fade
Staff member
I don't know if I agree completely with this. Might be true for some but I think there are quite a few people who do view their presence online as a role and completely fake.
Demographics: Internet friends vs Real-life friends
- Thread starter strawman
- Start date
Doesn't matter. They could be an actor in a play, and the same would still hold true. They're still absorbing ideas. Still experiencing emotion, even it's to fill a role.
I don't have much of a social life these days and for the last few years. This place has been one of the few places I get any kind of social discourse. 
Cajungal
Staff member
I wish I had more real-life friends. Truth is that, although I do love people, it exhausts me to be around them for too long. I get impatient and feel non-productive. I'd rather be home or at work.
I wish I were different sometimes. People say I'm nice, but that quality makes me feel cold and unkind. although it might have something to do with most of my friends being unshakeable, grandfathered-in shadows from my past with whom I have nothing in common.
I usually find it more interesting to pop in here than to go out for coffee and be talked at. Even though I don't contribute much, I still read every week.
I wish I were different sometimes. People say I'm nice, but that quality makes me feel cold and unkind. although it might have something to do with most of my friends being unshakeable, grandfathered-in shadows from my past with whom I have nothing in common.
I usually find it more interesting to pop in here than to go out for coffee and be talked at. Even though I don't contribute much, I still read every week.
I hate large gatherings. I don't have a fear of them, but I just get uncomfortable around too many people. I'm more at ease around a small group of my close-knit friends. The problem is that all of my close friends have all gone away over the last few years. I don't make new friends easily, as I distrust most people in general. So you guys are really one of my last remaining group of people that I feel comfortable joking around with and being myself.
Zappit
Staff member
I don't have very many real life friends. Due to a number of financial and health issues and obligations at home, I have very few social opportunities outside of work. So, for the most part, the relationships I cultivate with people online are the most real friendships I have. I honestly can't say I feel like I'm missing out. (My old nerd-herd slowly broke apart over the years, and were pretty dedicated hobbyists that might have eventually bankrupted me.) I'm comfortable with it that way.
BRO-FIST.
I guess one of the reasons the forum works so well for me is that I can exert significantly more control over my social interactions here.
Internet social friendship companions. They're like cookies.
No, really. When I get a taste for some Internet Social companionship, I come here, and (assuming I haven't been pounding the refresh button) it's like fresh-baked cookies, all tasty and waiting to be devoured. I want cookies, I come here, I get cookies, I eat the cookies, and I am satisfied.
If these were "real-life" (i.e., meatspace) friendship-type interactions, then I would have to suggest cookies to someone, get them all worked up about the cookies, get all the ingredients together, and possibly even have to invest (horrors!) some of my own effort into the process, all because I wanted cookies. By the time I finally get my cookies, they are no less delicious, but the experience is marred by all the arrangements and effort it took to make them, and I still have the pending clean-up staring me in the face even as I savor them.
But not here. Oh, no. I just issue an order to the machine on my desk, "Cookies. Chocolate-chip. Hot," and the monitor powers on to reveal fresh, hot cookies waiting to be devoured. I never have to bother anyone or make any mess. They appear on my terms, I eat them on my terms, and there is no mess to coordinate, neither pre- nor post-. There is no schedule nor limited availability, I can come any time of day or night, or I can even go for weeks and then binge on 5 solid hours of catching up on cookies.
I think that's the attraction, really. It's still a number of legitimate friendships, but they're friendships ON MY TERMS. When it's convenient, when I'm ready, when I can handle it, when I have a moment, when I want to lose myself for a few hours...I hardly have to worry about whether y'all are ready for me, or if I'm going to lose my cool, or whether I might accidentally put my foot in my mouth. The indirection/buffering/editable effect of the forum means that I never have to deal with more than I can take, I can hit the pause button, or if I so desire I can blow 150 minutes composing a compelling argument that is barely more than a dozen sentences long. I never have to deal with the minutiae, the logistics, or the mores, I just get my content, untainted by drudgery.
