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I don't hate you at all...

Jan 4, 2011#1

strawman

...and I feel left out. It seems like everyone thinks that everyone else has a forum nemesis, but not only do I not have a nemesis, as far as I can tell, no one else thinks I hate anyone either.

So to rectify this I'll need either
- A forum nemesis
or
- Someone to think that I have a forum nemesis

Feel free to nominate one or more nemesii for me, or even better yet get me to hate you. I dunno, maybe tell me peanut butter is disgusting or something. You're a creative lot, I'm sure you can come up with something. And, of course, if you already hate me just make your ill will known to me so I can reciprocate the hate.

Yours in hatelessness,

FLP

Jan 4, 2011#2

Krisken

Hm. I don't think I'd make a good nemesis. I just don't have it in me. Sorry FLP.

Jan 4, 2011#3

Hailey Knight

A lot of us don't have a nemesis.

Jan 4, 2011#4

Adammon

Nemesii? Really? Ugh.

I predict this topic will fill quickly.

Jan 4, 2011#5

sixpackshaker

Steak needs to be cooked until it is as crisp as bacon...

Jan 4, 2011#6

Officer_Charon

sixpackshaker said:
Steak needs to be cooked until it is as crisp as bacon...

ALL. OF. MY. HATE.

Jan 4, 2011#7

Cheesy1

I can't be it. My user title forbids it.

Jan 4, 2011#8

Biannoshufu

Well, I guess I'm in the market. Do you have references?

Jan 4, 2011#9

North_Ranger

Your mother dances English folk dances.

How's that... *checks script* ...bitch?

Jan 4, 2011#10

Adammon

North_Ranger said:
Your mother dances English folk dances.

How's that... *checks script* ...bitch?

It's that kind of poison that poisonates this poison-free forum!

Jan 4, 2011#11

Azurephoenix

First Lady Puffinstuff said:
I dunno, maybe tell me peanut butter is disgusting or something.

Peanut butter is the foulest substance known to mankind and I hope it is all destroyed in a cataclysmic event never to return!!!!

Amidoingitrite?

Jan 4, 2011#12

Jay

Forum Nemesis? We have dismissed that claim.

Jan 4, 2011#13

Ravenpoe

Are mormon jokes cool? If so, I could totally be your nemesis.

Jan 4, 2011#14

Adammon

Ravenpoe said:
Are mormon jokes cool? If so, I could totally be your nemesis.

His wife doesn't like 'em. Nor does his other wife. Or his other wife.

Jan 4, 2011#15

Allen who is Quiet

Gusto is already my nemesis.

Jan 4, 2011#16

Biannoshufu

Funny, I thought Silence was.

Jan 4, 2011#17

Allen who is Quiet

They share.

Jan 4, 2011#18

phil

Challenge accepted.

Jan 4, 2011#19

Biannoshufu

Two members teaming up to arch the same protagonist are expected to file articles of collusion... where are your papers?

Jan 4, 2011#20

Dave

A wild NEMESIS appears!

It uses LOGIC!

It's SUPER EFFECTIVE!

Jan 4, 2011#21

PatrThom

First Lady Puffinstuff said:
Feel free to nominate one or more nemesii for me, or even better yet get me to hate you.

That's "nemeses."

--Patrick

Jan 4, 2011#22

Piotyr

I always thought Steinman was your nemesis.

Jan 4, 2011#23

FnordBear

I'll be your nemesis...as long as I get to have some cookies.

Jan 4, 2011#24

ThatNickGuy

I haven't had a good nemesis since Neon Grue. I keep hoping to have a new nemesis that don't take it so danged seriously.

Jan 4, 2011#25

Calleja

I THINK escushion and I signed nemesis papers back at a previous forum incarnation... I thiiiink. We never really followed through on it, though.

There's one and exactly one person in this forum who I would punch in the mouth if I ever saw him. He probably knows. The rest of you either I don't care about or really like.

Except Morphine, her I love. She isn't around anymore, huh? I'll ask her next time I see her why.

Jan 4, 2011#26

Cheesy1

But I love YOU, Mex.

Jan 4, 2011#27

Gusto

Allen who is Quiet said:
Gusto is already my nemesis.

Whoa hey what

Jan 4, 2011#28

Tress

I just assume that every time anyone makes a post, no matter what they say, there's someone who's going to read it and go into a frothing rage about it. Because the internet is full of assholes like that.

