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E
Element 117
Your post is weak because you anchor it with one instance of my poetry and some comic scripts that end up being heavily edited by the artist.
SMILE
[/QUOTE]This from the guy who said my blogpost was emo shit!
:laugh:
Ok, you know what, Sally? When you post things online for people to read, unfortunately, they might actually do so. And when that's the work YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO PUT ON DISPLAY, then yes, people are going to feel that's a measure of your ability - or in your case, inability.
I've given you two pieces of good advice for writing. Your flippant, sappy-faced dismissal of it shows how worthless you are as a writer - you can't recognize something that can help you get better. I haven't pre-emptively decided anything - I have seen the work you've made available, and it is bad.
I've given you two pieces of good advice for writing. Your flippant, sappy-faced dismissal of it shows how worthless you are as a writer - you can't recognize something that can help you get better. I haven't pre-emptively decided anything - I have seen the work you've made available, and it is bad.
Everything you say is so whimsical now!
G
Gothomo
Oh the drama.
Oh right, I caused that. My bad.
Oh right, I caused that. My bad.
Cajungal
Staff member
Everything you say is so whimsical now![/QUOTE]
From Achewood to Family Circus.
G
Gothomo
In my defense, it is.
I have a number to a suicide hotline somewhere in my folders from my days as a resident adviser if you need it. I'm being moderately serious about this. Depression is no laughing matter. I'm here for you.
That aside, my offer of that steak is still on. How do you like it? Rare, medium rare? For the love of God, don't say "well done".
---------- Post added at 07:15 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:11 PM ----------
Everybody knows that any good artist uses Comic Sans.
ElJuski
Staff member
Everything you say is so whimsical now![/QUOTE]
From Achewood to Family Circus.[/QUOTE]
take it back
TAKE IT BACK
Cajungal
Staff member
Everything you say is so whimsical now![/QUOTE]
From Achewood to Family Circus.[/QUOTE]
take it back
TAKE IT BACK[/QUOTE]
Take your FONT back :humph:
G
Gothomo
I think that I unintentionally wrote two poems here. That concept was basically my intrigue at how dark the sky was on a moonless night over Lake Erie. My mind wandered with the thought and ended up in that poem.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Ehhhhhhhhhhh...
I'm sorry, but this did nothing for me. Perhaps it is simply my preference for non-Modern poetry (ranging from Shakespeare and Chaucer to Omar Khayyam and John Donne), but I could find very little tangible substance matter in the poem, something that would anchor it to a potentially real situation, that tangible something that is then heightened and reimagened through the language of poetry. The words to me are little more than lists of abstractions strung together with an invisible thread that I seem to be unable to grasp.
Like I said, not my cup of tea. Nor my first language. But... that's my two cents.
I'm sorry, but this did nothing for me. Perhaps it is simply my preference for non-Modern poetry (ranging from Shakespeare and Chaucer to Omar Khayyam and John Donne), but I could find very little tangible substance matter in the poem, something that would anchor it to a potentially real situation, that tangible something that is then heightened and reimagened through the language of poetry. The words to me are little more than lists of abstractions strung together with an invisible thread that I seem to be unable to grasp.
Like I said, not my cup of tea. Nor my first language. But... that's my two cents.
G
Gothomo
Poetry isn't my first choice in writing, really. I decided to take up some poetry classes to fill a few humanities credits and found that I do enjoy it, but I am not particularly familiar with style yet. My biggest problem with writing poetry is that I have a hard time of it without being vague. It makes sense to me, but that's because I wrote it.
I prefer novel length prose over anything that I have shown here. Fiction is, ultimately, more my forte.
Still, I have found that writing short poetry is very relaxing. The only thing about these classes that I don't like is that I have to go by prompts much of the time. It tends to really limit how one writes.
I prefer novel length prose over anything that I have shown here. Fiction is, ultimately, more my forte.
Still, I have found that writing short poetry is very relaxing. The only thing about these classes that I don't like is that I have to go by prompts much of the time. It tends to really limit how one writes.
E
Element 117
Les mortels sont égaux; ce n'est pas la naissance,
C'est la seule vertu qui fait la différence.
G
Gothomo
If I didn't want to learn and polish my writing I wouldn't be posting here. The two posts containing poetry of mine were presented as open to critique, which you have offered and I have taken into account. Hell, I even have taken some writing advice from Fangoria/B.T (I really have no idea what her name is since she changes it so often). Sure, she presents her views in a tremendously bitchy way but the harshest critique seems to be what to help the most.
