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I almost did something really stupid that would have changed my life.

Jan 24, 2011#1

Shegokigo

I've been gone because I've really been crazy busy. Work + Life + New Girlfriend = No free time.

This girl has really opened my eyes to what a relationship can be about. I've always gone from relationship to relationship based on sexual and physical reasons. Only because I felt I was so absolutely unrelatable to anyone. I'm demented to the point where I've done and would do things that no righteous and good hearted person would. My "likes/dislikes" are not remotely normal for women to do/like. I also don't really follow much conventional thinking in almost any aspect.

Then I met "her".... She was exactly like me in every way. She thinks like I do, she acts like I do, we share everything in common. In every single way she is my other half. All but one.... I'm attracted to her, but I'm not in lustful passion over her. We've been having sex since the first week we dated and it's "good", but nowhere near what I'm used to. I've actually avoided the situation all together at times because of how much I'd rather just spend time with her than to take it "there".

Problem is, she is towards me. I find it impossible to turn her down but at the same time I know she notices a problem. I don't want to screw things up with her, she's everything I ever wanted in a relationship when I was in my previous ones, and yet..... *ugh*

Now for the newest problem. My ex-girlfriend, the one you all remember fucked me over royally and left me about 8-9 months ago. She's been calling and texting me constantly.... and I've been recipricating. I didn't at first, I told her I found someone who made me happy and I moved on. She doesn't buy it.... and she's partially right. I find myself thinking of her, imagining her, lusting after her.... so I tell her that I'm not going to leave my girlfriend for her and she says that I don't have to... she just wants to sleep with me again, if for at least one last time.

I told her no on a number of occassions now, but I still let her flirt with me. I still let her tell me how much she needs me. I still let her get to me. Now the big problem. She's coming to town. I moved 4hrs away just to get away from everything that reminds me of her, and she's coming. She doesn't know where I live but she has my number and she's told me that even though I've said "no", she knows that if she's in town, I'll see her.

I'm afraid she's right. I really am. I've never NEVER cheated on anyone. I detest it with the passion of a 1000 fiery suns. I even told my current girlfriend that I was talking to her (as a friend, because that was what it was at first) and that she was coming up here to see me as a friend. I even told her that I didn't think my exes intentions were not completely pure. She responded by telling me that she trusted me completely, loves me, and if it's something I feel I need to do (talk to her in person) then I should do it and she supports me.

That was like a knife to the heart. I'm ready to scream over here.... I know what's the right decision, I know what's the wrong decision, yet I don't think I can do the right thing.... I hate every second of this feeling...

(This is not a cry for help, or opinions though they're always welcome, this was mostly a rant to people I consider friends and needed to get it off my chest)

EDIT:
********** It's done, I put a complete stop to it all last night. I called her and pretty much told her almost a tee what she told me when she decided she was going to leave. I told her that I loved her, but wasn't in love with her and if she truly did love me and care about me, she'd want me to be happy. She wasn't making me happy and was actually actively causing my already attained happiness to be in jeopardy.

As for having a last fling with her, she knows that I could never compromise my feelings on the subject and I refused to create any kind of rift in my current relationship for something I was just going to regret anyway.

Her response was that I was breaking her heart, and that I had no idea how badly it hurt her for me to do what I was doing. I responded that I know exactly how it feels, because it was what I went through when she walked out my door and into her car that last time. She proceeded to almost say, verbatum, everything I told her the final time I tried to keep her from leaving. It bordered on creepy that it was almost like listening to myself all those months ago.

After she realized she wasn't going to change my mind, she got slightly upset, told me that she was going to change her number and vanish from my life, though she said her reasons were that so that I could be happy and wished me the best. Hoping that I wouldn't regret my decision because she wouldn't be around if my relationship failed and went looking for her ***********

Jan 24, 2011#2

Krisken

Good luck with that Shego. I guess it just boils down to what you find most important- bounce off the walls sex or emotional fulfillment.

Jan 24, 2011#3

strawman

That's frustrating!

Guess what? Your ex, the one who screwed you over? Yeah, she wants to screw you over, all over again. She's intent on destroying your current relationship, even if she claims otherwise.

Don't give in. Very few couples match exactly sexually, and if you work with your GF you two can figure things out. The important bit is that you love each other, and that you're both interested in working to make sure you're both happy.

But you know what's going to happen if you even meet your ex for coffee. She'll have a hotel room nearby. Things will inevitably progress to the point where you won't be able to resist, by small and sure means she will drop kick you. And whether you'll be able to get back in the good graces of your GF is unknown right now.

Is it worth it?

My advice: Completely and utterly cut communications off with your ex for the next month. It's very likely the only way you will avoid being tempted, and the only message she will hear loud and clear about whether there's a chance of you two getting back together again.

Jan 24, 2011#4

Dave

I'm not going to say "don't do it" because you already know that's the answer. In the end it's one night of passion against a possible lifetime of happiness. Pleasing a person who has hurt you in the past or a person who has done nothing to deserve it.

I'd block the ex's number and never speak with her again. But then again that's easy for me to say, right?

Jan 24, 2011#5

Disconnected

i cheated.
don't fucking do it.

