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Alone in my apartment, with nothing but Archer to keep me company.

Come and eulogise me, so that I might read them and become a horrible egoist, or broken man before I pass into the great unknown.

Here lies Chad.
He was of the hanging variety.

Chad died alone and in his apartment. After not too long he got ants. Because that's how you get ants.

Loose cannon!

Chad died as he lived. Masturbating.

Here lies Chad, he sexed a ton.
His days were short and now they're done.
His use of a Scotch barrel coffin forgive.
He wanted to go the way that he lived.

Here lies Chad. The guy loved drinking and cheesecake. Unfortunately, so do the flies.

Dearly bereaved, I wish to speak to you of a man. A man filled with such inner light that the loss of him leaves the world a little darker. A great man, who touched many lives; even those who knew him only briefly came away enriched. A selfless man that always thought of others above himself, and who dedicated his every waking moment to making the world a better place. He was the type of man that was loved by all, and will surely be missed. A man whose many contributions to the arts and sciences will live on as a legacy to his dedication and selflessness.

Instead, let us speak about Chad.

A star has fallen.
A hero of the people.
Pomwadee will be missed.

He had a fine fountain pen,
and an analog watch.
He was an old fashioned man;
I got dibs on his scotch.

Chad was here.
Now he's gone.
Do I get his stuff?

Chad Sexington
19xx-2013

He saved the world.
A lot.

Chad Sexington

Game Over

Continue?
9

JCM Known Alts: 5482 5481

Loved Ones Recall Local Man's Cowardly Battle With Cancer Booze

"Most people, when they find out they've got something terrible like this, dig deep down inside and tap into some tremendous well of courage and strength they never knew they had," said Judith Kunkel, Russ' Chad's wife of 11 years. "Not Russ Chad. The moment he found out he had cancer booze, he curled up into a fetal ball with a bottle and sobbed uncontrollably for three straight weeks."

Click to expand...

--Patrick

bhamv3 said:

Here lies Chad Sexington.​

​

We're pretty sure he's dead, so ignore any banging sounds that might be coming from the grave.​

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Because even in death, he's still Sexington it up.

It's over now.

I am dead.

Also, only Tinwhistler knows what a eulogy is, so he wins by default.

I don't know what he wins.

But he does.

So.

That happened

I'm gonna go back to death now.

Here lies Chad.

.... someone should really pick him up. Who left this here?

Pbbt. There's no length requirement on a eulogy.

A eugooglizer: One who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogly is?

I've given too many real ones to want to write a fake one.

We all knew what a eulogy was, we were all just too lazy to write more than a sentence plus a fragment.

Hey, I wrote poetyr. Poetry, dammit.

Besides, who dies from a minor illness anyway. Sissy.

Fun Size said:

Hey, I wrote poetyr. Poetry, dammit.

Besides, who dies from a minor illness anyway. Sissy.

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I dunno man, you should have seen how wicked that hangnail looked.

Fun Size said:

Hey, I wrote poetyr.

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Is that like a poem starring a satyr?

No, it's poetry about a martyr. He gave his life that we may know, for once and for all, what happens when you get a tranfusion replacing all of the blood in the body with distilled spirits.

Made for a damned fine-looking corpse actually. Very well preserved.

Never saw a corpse looking more spirited...

He could spit forty feet!

(will Dave get the reference and reveal his age?)

Yay! I don't get it! I'm young again!

HCGLNS said:

He could spit forty feet!

(will Dave get the reference and reveal his age?)

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For which we loved him like a brother!

Yes, I remember Bloom County. From high school.

Excuse me, I have to go yell at the kids on my lawn.

"Dudes, run! It's the crazy ferret lady!"

Did you know a business of ferrets can clean a human corpse in 43 seconds?

Well, Chad was rather skeptical...

To send in a great man instead of my stuttering:

Cheesy1 said:

"Dudes, run! It's the crazy ferret lady!"

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<smack> Bad minion! Now you've cost me the element of surprise.[DOUBLEPOST=1370697530][/DOUBLEPOST]

stienman said:

Did you know a business of ferrets can clean a human corpse in 43 seconds?

Well, Chad was rather skeptical...

Click to expand...

Yeah, they were off their game that day.