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I've never owned a hat before, at least not one for blocking the sun, like a ball cap or whatever.

What's a cool hat that I could conceivably get within 2 weeks?

Recommend shit to someone who doesn't know better!

look into your favourite spourt team. You guys have stickball, or whatever, right?

Go get a 12 pack of Corona and collect the free hat! Think of it as a starter hat.

Whatever you do, do not get a fedora.

He could totally rock a top hat.

https://www.google.com/search?q=flo...dee735bb3&q=english+ivy+cap&safe=off&tbm=shop

These in many colors and patterns do I don upon my crown.

I used to have a skunk skin hat, until my dog got ahold of it one day.



... but that was also when I lived in Colorado. Would have been WAY too hot for Texas.

Rest assured, I'm not a sports guy and I will never wear a fedora in public.

Gilgamesh said:

https://www.google.com/search?q=floppy cloth hat&rlz=1C1CHMO_enUS527US527&oq=floppy cloth hat&aqs=chrome.0.69i57j0l3.2409j0&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#bav=on.2,or.r_cp.r_qf.&fp=b799f68dee735bb3&q=english ivy cap&safe=off&tbm=shop

These in many colors and patterns do I don upon my crown.

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Second.

GasBandit said:

Whatever you do, do not get a fedora.

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Well, if he got a real fedora, like, proper size and fur-felt material, and wore a suit, like he was walking out of the 1950s all the time... Man, that'd be cool. I actually have a really nice black fur-felt fedora (but basically never have cause to wear it).[DOUBLEPOST=1376518073,1376517947][/DOUBLEPOST]

Gilgamesh said:

https://www.google.com/search?q=floppy cloth hat&rlz=1C1CHMO_enUS527US527&oq=floppy cloth hat&aqs=chrome.0.69i57j0l3.2409j0&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#bav=on.2,or.r_cp.r_qf.&fp=b799f68dee735bb3&q=english ivy cap&safe=off&tbm=shop

These in many colors and patterns do I don upon my crown.

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A colleague of mine rocks a variety of these. He buys a new one every time he travels somewhere, as sort of a practical souvenir. A lot of his friends wear them too so it's funny when they're out with us for drinks or something, since they all look like they're in some kind of club.

I never wear hats except when it's super-cold. (It's never cold in Texas)

Nope, found it. Here's your hat (and goggles accessory).

I typically only wear fedoras when I'm already pretty drunk and have snatched it off someone else's head.

I also wore my Opa's once but that one was legit and from the 40's.

Gusto said:

I've never owned a hat before, at least not one for blocking the sun, like a ball cap or whatever.

What's a cool hat that I could conceivably get within 2 weeks?

Recommend shit to someone who doesn't know better!

Click to expand...

What is the intended purpose of said hat? Fashion? Function? NEED MORE DATA!

For working outside in hot weather I'm partial to a nice boonie hat myself. If it's for something more active like bicycling or hiking I prefer ballcaps. I do enjoy wearing my cowboy hat when it's Stampede time here.

This ain't helpin', yo.

Oh just go down to the mall and look in the skater/surfer stores for a baseball cap with a humorously subversive icon on the front. Bend the bill into approximately a 135 degree curve (no more than 150, no less than 100, CERTAINLY NOT ZERO OR 180), remove ANY AND ALL STICKERS AND TAGS, and be done with it like a normal person.

Azurephoenix said:

What is the intended purpose of said hat? Fashion? Function? NEED MORE DATA!

For working outside in hot weather I'm partial to a nice boonie hat myself. If it's for something more active like bicycling or hiking I prefer ballcaps. I do enjoy wearing my cowboy hat when it's Stampede time here.

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Ultimately I want it to block the sun from my eyes. I can do that with literally anything so mostly fashion.[DOUBLEPOST=1376518728,1376518705][/DOUBLEPOST]

GasBandit said:

Oh just go down to the mall and look in the skater/surfer stores for a baseball cap with a humorously subversive icon on the front. Bend the bill into approximately a 135 degree curve (no more than 150, no less than 100, CERTAINLY NOT ZERO OR 180), remove ANY AND ALL STICKERS AND TAGS, and be done with it like a normal person.