Jan 24, 2011#6

Mathias

uh....

I'll be in my bunk....

Jan 24, 2011#7

Null

Good luck resolving that one, Shecky.

Jan 24, 2011#8

Shegokigo

It's really not about pleasing her, or letting her get her way... its that I want it, I want to please me that way....

I know, I KNOW I should have ignored her phone calls. I know KNOW that I should block her number. I know that I will never be able to let myself live with the "secret" if I do it, I'll ruin everything that I have with my current love. I just want to be happy with her, in every way. She tries so hard too, she already talks about all the things she wants to do with me and they're heads and shoulders over what anyone before her was willing to.

So why the fuck do I even consider this? I hate it. I hate every damn second of it. Most of all I hate that I can't just do what I KNOW I should.

Jan 24, 2011#9

Dave

By the way, if it helps, we ALL feel these feelings of "Aw yeah I need to hit that!!" Rising above is what we do as humans.

Jan 24, 2011#10

Null

Sounds like the situation in Lily Allen's song It's Not Fair

Jan 24, 2011#11

LordRavage

Dear Shego...

Relationships are hard work. They never come out of the box neat and ready to play. Sometimes you have to work at it. The sex part can be an issue but it shouldnt be an issue where you want/need to cheat. You have to look at the bigger picture. The current girlfriend has one bad thing that stands out in your mind but you should focus on all the many other things that make her special to you. I know, easy to say, harder to do but as I said, relationships are not easy. People tend to grow up seeing the negative and bypass all the positive. (I am not saying your doing that. Just being a little general.)

As for the X. She is trying a power play on you. By texting and talking to her, you are still under her influence. She will say and do anything to convince you to do something you do not want to do. In essense, she will try to seduce you so she can bring chaos back to your life. Now dont get me wrong, a fine seduction is all hot and steamy and sure, its gonna feel great but we are back to the bigger picture. You risk losing this wonderful person you met for a few hours of lustful pleasure. And please remind me, the X was a person who screwed with your life pretty hardcore from what I last remember.

Your current love trusts you. How far will you gals go if that trust is broken?

Options-
A. If you feel you need to play with your X, talk "open relationship" with the current love.
B. Turn that lust of your X on your current love. Burn it out of your system.
C. Have a one time steamy fling with your X in secret. Never tell your current GF. Take it to your grave.
D. Introduce your X and current GF and the three of you....Well...you know where this is going.
E. Cut off contact with X till the end of time.
F. Break up with current GF. It seems you still need time to sort out your feelings.
G. Do what you want to do and commit to it. Right or wrong, be comfortable that it was your decision.
H. Find another route to this problem.
I. None of the above.

~Julian

Jan 24, 2011#12

Shegokigo

I knew bringing it up here was a good idea, I miss the hell out of you guys.

Ravage always good to hear from you. Love hearing your perspective on things:
A: We've talked open relationship already since we both have histories in it. We've shelved it for now to focus on each other but will probably be doing a bit of that in the future.
B: That's what I've been trying to do so far, which in turn makes me end up thinking of X while with her.
C: It's currently one of the things I'm trying to fight not to give in to but know I'm failing.
D: X has already said she doesn't want a group thing, just a 1on1 with me and I know girlfriend would NOT go for it if there was any emotional attachement between the 3rd party.
E: See [C]
F: This is one option I'm just not willing to do, I want to be stronger than that and do not NOT want to chance losing her.
G: I will, one way or another....
H: Well they'd never find the bodies....
I. See [H]

Jan 24, 2011#13

Dave

I think Melissa Etheridge said it best.

Jan 24, 2011#14

@Li3n

And that's why being a control freak comes in handy sometimes... i wouldn't do the ex only because there's no way i would ever let anyone know they have that kind of power over me... now if you'll excuse me i have to crawl in the hidden space behind my tv in my cardbord box and go dream of lesbian treeways...

Jan 24, 2011#15

SpecialKO

Sheg, if this were simple lust for another person you've met, I would say talk it over with your GF, you both sound like you could deal with that however it turns out.

This thing with your ex though is just a power-play. You might enjoy the lust, but a practically literal mountain of emotional shit will fall on you afterwards, and there's no possible way that will end well.

Have you talked to your GF about how your sex drive doesn't seem compatible? In my personal experience, I've found that when two people really connect emotionally, it can be really scary to reveal the depths of your sexual desires to the other person, because you really, really don't want to lose that connection. You may not be the only one trying to work that side of the relationship out.

Jan 24, 2011#16

Denbrought

@Li3n said:
(...) go dream of lesbian treeways...

Jan 24, 2011#17

Dave

Treesome?

Jan 24, 2011#18

Shegokigo

SpecialKO said:
Sheg, if this were simple lust for another person you've met, I would say talk it over with your GF, you both sound like you could deal with that however it turns out.

Yeah, pretty much.

SpecialKO said:
This thing with your ex though is just a power-play. You might enjoy the lust, but a practically literal mountain of emotional shit will fall on you afterwards, and there's no possible way that will end well.

It's already a mountain load of emotional shit, so I can see it only getting worse afterward...

