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Ask me anything. I will answer every question with two answers, one true and one false

#1

bhamv3

bhamv3

It's up to you to decide which one's the truth.


#2

DarkAudit

DarkAudit

How do we know your statement of admiration for the female mammary glands was not just a preprogrammed response to throw us of the scent, and that you really *are* the vanguard of the android invasion that will eventually enslave us all?


#3

bhamv3

bhamv3

DarkAudit said:
How do we know your statement of admiration for the female mammary glands was not just a preprogrammed response to throw us of the scent, and that you really *are* the vanguard of the android invasion that will eventually enslave us all?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
Well, if you think about it, ultimately it's impossible to know everything for certain on the Internet. Well, that's not quite true, if you tried hard enough I suppose it's possible to know everything. But it would be unfeasible to try to know everything. Sometimes there are some things that you just need to accept on faith. It is, of course, easier to accept things without proof if they are relatively inconsequential. If I said "I saw a red bird today", no one could blame you if you did not demand proof; indeed, you might get some odd looks if you did demand proof. In contrast, if I said "I saw the Pope kissing Kim Davis today" then it would be perfectly reasonable for you to say "pics or GTFO." So therefore, we must consider whether the possibility of me being an android and the vanguard of humanity's downfall is plausible and consequential enough to need to demand proof. Certainly, it would seem to be quite important to determine whether all of humanity's going to die or be enslaved by robotic masters. But ultimately, the odds of something like that happening are so low, the idea becomes something absurd, and can largely be dismissed outright. Our current technology levels simply do not permit the construction of believable androids yet. In other words, you can know for certain, as far as certainty is possible, that I am not a robot. Of course, I do also recognize the possibility that you would think this is a robot trying to mislead you, which leads me back to my original point, namely that you can't really know everything for certain on the Internet.

Answer 2:
I'm going to post a picture of me naked, showing all my organic bits, so you can see I'm not a robot.


#4

CrimsonSoul

CrimsonSoul

Will you answer this truthfully?

Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


#5

bhamv3

bhamv3

CrimsonSoul said:
Will you answer this truthfully?

Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
No.

Answer 2:
Perhaps.


#6

strawman

strawman

How much free translation services can any one of us get from you in our position of "online friend"?


#7

Bubble181

Bubble181

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?


#8

Celt Z

Celt Z

Would you rather... always have your favorite meals served to you 3x's a day for the rest of your life but be "forever alone", or have the power to seduce and sleep with any woman but you perpetually smell like todofu and durian?


#9

phil

phil

How many of us could you beat at arm wrestling, if we held a halforums.com wide tournament?


#10

Terrik

Terrik

Hong Kong or Singapore?


#11

drawn_inward

drawn_inward

What aren't you answering these questions yet!!?!!


#12

Celt Z

Celt Z

drawn_inward said:
What aren't you answering these questions yet!!?!!
Click to expand...
(It is the middle of the night where he is...)


#13

Bubble181

Bubble181

Celt Z said:
(It is the middle of the night where he is...)
Click to expand...
So? This is worth getting out of bed for!


#14

GasBandit

GasBandit

When you answer this question, which answer is the lie?


#15

drawn_inward

drawn_inward

I demand answers! Dammit! @bhamv3

What profession would you like to attempt if you could?


#16

PatrThom

PatrThom

GasBandit said:
When you answer this question, which answer is the lie?
Click to expand...
1) This one
2) This one

--Patrick


#17

GasBandit

GasBandit

PatrThom said:
1) This one
2) This one

--Patrick
Click to expand...
PARADOX DETECTED

We also would have accepted
1) Answer 2
2) Answer 1


#18

bhamv3

bhamv3

stienman said:
How much free translation services can any one of us get from you in our position of "online friend"?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
I'm quite happy to do short, simple translations for free. I've answered short translation questions for forumites in the past, so there's definitely a precedent.

Answer 2:
It would be a violation of professional ethics for me to do translations for free, since this would undercut the established market rates. So, while I'd personally have no problem translating stuff for you guys, if my colleagues in the translation field ever found out, I'd be in trouble.[DOUBLEPOST=1444261802,1444261751][/DOUBLEPOST]
Bubble181 said:
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Answer 2:
Nine wood. Nine.[DOUBLEPOST=1444261909][/DOUBLEPOST]
Celt Z said:
Would you rather... always have your favorite meals served to you 3x's a day for the rest of your life but be "forever alone", or have the power to seduce and sleep with any woman but you perpetually smell like todofu and durian?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
I get to eat anything I want and enjoy blessed introvertedness for the rest of my life? Sign me up!