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This guy's speaking my changuage.

Wear a concrete slab with an industrial sewing machine on it. Sitting at that sewing machine is a Chinese girl who is too young to work. She is making hats that will be sold cheaply in the US.

I will say it's worth it to find a cap with a buckle back instead of fitted or the plastic peg-and-hole strap. Looks like this:



Makes it much easier to achieve a comfortable fit to your head.

Except the "humourously subversive icon" part. I'll likely end up getting a flat colour ball cap.[DOUBLEPOST=1376519048,1376519021][/DOUBLEPOST]

GasBandit said:

I will say it's worth it to find a cap with a buckle back instead of fitted or the plastic peg-and-hole strap. Looks like this:

Makes it much easier to achieve a comfortable fit to your head.

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Good tip, thanks.

Gusto said:

Except the "humourously subversive icon" part. I'll likely end up getting a flat colour ball cap.

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An article of clothing with no logo or symbol or message on it can also be considered subversive. 90% of my T-shirts have absolutely nothing on them but the one shade of whatever color they are dyed.

This is your new hat.



You personalize it by sticking items in the band, like keys or matches. And whenever anyone asks you tell them that "it's a story for another time."

HCGLNS said:

This is your new hat.

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Dude, that is the hat worn by the president of New Mexico Tech's anime club in 1997. I gave up anime for 4 years because of the kind of people who wear that hat.

You know, other than grandpas.

GasBandit said:

Dude, that is the hat worn by the president of New Mexico Tech's anime club in 1997. I gave up anime for 4 years because of the kind of people who wear that hat.

You know, other than grandpas.

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So, Gusto?

'round here it's worn by people that want to express their outdoorsiness who have never spent a minute outdoors.

I'm neither of those people, and don't want to wear that hat.

This is basically the exact hat I own, and wear (quite successfully) though mine's in better shape

Alright thread closed. @GasBandit is the only one who gets me.

Gusto said:

Alright thread closed. @GasBandit is the only one who gets me.

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GasBandit is the only one who gets a lot of stuff.

My brother always wears these:

Or how about....

Gusto, what do you have against wearable child labor?

Look, I have just never seen anyone look good in a baseball cap. I like my Aussie hat. It is soft, it's good in all sorts of weather... mmhmm.

Chad Sexington said:

Look, I have just never seen anyone look good in a baseball cap. I like my Aussie hat. It is soft, it's good in all sorts of weather... mmhmm.

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Never, ever, ever take any sort of fashion advice from this man.

--Patrick

http://www.villagehatshop.com/

You're welcome.

Idiot hipsters. Ruining fedoras for those of us who know how and when to wear one properly.

I'm pretty sure I've seen DarkAudit's awesome hats. Listen to this man, he knows his stuff.

Didn't we used to have a HalForum shop? As in, the one I bought my awesome big mug from? It had caps and hats with the durr logo on it.

That aside, fedora's rock. The people who've taken to wearing them are asshats. It's a crying shame.

And I think you need to listne to @Yoshimickster , he's obviously got awesome hat taste.

Bubble181 said:

I think you need to listen to @Yoshimickster

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I'm pretty sure even Yoshi would agree that this phrase has never been said, ever.

Also, maybe the forum is messing up for me, because I can't see him as having posted in this thread.

He hasn't yet. I'm going by his avatar hat

DarkAudit said:

Idiot hipsters. Ruining fedoras for those of us who know how and when to wear one properly.

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Do you mean Indiana Jones, or never?

Never is probably the most correct way to wear a fedora.

Sez you...

The only acceptable hat in Texas..



but unless you wear the giant belt buckle, they'll all know that you're a poseur.



(the sad thing is that only one of these things is a novelty item...)