SpecialKO said:
Have you talked to your GF about how your sex drive doesn't seem compatible? In my personal experience, I've found that when two people really connect emotionally, it can be really scary to reveal the depths of your sexual desires to the other person, because you really, really don't want to lose that connection. You may not be the only one trying to work that side of the relationship out.

Yeah, I haven't brought it up because the sexual "problem" in the bedroom is very obviously one sided... which makes it worse. I mean if it were trouble on both sides? No problem, much easier to talk about.

I think the problem here is that I obviously still have some lingering feelings for X. If this were just some hot girl trying to get into my pants and my girlfriend wasn't up for it? I wouldn't second think it. I'd pass it up in a heartbeat.... and there in lies my problem. I don't WANT to have ANY feelings for X at all. I know for a FACT that if I slept with her, she'd just use that as some kind of leverage to make me leave my girlfriend...

Jan 24, 2011#19

strawman

Oh, also, the fantasy and memory of your previous sexual relationship as it exists in your head is miles better than what it will actually be if you attempt to realize it again. Perhaps it will be better than what you have now, but it won't be nearly as good as you remember, and not anywhere near as good as you imagine it would be.

Your imagination is generally far better than reality, and I suspect you can think back on your past and recognize this. It may still be great - but immediately afterward you'd be thinking, "I traded my GF for *this* momentary pleasure?"

Also, this too shall pass. It's rough, but continue to give it time and distance.
Added at: 15:43

Shegokigo said:
I haven't brought it up because the sexual "problem" in the bedroom is very obviously one sided.

I hate to stereotype, but that's a very guy problem, so if/when you want to discuss here how you might bring it up there and possible reactions, I think you'll find a lot of interesting perspectives here.

Jan 24, 2011#20

Shegokigo

The biggest thing I worry about, is losing my "moral high ground" by doing this. I've never cheated. I've always been so adamant against people who do. By doing this I "fall" and no longer have any ground to stand on with the subject. Will it become a growing problem? "Well she's pretty hot, not my girlfriends type... I got away with it once..."

*Ugh* that thought sickens me.

Jan 24, 2011#21

SpecialKO

Have you considered dressing up your GF like your ex while you dress up like her ex?

...I swear to fucking god, I'm totally serious.

Jan 24, 2011#22

Null

Well, if you want to be a stupid and worthless person, go for it.

Jan 24, 2011#23

Disconnected

I am now envisioning myself dressed as my ex
oh god I did it wrong.

Jan 24, 2011#24

SpecialKO

I think fantasies should be indulged, but in as safe and non-destructive kind of way as possible.

Jan 24, 2011#25

Shegokigo

KO: Yeah, her ex is a guy and I don't do the "butch" thing. Also my ex is so far from what my current girlfriend is like, it'd pretty much be an insult to her...

Lying Bastard: Excuse me?

Disconnected: I suppose in a straight relationship, that could totally be weird

Jan 24, 2011#26

Null

Shegokigo said:
Lying Bastard: Excuse me?

There is no good reason to even entertain this notion, other than to purposefully ruin what you have. And for what? One night of slightly better sex? If you do anything with your ex, it means you are a stupid and worthless person who's willing to trade a good relationship with someone for the sake of getting off. So, if you want to be a stupid and worthless person, by all means, go ahead and hook up with your ex. If you don't want to be a stupid and worthless person, avoid her.

Jan 24, 2011#27

Shegokigo

*sigh* That's just it LB I know that. I want to believe I'm smarter/better than that. If I were though, I would have never even considered it. Yet every day closer that Saturday comes, I get worse and worse.

You are right though, thanks for the Tough Love, it's appreciated very much. Knew I always liked you for a reason.

Jan 24, 2011#28

Null

Well, if it's any consolation, I have something like that going on, only not really like it at all, and I don't know what I'm going to do about it either. Although in my case, I'd be the third party.

Jan 24, 2011#29

Adammon

Just tell the current gf that you're thinking of doing this. That'll give you a clear indication of what would happen if you did it. If she freaks out and dumps you, she would have done that anyways. If she's okay with it, hooray! Best of both worlds.

And as for the cheating thing, it's not like kids are involved (Unless you're a pederast!) and you don't live with the person. So, the biggest problem with cheating is you're going to break someone's heart. I hear that you can get replacement ones cheap nowadays.

Jan 24, 2011#30

Chibibar

Shego....... Wow that is rough. I just have to say that don't go see her. She tore you apart before and AGAIN when you did try to make things work. I have to agree with some of the people here that your ex might try to screw things over with your new partner (she sounds great btw)

Your partner trusts you (that is awesome) and loves you. I say stick with that and move on. I know you had feelings for your ex cause you were with her for a long time. That is hard to make it go away, but try as you might, don't go see her. IF you NEED to see your ex, I say take a friend with you as a "shield" if possible.

You are a strong woman. That I feel from you. I'm sure you will do what your head is telling you. I know you can do this.

Jan 24, 2011#31

Shegokigo

Adammon said:
Just tell the current gf that you're thinking of doing this. That'll give you a clear indication of what would happen if you did it. If she freaks out and dumps you, she would have done that anyways. If she's okay with it, hooray! Best of both worlds.

