her from the man you could smell like.
It's unfair of us to judge you based on what you show us? Then how are we supposed to formulate an opinion on you? I'm going 100% by what you've put out there, there's no way for us to know anythingelse.
Did you really end that with "So there"? See what I mean about the image you put out there?
(seriously though, thread hiberation ftw)
C
Chibibar
To be fair mate, a lot of the content on this thread sounds very depressing. You gave us a scenario, we gave some possible solution/outcome, and you counter them via negative vibes (if that is the right term) you analyze all the scenario given and turn it to negative. Some of us went down that similar road and know how that feel sometimes. I am not doubting that you are not sweet/nice guy, but those type tend to be most self defeating cause they ARE trying to be the "good guy" or "good enough" for the girl.
I got a secret to tell ya, we will NEVER be "perfect" in any scenario, but we can be good enough and be good to each other.
No worries, I'm not blaming her. Just expressing a general frustration at the cultural conventions that make it harder for those of us who lack confidence, on both sides of the gender aisle.
It is one thing to say "Gee Norris, you sound kind of messed up. Have you ever considered therapy?" and "Stay the hell away from anyone with a vagina, you will destroy them with your horribleness". One is rational. The other is making a gigantic leap.
Well it was meant somewhat jokingly. I didn't know how to end it after that, and it sounded kind all haughty in my head when I read it back so...yeah. Levity fail.
I'm not going to let posts directed at me go unanswered, but I'm not exactly in love with this thread.
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Chibibar
Norris: why lack the confidence? You got a good platform to work off from. You both like many similar things. Heck, I would probably pick a movie you both like and just ask her to go see it like a date! don't have to be movie picture perfect. Two people enjoying a movie. Maybe go see a show in your area. A play that you might like. Heck the first "date" doesn't even have to be a date, just two people hanging out and have fun. If you feel that you have some compatibility (just you and her) then maybe how about going on a 2nd one but call it "a date" 
It is not like that any of us is forcing you to go stone cold (well I was via giving example, but that takes a lot of confidence) you got some road maps and pointers saying "Ask her out!"
but if you want to play a scenario, I'll give you one.
What IF you found someone else? What if you found a girl that you did manage to ask out, and this girl who said "why not ask a nerdy girl out?" was meant for her? She might get jealous and you end up losing her anyways cause she lose you to someone else that she maybe hoping to date YOU. Ever think about that?
It is not like that any of us is forcing you to go stone cold (well I was via giving example, but that takes a lot of confidence) you got some road maps and pointers saying "Ask her out!"
but if you want to play a scenario, I'll give you one.
What IF you found someone else? What if you found a girl that you did manage to ask out, and this girl who said "why not ask a nerdy girl out?" was meant for her? She might get jealous and you end up losing her anyways cause she lose you to someone else that she maybe hoping to date YOU. Ever think about that?
Please keep your hands, head, arms, and legs inside the threads at all times. Do not at any time attempt to stop a moving thread with your body. Wait until the thread comes to a complete stop before dismounting. If a thread appears to be trackless, pointless, obscene, or serene, you do not need to adjust your browser - you are observing the thread in the raw.
Thank you for choosing Halforums, and please come again!
Thank you for choosing Halforums, and please come again!
One last attempt and then I'm thread hibernating, too.
They clearly read the book wrong if they thing that it's about hiding depression under a layer of positive thinking.
The whole idea behing cognitive theory is not in hiding under positive thinking, but in changing your own thoughts into positive thinking. It's not hiding or tricking anything, but changing. There was literally a moment where, just as I read a paragraph and thought "This is bullshit" or something, the very next paragraph said, "Now, you may have just thought that this is ridiculous." The very definition of cognitive therapy is retooling how you think, how negative thinking affects your mood and how you can gradually change that thinking.
As for "ALL" 159 people saying "This is great!"? BULL. FUCKING. SHIT. I just looked again and the first ten 5-star reviews? Several paragraphs with some pretty personal stories on how it helped them. And hang on, let me hit the second page. Nope. Still at least a paragraph explaination. So, you skimmed the reviews in a rush and made an on-the-spot assumption through your negative thinking filter (Distortion: Jumping to Conclusions, Mental Filter, and Magnification)
...or you're just blatantly trying to lie to my face so you can continue in this negative thinking while I'm honestly trying to help you.
Yeah, I'm done. Someone should just lock this thread and put it out of our misery.
Again, not only are you focusing on the negative (a mere 10%, which is like saying 1/10 people didn't like Dark Knight) but it's flying in the face of nearly unanimously positive reviews. So, I'm guessing you didn't see Dark Knight because of the 10% of criticisms as well, huh?