And there is at least one person on here who pisses me off regularly. I just have the good sense to recognize it's more my issue and not respond.

Jan 4, 2011#29

Piotyr

Tress said:
I just assume that every time anyone makes a post, no matter what they say, there's someone who's going to read it and go into a frothing rage about it. Because the internet is full of assholes like that.

What the fuck do you mean by that?!?

Jan 4, 2011#30

Allen who is Quiet

Gusto said:
Whoa hey what

It seems perfectly obvious to me that one day we will meet... AND FIGHT TO THE DEATH

Jan 4, 2011#31

Biannoshufu

Calleja said:
The rest of you either I don't care about or really like.

Yeah, you're an asshole too.
Added at: 19:08

Tress said:
And there is at least one person on here who pisses me off regularly. I just have the good sense to recognize it's more my issue and not respond.

oh please let me be one. *fingers crossed.*

Jan 4, 2011#32

checkeredhat

Calleja said:
I THINK ~~escushion~~ jacobmcpoop and I signed nemesis papers back at a previous forum incarnation... I thiiiink. We never really followed through on it, though.

There's one and exactly one person in this forum who I would punch in the mouth if I ever saw him. He probably knows. The rest of you either I don't care about or really like.

Except Morphine, her I love. She isn't around anymore, huh? I'll ask her next time I see her why.

You ass.

Jan 4, 2011#33

phil

FnordBear said:
I'll be your nemesis...as long as I get to have some cookies.

*slaps a cookie out of your hand*

Bam! Nemessesed.

Jan 4, 2011#34

Hylian

First Lady Puffinstuff said:
...and I feel left out. It seems like everyone thinks that everyone else has a forum nemesis, but not only do I not have a nemesis, as far as I can tell, no one else thinks I hate anyone either.

So to rectify this I'll need either
- A forum nemesis
or
- Someone to think that I have a forum nemesis

Feel free to nominate one or more nemesii for me, or even better yet get me to hate you. I dunno, maybe tell me peanut butter is disgusting or something. You're a creative lot, I'm sure you can come up with something. And, of course, if you already hate me just make your ill will known to me so I can reciprocate the hate.

Yours in hatelessness,

FLP

Jan 4, 2011#35

Dave

checkeredhat said:
You ass.

Jan 4, 2011#36

Krisken

Best obscure joke ever.

Jan 4, 2011#37

Gusto

Hylian said:

Jan 4, 2011#38

Biannoshufu

Krisken said:
Best obscure joke ever.

wait, that's obscure?

Shiit, I'm older than I thought.

related: I faked nemesis-ed Krisken when he did away with the house avatar. Some people can change their avatars, and even names, because they don't really matter.

Jan 4, 2011#39

Thread Necromancer

I foam at the mouth, frothing steaming pure hatred and anger whenever Yavaux posts.

.... or Ofmindandmetal

... or datphysh....

Otherwise I think you're all a fine bunch of rotten tomatoes.

Jan 4, 2011#40

FnordBear

phil said:
*slaps a cookie out of your hand*

Bam! Nemessesed.

WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!?

Jan 4, 2011#41

phil

aw shit.

Are we best friends now?

Jan 4, 2011#42

Chad Sexington

Is this you, FLP? http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/672031640.html

Jan 4, 2011#43

FnordBear

phil said:
aw shit.

Are we best friends now?

Perhaps.

Jan 4, 2011#44

Cajungal

Calleja said:
Except Morphine, her I love. She isn't around anymore, huh? I'll ask her next time I see her why.

Tell her I pine for her!

I suppose I could be a nemesis. You suck! You all suck!

Jan 5, 2011#45

Biannoshufu

Cajungal said:
Tell her I pine for her!
I suppose I could be a nemesis. You suck! You all suck!

Thanks.

Jan 5, 2011#46

Krisken

You cut her, CG. You cut her deep.

Edit:

Biannoshufu said:
related: I faked nemesis-ed Krisken when he did away with the house avatar. Some people can change their avatars, and even names, because they don't really matter.

I'm surprised I didn't get death threats for changing my avatar. People were really attached to it.

Jan 5, 2011#47

Cajungal

I DIDN'T MEAN IT!!!

Here, have a cookie! *pat pat pat*

Jan 5, 2011#48

Cheesy1

CG is hella gangsta, yo.