That's just it, I'm not decided on doing it. If I told her, the sad part? I know she'd stay with me, but the purity of her love for me would be forever tainted and I wouldn't be able to live with knowing I caused that. I just wouldn't.

Adammon said:
And as for the cheating thing, it's not like kids are involved (Unless you're a pederast!) and you don't live with the person. So, the biggest problem with cheating is you're going to break someone's heart. I hear that you can get replacement ones cheap nowadays.

I've broken hearts before, without a second thought. I moved on when I felt it was time. I've had mine broken, twice really hard too. It's not really that keeping me back, I mean granted it's a large part, but again like my previous post, it's really about losing one of the few moral standards I actually have (and I assure you, they're VERY few).

Chibibar said:
Shego....... Wow that is rough. I just have to say that don't go see her. She tore you apart before and AGAIN when you did try to make things work. I have to agree with some of the people here that your ex might try to screw things over with your new partner (she sounds great btw)

She is easily my longest and biggest mistake, to be sure. Which again makes me feel like a complete mental case for considering this, KNOWING everything I know about her. As for my current love? She's more than great, she's basically a replica of me in almost every way. She's just as demented, just as freaky, we think on the exact same wavelengths, and can have entire conversations without saying a word..... *sighs dreamily*

Chibibar said:
Your partner trusts you (that is awesome) and loves you. I say stick with that and move on. I know you had feelings for your ex cause you were with her for a long time. That is hard to make it go away, but try as you might, don't go see her. IF you NEED to see your ex, I say take a friend with you as a "shield" if possible.

That's actually kind of funny, when I first mentioned to my girlfriend that my Xs intentions were probably not pure, she said "Well then I'll go with you and make sure she knows she can't have any of this" and proceeded to ass/tit grab me in the middle of the parking lot we were walking through.

Chibibar said:
You are a strong woman. That I feel from you. I'm sure you will do what your head is telling you. I know you can do this.

It's definitely not my head that's having issues with this. My brain is screaming at me that I'm a complete idiot and I should know better....

Jan 24, 2011#32

Dave

There's always that one person that makes you feel like an utter and complete fool. That one person that is your personal Kryptonite. It's like a drug - you know it's bad for you but the fix feels so damned good! But always remember the memory of the fix is better than the fix itself.

Jan 24, 2011#33

Piotyr

This sounds like a prime case of the "grass is greener" philosophy. The memory glosses over the negative and sees only positive.

When it boils down to it, you just have to decide whether love or lust is more important to you. You seem to acknowledge the consequences, but always with a caveat to soften it. Just accept it for what it is: love or lust, sex or trust.

EDIT: I was once in a situation exactly as you describe. I chose love, because I think it lasts longer.

Jan 24, 2011#34

Adammon

Dave said:
But always remember the memory of the fix is better than the fix itself.

You're doing it wrong!
Added at: 21:34

Piotyr said:
This sounds like a prime case of the "grass is greener" philosophy. The memory glosses over the negative and sees only positive.

When it boils down to it, you just have to decide whether love or lust is more important to you. You seem to acknowledge the consequences, but always with a caveat to soften it. Just accept it for what it is: love or lust, sex or trust.

I don't see any such glossing on Shego's part. She just wants a good fuck.

Jan 24, 2011#35

LordRavage

"That's actually kind of funny, when I first mentioned to my girlfriend that my Xs intentions were probably not pure, she said "Well then I'll go with you and make sure she knows she can't have any of this" and proceeded to ass/tit grab me in the middle of the parking lot we were walking through."

I like this girl already.

Jan 24, 2011#36

Grytpipe-Thynne

So far the only mention of LOVE has been in regard to your new GF's feeling for you. You claim emotional involvement, but if you can even consider playing away, then it seems that you have not yet strong enough feelings for you new partner.

Jan 24, 2011#37

Chad Sexington

I have almost no business replying to this as I am not a particularly great person to be with in a relationship, and have been cheated on by nearly everyone I've dated. And this isn't to give you the 'it's so awful for the other person' guilt speech. I assume you're not stupid and don't need the condescending nonsense.

But I sympathize. I tend to be very selfish, and I am not patient with myself or other people. Often times in spite of the many great things a person may provide to me I obsess over the single thing I view as a 'failing' or a difficult part of the relationship, whether it's a friend or a girlfriend. Sometimes I acknowledge my selfishness as justified -that is, I feel... maybe 'unwanted' isn't the right word, but as though people do not do anything for me, so why should I ever try to do anything for them? In contrast to this, I rarely outwardly want to hurt people for my personal gain, such as cheating on them, or taking something from them, etc.

And, although I really never talk about my sex life, so this is weird for me: I think I have been in the situations of both you and your current GF: I have been uncontrollably filled with lust for a girl who seemed... less enthusiastic when intimate, and I have been with a girl who definitely enjoyed our sex and I was sometimes less receptive. I guess the reasons are complicated and I know for me I have reservations bringing up things I enjoy, especially fetishes or fantasies with someone I have feelings for because I fear they'd see me in a different light... Even though I "know" rationally they wouldn't, and I'm probably not all that weird, I don't want to blow a goat or shit on the bed, I ain't that crazy. But more than this, I have trouble addressing the idea that one of us isn't getting the most of our sex lives. I would fear more than anything than ADMITTING there's an issue would somehow worsen it.