They clearly read the book wrong if they thing that it's about hiding depression under a layer of positive thinking.
The whole idea behing cognitive theory is not in hiding under positive thinking, but in changing your own thoughts into positive thinking. It's not hiding or tricking anything, but changing. There was literally a moment where, just as I read a paragraph and thought "This is bullshit" or something, the very next paragraph said, "Now, you may have just thought that this is ridiculous." The very definition of cognitive therapy is retooling how you think, how negative thinking affects your mood and how you can gradually change that thinking.
As for "ALL" 159 people saying "This is great!"? BULL. FUCKING. SHIT. I just looked again and the first ten 5-star reviews? Several paragraphs with some pretty personal stories on how it helped them. And hang on, let me hit the second page. Nope. Still at least a paragraph explaination. So, you skimmed the reviews in a rush and made an on-the-spot assumption through your negative thinking filter (Distortion: Jumping to Conclusions, Mental Filter, and Magnification)
...or you're just blatantly trying to lie to my face so you can continue in this negative thinking while I'm honestly trying to help you.
Yeah, I'm done. Someone should just lock this thread and put it out of our misery.
C
Chibibar
Norris: you know something? I can almost say some of us on this forum were in your similar shoes one time or another (myself included) Yea I had crap too, but you think that is gonna stop me? I know I said I was not gonna post anymore, but I can't help it. I see a bit of my old old self in you and it scares me that people out there who are not turning themselves around. Like any human being, I do have dark tendencies and misgiving. I do have a dark gloom over me from my past, but instead of wallow in it (cause I will be by myself doing it no one else is gonna join me) it is a boring and lonely place.
I think Mrs. M thinks you may not be a match cause the attitude you are showing now (again we are going by what you tell us) she is looking out for you as a friend. I think you should take Chad's advice and talk to her about this on personal level. She may be right that at your CURRENT situation/attitude it would end up bad, but you know what? people can change IF you want to change.
By the responses we see here, it "seems" that you don't want to change not even in the slightest. I tell you something, you are in a situation that some nerdy guys would LOVE to be in but doesn't get the chance. You have a chance to go out with a nice girl with similar interest. There are tons of people out there who may never really have that chance and just "get what is available or out there" for them.
In no-way-or-form that I am saying "boink the girl" "marry the girl" or "have tons of babies" or even "riding off the sunset" It is just a date. Take one small step at a time, but alas to many boys/girl someone has to take the first step.
Shego is right about "window of opportunity" She is a nerdy girl which has a huge sea to choose from and she is testing her water with YOU. You let her get away now, and more than likely not have another chance unless something happen or much later in life.
We all come from different walks of life but all end up on this forum one form or another. We have our different views, but deep down we have something similar and keep talking to each other on this forum. To me, it is like virtual extended family. Like my friend told me, you can never win the lottery if you never play. Sure you are right, that it is a billion to one chance, but it is ZERO chance if you never play the game at all.
I think Mrs. M thinks you may not be a match cause the attitude you are showing now (again we are going by what you tell us) she is looking out for you as a friend. I think you should take Chad's advice and talk to her about this on personal level. She may be right that at your CURRENT situation/attitude it would end up bad, but you know what? people can change IF you want to change.
By the responses we see here, it "seems" that you don't want to change not even in the slightest. I tell you something, you are in a situation that some nerdy guys would LOVE to be in but doesn't get the chance. You have a chance to go out with a nice girl with similar interest. There are tons of people out there who may never really have that chance and just "get what is available or out there" for them.
In no-way-or-form that I am saying "boink the girl" "marry the girl" or "have tons of babies" or even "riding off the sunset" It is just a date. Take one small step at a time, but alas to many boys/girl someone has to take the first step.
Shego is right about "window of opportunity" She is a nerdy girl which has a huge sea to choose from and she is testing her water with YOU. You let her get away now, and more than likely not have another chance unless something happen or much later in life.
We all come from different walks of life but all end up on this forum one form or another. We have our different views, but deep down we have something similar and keep talking to each other on this forum. To me, it is like virtual extended family. Like my friend told me, you can never win the lottery if you never play. Sure you are right, that it is a billion to one chance, but it is ZERO chance if you never play the game at all.
Hopefully you at least let a little of this advice sink in Norris. I wish I had someone say all this to me 10 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of lost time. People may be a bit harsh, but it's because we all see a bit of ourselves in you. We're all nerds/geeks/whatever. We all face or have faced the same insecurities. Just don't let all this good advice go by without a second thought.