And I like it.
--Patrick
No, really. When I get a taste for some Internet Social companionship, I come here, and (assuming I haven't been pounding the refresh button) it's like fresh-baked cookies, all tasty and waiting to be devoured. I want cookies, I come here, I get cookies, I eat the cookies, and I am satisfied.
If these were "real-life" (i.e., meatspace) friendship-type interactions, then I would have to suggest cookies to someone, get them all worked up about the cookies, get all the ingredients together, and possibly even have to invest (horrors!) some of my own effort into the process, all because I wanted cookies. By the time I finally get my cookies, they are no less delicious, but the experience is marred by all the arrangements and effort it took to make them, and I still have the pending clean-up staring me in the face even as I savor them.
But not here. Oh, no. I just issue an order to the machine on my desk, "Cookies. Chocolate-chip. Hot," and the monitor powers on to reveal fresh, hot cookies waiting to be devoured. I never have to bother anyone or make any mess. They appear on my terms, I eat them on my terms, and there is no mess to coordinate, neither pre- nor post-. There is no schedule nor limited availability, I can come any time of day or night, or I can even go for weeks and then binge on 5 solid hours of catching up on cookies.
I think that's the attraction, really. It's still a number of legitimate friendships, but they're friendships ON MY TERMS. When it's convenient, when I'm ready, when I can handle it, when I have a moment, when I want to lose myself for a few hours...I hardly have to worry about whether y'all are ready for me, or if I'm going to lose my cool, or whether I might accidentally put my foot in my mouth. The indirection/buffering/editable effect of the forum means that I never have to deal with more than I can take, I can hit the pause button, or if I so desire I can blow 150 minutes composing a compelling argument that is barely more than a dozen sentences long. I never have to deal with the minutiae, the logistics, or the mores, I just get my content, untainted by drudgery.
And I like it.
--Patrick
That's it, stienman... I'm no longer streaming.
I'm really glad I bought cookies today.
fade
Staff member
Not to dissent, but I'm really not sure I consider you friends. I don't mean any offense by that, and it's not because you smell (except ravenpoe). It's because I don't really know you. Precisely because of the the netflix analogy. You get your cookies hot and now, and in return I get your tightly controlled projection of yourself. You could argue that you can do that in real life but not to the degree you can online. I guess you could say I can be friends with your persona, but that seems a little strange to me.
That's no different in real life, though. I suspect that a large part of how much of the "real" person you see behind the mask is directly proportional to the amount of time you spend with them.
While it's easier to communicate face to face - more is communicated than just words - and social interactions are more personal in person, I would be surprised if the relationship level depended more on face to face vs distant interaction than it did on time. Are you going to have a stronger relationship with someone you interact with face to face for an hour every week, or a person you interact with over the internet, phone, or other distant communications method every day for an hour?[DOUBLEPOST=1386097152,1386097089][/DOUBLEPOST]With the big caveat that everyone is different, and some people simply won't connect if they don't see the other person face to face during their interactions. There may be some aspect of the introversion/extroversion dichotomy at work here as well.
Big surprise, fade doesn't like us.
One of the things I love about this board is that I don't HAVE to filter myself here. I don't HAVE to only show a sliver of who I am. Y'all get me, all the obnoxiousness and non-pc inherent therein.
And there was much rejoicing, let me tell you.
I'll be your persona friend Fade. 
As a matter of fact I smell like artificial cookies and fake sunshine. Sort of like a Yankee Candle.
You and me both, buddy!
Since you're using Scarlett, then that whole yankee thing would be right out. So I must smell like a Confederate Candle! Or velvet drapes. Ugh. I think I should shower.
fade
Staff member
... if only I'd acknowledged that in my original post.
Still, real life doesn't have that deadly combo of anonymity, toneless text, and the almighty backspace key. I think those make it much easier to not only craft but to maintain a persona. Actually, I'm a 55 year old asian woman who lives in Mumbai.