However, although I am not in a relationship now, I have to believe I am completely wrong and that bringing it up would only have improved our sex lives and possibly relationships. In fact, in conversations with one ex-girlfriend and a few former... paramours, shall we say to be tactful, the consensus seems to be it would have helped.

Wow I feel like I said a whole bunch of not really helpful personal stuff soooooo... Good luck? It seems daunting to find happiness with another person, so whatever happens I guess I just hope you can succeed in that.

Jan 24, 2011#38

Shegokigo

Grytpipe-Thynne said:
So far the only mention of LOVE has been in regard to your new GF's feeling for you. You claim emotional involvement, but if you can even consider playing away, then it seems that you have not yet strong enough feelings for you new partner.

^
^
^
^
^

Shegokigo said:
I'll ruin everything that I have with my current love. I just want to be happy with her, in every way.

Shegokigo said:
F: This is one option I'm just not willing to do, I want to be stronger than that and do not NOT want to chance losing her.

Shegokigo said:
As for my current love? She's more than great, she's basically a replica of me in almost every way. She's just as demented, just as freaky, we think on the exact same wavelengths, and can have entire conversations without saying a word..... *sighs dreamily*

Jan 24, 2011#39

Chibibar

It is like Castle.... Shego's ex is a fried twinkie

Basically it means that it is good once in a while, but having it all the time is bad for you. Richard Castle said that about his first ex-wife, the mother of his daughter. They are divorced, but once in a while he still have mad wild sex with her BUT Richard in the show is single and not attached.

Shego: I know that your head is screaming at you that is why I said go with your head cause your heart is messing you up.

But you know what? I say take up your partner's advice. Take her with you. (feels a bit evil) that way you can show your ex what she missed out on. She had her chance, you gave her a chance, but she didn't want it and that was it. I hate to be the bad guy saying "You snooze you lose" but that is life. Life is not fair (in this case to her) so she have to live with it. I know it is mean, but hey. Karma is a bitch sometimes. I am glad that you finally found someone that you can be completely yourself with. It is an awesome feeling (that is what I have with my wife)

Jan 24, 2011#40

Adammon

No one here is going to be able to talk you in or out of things you are or aren't going to do as it is. When the vagina blood gets pumpin', the last thing on your mind is going to be Dave....or at least I'd hope.

Jan 24, 2011#41

Silver Jelly

Because of my complete non-experience with relationships (and my personal insecurities and cowardice in these matters), I can't really elaborate on any advice that comes from any kind of personal experience, but having heard of your past love trouble in the forums, all I can say is that I think you deserve to finally find somebody you really connect with and, with that in mind, I would try to avoid all contact with the ex at all cost. I'd also speak with your GF about the sexual problems you are experiencing, to try and solve them.

If you finally choose not to see your ex, just take that decision and run with it as far as you can, don't allow her siren's call to reach you. Be as stubborn as you can, maybe even a little blind until the risk ends, and don't give in.

Keep strong, Shego! As little as it may help you, you have my support.

(edited for poor phrasing that seemed to say you shouldn't talk to your current gf)

Jan 24, 2011#42

Shegokigo

Chad: Side note: Damnit I'm having hell trying to remember your original username, it'll come to me I'm sure. Believe it or not, you post was helpful, it gives me some perspective on a few things so thank you.

Chibi: It's more my sex drive than my heart that's causing the issues, but there is a bit of heart in it. Though nowhere on the level that my girlfriend makes me feel, emotionally. I wouldn't take her with me, because if it comes to seeing X, I'd only be going to see the X for one reason. Not to be "friendly catch up chatty" we can do that on text. It's not to see if we can get back together, because I flat out told her there wasn't a chance in hell that would happen. It'd be for one thing only.

You're absolutely right, she had her chance. I practically begged her not to leave in the end, was willing to give her everything and more, and she still walked out on me. In retrospect, I would have been so miserable and destroyed as a person had she kept me around.

And yes, being with my girlfriend is an amazing feeling. We play WoW together, she server moved just to play in the same heroics/raids as me, she comes over almost every weekend for 2-3 days at a time. We love the same type of movies and games. She's just my everything.... almost. Damnit....

Ada: Even the thought of Dave wouldn't be enough to deter me when my lust hits over-drive... that's my biggest problem... I know my ex can push those exact buttons to send me there, and she has been. Picture texts, emails, etc....

Jan 24, 2011#43

strawman

Shegokigo said:
Ada: Even the thought of Dave wouldn't be enough to deter me when my lust hits over-drive...

See Dave? I told you that your Shegokigo fantasy is not completely impossible.

Jan 24, 2011#44

Adammon

Shegokigo said:
Ada: Even the thought of Dave wouldn't be enough to deter me when my lust hits over-drive... that's my biggest problem... I know my ex can push those exact buttons to send me there, and she has been. Picture texts, emails, etc....

We should get all the HF men to email you sexy times.