Good grief. Gusto, don't listen to all these idiots.
Only one way to go, and that is the Heisenburg:

Espy said:

Good grief. Gusto, don't listen to all these idiots.
Only one way to go, and that is the Heisenburg:
View attachment 11572

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This is also known as a porkpie hat, and is indeed awesome.

It's also the hat that Yogi Bear wears, so there's that.

Don't get a hat that seems too stiff - it will sit oddly on your head.
Don't get the trucker mesh hat - the early 2000s have come and gone.
Don't get a hat made out of leather/suede/fur/felt - stick to cotton or a cotton-poly blend or linen.
Don't get a New Era flat billed baseball caps - those are ridiculous.

DO get a hat with either an elastic-fitted band or a velcro band - avoid the plastic snap kind.
DO get a hat that is neutral in color and logo - unless you have a hockey club that you support.
But, avoid giant logos or large embroidered logos.

For a plain ball cap, I'd go with one of these Amazon ball cap

GasBandit said:

Never, ever, ever take any sort of fashion advice from this man.

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Kid, I dress so well you don't even know. With your goddamn adidas sandals. Feh. It's not like I wear a kangaroo leather hat to my office. But it's a good outdoorsy hat, and damn if I don't look good wearing it.

drawn_inward said:

For a plain ball cap, I'd go with one of these Amazon ball cap

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Yoink! Purchased. XL, Navy.

Gusto said:

Yoink! Purchased. XL, Navy.

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Good choice! I have a black one. It's a bit faded now, but I've had it for nearly 10 yrs. Cheers!

Chad Sexington said:

Kid, I dress so well you don't even know. With your goddamn adidas sandals. Feh. It's not like I wear a kangaroo leather hat to my office. But it's a good outdoorsy hat, and damn if I don't look good wearing it.

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Actually, I haven't worn adidas sandals in a while, the little woman has had me step up to these... I don't know what they are but they're a lot nicer and more expensive, have memory foam insoles and whatnot. Logo is a Q with 4 dots under it.

Does that ragged ratskin you put on your head have memory foam? I didn't think so.

drawn_inward said:

Don't get a hat that seems too stiff - it will sit oddly on your head.
Don't get the trucker mesh hat - the early 2000s have come and gone.
Don't get a hat made out of leather/suede/fur/felt - stick to cotton or a cotton-poly blend or linen.
Don't get a New Era flat billed baseball caps - those are ridiculous.

DO get a hat with either an elastic-fitted band or a velcro band - avoid the plastic snap kind.
DO get a hat that is neutral in color and logo - unless you have a hockey club that you support.
But, avoid giant logos or large embroidered logos.

For a plain ball cap, I'd go with one of these Amazon ball cap

Click to expand...

I feel like this needs to be set to music.

--Patrick

The great thing about Amazon is that there's a depot like 45 minutes from my house. So the cheapest kind of shipping that should take 6-10 days means that I'll have my hat on Monday, if not tomorrow, having ordered it less than an hour ago.

GasBandit said:

Actually, I haven't worn adidas sandals in a while, the little woman has had me step up to these... I don't know what they are but they're a lot nicer and more expensive, have memory foam insoles and whatnot. Logo is a Q with 4 dots under it.

Does that ragged ratskin you put on your head have memory foam? I didn't think so.

Click to expand...

It does not.

I do like memory foam.

Chad Sexington said:

Kid, I dress so well you don't even know. With your goddamn adidas sandals. Feh. It's not like I wear a kangaroo leather hat to my office. But it's a good outdoorsy hat, and damn if I don't look good wearing it.

Click to expand...

GasBandit said:

Actually, I haven't worn adidas sandals in a while, the little woman has had me step up to these... I don't know what they are but they're a lot nicer and more expensive, have memory foam insoles and whatnot. Logo is a Q with 4 dots under it.

Does that ragged ratskin you put on your head have memory foam? I didn't think so.

Click to expand...

PatrThom said:

I feel like this needs to be set to music.

--Patrick

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I'll cut some vinyl soon.

