Thank you very much for the updates Sam, I've e-mailed you the letter I had intended to send Leigh as soon as we got a mailing address determined.
All my best to you and all your family.
I am sorry
- Thread starter Chad Sexington
- Start date
All my best to you and all your family.
I keep coming back here and each time I'm not sure what to say. @Chad Sexington, we love ya man. Spend your time getting better and we'll still be here if you need us.
Like everyone else has said, I'm very grateful for the updates.
And to Leigh/Chad, Sam, and the whole family - take care of yourselves, both individually and communally.
We're here if you want, or not if you don't.
@Chad Sexington you are loved. You are not alone.
And to Leigh/Chad, Sam, and the whole family - take care of yourselves, both individually and communally.
We're here if you want, or not if you don't.
@Chad Sexington you are loved. You are not alone.
Jumping on the bandwagon here to thank Sam for keeping us up to date.
@Chad Sexington, know that we're all rooting for you, and that this board is full of ears (er, you know what I mean) if you need them. We may not all be able to get back to you in a timely, but some of us will, and those of us who miss things are still 100% behind you.
@Chad Sexington, know that we're all rooting for you, and that this board is full of ears (er, you know what I mean) if you need them. We may not all be able to get back to you in a timely, but some of us will, and those of us who miss things are still 100% behind you.
Holy fuck I miss everything by relying so heavily on notifications from my phone and not actually actively browsing the forum more often. This gave me a real scare. I am so glad you guys were here to step in.
Chad, we love ya, man.
Chad, we love ya, man.
This is not Sam, but me, that is, Leigh, or Chad, or whatthehellever.
I've been browsing this thread for an hour or so. Certainly not what I expected to happen, if you'll forgive a little morbid understatement.
I may not have a chance to respond to some or any of the personal messages sent to me today, but I will, even if that is not until I am fully discharged from the hospital.
I cannot express, yet, or perhaps at all, what I am feeling for all of you and what has been done on my behalf, said to my family, and to me, both here and in private.
I am still technically hospitalised, and in the psych unit I am on, they do not permit electronics; some nurses say there are concerns about cords - but there are several heavy-duty cords around, so I am more inclined to believe the ones who say it is because of privacy concerns: so many things with cameras nowadays, and it can be a particularly sensitive ward to be in, of course.
However, today I am given a day-pass, so as long as I return by a certain time, I am out of the hospital for a little while, and at my apartment, and I can post here.
I don't really know what to say.
The evening of, and day after are quite fuzzy to me. I posted here, placed my written suicide note at the side of my bed, and overdosed. I went to 'sleep' afterward as normal, bothering even to brush my teeth.
From there it's a fog. My best friend's face, screaming about my hat, crying. I had some quite interesting things to say, evidently. Even funny, at times, the dark situation, and yet some of the things I desperately 'needed' to say: "The codes! The codes!" whatever that meant; I also gave my friend permission to pat my head, every day, for the rest of my life.
Currently, I am an inpatient at the University of Alberta Hospital, in their psych unit. I counsel with a psychiatrist every day, as well as check in with nurses (twice a day) about my mood and general state in-the-moment. Though my psychiatrist agrees the auditory hallucinations I experienced are not typical of depression (it is a 'psychotic' symptom), I haven't experienced any since reporting them here, and since my admission to the hospital about a week and a half ago. Unless I experience them again, fatigue and stress are considered the root cause. As a result, I am being treated for depression, specifically Major Depressive Disorder.
Pharmacologically, I am on the same antidepressant, but a changed sleeping medication - it doesn't seem to be working, but also it is just really hard to rest on an uncomfortable hospital bed with a noisy roommate, so we will see how things progress.
I have also begun to receive ECT - electroconvulsive therapy- which is something of a gold-standard in depression treatment. I've undergone two of ten-to-twelve treatments. It's quite an experience; very fascinating, and I'll post about it later.
Mood and behaviour wise I am feeling better -something observed well enough by my doctors for them to trust me to leave the hospital for the day.
I am reading a lot, and that has been good for me. I love to read, but in the last few months, that joy has somehow eluded me, or I have avoided it. It is good to rediscover.
I am bored a lot, and have starting keeping a log of how much money I can make playing solitaire. I'm up $220 as of last night, but was up $450 yesterday morning, so, you know.
I could be in the hospital for as little as two more days before being discharged (but continuing treatment and therapy as an outpatient) or as long as the end of the month, but my main psychiatrist thinks that the latter is unlikely.
I am going to spend some time with a friend and my parents for the rest of the day, but I will be back, whether it's Monday or later.
I will post more some time, both about this incident and my treatment, as well as some of my thoughts on myself and my, uhm, climactic behaviour, for anyone interested. I have much I want to say, as well as much to say that I feel is almost owed to you all.
As earlier noted, I am reeling with certain feelings I cannot quite express for this place and you all. Positive feelings, I promise.