"I'd like to balance YOUR chequebook"

Edit: SHIT, now Makare's gonna come in here and call me an accountant

Jan 24, 2011#45

figmentPez

Shegokigo said:
She's just my everything.... almost. Damnit....

Maybe I'm naive, but if she means that much to you, why not work on fixing or adding on what's broken or missing? If sex isn't amazing, then work on changing that.

Jan 24, 2011#46

Shegokigo

Jelly: Your words and support have always been welcome. Thank you for the words of confidence. Just for that, I'm going to go home and photoshop your sig Silver.

Steiny: That's cruel, you know Dave is gonna torture himself over the impossibility now. Way to go.

Ada: Hmm, yeah... great idea. I have a better one. Send me some postal mail with your full addresses written very clearly and that "sexy times" messages.

Pez: You're not naive at all. You're absolutely right. I don't doubt for a minute that my girlfriend is willing to do anything and everything she can to make that part of our life work.

------ The more and more I'm talking about this, the stronger and stronger I'm getting to call this nonsense off with X -------

Jan 24, 2011#47

Chad Sexington

Garbledina. I had changed it back to that but then when we switched over to XenForo it apparently reverted to Chad Sexington and I can't change it now, I don't think... So Chad Sexington is back, and frankly I just hope phil and makare are happy about that.

Anyways, I am glad if it gave you any help. If I come up with something more insightful I'll pass it along, I suppose.
Added at: 15:22

Shegokigo said:
Steiny: That's cruel, you know Dave is gonna torture himself over the impossibility now. Way to go.

I know they say it's self-abuse but I'd hardly call it torture....

Jan 24, 2011#48

Silver Jelly

Shegokigo said:
Just for that, I'm going to go home and photoshop your sig Silver.

^_^

Jan 24, 2011#49

Biannoshufu

Here's an option:
Honestly share your disappointment in the bedroom with your current gf. If you can't communicate your feelings honestly about your needs, the relationship is already dying. I'm betting that if you do it diplomatically though, you'll pull it off. Be open about what you love about her, everything that makes her great, and then mention where you wish it could be better. Expect to be told that you're not hitting all her buttons either. Explore your sexual needs together as a couple. Every good couple does this.

The time your ex is in town? Take a vacation with your current GF. Remember what she has, mind wise, that no one else on earth has.

and lastly, change your fucking #. Use the stalker excuse, if the cell company gets annoyed.

I'm really really rooting for you on this.

Jan 24, 2011#50

Chibibar

Shego: the physical aspect can be great, but when it boils down to it.... it is just physical. While it can be a part or even major part (importance to you), I feel that the emotional aspect is more important. That is what last. That is what sticks. 40 years from now, 60 years from now, where you may or may not be able to be a "physical" as you are now, you will still have the same wonderful feeling with your current partner than your ex.

Yea, I'm thinking in long terms.

Many people have fallen on the wayside due to their physical need that their partner didn't give. BUT, you said your partner is almost just like you (in all aspect) that means the physical part can be taught/learn and heck, even discover new things that you can do together.

Jan 24, 2011#51

Officer_Charon

Biannoshufu has basically hit on the head what I was already going to say, and I'm not feeling like jumping on the "lesbian fun-times YAY" joking bandwagon (mostly because I don't think I can pull it off successfully like these chaps here. *grins*), so I shall just wish you the best of luck.

Teach your current flame about your buttons, perhaps? Something like "We're going to play a game, called 'Hot or Cold.' If you win, you get a SPECIAL prize." *cocks eyebrow*

Jan 24, 2011#52

Adammon

Preferably while playing this in the background.

Jan 24, 2011#53

North_Ranger

I am, I believe, somewhat unworthy to give advice in a situation is like this, because I have been the target of an ex booty-call... one which I accepted, because in the end sex was the only thing that was amazing in our relationship. The difference, however, is that I was single at the time... and she called it off, saying she just wanted to see if I'd fall for it. At which point I told her to go fuck herself and broke up contact with her. I severely dislike being fucked around with.

That being said... I think you know yourself what you need to do, what's the right thing to do. If you had no qualms about going and breaking the bed with your ex, you would not have ranted about it. Nor would you have revealed that you have feelings for your current girlfriend, feelings that go beyond lust. Nor would you have told you suspected your ex was just going to fuck around with you and hopefully break your relationship.

You know what's the right thing to do, Shegs. 'cause if you don't, I owe you a pimp slap. And I always pay my debts.
Added at: 00:48

Officer_Charon said:
Teach your current flame about your buttons, perhaps? Something like "We're going to play a game, called 'Hot or Cold.' If you win, you get a SPECIAL prize." *cocks eyebrow*

Also what Judge Dredd said.

Jan 24, 2011#54

Piotyr

I'd say to be honest and open about your sexual disappointments with your current GF, but I would also have to be honest myself and say I have no idea how to do that in a diplomatic way that wouldn't make things worse.

Jan 24, 2011#55

Jay

With all due respect but how exactly can lesbian sex be sexually disappointing? I'm intrigued.

Jan 24, 2011#56

Adammon

Numb tongue? Finger cramp?

Jan 24, 2011#57

phil

Chad Sexington said:
So Chad Sexington is back, and frankly I just hope phil and makare are happy about it

My world is a brighter place with you in it.