Jan 5, 2011#49

Biannoshufu

Krisken said:
You cut her, CG. You cut her deep.

like a pretty razor to the face.

Jan 5, 2011#50

Krisken

She's so good with her stiletto.

Jan 5, 2011#51

Cajungal

I'm actually more of a sneakers girl.

Jan 5, 2011#52

Biannoshufu

Cajungal said:
I'm actually more of a sneakers girl.

with a katana....of cruelty.

Jan 5, 2011#53

Cajungal

...I have a Henckels kitchen knife. 7 incher.

Jan 5, 2011#54

PatrThom

I will be your nemesis
I'll raise my middle finger high
I will be your creature feature
And the one to flay your mind
I will break your father's fingers
I will lead a life of crime
I will be the one who hates you
'Til the end of...time.

--Patrick

Jan 5, 2011#55

Tress

Obligatory:

Jan 5, 2011#56

Philosopher B.

Pfffffffffffffffffffft. Fuckin' amateurs.

First Lady Puffinstuff said:
I dunno, maybe tell me peanut butter is disgusting or something.

I can do better'n that, y'all.

FLP Diss (Click for Sound Cloud Link)http://soundcloud.com/kc-cb/flp-disshttp://soundcloud.com/kc-cb/flp-diss

Lyrics:
Spoken: Peanut butter? Fuckin’ forget peanut butter. You want nuts? I’ll go nuts on yo’ candy ass. Let’s go!

First Lady Puffinstuff, y'all let the cat out the bag
I'm gone git rough and stuff, gonna empty out my mag
If you want a nemesis, boy, I'm-a step right up
This here be the genesis of y'all gettin' beat up

First off - man! Where'd you get that name?
Used to be Stienman, used to have sweet game
Imitated JCM so well he thought he'd posted drunk
Kris Straub gave you hell and banned you like a punk

But y'all came back by pop-u-lar demand
Now y'all's a sad sack whose hide I'm-a tan
Bitch, get out the way or I’ll pop your balloon
If you try to stay I'm-a go nuts on you like a loon

This ain't a game, dude, I come hard on the track
You gone cop a 'tude, y'all better fight back
Ya betta recognize, Stieny, I be ya foe most terrible
I'll whup yo' old heiny like I was Miss Morrible

First Lady Puffinstuff wants an adversary so/ I’m-a land his ass in a mortuary/ First Lady Puffinstuff wants a brand new foe/ but the man can’t handle goin’ toe to toe

That's right – Miss Morrible, 'cause I be Wicked
No not like Miss Elphaba, she couldn't hurt a limpet
I be the schemer sittin' in my towa
I'm nimble like a lemur when it comes to lyrical powa

My words be a flow y'all don't wanna fall in
You'll be sucked where ya don't wanna go like Augustus in chocolate sheeit
Yeah, man, that's right, I referenced Willy Wonka
That man at work was a sight, he was a real crazy monsta

But I'm like Johnny Depp, I'm twice as crazy I swear
If ya thinkin'-a fuckin' around in my factory don't dare
Don't bug me like Veruca Salt, unless ya wanna be cryin'
My squirrels pushed her inna chute so she'd stop her stupid whinin'

I be like dynamite, always about to go off
My explosion's outta sight, makes flesh rain red and soft
So don't take a hold of what you cannot handle
Don't be bold if ya wanna grow old; I'll wear you out like a sandal

*Chorus*

So whutchu gonna do, post in the political section?
I'm busy havin' a screw, busy gettin' them erections
'Cause I got shit to do, not just float through the clouds
Y'all want a nemesis? Well I'm-a get loud

'Cause if I got a job, it's beatin' on punks
If ya wanna trade lobs, y’alla betta have spunk
You say you want an enemy but you really fuckin' don't
'Cause if you were to step to me you'd be properly boned

I'll leave you lookin' like Billie left Maggie
Bleedin' red-ass gook, sweaty hair lookin' shaggy
If ya wanna have feeling below your chicken neck
Ya betta get to stealing away before you're a wreck

See, I am the champion of everything I do
Y'all's just a curiosity that belongs in a zoo
I am the zookeeper of this game they call rap
Better get the fuck out. Yo, here - take this map:
What, you still here? Smack, whack, BAM
There goes your postin' career; see, you shoulda fuckin' scrammed!

*Chorus*
*Manic laugh*

Jan 5, 2011#57

Azurephoenix

Philosopher B... you are my hero...

