Dear Dave: Beer Label Pronunciation

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Dear Dave,

when I go out for a beer, either on my own or with a group of friends, I usually order the belgian wheat beer Hoegaarden. This is both due to the fact that I am a fan of wheat beers, and the relatively good availability and quite decent taste of this specific brand. The correct flemish phonetic pronunciation of the label is [ˈɦuɣaːrdə(n)], which does not roll off the tongue particularly well in finnish.

The question I'd like to pose to you is as follows. When in an establishment, can I order a [ˈɦuɣaːrdə(n)] without seeming like the uppity prick that I am? Or would it be more prudent to use a finnish-sounding pronunciation of the name, and still be able to escape being considered dreadfully common by beer connoisseurs? Or should I alternate between the two depending on both the perceived quality of the location and the people I am with, even at the risk of being caught using two different pronunciations?
 

Dave

Staff member
Dear Tommi,

Order the beer any way you damned well please. As long as you get your beer, it costs the same as it would and you know the bartender couldn't have spit in it no matter what he/she thought of you, it doesn't matter. In this instance I'd pronounce it the way I felt comfortable. If you are pronouncing it correctly and your friends give you shit, make fun of them back for being plebeians.

You are overthinking this by a magnitude. Order the beer, pay for the beer, drink the beer. All the rest can go away.

Unless pronouncing it a certain way can get you in with the girl standing nearby. In that case pronounce it that way.
 
Point and grunt at the beer of choice. Or mumble it near incomprehensible. Then lament loudly that you are always unsure of how to pronounce this beers name and hope that a rich classy young woman will volunteer to school you on it. Then allow things to progress where she can then help teach you tricks with your tongue that will make the pronunciation easier. Proceed from there and you can thank me in the morning. Or afternoon.

Whenever you get back from her place.
 
This is one of those terrible situations where you've learned too much - when you know better than to pronounce it wrong, but pronouncing it right will make you look like an elitist douche, and even worse, explaining the correction to those who mock you will only pass the curse onto them.

I do not envy your situation, and fortunately, I don't often drink wheat beers, so your curse will not affect me. :)
 
Point and grunt at the beer of choice. Or mumble it near incomprehensible. Then lament loudly that you are always unsure of how to pronounce this beers name and hope that a rich classy young woman will volunteer to school you on it. Then allow things to progress where she can then help teach you tricks with your tongue that will make the pronunciation easier. Proceed from there and you can thank me in the morning. Or afternoon.

Whenever you get back from her place.
Hmm... high reward, medium risk, small hazard... this could be worth a shot or three. Thank you for the advice, the pessimist that is me sometimes has difficulties in seeing the opportunities inherent in any disadvantage.

And thank you, Dave. Doing what comes naturally is perhaps indeed the best way to proceed, should the opportunities of the situation not call for an alternative course of action.

ho-garden ...

I want to see those plants.
I believe the name originates from when Santa Claus saw three women from Turku, Finland, together in a garden on Christmas Eve.

"Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!"
 
K

Kitty Sinatra

Yeah, the joke is great until you realize that the English pronunciation is more akin to Who-Garden than Ho Garden. :(

Also, it used to be my favorite beer until its apparent change of recipe to something horribly Heinekenish.
 
B

Biardo

Yeah, the joke is great until you realize that the English pronunciation is more akin to Who-Garden than Ho Garden. :(

Also, it used to be my favorite beer until its apparent change of recipe to something horribly Heinekenish.
they changed it back, because of the people here complaining to much about it.

If I remember correctly the change of taste was due to the change of the water they used to brew it, apparently you can only get the right taste with groundwater found in the town of Hoegaarden itself.
 
K

Kitty Sinatra

When was it changed back? It still didn't taste right to me the last time I had it.
 
B

Biardo

When was it changed back? It still didn't taste right to me the last time I had it.
I think a year or two ago, but maybe you guys don't get the real Belgian beer anymore seeing as it is a long distance to export it and it's only a small town so maybe they just changed it back for the Belgian marked. I don't know since I don't drink it and I'm only mildly interested in that beer.
 
They changed it back two years ago, howeere:
a) Most of the bad batches brewed up in Jupille were used for those dread-awful Hoegaarden Citrus and Hoegaarden Red Fruit bit.
b) For the foreign market, they have continued to brew partially in Jupille and only partially in Hoegaarden
c) Celis White is better
d) It's beer that lies for several months; it's quite possible yuo're still drinking beer brewed more than a year ago.
e) the pronounciation is closest to who-garden with the "aard" prolonged like in "aardvark".
 
K

Kitty Sinatra

Next hallowe'en, I'm dressing up as a pirate, hitting a bar that serves this swill and ordering a Whogarrrrr!den.

Actually, I'll just do that this weekend. It'll be fun.
 
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