Jan 24, 2011#58

Gryfter

Don't do it. It isn't worth the risk for such a brief relief.

If your new GF is really worth it, talk to her about your concerns and see if the two of you might be able to spice things up. That is worth more effort and time than back sliding to your ex for a one-off. If for some reason that doesn't work out, your ex will still be there (though if you aren't currently attached who knows if her offer will still stand and that will tell you loads).

Jan 24, 2011#59

Dave

Chad Sexington said:
Garbledina. I had changed it back to that but then when we switched over to XenForo it apparently reverted to Chad Sexington and I can't change it now, I don't think... So Chad Sexington is back, and frankly I just hope phil and makare are happy about that.

Anyways, I am glad if it gave you any help. If I come up with something more insightful I'll pass it along, I suppose.
Added at: 15:22

I know they say it's self-abuse but I'd hardly call it torture....

I can always change it back....

Jan 24, 2011#60

Emrys

Good luck, Shego! She's not worth it but you already know that.

Jan 25, 2011#61

Silver Jelly

Jay said:
With all due respect but how exactly can lesbian sex be sexually disappointing? I'm intrigued.

Well, they do have a rather small penis.

Jan 25, 2011#62

Docseverin

And with one sentence Silver Jelly inspired me to post in the one word only thread.

Jan 25, 2011#63

Crafter

I'm not sure if it's too late to throw my opinion/experience in here, but I will anyway. :awesome:

I was in a (looking back now, very poor) relationship with a girl for about three years. It was one of those things where it really wasn't a good relationship, but we had gone through so much together that it felt right. We "loved" each other, talked about our future together, etc etc. About a year ago, she decided to leave me and tell me she hasn't loved me for months at that point. Obviously crushed, I couldn't possibly conceive how someone could just up and say something like that. As it turned out, and I found out from a few friends, she had been cheating on me with this guy I was already suspicious of, and then decided that she wanted to be with him full time. So yes, being cheated on does suck. But that's not what I'm getting at.

After months went by, I starting dating another girl that I've known for a long time. Things are amazing with her; I've never felt so close or so perfect with anyone before. I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. After a while, my ex found out about my new relationship. Suddenly, the girl who "didn't love me" for so long got instantly jealous and started texting/talking to me on facebook. I could tell she was just trying to make me miss her or "fall under her spell" again. At this point, I just stopped talking to her. In my opinion, even though I was never once tempted by her, it was still extremely easy to stop talking to her because I knew I had it better with my current girlfriend. While you may feel very lustful towards your ex, like many have said before, she will only make you miserable in the long run. Your current girlfriend makes you happy from the sound of it, and your ex seems to just want to drive that relationship apart.

It may take a lot of willpower, but I really think you should just change your number and cut off all contact with the ex immediately, lest you make a mess out of your current situation (more than it is, at least).

Edit: man, I'm awful at giving advice ._.

Jan 25, 2011#64

Shegokigo

********** It's done, I put a complete stop to it all last night. I called her and pretty much told her almost a tee what she told me when she decided she was going to leave. I told her that I loved her, but wasn't in love with her and if she truly did love me and care about me, she'd want me to be happy. She wasn't making me happy and was actually actively causing my already attained happiness to be in jeopardy.

As for having a last fling with her, she knows that I could never compromise my feelings on the subject and I refused to create any kind of rift in my current relationship for something I was just going to regret anyway.

Her response was that I was breaking her heart, and that I had no idea how badly it hurt her for me to do what I was doing. I responded that I know exactly how it feels, because it was what I went through when she walked out my door and into her car that last time. She proceeded to almost say, verbatum, everything I told her the final time I tried to keep her from leaving. It bordered on creepy that it was almost like listening to myself all those months ago.

After she realized she wasn't going to change my mind, she got slightly upset, told me that she was going to change her number and vanish from my life, though she said her reasons were that so that I could be happy and wished me the best. Hoping that I wouldn't regret my decision because she wouldn't be around if my relationship failed and went looking for her ***********

Garbledina: Good to know, I look forward to any future advice. *wink*

Amy: Love, you know better than most, the things I went through with X and you know how much your advice has always meant to me. I will very much talk to my girlfriend about what can be done to work on this, she's worth it. As for the vacation, while nice as it would be, we're already making plans for the near future to doing some traveling when we both have time free from work/school. Would go this weekend if possible but as I'm going to post soon, it won't be necessary, as well as the # change. Loving your comic by the way. Fat men do fit into fridges with a little elbow grease and a lumber axe.

Chibi: You're absolutely right and I'm looking into the long term too. It was just so hard to look past something that was so immediate to see the big picture. As for teaching? Believe it or not, she has brought up ideas that I hadn't even considered in the past and they're looking pretty interesting.

Thank you though, it's good to know that the long term with someone just like you is as wonderful as I already see it can be.

Officer Dredd: Much appreciated by the way, the jokes are always fun though.

As for teaching her my buttons, I'm more than sure that won't be a problem. I was just being blinded by what I had available on the side instead of focusing on the fix that would be easier at hand.

