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I'm looking for more hyperbole to spice up my rants.

You've seen me use, "...with the passion of a thousand burning suns" and I've recently come across "...sucks harder than a collapsed star" but surely there are more.

What are some other options you can suggest?

Well, sure, they're innumerable. Colder than a welldigger's ass in January. Harder than the fist of an angry god. So bad it could peel paint. etc.

I'm rather partial to "It's hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock."

Blackadder had some good ones too... "As (in)effective as a catflap in an elephant house." "As poor as a churchmouse whose wife has just left him, running off with all the cheese." And of course... "I've got a plan so cunning you could pin a tail on it and call it a weasel."

"delusions of adequacy..."

sixpackshaker said:

"delusions of adequacy..."

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You rang?

This is the best thread since Ariadne gave Theseus a ball of red twine!

The chug hole in the parking lot has more depth.

If you're going to go with allegory, I love to abuse Greek myths for minor achievements. If you teach someone something small, like a new word, liken yourself to Prometheus bringing fire to man. Anything of the most remote challenge is a "Sisyphean task".

I have some pretty vivid descriptions of bodily aches, as due to a hereditary flaw I'm more prone to have them. "Like someone cut my flesh open, poured in some molten lead and sealed the wound" is how I describe the hereditary joint pain. "Like a railroad spike through the forehead and out the back" for a splitting headache. "Like my throat's lined up with sandpaper" for a very sore throat.

I do have others, as well. If a drink tastes horrid, I liken it to cat's piss. If a food tastes horrible, it tastes like it's been digested already, twice. My brother's so bald he uses Turtle Wax every morning. I have a friend whose nose arrives five minutes before he does. If I wear anything red, I look like a giant tomato. When my beard's gone unkempt and unruly, I look like the lovechild of Santa Claus and the Unabomber.

Ah, more simile than hyperbole, but one I've used to humorous effect is when someone's speaking is garbled, I will occasionally say that they sound like they're chewing on a dick. I believe I got that one from George Carlin.

Like someone stuffed Alka Seltzer between my brain cheeks.

-Your stupidity just passed its Schwarzschild radius.
-His head is so dense, his brain would sink in mercury.
-Groovy as a scratching post made of LPs.

(too tired to dream up more right now)

Terry Pratchett (I think) has one of my favorites (I'll try to quote it as best I can).

"He's the kind of guy that would stand on a mountaintop in a thunderstorm wearing copper armor and shout, 'The Gods are wimps!'"

--Patrick

"So anti-social he asks for life advice on a web forum..."

amidoinitrite?