Bubble181 said:

He hasn't yet. I'm going by his avatar hat

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Despite what my fabulous avatar may imply, I ain't much of a hat person besides the occasional baseball cap. Though I have always thought I could rock a bowler cap.

I rocked a bowler once. It was for Halloween but still.

Gusto said:

I rocked a bowler once. It was for Halloween but still.

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Just an evening with the droogs?

--Patrick

Close enough.

--Patrick

drawn_inward said:

Don't get a hat made out of leather/suede/fur/felt

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Those are the highest quality and longest lasting hats. Why would you want to steer him so wrong?

DarkAudit said:

Those are the highest quality and longest lasting hats. Why would you want to steer him so wrong?

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He seemed to want a plain ball cap, and a ball cap made out of that stuff will make your head literally sweat a ton.
If it was a cowboy hat, bowler, fedora, etc., then sure get the beaver pelt.

drawn_inward said:

...make your head literally sweat a ton...

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I was about to slap you with a disagree, but figured I'd better check... just in case. Aaaaaaand given that the average human head sweats about one cup per day, and the hat should last over ten years, then yes - you may sweat a literal ton of water if you wear it daily, all day and night, in a warm environment.

However, that will happen whether you're wearing the cap or not. The question is does the cap allow the moisture to wick away and evaporate, or provides enough ventilation to allow evaporation of at least 1 cup per day. Leather and similar materials don't breath through the material, but a properly made hat with a simple sweatband and a few holes on the top will provide enough wicking/airflow to handle average sweating.

Remove the sweatband, shave your head (for a good seal) and seal the holes, however, and you'll have about a cup of sweat sloshing around up there after a 24 hour period.

And that's literally disgusting.

Literally as emphasis is an acceptable use of the phrase and you're literally an overly pedantic dinosaur if you complain about it.

Allen who is Quiet said:

Literally as emphasis is an acceptable use of the phrase and you're literally an overly pedantic dinosaur if you complain about it.

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I will strangle you with your own tongue, you linguistic vandal.

Using literally for emphasis is like using your shoe as a hammer for roofing nails, as a fly swatter, and as something to throw when you're too lazy to get up and hit your friend in the head with your fist. It may get the job done, but if you have a sufficiently large vocabulary then you can use the correct emphasizing word that provides additional value and meaning to the conversation.

It is the vocal equivalent of using 'like' in your sentences, or adding zucchini to your brownies. No flavor is added - merely fluff and nonsubstance.

Like, you know?

I'm not saying it shouldn't be done because it's being used incorrectly. I'm saying it shouldn't be done because it's a lazy word.

btw, I'm just in an argumentative mood, I don't actually care about word usage anywhere near as much as my previous post may suggest.

Though I will shoot you where you stand if you use "could of" - that's like fingernails on a chalkboard.

I miss the days when @allen flipped tables over similes.

"Could of," "should of," etc. drive me insane. But I literally couldn't care less about your stance on "literally."

Chad Sexington said:

I literally couldn't care less

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AMBIGUITY!

Chad Sexington said:

But I literally couldn't care less about your stance on "literally."

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You, sir, are figuratively worse than Hitler.

Does figuratively mean the same a literally?

Sure, why not?

sixpackshaker said:

Does figuratively mean the same a literally?

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NOW.

sixpackshaker said:

Does figuratively mean the same a literally?

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It literally does.

See? You don't know what this means, do you? THAT'S WHY!

I'm just gonna go ahead and Unwatch this train wreck.

Gusto said:

I'm just gonna go ahead and Unwatch this train wreck.

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What? Why? This could literally become the next " oh @Gusto " moment in history.

Also, we require pics of you in your new hat to feed our hunger.

Feed us!

Ushanka. Also known as "bear pussy".

My hat came today, and it fits perfectly! Thanks again for the tip, @drawn_inward .

Gusto said:

My hat came today, and it fits perfectly! Thanks again for the tip, @drawn_inward .

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We can't wait for you to update your avatar to reflect your recent purchase.

--Patrick