Ranger: I'm sorry to hear about the mindfuck, if you like you could always slip me a little note with her address. :ninja:

Take care of that little problem. As for knowing better? Yeah I do. I was just having some trouble "waking up" to the reality of the big picture. No worries though, you'll be able to save that pimp slap.

Pio: I will find a way, either with subtle hints or clues at first, which I'm sure she's going to pick up on with no trouble. She's very giving and understanding. I'm sure things are going to work out just fine without causing any kind of trouble.

Jay: It's not necesarrily that the sex itself is still disappointing, it's becoming clear that it was that my mind wasn't in the right place to really "let go" and enjoy myself fully. I was letting my mind creep to things that it shouldn't have and it was really causing a block. I can compare it to when a guy says that he has trouble performing cause he was "thinking too much".

Gryfter: You're absolutely correct, she is definitely worth the effort instead of taking a temporary relief. I really don't doubt for a minute that my girlfriend would be willing to work on our sex life instead of being offended and leaving, so it'll work out soon I'm very sure. As for X still being around later? Maybe. Would she take me back down the line if I tried? Possibly. Is that something I'll ever want? Nope.

Emrys: You had a different name back in the old boards (started with a Me), and I still have my Richard figure/plush. I know I had my brother say thank you on my behalf, but thank you again. Also, you're absolutely right, she's not worth costing me so much more than I would gain.

Jelly: Ha! If only you knew.

Crafter said:
Edit: man, I'm awful at giving advice ._.

You're alot better than you realize, and it's never too late for good words. I really wish I would have just ignored her messages/calls in the beginning, I probably would have saved myself alot of heartache and problems. None the less, it's past me now.

Jan 25, 2011#65

Emrys

Woot! You rock, Shego!

Jan 25, 2011#66

Azurephoenix

Glad to see you took this route... I think it will pay big dividends for you in the future. Good luck with everything!

Jan 25, 2011#67

strawman

You rock, Shego. It probably feels like a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. Go celebrate! (yes, you can celebrate bittersweet changes in your life)

Jan 25, 2011#68

Chibibar

Yay Shego!

Jan 25, 2011#69

Piotyr

Title change needed. You just did something really smart that will change your life...

Jan 25, 2011#70

Shegokigo

I'd love to change the title to:

"I almost did something really stupid that would have changed my life"

But I can't seem to do it.

Jan 25, 2011#71

Fun Size

Well played Shego. Here's a reward.

Jan 25, 2011#72

phil

Dave said:
I can always change it back....

Jan 25, 2011#73

Dave

Shegokigo said:
I'd love to change the title to:

"I almost did something really stupid that would have changed my life"

But I can't seem to do it.

First, good for you! Second, there may be a space limit. Let me look.
Added at: 12:00
Hmm. 50 characters or fewer.

How's that?

Jan 25, 2011#74

Shegokigo

I meant the thread title change, not my title!

Jan 25, 2011#75

Dave

Ah! So sorry! I'll change it now.

(D'oh!)

Jan 25, 2011#76

Allen who is Quiet

Shego, good job. Sorry I wasn't here early enough to give advice that would have looked a lot like Jelly's, but I hope things go well for you in the future.

Jan 25, 2011#77

SpecialKO

Well done, Shego!

Jan 25, 2011#78

ncts_dodge_man

Glad to hear it Shego.

Jan 25, 2011#79

Gryfter

Classy Shego, very classy.

Jan 25, 2011#80

North_Ranger

I'm proud of you, Shegs.

Jan 25, 2011#81

Shegokigo

It's been an amazing day too let me tell you. I've felt so free and happy. I whistle as the victims scream and beg. Normally I hide my joy, because it gives them hope, but I think this just as cruel.

So anyway, I got my W2, celebrated by going out to eat (like 30lbs of Chinese), talked to my girlfriend for a few minutes and told her I was going to take a nap (9:30pm) and woke up at (7:15am) so while I didn't get to talk to her again last night, I think I'm going to stop by for a surprise visit after work and just enjoy the fact that we have nothing between us causing any kind of rift. (Even though she didn't even know there was one).

Maybe I'll work on those "issues" too.

Jan 25, 2011#82

Mathias

Reading through all this, I'm so glad I am but a simple man.

Jan 25, 2011#83

Jay

Your explanation makes sense.

And while I agree on your decisions never forget it is YOUR responsibility to help each other out in the sexual department. Comparing her to your ex is unfair and simply detrimental to any advancement.

And welcome back old friend, I've been stuck here with your brother, hopefully you'll be back longer than a few days.

Jan 25, 2011#84

Silver Jelly

I'm very happy for you, and I'mma let you finish, but...

uhm...

no, that's all I got.

Well done, Shego! ^^

Jan 25, 2011#85

Null

Good job, Sheki. I had faith you wouldn't work at being stupid.

Jan 26, 2011#86

Wasabi Poptart

Good for you, Sheki!

Jan 26, 2011#87

PatrThom

Late to the party, per usual. Looks like it was quite the shindig.

Shego, don't screw this up. You're going to need to make some uncomfortable, non-reversible changes to yourself if you want to keep her. And they're gonna hurt. Don't worry, they're supposed to.

--Patrick

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