Jan 5, 2011#58

Fun Size

I'm too close geographically to be your nemesis. It would invariably lead to me hunting you down and hitting you with a fish simply because it would be more convenient that the usual forum banter.Would be awesome for the picture thread, so it may happen anyway, but not in a nemesis kind of way.

The distinction would be, of course, the variety of fish used.

Also, my nemesis you have to completely lack a sense of humor, so you're unqualified.

Jan 5, 2011#59

Jiarn

Philosopher B, if I could double/triple like your post, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Well done, good show sir.

Jan 5, 2011#60

Krisken

I bet it was wonderful, I'm just too lazy to read all that.

Jan 5, 2011#61

Baerdog

You could have just listened to it...

Jan 5, 2011#62

Krisken

My ears are too lazy too.

Jan 5, 2011#63

Biannoshufu

Krisken said:
I bet it was wonderful, I'm just too lazy to read all that.

yeah, this.

Jan 5, 2011#64

ThatNickGuy

Man, I would be afraid of what Ceej would do to me if she was my nemesis.

Jan 5, 2011#65

fade

I think you're the only one I haven't annoyed by having an independent opinion.

Jan 5, 2011#66

Tress

fade said:
I think you're the only one I haven't annoyed by having an independent opinion.

Yes fade, people only argue with you because you are independent.

Jan 5, 2011#67

Krisken

You are a unique snowflake.

Jan 5, 2011#68

fade

Tress said:
Yes fade, people only argue with you because you are independent.

That...that's usually what "I disagree with your opinion, therefore I'm picking a fight" means, yes.

Jan 5, 2011#69

Fun Size

ThatNickGuy said:
Man, I would be afraid of what Ceej would do to me if she was my nemesis.

She would pout until you feel bad. And it would burn.

Jan 5, 2011#70

Allen who is Quiet

ThatNickGuy said:
Man, I would be afraid of what Ceej would do to me if she was my nemesis.

She would cook you dinner, leave out the aromatics, and watch you eat the whole thing.

Jan 5, 2011#71

Fun Size

ThatNickGuy said:
Man, I would be afraid of what Ceej would do to me if she was my nemesis.

If you watched a sad movie together and you started to cry, she would still hug you, but she totally wouldn't mean it.

Jan 5, 2011#72

Allen who is Quiet

She would play a song on the uke for you, but she would play it in the wrong key.

Jan 5, 2011#73

Cajungal

I would never do those things... *hugs Nick fo realz*

Jan 5, 2011#74

Allen who is Quiet

That means you're breaking every bone in his body.

Jan 5, 2011#75

Cajungal

Well I do tend to crush people in a Lenny-esque fashion when I get too affectionate.

Jan 5, 2011#76

David

Jan 5, 2011#77

GasBandit

Posers and pretenders, the lot of you.

And besides, if you want a nemesis you have to earn it. You think seething disdain just happens naturally?

Jan 5, 2011#78

Krisken

Yes?

Jan 5, 2011#79

GasBandit

Krisken said:
Yes?

And that is why you fail.

Jan 5, 2011#80

Krisken

Failing at making a nemesis. I think i can handle that.

Jan 5, 2011#81

Calleja

JACOBMCPOOP! I'm sorry, how could I forget YOU'RE my nemesis....

Hello, my name is Fernando Calleja. You made a typo. Prepare to die.

Jan 5, 2011#82

Hylian

Calleja said:
JACOBMCPOOP! I'm sorry, how could I forget YOU'RE my nemesis....

Hello, my name is Fernando Calleja. You made a typo. Prepare to die.

The typo isn't really his fault.

I mean do you have any idea how hard it is to type with six-fingers?

Jan 5, 2011#83

Gusto

I don't hate you, boy
I just wanna save you,
while there's still something left to save.

Whoa ohh oh, whoa ohh oh.

Jan 8, 2011#84

strawman

Dear [insert your name here]:

Thank you for the interest you've shown in considering a Nemesis position with First Lady Puffinstuff.

Your qualifications have been reviewed by members of our management team. While your background is an interesting one, we have received a number of applications from people whose qualifications more closely match the needs of our First Lady.

We would like to thank you once again for your interest in First Lady Puffinstuff, and wish you continued success in the pursuit of your arch enemy objectives.
Very truly yours,

FLP

P.S. Dear nemesis, you know who you are, this doesn't apply to you.

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