Answer 2:
Hmm... I'm actually curious how my seductive powers would work if I'm so malodorous. I'm going to go with this one, for scientific curiosity if nothing else.[DOUBLEPOST=1444261951][/DOUBLEPOST]
phil said:
How many of us could you beat at arm wrestling, if we held a halforums.com wide tournament?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
Zero.

Answer 2:
More than zero.


#19

drifter

drifter

How do you spell Bhamv in Chinese?


#20

bhamv3

bhamv3

Terrik said:
Hong Kong or Singapore?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
Hong Kong, definitely. Can never get enough of that dim sum.

Answer 2:
The home of the Singaporean accent is definitely the place to be. I can never get enough of that accent.[DOUBLEPOST=1444262225,1444262184][/DOUBLEPOST]
drawn_inward said:
What aren't you answering these questions yet!!?!!
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
I was busy masturbating.

Answer 2:
I was busy having sex.[DOUBLEPOST=1444262355][/DOUBLEPOST]
GasBandit said:
When you answer this question, which answer is the lie?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
Ah, I see what you're doing here, very clever! You're setting it up so that my two answers will be paradoxical, thus sending anyone who reads it into an infinite loop, until their brain suffers segmentation faults.

Answer 2:
Eh? I don't get it.[DOUBLEPOST=1444262471][/DOUBLEPOST]
drawn_inward said:
I demand answers! Dammit! @bhamv3

What profession would you like to attempt if you could?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
I've always wanted to be a professional gamer. Might be because I play too many video games. However, I have no idea how I'd get into such a career, and I have no idea how feasible it is. Still, can't fault a guy for dreaming.

Answer 2:
I've always wanted to be a professional assassin. Might be because I play too many video games. However, I have no idea how I'd get into such a career, and I have no idea how feasible it is. Still, can't fault a guy for dreaming.


#21

Terrik

Terrik

Gregorian or Lunar calendar?


#22

bhamv3

bhamv3

drifter said:
How do you spell Bhamv in Chinese?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
Bee aych ay em vee, space, eye en, space, see aych eye en ee es ee.

Answer 2:
これは実際に日本語であります[DOUBLEPOST=1444262761,1444262673][/DOUBLEPOST]
Terrik said:
Gregorian or Lunar calendar?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
The Gregorian calendar is more commonly used in everyday life, so the Lunar calendar is really just used for traditional events or holidays. Really, you can ignore the Lunar calendar and nothing bad would happen to you.

Answer 2:
The Lunar calendar is actually based on the moon's movements, which makes it very handy for predicting the movement of the tides and seasonal climate changes. Ignore it at your peril.


#23

drifter

drifter

bhamv3 said:
Answer 2:
これは実際に日本語であります[DOUBLEPOST=1444262761,1444262673][/DOUBLEPOST]
Click to expand...


#24

Bubble181

Bubble181

What meme or gif do you feel is the most played out and annoying nowadays?


#25

bhamv3

bhamv3

Bubble181 said:
What meme or gif do you feel is the most played out and annoying nowadays?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
I actually don't find any meme or gif annoying. As long as they're appropriate to the situation, they can be amusing no matter how old they are.

Answer 2:
Can't stand rickrolling.


#26

Bubble181

Bubble181

bhamv3 said:
Answer 1:
I actually don't find any meme or gif annoying. As long as they're appropriate to the situation, they can be amusing no matter how old they are.

Answer 2:
Can't stand rickrolling.
Click to expand...
Good to know.


#27

mikerc

mikerc

Are you the third Bhamv, or are you Bham version 3?


#28

bhamv3

bhamv3

Answer 1:
I am the third bhamv. Funny story about the username bhamv, actually. All the way back in the olden days, when dinosaurs ruled the earth and Dave was considered only middle-aged, we received an AOL floppy disk in the mail. So, naturally, having never used the Internet before, we decided to install AOL on the family computer. AOL prompted us for a username, and since this was the family computer and it would be our family's Internet account, we took the first initial of everyone in our family and combined it to form "bhamv". I'm the "a" in the middle there. Then, later on, I became the primary user of the AOL account, since I'm the biggest geek in the household, and I naturally took over the bhamv moniker. Generally speaking, if you see a "bhamv" on the Internet, that means it's me, with the notable exception of on Twitter, where some random guy registered the username "bhamv" before I could. Bastard. Bhamv was the username I registered in the Image boards when I first joined up, which was used on the Halfpixel boards as well, and then when we moved to Halforums I used bhamv to start. When I got to 666 posts, though, I decided that that was a perfect time to retire the bhamv account, so I registered bhamv2 and started using that instead. And then when bhamv2 got to 666 posts, I registered bhamv3. And then I ran out of email addresses to use for new accounts, so I stayed with bhamv3.

