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OMG This reminds me! The mother of one of my old high school acquaintances is dating him right now!!! (She also sucks.)

My new third grade partner sent me a slightly panicky email about how she's confused about certain instructions or deadlines. She asked if we could meet at her house or at school. I told her I'd be here every day from late morning til early afternoon until school starts, and we could meet any...

AAAAARGH. So I'm walking to the bakery to get bread for a party tonight, and I hear this crazy honking behind me. As the culprit car speeds away, I see a hand waving at me, going 50 mph. What do they expect? Do you believe I'll recognize you? I'm trying to enjoy a peaceful goddamn morning...

OMG the shade.

After some blood donation ladies screwed up one of the veins in my left arm, I was told not to do any heavy lifting til the bruising cleared up. It cleared up last week, and just that short time of not doing planks and kettlebell exercises made a huge difference in my strength and endurance. But...

Yeah I had some crazy experiences in the small towns outside of Baton Rouge. Women teaching gifted classes who could barely speak, campuses in horrible disrepair, mothers whipping their kids in the hallway, and the angriest teacher I've ever met in my life. I have never heard such screaming.

True story. During a drill/meeting shortly after Sandy Hook, one of the teachers made the point that we're probably more of a kidnapping/hostage target for ransom money. So...silver lining?

HAH that's ok! If we don't laugh, we'll cry.

I'm *getting* there, as I continue to learn how hard it is to get a goddamn audience. There are people who live 5 minutes away from our downtown venues who won't come because it's "too far" or "too dangerous." Booooooo, you boring shits.

And the wins keep rolling in... I auditioned for a new musical improv troupe and GOT IN! I am now a part of 3 local troupes--my first one (The Weaning Process), Rag Tag (all women), and the musical troupe, name TBA.

I always thought it was kind of weird when kids on a sitcom would be like, "We have to get the perfect gift for mom and dad's anniversary!" ...Why? I don't really care if other people remember. It's enough that you attended, danced with me, ate cake, and gave me some plates. You are no longer...

Not even joking--One of the reasons I'm excited about this upcoming school year is that the parents stopped doing "Muffins on Monday." Every week, a different homemade muffin, and they were all insanely delicious-looking. I can pass up a grocery store muffin, but homemade, still smelling like...

Wouldn't be the first time that breasts knocked the self-awareness out of someone.

Just assume that every woman wants to be treated with dignity and you'll be fine. And always remember that the outfit's not for you. Keeping these handy tips in mind, YOU TOO can avoid the wrath of women trying to live their lives.

I made a list of things to accomplish this summer, and last night, I ticked off my last item---the one I thought I'd punk out on. I did 5 minutes of standup. This isn't something I necessarily want to pursue, but I've been telling myself I should do it just for fun and to see how it feels. I...

That might be my favorite picture ever.

My all-lady troupe before our set...well, 4/7 of us. We crushed it!

I share ALL my friends' events on social media. Why don't they share mine in return?

@Tiger Tsang That was incredibly rude. You shouldn't leave that up.

Here's a pic of the new guy: