Actual Conversations With Your Friends

[Silver Jelly]

i don't remember the exact conversation, but apparently most of my friends dont think it would be gay if you went back in time and had sex with yourself. :bush:

It wouldn't be gay, it's technically masturbation.

I think the two words (masturbation and gay) would be overlapping here... THANKS TO THE POWER OF SCIENCE!


As per my actual conversations with friends? They are awesome, but not only are they funny just if you are there, but are based on ten years of more and more complicated in-jokes.

 

[sixpackshaker]

Preface, I am a large guy. Six foot tall and 300 lb. At my last job I was called Mini-Me. I was half the size of a co-worker that I looked quite a bit alike. He announced to the office that he was headed out to get a cowboy belt custom made.

This other guy chimes in, "What is he going to do for you? Spiral slice a cow for the leather?"

 

[Bumble the Boy Wonder]

Brother - "So.. How many dicks would I have to suck for you to let me print tabs for Sweet Child O Mine?"

Me - "...Why would you have to suck any dicks for just the intro?"

Brother - "I dunno... I kinda thought it would be, like, a bonus."

Me - "...For you, or for me?"

Brother - "....I thought it would be a win-win kinda thing."

 

[IllogicalVirgo]

This is a transcript of an actual IM conversation between myself and my real life best friend.

[00:40] TyrielKing: would you like to see what I just posted on hulu about the new Knight Rider series (that seems likely to have been canceled)?
[00:40] FnordBear: sure
[00:41] TyrielKing: The original Knight Rider was not all that great. I know I'm putting a knife in the heart of nostalgia but it's true. The ONE thing that made the show classic was KITT. The voice acting and the writing for the car was always above par for the show and KITT himself carried what would have been a mediocre show forgotten by time into the domain of classics that will never be fully forgotten by anyone who loved the show (yes this includes me).

This show is much the same. KITT is *awesome* all the way around - though the shape shifting into other kinds of cars seems a little odd. The rest of the show is a little lacking, but I honestly think even small improvements in the writing and acting who make for an enormous improvement on the show as a whole (though it would appear the show was canceled - I hope not, I see a lot of potential).

Here's the things to keep in mind: 1) for the non-geeks, the writing and acting must be believable and the relationships have to be compelling 2) for the geeks, KITTs technology must be consistent and *slightly* predictable. A non-geek should probably not be able to figure out what KITT is going to do in a situation, but a sycophantic basement-virgin who does nothing but watch and speculate about the show probably should. It's about more than writing. It's about world-building 3) for both: the plot must be believable and consistent. It must also be appealing on multiple levels so as to appeal to different kinds of viewers. Ideally, a show like this can draw in geeks and non-geeks alike as we explore KITTs humanity and his relationships to others. Michael Knight was never the interesting one thus HE should be the support character. Make KITT the hero and the show will become another classic.
[00:41] TyrielKing: oops found a spelling error after I posted it
[00:42] FnordBear: Make KITT and autobot with amnesia. /thread
[00:42] TyrielKing: hahahaha
[00:43] TyrielKing: alright I have an early day tomorrow
[00:43] TyrielKing: I need to show and hit the sack
[00:43] TyrielKing: shower*
[00:43] FnordBear: or make him an autobot with MPD
[00:43] TyrielKing: lol
[00:43] TyrielKing: this KITT is actually fairly win
[00:43] FnordBear: and lets not forget his evil twin the decepticon KARR
[00:43] FnordBear: <- Knight Rider Geek
[00:43] TyrielKing: oh fuck no, one of the best villians every IMO
[00:44] TyrielKing: ever*
[00:44] FnordBear: and oh oh GOLIATH
[00:44] TyrielKing: "Last chance, Alladin"
[00:44] FnordBear: the Molecular Bonder Shell equiped SEMI
[00:44] FnordBear: its really a pissed off Ultra Magnus
[00:44] TyrielKing: hahaha driven by Michael Knights evil twin
[00:44] TyrielKing: dude...
[00:44] FnordBear: now imagine Michael's evil twin in KARR
[00:45] TyrielKing: when KITT lost his molecular bonded shell and got assraped...I fucking cried
[00:45] FnordBear: Dude...
[00:45] FnordBear: we all did
[00:45] FnordBear: just like when Prime died
[00:45] TyrielKing: true that
[00:45] FnordBear: but when Kitt came back with his Hyper Speed Transform Mode GO
[00:45] FnordBear: I spooged
[00:45] TyrielKing: lol yup
[00:45] FnordBear: before I knew what spooging was
[00:45] TyrielKing: Super Pursuit Mode - I begged him to use it every episode after that
[00:46] FnordBear: Ahh but it was a Once Per Episode power so used sparingly
[00:46] TyrielKing: and I still vow to have a hard top convertible some day
[00:46] FnordBear: and as he leveled Turbo Boost became a Once Per Scene power
[00:46] TyrielKing: lol yes
[00:46] FnordBear: I still wish the General Lee had gotten a KITT upgrade
[00:47] TyrielKing: seriously the new show shouldn't be copying the old show, it needed to learn from it
[00:48] FnordBear: Now I want to see the following drawn as autobots(or decepticons) as appropriate: KITT, KARR, General Lee, the A-Team van, Airwolf, Red Wolf, and Goliath
[00:48] TyrielKing: seconded
[00:48] FnordBear: A-team van mush incorporate a mowhawk in robot mode
[00:48] FnordBear: and bling
[00:48] FnordBear: lots of bling
[00:48] TyrielKing: HAHAHAHA
[00:49] TyrielKing: unfortunately, while it weilds large numbers of fully automatic weapons, it can't seem to hit anyone
[00:49] FnordBear: HE WORE A FUCKING SERVING SPOON ON A CHAIN
[00:50] TyrielKing: Michael Knight and KITT really were Paladin and Mount in a lot of ways
[00:50] TyrielKing: especially since Paladin Mounts are often cooler than their masters
[00:51] FnordBear: Ok dude now you are loopy
[00:51] FnordBear: go to bed
[00:51] TyrielKing: hahaha
[00:51] FnordBear: And FYI I am posting this convo in my blog
[00:51] FnordBear: for the LOLs
[00:51] TyrielKing: HAHAHAHA
[00:51] TyrielKing: go for it