Answer 2:
I am the third bhamv. Funny story about the username bhamv, actually. I lived in the UK from 1997 to 2003 or so, and I had the chance to attend the first leg of the 1999 First Division playoff semifinal between Watford and Birmingham City. Back then, Watford were sponsored by CTX, a Taiwanese manufacturer of monitors and other computer products. My dad's work had led to him receiving some free tickets to the match at Vicarage Road, Watford's home stadium, so naturally he took me with him. We were also accompanied by a few other people from my father's workplace, all of whom were from Taiwan, and all of whom knew very little about football and the league system in England. As a result, for most of the car ride there, I had to explain the concepts of promotion and relegation, the playoff system, the shirt sponsor system, etc. There was one elderly lady, called Mrs. Hong, who had two sons who both went to university in Birmingham. As a result, she felt a strong affinity for Birmingham, and so she announced that she'd be supporting Birmingham in the upcoming match. My dad and his other coworkers all said that we should be supporting Watford, since we would be enjoying the hospitality at Watford's stadium, and it was Watford's sponsor who'd invited us. But Mrs. Hong was adamant that she'd be cheering on Birmingham City. So, since I didn't really have a horse in the race (I supported Manchester United back then), I told Mrs. Hong that I'd be rooting for Birmingham with her. So throughout the match, I sat next to her and explained the intricacies of the game, such as the formations the two sides were using, the reasons for these formations, what to look out for when one side or the other attacked, etc. She didn't really understand most of it, but we had fun nonetheless.

Unfortunately, Watford won the first leg 1-0. Birmingham won the return leg 1-0 as well, which meant the semifinal was decided by penalties. Watford won the shootout, and then went on to win the playoff final and promotion to the Premier League. But I've always remembered that match at Vicarage Road, when I sat next to this kind and easily-excited old lady and explained everything I knew about football to her. I've had a soft spot for Birmingham since then, which is why I try to use the "bham" abbreviation in every username online. The "v" was added because "bham" is usually taken, so I appended a "v" at random.


#29

BananaHands

BananaHands

Would you invest in a grilled cheese scented candle?


#30

bhamv3

bhamv3

BananaHands said:
Would you invest in a grilled cheese scented candle?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
Certainly not! It'd make me constantly hungry for grilled cheese sandwiches!

Answer 2:
Certainly! It'd make me constantly hungry for grilled cheese sandwiches, and I'd constantly be eating grilled cheese sandwiches, and grilled cheese sandwiches are awesome!


#31

Gruebeard

Gruebeard

Are you at all surprised I'm jumping on this grilled cheese bandwagon?


#32

Gruebeard

Gruebeard

I'm gourmet.


#33

PatrThom

PatrThom

DarkAudit said:
That looks more like a patty melt. :p
Click to expand...
That's just a grilled cheese w/ meat.

--Patrick


#34

Gruebeard

Gruebeard

PatrThom said:
That's just a grilled cheese w/ meat.
Click to expand...
:unibrow:


#35

Bubble181

Bubble181

Is your answer to this question false?


Are you trying to weasel out of having to divulge personal information by dressing up your answers as jokes?

Is there an animal more awesome than a doomweasel?

Are you, or are you not, in fact, a pervert?

How's the baby making coming along?

Bad translations are fun and your job wouldn't be as nice if you couldn't occasionally chuckle at a co-workers Engrish, true or true?


#36

bhamv3

bhamv3

Gruebeard said:
Are you at all surprised I'm jumping on this grilled cheese bandwagon?
Click to expand...
Answer 1:
Of course not. If there's one thing we band of goobers love to do, it's bandwagoning.

Answer 2:
There's a bandwagon? Why was I not informed?!?[DOUBLEPOST=1481870483,1481870053][/DOUBLEPOST]
Bubble181 said:
Is your answer to this question false?
Click to expand...
Answer 1: What?