You are correct about writing prompts. I don't particularly like being told what to write about but it does produce more interesting work much of the time.
That said, I do appreciate your critique, but I do not appreciate being told that I have no desire to change how I write. I come here to present my writing to what is quite possibly the most heinous, brutal group of forum users that I have ever encountered. If I just wanted people to tell me how pretty my writing is I would go ahead and post on DeviantArt.
C
Chazwozel
Indeed. And here I was just getting bored. The Mighty Wordsmythe Who Will Always Write Better Than You has returned![/QUOTE]Just most of us.
If it was between Gothomo and you, I'd rather have him stay and you leave. Just putting that out there.
---------- Post added at 10:40 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:36 AM ----------
Since Goth has the balls to throw up one of his poems for critique, I'll do the same:
Ancient
His legs were built sturdy and upright, after race they went
His arms flowed with assurance; pride in craft
grinding the axe; tilling the field to the fresh morning’s scent
His chest pounds the caged spirit, his feet course within the earth
His mind nimble, keen, and alert
ready to divulge into work
for his work was to live and live he did
every breath a blessing, and that he earned
Living life's adventure, never yearning for
times that which lay heavy upon the breast;
oft lead to quagmire and distress.
His was a realm now bereft of merit
Timeless and ancient, long forgo and forgotten
His Hands were thick with calloused memories and ripe with character
[FONT="]
His body dwells and lingers in the remains.[/FONT]
Be gentile, it's my first time.
E
Element 117
re: divulge unless you meant : reveal, to make public, or make known
Re Timeless and ancient It's repetitive without being rhythmic. Read it aloud, and then have someone unfamiliar with it do the same.
G
Gothomo
Indeed. And here I was just getting bored. The Mighty Wordsmythe Who Will Always Write Better Than You has returned![/QUOTE]Just most of us.
If it was between Gothomo and you, I'd rather have him stay and you leave. Just putting that out there.
---------- Post added at 10:40 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:36 AM ----------
Since Goth has the balls to throw up one of his poems for critique, I'll do the same:
Ancient
His legs were built sturdy and upright, after race they went
His arms flowed with assurance; pride in craft
grinding the axe; tilling the field to the fresh morning’s scent
His chest pounds the caged spirit, his feet course within the earth
His mind nimble, keen, and alert
ready to divulge into work
for his work was to live and live he did
every breath a blessing, and that he earned
Living life's adventure, never yearning for
times that which lay heavy upon the breast;
oft lead to quagmire and distress.
His was a realm now bereft of merit
Timeless and ancient, long forgo and forgotten
His Hands were thick with calloused memories and ripe with character
[FONT="]
His body dwells and lingers in the remains.[/FONT]
Be gentile, it's my first time.[/QUOTE]
This is a good start to a poem. Right now though you're doing a lot of telling and not much showing. Show us this person, I want to be able to see what he does and who he is. I have a shadow of an image in my mind but it's your job to give the reader a full impression of what you're trying to convey.
I like the way you describe him (whoever he is).
I know that punctuation is fickle in poetry, but I would prefer more of it in this. I personally prefer all or none when it comes to poetry and right now about half of your punctuation is missing. Don't be afraid to use line breaks instead of punctuation if you prefer that style. I often use no punctuation at all if I can accommodate for it with line breaks. It's ultimately your choice, as long as you make sure that the reader knows how to read your poem.
As B.T. said, make sure that you don't get too redundant with your descriptions. You can use repetition to drive a point but I don't think that it's necessary until you build upon this idea.
Over all, great start. I'd like to see this idea go into greater detail.
G
Gothomo
Short and simple. It works.
I like how this captures a very brief moment in time and seems to project the emotion of the moment very well. Relatable, but simple enough that it might not be. A lot to read into in so few lines.
I love short poetry.
---------- Post added at 07:06 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:05 PM ----------
Wha? There's a warning on this thread?
E
Element 117
Are you a mod now?
I figure someone just thinks all moderators of the art forum really love poetry. As I said, I am a little confused by it.
---------- Post added at 08:09 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:08 PM ----------
I have been on this forum for roughly... oh, 5 months? (just the art forum)
---------- Post added at 08:09 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:08 PM ----------
Are you a mod now?[/QUOTE]
I have been on this forum for roughly... oh, 5 months? (just the art forum)
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