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I Want My Money and You're An Idiot
#1
Anonymous
Anonymous
Feel free to ignore this. I'm just ranting... and I'm doing this anonymously as a precaution (though I'm sure no one I'm ranting about will be "smart enough" to ever find this rant). (Anyway, this is Ling. ~<3)
Now, I'm a generally happy person and I tend to shrug a lot of things off and move on if it's not something worth arguing about, but today I'm furious. I have a friend, or someone who I considered a friend for a long time, who owes me a lot of money. And it's frustrating to see him being stupid and destructive, as well as see him shut everyone out of his life for a second time.
The "short" version of this story is this... T (man) was in an mentally/semi-physically abusive relationship with B (woman). After a couple kids and a few years later, T was finally out of the relationship. Everyone he shut out of his life during this relationship was there to help pick up the pieces. He admitted how depressed he was, he was surprised how many people still cared after the way he treated everyone, and we were all happy to have the old, HAPPY T back in our lives.
After moving on, B put T in jail the day before a court date (regarding the children), stating that T broke his restraining order (T is a very nice man, this restraining order was placed by B for no reason except to cause more drama and make him out to be a dangerous man). He was put in jail and being held for no reason, without anyone investigating.
Backstory on the arrest:
Well, T's family helped A LOT with paying for a lawyer and other issues, so they were tapped out. My roommates are T's brother J and his wife/my BFF, S. J doesn't like asking for money, but he contacted me and asked if myself and M would be able to help chip in, and the family would see if we could pool enough to bail T out.
I said I could do the full amount, as long as I'd be paid back, as this money was coming out of The Wedding Fund. No problem, done deal. The family was grateful. We've all been friends for a long time (M has known this family since grade school). A couple months pass, I don't mind waiting as we're happy to have T in our lives again, and we love seeing him truly happy for the first time in years. I heard from J, his mother, and S a few times that I'd get paid as soon as T was able, but he had other people to pay back first. I was okay with this, no problem. Everything was going GREAT.
Out of no where, just 2 days ago, J receives a text, "Now, don't be mad, but..." J and B are back together. Instantly, he's shutting everyone out. Much like "Guilty until proven innocent," he assumes everyone hates B and that the two of them are together (well, that's not far from the truth), and he won't talk to anyone. He tells everyone he doesn't want negativity in their lives, that no one wants to hear what he has to say (everyone's asked, but that's the only response we receive "no one wants to hear my side"), and that he doesn't need anyone in his life who is going to judge him.
It's true that it's "none of our business," but given B's destructive nature and their ENTIRE past, and that we've all helped him out of his hole the past couple months, that very much DOES make it our business.
So, given the circumstances, I've asked him for my $2000 back. What does he tell me? That I'm "LOW ON HIS LIST" of people to pay back and I just have to wait until he has the money to pay me back. AND that he'd appreciate if I didn't talk to him AT ALL until then. Tell me I'm being unreasonable. I don't think I am being unreasonable. I waited patiently and only heard second-hand that I'd get my money back. I helped him when he needed it. I never demanded my money. Now that T is back with the person who put him in jail in the first place, I believe I have every right to have that bail money returned to me ASAP.
Instead of giving me a real response, I'm being ignored. If I were a bank, he'd be in big trouble. I should now play the part of a bank and tack on interest and follow up every few days. It wouldn't be harassment, either.
I'm extremely frustrated. And the biggest problem is that my anger leads to crying. Not because I'm sad, but anger = tears in my case. Now M's furious at T too, and he's tried his best to stay out of everything, but he's now also unable to sit back and keep quiet.
So, that's been my last 3 days. :-/
Now, I'm a generally happy person and I tend to shrug a lot of things off and move on if it's not something worth arguing about, but today I'm furious. I have a friend, or someone who I considered a friend for a long time, who owes me a lot of money. And it's frustrating to see him being stupid and destructive, as well as see him shut everyone out of his life for a second time.
The "short" version of this story is this... T (man) was in an mentally/semi-physically abusive relationship with B (woman). After a couple kids and a few years later, T was finally out of the relationship. Everyone he shut out of his life during this relationship was there to help pick up the pieces. He admitted how depressed he was, he was surprised how many people still cared after the way he treated everyone, and we were all happy to have the old, HAPPY T back in our lives.
After moving on, B put T in jail the day before a court date (regarding the children), stating that T broke his restraining order (T is a very nice man, this restraining order was placed by B for no reason except to cause more drama and make him out to be a dangerous man). He was put in jail and being held for no reason, without anyone investigating.
Backstory on the arrest:
B was once in an abusive relationship and had to call for help. That was years ago, and they gave her a calling card as a "just in case" and they'll be there to help out, no questions asked. Well, it's clear she abused this number. T was picked up from work, they put him in jail, in the WRONG county, and held him on $2000 bail. Everything about the arrest was shady.