Answer 2: Headexplosion.gif

Bubble181 said:
Are you trying to weasel out of having to divulge personal information by dressing up your answers as jokes?
Click to expand...
Answer 1: Not really. I'm just a jokey person in general.

Answer 2: Yes, because I know someone reading these boards will take my personal info and do bad stuff with it. Probably Shego. Who will probably come by in the middle of the night and relieve me of my internal organs. Which will then be sold.

Bubble181 said:
Is there an animal more awesome than a doomweasel?
Click to expand...
Answer 1: Of course not, the Doomweasel (Mustela doomus) is the finest of all animals. It stands proudly at the zenith of the pyramid of awesome animals, held aloft by lesser animals beneath its feet.

Answer 2: Yes, the DoomDragon. Actually, where is he these days?

Bubble181 said:
Are you, or are you not, in fact, a pervert?
Click to expand...
Answer 1: Nah, it's just an Internet persona I put on. I'm actually quite demure in real life.

Answer 2: Absolutely. I characterize it not as me being extra pervy, but as me being honest. Lots of guys think the things I say and do, it just so happens that I have the guts and social obliviousness to actually say and do them.

Bubble181 said:
How's the baby making coming along?
Click to expand...
Answer 1: Not well. We don't have much sex these days. Just look at the "I just had sex" thread for depressing evidence.

Answer 2: Fairly well, we've been having lots of practice with the baby-making procedures, running through simulations and drills and stuff. Pretty soon we'll be ready to try it for real.

Bubble181 said:
Bad translations are fun and your job wouldn't be as nice if you couldn't occasionally chuckle at a co-workers Engrish, true or true?
Click to expand...
Answer 1: Sure, I guess, as long as the bad translations are relatively infrequent, so that they remain an amusing diversion rather than a constant annoyance.

Answer 2: HOW DARE YOU EVEN SUGGEST SUCH A THING! BAD TRANSLATIONS ARE LITERALLY HITLER! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL TO DEFEND THE HONOR OF GOOD TRANSLATIONS!


#37

Bubble181

Bubble181

bhamv3 said:
There's a bandwagon? Why was I not informed?!?[DOUBLEPOST=1481870483,1481870053][/DOUBLEPOST]
Click to expand...


Come join us!


bhamv3 said:
Answer 2: Yes, because I know someone reading these boards will take my personal info and do bad stuff with it. Probably Shego. Who will probably come by in the middle of the night and relieve me of my internal organs. Which will then be sold.
Click to expand...
Yes. Keep looking at her and being diverted. Don't pay attention to the guy in the corner with a literal eating-prey-alive avatar. My plan is working as intended! MUHAHAHA!

bhamv3 said:
Yes, the DoomDragon. Actually, where is he these days?
Click to expand...
Good question.


#38

Celt Z

Celt Z

Bubble181 said:
Are you, or are you not, in fact, a pervert?
Click to expand...
Answer 1: Bhamv was a perfectly normal and enjoyable person when we hung out in Taiwan. I highly recommend hanging out with him if you're ever in that part of the world.

Answer 2: It went like this:


#39

PatrThom

PatrThom

Celt Z said:
Answer 1: Bhamv was a perfectly normal and enjoyable person when we hung out in Taiwan. I highly recommend hanging out with him if you're ever in that part of the world.

Answer 2: It went like this:
Click to expand...
Answer 3:
totallynotbhamv3.jpg
--Patrick


#40

Celt Z

Celt Z

PatrThom said:
Answer 3:
View attachment 22811
--Patrick
Click to expand...
So THAT'S where those went. I was ready to blame the TSA.


#41

GasBandit

GasBandit



#42

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Have you stopped beating your wife?


#43

Fun Size

Fun Size

When you drop a deuce of extraordinary size/quality, do you excitedly tell people about it, or just want to excitedly tell people about it?


#44

bhamv3

bhamv3

sixpackshaker said:
Have you stopped beating your wife?
Click to expand...
Answer 1: Yes, but she hasn't stopped beating me.

Answer 2: No, but she's getting better at chess and I'm sure she'll start winning a few games against me in the near future.

Fun Size said:
When you drop a deuce of extraordinary size/quality, do you excitedly tell people about it, or just want to excitedly tell people about it?
Click to expand...
Answer 1: I tell people, but only because I want to hear about their latrinal accomplishments as well. It's nice to feel like we're all achieving something, you know?

Answer 2: I tend not to tell people, at least not in person. Sometimes I'll post about it on Facebook though.


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