[Question] Boredom, Depression and Tacos

Calleja

Calleja

Hey guys, been a while. I'm sorry for popping in again all willy-nilly, but I've always felt this place was a slice of home I keep getting back to. I woke up today feeling like I needed to write something and chose you guys. Hope it's not too presumptuous to ask for your thoughts.

As some of you may know from my last pop-in in November, I (suddenly and unexpectedly) lost my job last year and it's been quite weird since. I still haven't found a new full-time job, although I try to do some freelance translations and revisions here and there.

My days consist of waking up when the concubine does in the morning, see her off to work and then sleep again until midday. When I'm awake, I spend my time on reddit and twitter or browsing my Steam library endlessly for something to play, almost never launching a single game. Same thing with Netflix. Since I don't leave the apartment, I don't even shower most days.

So I woke up today and realized... I'm depressed as fuck, aren't I?

I can't bring myself to play games, watch shows or read books. And when I force myself to do SOMETHING it usually doesn't hold my attention for long.

I don't think I'm suicidal, but I do keep having ugly thoughts like how my girl is the only thing worth waking up for. I'm incredibly lucky to have her but.... I can't base my whole happiness on my relationship. That's a recipe for disaster right there, isn't it?

So, I know lots of you guys have wrestled with similar issues, and this isn't a cry for help or anything of the sort but more of a... shared therapeutic realization? What the hell are you supposed to do when you realize life isn't fun anymore and you can't afford any sort of professional help?
 
GasBandit

GasBandit

Staff member
Calleja said:
Hey guys, been a while. I'm sorry for popping in again all willy-nilly, but I've always felt this place was a slice of home I keep getting back to. I woke up today feeling like I needed to write something and chose you guys. Hope it's not too presumptuous to ask for your thoughts.

As some of you may know from my last pop-in in November, I (suddenly and unexpectedly) lost my job last year and it's been quite weird since. I still haven't found a new full-time job, although I try to do some freelance translations and revisions here and there.

My days consist of waking up when the concubine does in the morning, see her off to work and then sleep again until midday. When I'm awake, I spend my time on reddit and twitter or browsing my Steam library endlessly for something to play, almost never launching a single game. Same thing with Netflix. Since I don't leave the apartment, I don't even shower most days.

So I woke up today and realized... I'm depressed as fuck, aren't I?

I can't bring myself to play games, watch shows or read books. And when I force myself to do SOMETHING it usually doesn't hold my attention for long.

I don't think I'm suicidal, but I do keep having ugly thoughts like how my girl is the only thing worth waking up for. I'm incredibly lucky to have her but.... I can't base my whole happiness on my relationship. That's a recipe for disaster right there, isn't it?

So, I know lots of you guys have wrestled with similar issues, and this isn't a cry for help or anything of the sort but more of a... shared therapeutic realization? What the hell are you supposed to do when you realize life isn't fun anymore and you can't afford any sort of professional help?
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I know how you feel, from a different angle though. I didn't lose my job, I lost Pauline - and everything else felt meaningless and empty after that. Hobbies would fail to interest me, motivation was non-existent, and I more or less withdrew from the world.

I wish I could tell you there was some sure fire way to get back out of that hole. I'm not sure I'm completely out of it yet myself. But I'm markedly improved now, 3 years later. What did it for me is I had to keep myself busy and challenged. Not just find busywork to do, and not just indulge in entertainment, I had to find things that were new and difficult that I had to actually learn how to do. I mean, it'd be too easy to channel my Dad and say "when you're out of work, finding work IS your job" but I know from having been there that this is pretty stale and unhelpful. Yes, you need to look for work, but you don't just put a sick horse on the racetrack and expect it to win. You've gotta work on getting your engine revving again. And when familiar activities fail, I say try getting out of your comfort zone and doing something new and unfamiliar. Maybe even scary.

Just my two cents, anyway.
 
Shakey

Shakey

Give yourself a reason to wake up in the morning. It could be to work out, volunteer, work a temporary job, whatever. Don't just let yourself waste away though.
 
Calleja

Calleja

GasBandit said:
I know how you feel, from a different angle though. I didn't lose my job, I lost Pauline - and everything else felt meaningless and empty after that. Hobbies would fail to interest me, motivation was non-existent, and I more or less withdrew from the world.

I wish I could tell you there was some sure fire way to get back out of that hole. I'm not sure I'm completely out of it yet myself. But I'm markedly improved now, 3 years later. What did it for me is I had to keep myself busy and challenged. Not just find busywork to do, and not just indulge in entertainment, I had to find things that were new and difficult that I had to actually learn how to do. I mean, it'd be too easy to channel my Dad and say "when you're out of work, finding work IS your job" but I know from having been there that this is pretty stale and unhelpful. Yes, you need to look for work, but you don't just put a sick horse on the racetrack and expect it to win. You've gotta work on getting your engine revving again. And when familiar activities fail, I say try getting out of your comfort zone and doing something new and unfamiliar. Maybe even scary.

Just my two cents, anyway.
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Holy shit you changed your avatar, don't do that!

I think you and @Shakey hit the nail on the head. I've always had issues leaving my comfort zone, and that's what's killing me right now. I've gotta risk being uncomfortable and definitely try new things.

I've never volunteered... maybe it's time to think about it.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

Welcome back, Calleja. We've missed you, you should spend some of your boredom time here.


As for post job-loss depression... I've been there. It was just a few years ago I went through the exact same thing. I stayed in that rut for about seven months before finally being able to climb out of here. Here's a few things I found that helped.

1: For the love of god, take a shower. This is important. Not just because it's gross not to, but because it's important psychologically. When you fall into that hole, you start to feel like you're devolving. A routine is important, and it starts with a shower.