 

[Calleja]

This is a Twitter conversation I had with a certain ZenLady:

ZenMonkey:WHO is ringing the doorbell at this time of -- o hai Bryan Singer. O.O

FCalleja: @ZenMonkey ....say WHAAAT!

ZenMonkey: @FCalleja You heard me.

FCalleja: @ZenMonkey if you know Bryan Singer, you have like a direct connection to Hugh Laurie! GO TO DR HOUSE!! GOO! NOWWWW!!

ZenMonkeyFCalleja Laughing. My. Ass. Off.

ZenMonkeyFCalleja Did I ever tell you I did once see a grumpy infectious disease specialist with a cane?

FCalleja: @ZenMonkey lmao, really? The guy was probably grumpy cause of the constant comparison. And the grumpiness made him MORE comparable! lol

ZenMonkey: @FCalleja Nah, he was trollish and also useless. Not handsome and brilliant.

FCalleja: @ZenMonkey he's probably not on Stephen Fry's speed dial either. Bah, he's useless then. YOU CAN GET TO FRY THROUGH SINGER THRU LAURIE!! EEEE!

ZenMonkey: @FCalleja Mr. Fry is already following me on Twitter.

FCalleja: @ZenMonkey fuck twitter, I want to smell them and hug them and hear their sexy sexy voices <3 <3

ZenMonkey: @FCalleja Well, if it won't send you into a conniption, I also sat next to Mr. Fry at a one-man show by Ian McKellen, back in undergrad.

FCalleja: @ZenMonkey *4242 Error. "EEE!!" Overload. Refresh in a few minutes or contact your Calleja provider*

ZenMonkey: @FCalleja Sorry 'bout that.

(later)

cvgurau: @ZenMonkey @FCalleja That was the awesomest conversation ever.

 

[Lally]

My boyfriend and me, talking about bachelor parties (oddly enough, not because of the thread about bachelor parties from a couple days ago), because one of our guys friends has never been to a strip club and claims no desire to go to one.

Me: Well, [his girlfriend] is smokin hot, so why would he want to go to a strip club?
Boyfriend: Okay, but, no matter how hot your girlfriend is, you still want to see other girls. It's like, if you had vanilla ice cream at home. Every day. And then you went out and could get some rocky road. Or mint.
Me: First of all, [the girlfriend] is NOT vanilla. Second of all, strippers are not more awesome flavors than your girlfriend. It's like dollar bill flavored ice cream. Or sweaty silicone flavored ice cream. Or STD flavored ice cream.
Boyfriend: ... Yeah, that flavor's really no good. :bush:

 

[Calleja]

I can see both yours and your boyfriend's points on this.... it's why it's gonna take a reeaaaaaaallly special girl to get me to settle down for good, but once I do, there's no turning back.

 

[Cajungal]

I am now trying to come up with clever, Ben and Jerry-ish ice cream names that incorporate STD names...

 

[doomdragon6]

I am now trying to come up with clever, Ben and Jerry-ish ice cream names that incorporate STD names...

Stawberry Syphilis?

Coconut Crabs? (Alright, not an STD..)

TasteTD.

HIV-Nilla Sherbert

Hoh boy..

 

Herpes and Cream?

...I got nothin.

 

[drifter]

His and Her-Pistachio?
Sour Baby Scabies?
Gonarrhea-ly Crazy for Chocolate?
Swiss Miss Syphilis?
I want my HPV?
Kaposi's Sarcomacadamia?

God I wish I could sleep.


-edited for spelling-

 

[bhamv3]

I was showing some of my friends a DVD of me performing in a musical, which involved both singing and dancing. I'm not very good at dancing, so before I pop in the DVD I say, "I gotta warn you guys, my dancing's been compared to a hippo having a stroke."

My friend immediately says, in an upset voice, "Wow, who said that? That's really mean!" *pause for a beat* "The hippo doesn't deserve that!"

 

[Lally]

I can see both yours and your boyfriend's points on this.... it's why it's gonna take a reeaaaaaaallly special girl to get me to settle down for good, but once I do, there's no turning back.

Don't misinterpret -- I don't care one way or another whether a guy wants to go to a strip club or not. But I think it's ridiculous that one guy would pressure another guy into going just because he assumes that the guy's not happy with his "one flavor of ice cream."