You want honesty, both barrels?
1)I don't feel I suffer from any form of depression or anxiety that rises to the level of needing treatment. I do have trouble with crowds of strangers and sometimes, yes, I get really despairingly sad. But more often than not, I'm pretty happy. Pretty calm. You disagree with me. That is your right. But you don't know me from a stranger on the street. I read those positive reviews and think "wow, that's a bit more drastic than I need". I listened to a Prince song ("Baby I'm A Star") on the bus to class and felt a bajillion times better by getting into the mindset of 'You might not know it now/baby, but I are/I'm a/STAR!". Because, while the people around me may not know it, I'm a pretty cool person and fuck them if they can't figure that out.
2) I don't want to change how I think. This has been the way I think since I was 12 or so. If I change it, get rid of the compulsive planning and constant risk/reward evaluations, I would cease to be me. I am the collection of my interests, my experiences, and my issues. Would my life be less stressful if I was more "normal"? Probably. But I wouldn't be me!
@Shakey - Don't worry. While I do get defensive, I do read everything. I've put that book TNG recommended on my amazon wishlist. I've sent an e-mail to myself to remind me to look into my policy when I have time. Because there will come a day where I am at a low ebb and decided to try at least on of those things. Whether I will want to follow through on it when I feel better, I can't say.
@Chibi - No worries, I'm definitely locking the S-Foils into attack position. Something will be done, that much I can promise.
1)I don't feel I suffer from any form of depression or anxiety that rises to the level of needing treatment. I do have trouble with crowds of strangers and sometimes, yes, I get really despairingly sad. But more often than not, I'm pretty happy. Pretty calm. You disagree with me. That is your right. But you don't know me from a stranger on the street. I read those positive reviews and think "wow, that's a bit more drastic than I need". I listened to a Prince song ("Baby I'm A Star") on the bus to class and felt a bajillion times better by getting into the mindset of 'You might not know it now/baby, but I are/I'm a/STAR!". Because, while the people around me may not know it, I'm a pretty cool person and fuck them if they can't figure that out.
2) I don't want to change how I think. This has been the way I think since I was 12 or so. If I change it, get rid of the compulsive planning and constant risk/reward evaluations, I would cease to be me. I am the collection of my interests, my experiences, and my issues. Would my life be less stressful if I was more "normal"? Probably. But I wouldn't be me!
Your misery? I've been told I don't deserve to have the happiness of a relationship until I fix something I don't think is broken. I've been told that not having a girl's number and not being in a position to just drop by her apartment in the middle of the week is making excuses. The only reason I haven't quit this thread is some strange sense of personal honor/politeness.
@Shakey - Don't worry. While I do get defensive, I do read everything. I've put that book TNG recommended on my amazon wishlist. I've sent an e-mail to myself to remind me to look into my policy when I have time. Because there will come a day where I am at a low ebb and decided to try at least on of those things. Whether I will want to follow through on it when I feel better, I can't say.
@Chibi - No worries, I'm definitely locking the S-Foils into attack position. Something will be done, that much I can promise.
You're reacting now because people think there's a problem with your attitude which is clearly getting in your way, and your reason for defending it is because you thought that way since you were 12? Yes, never move on from when you were 12.
There's really nothing left to say, people. We're giving dating advice to someone who hasn't moved on from middle school. There's so much more good advice that could be given against not only that mentality, but the idea that Norris would cease to be him if he changed from being 12, but it will all go to waste.
Norris: This underlines how much you need to see someone, but if you don't, the only one losing is you.
I go back to my earlier post; I'm glad you won't be asking this girl out.
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Chibibar
My question to you, why you would think you wouldn't be you if you were to change yourself for the better? The "angst/goth/dark/oh lonely me" attitude is not a healthy one and can be lonely at times. You may think that is great to be what you are now, but most people would start to regret in late life when things CAN'T change or even too late to change.
But, you came on this thread asking for advice and possibly "evaulate" your situation. Many of us been on that road before and some of us do regret the decision made too late, but I tell ya. Even with statistics and calculating situation can't factor the "human element" people will surprise you even when you may "think" you have 99.9% calculated when given a chance.
I hope you find this more funny than offensive, but your posts in the first page of this thread have been fed to a markov chain generator and this is what I get back. Add punctuation where you expect it'll be most hilarious:
The reason I used your text and thread is because I'm afraid to do it to my own.
Norris portrayed himself as Ben Stiller's character from Along Came Polly and thought that would go over well.