2: Don't sleep all day. You mentioned waking up when your SO does, but I don't know if you might go back to sleep after, or how late you sleep in. Establish a morning routine, get up at the same time every day, preferably before noon, take your shower, brush your teeth, shave, the usual morning routine. Put on some clean clothes. I know this all sounds stupidly simple, but it's important in helping to shape how you feel.

3: Do -something-. Anything. Set a goal for yourself. If job hunting isn't going so well and you need to take a break from it, focus on something else. Take up a hobby. Make something. Clean your house, organize your surroundings. The more you feel like you are in charge of your surroundings, and productive, the better you will start to feel.

This is what started me to being able to climb out of that hole. Of course, that was just to get out of the post unemployment depression. The general ennui of existential terror is another matter entirely, but that's another story :p
 
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Calleja

Calleja

You're right, Poe, on everything except the me not showering being gross thing. I'll have you know my natural musk is actually quite delightful.

But yeah, thanks a lot for your advise, man. I'll start the morning routine of showering (never shaving though, that's just for the head once a week) every morning up again, what you say actually makes a lot of sense. I have trouble sleeping usually but I've been sleeping in quite a lot lately, so that was the red flag that finally made me realize I'm actually depressed and not just "enjoying not having to wear pants".
Hopefully realizing it is the first step to fucking getting out of the rut. I feel like the past 8 or 9 months are a blur I barely remember.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Hey! It's the Mex! Great to see you, man.

And you know what? There's a difference between being depressed and having depression. You are depressed. It's what happens when something you associate as a core trait is taken away. With you it's your job. For Gas it was his wife. For me it was my dad. For a time I couldn't have given two shits about anything. I was lucky that I had an understanding boss and job and they stood by me until I pulled myself out of my funk. I wasn't allowed to just sit and wallow in pity, which is exactly what I would have done. And, if I might be so presumptuous, I think that's what you are doing. You are feeling lost, like you've lost control. But you can still take that control back and once you do you'll be fine. We believe in you.

Plus you have a concubine so you've totally got that going for you.
 
ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Calleja! Good to see you, man. If you're interested, I wrote a thing on my blog awhile back called 10 Small Things to Deal with Depression. They're things that helped me get through some bouts, myself.

There's also my short story about depression, The Never-Ending Battle. A lot of people say they've really related to when they read it.

I feel weird shamelessly sharing my own work like this, but it's relevant at least, right?

Just remember that just because you're depressed, it doesn't mean you ARE depression. It doesn't define who you are.
 
Calleja

Calleja

ThatNickGuy said:
Calleja! Good to see you, man. If you're interested, I wrote a thing on my blog awhile back called 10 Small Things to Deal with Depression. They're things that helped me get through some bouts, myself.

There's also my short story about depression, The Never-Ending Battle. A lot of people say they've really related to when they read it.

I feel weird shamelessly sharing my own work like this, but it's relevant at least, right?

Just remember that just because you're depressed, it doesn't mean you ARE depression. It doesn't define who you are.
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Good to see you too, Nick, please go back to the Superman avatar please.

And nothing weird man, I appreciate you sharing it. It's knowing some of you guys have been going through similar shit that I decided to post here, kinda doing point 4 on your blog post here, heh. Definitely gonna follow some of your advice too, thanks man.
 
ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Calleja said:
Good to see you too, Nick, please go back to the Superman avatar please.

And nothing weird man, I appreciate you sharing it. It's knowing some of you guys have been going through similar shit that I decided to post here, kinda doing point 4 on your blog post here, heh. Definitely gonna follow some of your advice too, thanks man.
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B-b-but this avatar is kind of a play on the new book I'm writing!

Just for you, though? Fiiiiiiiiiiine. But you must promise - nay, VOW on the blood of your ancestors - that you shall stick around.
 
Frank

Frank

Therapy!

Also, more tacos.

I dunno, I'm in a rut of stay at home mostly rehabilitation for ruined leg that got ruined further by infection. All I want to do is go to work.

I feel you.
 
strawman

strawman

I'm really glad to see you again! I don't have any advice, I know that this realization will be enough to get you started and while it'll take some effort you'll be happy with where you're going soon enough.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
By the way, I went to therapy. That's what turned the corner for me. And he really didn't do anything. We talked and he started asking me the right questions and I realized that I knew what I had to do already, I just had no motivation to do any of it.

I'm not saying that it will be that easy for you, but therapy definitely works and is the way to go.
 
Calleja

Calleja

I've been to therapy before, I have had anxiety issues my whole life and spent a chunk of it with a revolving door of psychiatrists, so I'm a bit weary these days. That and we really couldn't afford it right now. But I do think realizing where I am (down in the hole) will be the push I need to climb out. I just wish I had a clearer goal to aim for. Been thinking of going back to school, too. I think the unknown is what really stresses me out.
 
ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Oh, another small suggestion, Calleja: I don't know if you can get it on your side of the border, but there's a book that's helped me a lot. It's called Feeling Good, by David Burns. It deals with both depression and anxiety.
 
General Specific

General Specific

I was depressed for a good long while when I had a crap job, no social life, and no one to be with. I was able to make some new friends and started hanging out with them. That's what pulled me out of my funk and things have been much better since. If you have some IRL friends, call them up, see if you can schedule a movie/game night at someone's house or something where you interact with other humans.

Realizing you have a problem is definitely the first step, though, so glad you recognized it and are wanting to make a change.
 
Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

Welcome back to the board, brother! Glad to see you're still around, doing things. Missed seeing you post here.

And thank you for manning up and sharing with us... if anyone can help you out of a hole, it's these guys. Us guys. Whichever...
 
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