I has a date

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M

Matt²

Tomorrow night, 6:45pm-ish.. met on Match.com, (I now have a 6 month subscription). We've been talking for a week through email/gmail chat, and talked over the phone once for an hour. We seem to be, so far, a pretty good match overall, food we're opposites on a lot, lol but we're learning about each other. I have good feelings that I haven't had about someone before.. my last ..involvement.. was 4 years ago (4 and a half really). I find myself missing her until I remember the troubles we had and were growing to if we stayed together.. with this new lady in my life, there is no such trouble. (sorry don't want to go too much into specifics there)

Tomorrow night is about getting to know each other in PERSON... and as it's been pointed out to me (not by her) by my other friends lately, I've been REALLY GOOD at making others walk on eggshells around me the last couple weeks in particular... so much so that I took 2 days off last week to chill out and re-center myself, which seems to have succeeded. Still, I'm a lil nervous. We're just planning on coffee and chat so far, and taking things slow and steady. This lady is 11 years my junior, but she found ME. I'm concerned about my past.

One thing neither of us are looking for in the least is a sexual fling, one night stand or anything of that nature. We're looking and looking carefully to see if we are right for each other for the long haul : marriage.

[questions]?

[thoughts]?

[1st date/meeting etiquette advice]?
 
Null

Null

It's a job interview for a relationship. Come across as competent, confident, with good potential, instead of a desperate broken wreck. Dress nice, be polite, and muster some charm.
 
Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

Small details can be key. If she's wearing some small accessory, chances are, she picked it for a reason. Make a mental note of it, and see if you can ask about it in conversation. If nothing else, it may make for a tangent to head off on if the conversation looks like it might be losing steam in the direction y'all were going.
 
Jay

Jay

Have you exchanged photos? That's kind of a big deal.

Anyways, I strongly suggest rubbing one off before you head off to meet her. Maybe even take a stiff shot to loosen up. You should to mellow and have to enjoy the situation and not be a nervous wreck.


I wouldn't talk about the past; focus more on the future and most importantly, the present. Talking about your past…. a major no-no! Do not talk about previous relationships. Keep it drama-free. You should come across as someone who’s :


- Mildly interested in her (particularly about things she likes and her hobbies) but not too much so that you come across as a sexual predator that hasn’t gotten laid since the Bush administration.


- Have fun; make sure you have chemistry with her. This is important.


- Don’t forget to act like a gentleman, go out of your way to pay for her meal/drinks without being aggressive about it. Chivalry is not dead.
 
phil

phil

Just don't worry about it all that much. The more you do, the more nervous you'll be when it happens.

Have a few back up plans and suggestions for things to do in case the cafe is crowded or something, or if you two still want to hang after that.
 
IronBrig4

IronBrig4

Do not question her all the time because that will make it seem like an interrogation for her. Find a couple subjects the two of you have in common and run with that. That way she can talk comfortably and won't feel as if you're prying.
 
PatrThom

PatrThom

Just be yourself!

...but don't be more of yourself than she can handle at first. Start slow, let her get used to the water before jumping in. Also, let her talk longer than you might feel comfortable doing. You both have a lot of anxiety to babble/vent before you can get to good, solid communication.

--Patrick
 
C

Chibibar

heh. don't talk about the past (at least not yet and not on first date)

Just enjoy each other company and have fun.
 
phil

phil

Don't talk about your past, but allude to it with vague references to something dark that happened. Perhaps mention that you can't go back to Reno, or that you and dogs...don't really get along.
 
C

Chibibar

Matt: don't worry too much about it. It is all part of dating :( I say find something else (like work or hobby) and then get back in the game.

edit: Since you have a membership, I say check to see if there are other interesting candidate. It is the 1st date. Sometimes the chemistry is just not there. I have been many first date that just don't work out.
 
IronBrig4

IronBrig4

I'm sorry, man. Was it a bad date, or did she hit you with that "I had a good time but I'm just not feeling it" line afterward?
 
C

Chibibar

IronBrig4 said:
I'm sorry, man. Was it a bad date, or did she hit you with that "I had a good time but I'm just not feeling it" line afterward?
Click to expand...
Or "We have such a good time, but I just want to be friends" (I get that a lot)
 
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