Added at: 22:05
Added at: 22:05
I don't know what the hell I just read.
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Chibibar
As for think of what you is "you"
When I was 5 I thought I was on top of the world
My world came crashing down in hell from 5-12
at 12 I was angry with the world
at 13 I met a person who wouldn't give up on me
at 14 I change
at 16 I was much less angry and interact with the world instead of fighting against it
at 20 I party like there is no tomorrow, flunk out of school, work full time
at 26 got into a major car accident change my life
at 27 met my wife
at 32 settle my life by buying a house (which totally change a lot of things since roaming/moving is not an easy option anymore)
now at 38 I look back that I was stupid at 12 and 20
I'm sure when I hit 50 things will look different.
Have I cease to be me? never. I still love games, I love to read, I love mystery and romance. That has never change. I continue to read what I like, listen to music I like and do things what I life. The only thing change is that I am no longer alone cause I chose NOT to be alone.
You say that you have a certain thinking since you are 12, when people are 12-19 most have no idea what they want. FEW do, but many don't. They think they know, but you be surprise how age and situation can change a person.
Once you see all your friends married off and have children and no time for their single friends (in my circle we only have a few left unlike when we were 20s) things change. When my friends have kids and move away, they don't have time to play games and do stuff. Priority changes, thing changes, but that doesn't make less of YOU.
When I was 5 I thought I was on top of the world
My world came crashing down in hell from 5-12
at 12 I was angry with the world
at 13 I met a person who wouldn't give up on me
at 14 I change
at 16 I was much less angry and interact with the world instead of fighting against it
at 20 I party like there is no tomorrow, flunk out of school, work full time
at 26 got into a major car accident change my life
at 27 met my wife
at 32 settle my life by buying a house (which totally change a lot of things since roaming/moving is not an easy option anymore)
now at 38 I look back that I was stupid at 12 and 20
I'm sure when I hit 50 things will look different.
Have I cease to be me? never. I still love games, I love to read, I love mystery and romance. That has never change. I continue to read what I like, listen to music I like and do things what I life. The only thing change is that I am no longer alone cause I chose NOT to be alone.
You say that you have a certain thinking since you are 12, when people are 12-19 most have no idea what they want. FEW do, but many don't. They think they know, but you be surprise how age and situation can change a person.
Once you see all your friends married off and have children and no time for their single friends (in my circle we only have a few left unlike when we were 20s) things change. When my friends have kids and move away, they don't have time to play games and do stuff. Priority changes, thing changes, but that doesn't make less of YOU.
B
Biannoshufu
this is both advice and oddly what watching this thread feels like. "Get back up" and " car wreck."
That ain't what I meant, and you know it. But in case you don't - at the age of 12, I went from happy and oblivious child to quasi-adult who understood how the consequences of my actions impacted others and myself, not just immediately but in the long term. I began to behave accordingly. I have grown and changed of course, with more depth to that understanding and whatnot, but 12 is when I began maturing into my adult personality. The core of who I grew up to be, as it were.
I would say "I have been this way for as long as I can remember", but I can remember being an oblivious three year old whose only worry was when the new episode of Batman was on. I'm not saying I have the same damned priorities or interests I did when I was 12. I'm saying that my adult personality formed then, I've been the sarcastic, slightly strange, somewhat tense, but ultimately kind and oddly charming guy I am ever since. To change how I think on a basic level renders me not the person people know.
How so? Shego and Sin flat out told me I should not be dating anyone until I get therapy I don't think I need. When I explained why the in person approach wouldn't work right this second, I was told to stop making excuses. Where did I misunderstand that "advice"?
We never grow up. Saying you matured into your adult personality at 12 years old is bullshit. Again, WE NEVER GROW UP.
Or, should I say, we never stop growing. I believe you when you say you think you're fine the way you are...but I also find that belief chilling. No one should ever be 100% satisfied with themselves. A person should strive to excel, to make them selves better, to try something different even if that something means gonig against what you are 'comfortable' with.
I actually feel sad for you...you sound lonely and stuck in a place you don't want to escape from, surrounded by a cloud of cynisism.
Or, should I say, we never stop growing. I believe you when you say you think you're fine the way you are...but I also find that belief chilling. No one should ever be 100% satisfied with themselves. A person should strive to excel, to make them selves better, to try something different even if that something means gonig against what you are 'comfortable' with.
I actually feel sad for you...you sound lonely and stuck in a place you don't want to escape from, surrounded by a cloud of cynisism.