I've been browsing this thread for an hour or so. Certainly not what I expected to happen, if you'll forgive a little morbid understatement.
I may not have a chance to respond to some or any of the personal messages sent to me today, but I will, even if that is not until I am fully discharged from the hospital.
I cannot express, yet, or perhaps at all, what I am feeling for all of you and what has been done on my behalf, said to my family, and to me, both here and in private.
I am still technically hospitalised, and in the psych unit I am on, they do not permit electronics; some nurses say there are concerns about cords - but there are several heavy-duty cords around, so I am more inclined to believe the ones who say it is because of privacy concerns: so many things with cameras nowadays, and it can be a particularly sensitive ward to be in, of course.
However, today I am given a day-pass, so as long as I return by a certain time, I am out of the hospital for a little while, and at my apartment, and I can post here.
I don't really know what to say.
The evening of, and day after are quite fuzzy to me. I posted here, placed my written suicide note at the side of my bed, and overdosed. I went to 'sleep' afterward as normal, bothering even to brush my teeth.
From there it's a fog. My best friend's face, screaming about my hat, crying. I had some quite interesting things to say, evidently. Even funny, at times, the dark situation, and yet some of the things I desperately 'needed' to say: "The codes! The codes!" whatever that meant; I also gave my friend permission to pat my head, every day, for the rest of my life.
Currently, I am an inpatient at the University of Alberta Hospital, in their psych unit. I counsel with a psychiatrist every day, as well as check in with nurses (twice a day) about my mood and general state in-the-moment. Though my psychiatrist agrees the auditory hallucinations I experienced are not typical of depression (it is a 'psychotic' symptom), I haven't experienced any since reporting them here, and since my admission to the hospital about a week and a half ago. Unless I experience them again, fatigue and stress are considered the root cause. As a result, I am being treated for depression, specifically Major Depressive Disorder.
Pharmacologically, I am on the same antidepressant, but a changed sleeping medication - it doesn't seem to be working, but also it is just really hard to rest on an uncomfortable hospital bed with a noisy roommate, so we will see how things progress.
I have also begun to receive ECT - electroconvulsive therapy- which is something of a gold-standard in depression treatment. I've undergone two of ten-to-twelve treatments. It's quite an experience; very fascinating, and I'll post about it later.
Mood and behaviour wise I am feeling better -something observed well enough by my doctors for them to trust me to leave the hospital for the day.
I am reading a lot, and that has been good for me. I love to read, but in the last few months, that joy has somehow eluded me, or I have avoided it. It is good to rediscover.
I am bored a lot, and have starting keeping a log of how much money I can make playing solitaire. I'm up $220 as of last night, but was up $450 yesterday morning, so, you know.
I could be in the hospital for as little as two more days before being discharged (but continuing treatment and therapy as an outpatient) or as long as the end of the month, but my main psychiatrist thinks that the latter is unlikely.
I am going to spend some time with a friend and my parents for the rest of the day, but I will be back, whether it's Monday or later.
I will post more some time, both about this incident and my treatment, as well as some of my thoughts on myself and my, uhm, climactic behaviour, for anyone interested. I have much I want to say, as well as much to say that I feel is almost owed to you all.
As earlier noted, I am reeling with certain feelings I cannot quite express for this place and you all. Positive feelings, I promise.
I can't tell you how good it is to hear from you, Leigh. I am so very happy you are here...on the board and Here. I want to hug you - tightly and hard.
B
BErt
Great to hear from you, man. Enjoy your day!
Great to see you on here, Chad.
The dork in me wonders how many Alerts you must have had pending.
The dork in me wonders how many Alerts you must have had pending.
Holy cow, it's Chad!
It's good to hear from you and what's been going on.
It's good to hear from you and what's been going on.
Out-fucking-standing!
So glad to hear that you're able to post and you're feeling a bit better... I hope that your levelling-out is ot too arduous, and you're able to continue to take joy in reading and relaxing for a while.
Best wishes, brother, and it is outstanding to hear from you again.
So glad to hear that you're able to post and you're feeling a bit better... I hope that your levelling-out is ot too arduous, and you're able to continue to take joy in reading and relaxing for a while.
Best wishes, brother, and it is outstanding to hear from you again.
Yaaaay 
Glad to see you feeling (a bit at least) better.
I think that's the most awesome euphemism for that I've ever seen.
Of course. You were the ONLY one thinking of that...
How else are we suppose to know how to make love to a woman with our Chad?
ECT is some serious shit, but it's also really effective. This should help you massively.
In any case, you got a lot of people waiting to hear more from you. Don't disappoint.
In any case, you got a lot of people waiting to hear more from you. Don't disappoint.
I haven't said a lot mostly because I didn't know what to say. But I do hope this is the start on the road to recovery and good changes in your life. You know full well we're all here rooting for you.