They just thought you should sort out the crap in your life yourself, and not expect a relationship to fix it. But that's just me talking about someone elses post. If you really want to talk about what you have to possibly face if you continue on the path I went, which is what I see in you, PM me. I don't want you to feel you have to defend yourself in front of the whole forum. Or PM Nick, he's probably a better person to talk to.Norris said:
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Chibibar
While you may not think you need therapy, you need some sort of outside help of some sort. Maybe the word Therapy has a "bad" association with it. I am not saying you sit on a couch spending thousands of dollars or sit in a room of people who have it worst than you comparing life stories.
Therapy is helping you cope/change/alter the way of life for the better. If you think your life is "perfect" in your calculating ways and have understanding of consequences of your action on others, you wouldn't even post this thread to begin with.
It is some inner voice asking for help on the ID level, but your conscious self doesn't think you need it. Do you know that by your inaction you could inadvertently hurt people also? It seems like you are trying to "save the world" around you (note I didn't say SAVE THE WORLD, just your little world), but I gotta tell ya, even the wisest man can't "calculate" everything even the famous Dr. Phil who "suppose" to know relationship
So unless you have a Ph.D or some of savant in human psychology, your calculation is only limit by your limited experience and what you observe (real or unreal in this case). If I were to take my experience of being dump at a school dance in front of all my "friends" and heart ripped out at 13 gonna dictate my life I wouldn't be the person I am today. I probably won't even be married, but I cast that aside and chalk up experience on what NOT to do and do better. Keep at it. in statistic, the more you "do it" the better the odds are. By not playing at all, your odds of anything is close to zero
Therapy is helping you cope/change/alter the way of life for the better. If you think your life is "perfect" in your calculating ways and have understanding of consequences of your action on others, you wouldn't even post this thread to begin with.
It is some inner voice asking for help on the ID level, but your conscious self doesn't think you need it. Do you know that by your inaction you could inadvertently hurt people also? It seems like you are trying to "save the world" around you (note I didn't say SAVE THE WORLD, just your little world), but I gotta tell ya, even the wisest man can't "calculate" everything even the famous Dr. Phil who "suppose" to know relationship
So unless you have a Ph.D or some of savant in human psychology, your calculation is only limit by your limited experience and what you observe (real or unreal in this case). If I were to take my experience of being dump at a school dance in front of all my "friends" and heart ripped out at 13 gonna dictate my life I wouldn't be the person I am today. I probably won't even be married, but I cast that aside and chalk up experience on what NOT to do and do better. Keep at it. in statistic, the more you "do it" the better the odds are. By not playing at all, your odds of anything is close to zero
This time last year, my base assumption was that people would dislike me so I should just leave them alone. This year, I have made strong acquaintances (potential friends) where available....by just starting conversations and introducing myself.
This time last year, I would try to wait a week between conversations with Mrs. M. Now, not so much.
This time last year, I would never have thought of asking a girl out. Now, I am working on it.
I am trying to grow, trying to change, trying to self improve. Always. But there comes a point in your life where you quit being the oblivious child you were and start to become the adult you will be. The time when the foundations harden. That is what I am referring to. I am not, as you guys seem to think, trapped at a mental age of 12 nor do I think I am perfect. To use an analogy, my dad is happy with our house but that doesn't mean he doesn't rearrange furniture or remodel rooms when it becomes appropriate.
Or I can like myself without thinking myself perfect. You're supposed to like yourself and see the room for improvement. Which I do.
And you are wrong. I have more people who love me now than I have had in years, more friends I can count on and that can count me. Rarely does a day go by where I don't talk to someone I consider a friend. I'm less nerved out by...well, everything now than I have been since graduating high school. I've managed to chill the fuck out and really make some gains lately. Getting dumped threw me down a darker pit of despair and cynicism than I'd ever been down before, but it also forced me to climb out of it myself. Not have a girlfriend pull me out. Not just get used to it down there. but climb out.
In short...thank you guys, really, for trying to help. But you don't me, you don't know my mind, and you don't my story. So yeah. This whole thing was me in a mode I hadn't been in in months. Deep breath, chill the fuck out, picked a course of action. I will probably go check out ArtPrize with her on Saturday. I will take it from where.
I don't. I expect a relationship to make me generally happy. I'm a romantic, I like being able to brighten someone's day with a simple text, I like surprising someone with gifts, I like cuddling, I just like being in love. I don't expect it to be a cure all. I need to work to make sure that I don't treat it as such (kind of did that last time, coulda gone better that). If I waited to get all my crap sorted, I'd be dead before I started dating again.
Self-betrayer.
- Status