I said I could do the full amount, as long as I'd be paid back, as this money was coming out of The Wedding Fund. No problem, done deal. The family was grateful. We've all been friends for a long time (M has known this family since grade school). A couple months pass, I don't mind waiting as we're happy to have T in our lives again, and we love seeing him truly happy for the first time in years. I heard from J, his mother, and S a few times that I'd get paid as soon as T was able, but he had other people to pay back first. I was okay with this, no problem. Everything was going GREAT.
Out of no where, just 2 days ago, J receives a text, "Now, don't be mad, but..." J and B are back together. Instantly, he's shutting everyone out. Much like "Guilty until proven innocent," he assumes everyone hates B and that the two of them are together (well, that's not far from the truth), and he won't talk to anyone. He tells everyone he doesn't want negativity in their lives, that no one wants to hear what he has to say (everyone's asked, but that's the only response we receive "no one wants to hear my side"), and that he doesn't need anyone in his life who is going to judge him.
It's true that it's "none of our business," but given B's destructive nature and their ENTIRE past, and that we've all helped him out of his hole the past couple months, that very much DOES make it our business.
So, given the circumstances, I've asked him for my $2000 back. What does he tell me? That I'm "LOW ON HIS LIST" of people to pay back and I just have to wait until he has the money to pay me back. AND that he'd appreciate if I didn't talk to him AT ALL until then. Tell me I'm being unreasonable. I don't think I am being unreasonable. I waited patiently and only heard second-hand that I'd get my money back. I helped him when he needed it. I never demanded my money. Now that T is back with the person who put him in jail in the first place, I believe I have every right to have that bail money returned to me ASAP.
Instead of giving me a real response, I'm being ignored. If I were a bank, he'd be in big trouble. I should now play the part of a bank and tack on interest and follow up every few days. It wouldn't be harassment, either.
I'm extremely frustrated. And the biggest problem is that my anger leads to crying. Not because I'm sad, but anger = tears in my case. Now M's furious at T too, and he's tried his best to stay out of everything, but he's now also unable to sit back and keep quiet.
So, that's been my last 3 days. :-/
#2
Calleja
Calleja
Sue the fucker.
#3
Ravenpoe
Ravenpoe
Fuck the sewer!
That's not advice, I just really hate sewage. Shit sucks. (that's a good motto for this story)
That's not advice, I just really hate sewage. Shit sucks. (that's a good motto for this story)
#4
Anonymous
Anonymous
I think I'm more concerned about his brother J more so than I am about T being in this terrible "relationship" again. At this point, he can go fuck himself, as long as I get my money back.
When T was in this situation before, he was almost "afraid" to be away from B, so he never visited J. J lost his brother, basically. He was depressed for 4-5 years. Every once in a while we'd get a glimpse of the old T, but then B would tag along somewhere and bring him right back down. J's been pretty silent about this whole thing, and S (his wife) has barely said anything to him about it because she doesn't want him to explode with rage. S and I have been talking a lot though, and she's also worried J will be back in his hole. As much as he'd like to just let T go and shut him out completely, they're still brothers. When T came to him before with issues, J was right there for him, but it's the same song and dance every time. He always goes back. B must be a really good lay.
When T was in this situation before, he was almost "afraid" to be away from B, so he never visited J. J lost his brother, basically. He was depressed for 4-5 years. Every once in a while we'd get a glimpse of the old T, but then B would tag along somewhere and bring him right back down. J's been pretty silent about this whole thing, and S (his wife) has barely said anything to him about it because she doesn't want him to explode with rage. S and I have been talking a lot though, and she's also worried J will be back in his hole. As much as he'd like to just let T go and shut him out completely, they're still brothers. When T came to him before with issues, J was right there for him, but it's the same song and dance every time. He always goes back. B must be a really good lay.
#5
Calleja
Calleja
Crazy chicks usually are.
#6
LordRendar
LordRendar
Yep.The sex is crazy. Anyway,if I were in your shoes,I would sue the dude.
#7
strawman
strawman
Well, I've always felt that if I loan money to a friend I have to be prepared to lose the money or the friend, and probably both.
The position you're in is terrible, but it also looks like its emotionally draining and damaging. I suspect you would be better off writing it all off as a lost cause, and moving on. Getting embroiled in their problems, or suing them, or anything else is just going to hurt you more, with no upside.
The position you're in is terrible, but it also looks like its emotionally draining and damaging. I suspect you would be better off writing it all off as a lost cause, and moving on. Getting embroiled in their problems, or suing them, or anything else is just going to hurt you more, with no upside.
#8
evilmike
Well, other than the money and possibly meeting Judge Judy.
evilmike
Well, I've always felt that if I loan money to a friend I have to be prepared to lose the money or the friend, and probably both.
The position you're in is terrible, but it also looks like its emotionally draining and damaging. I suspect you would be better off writing it all off as a lost cause, and moving on. Getting embroiled in their problems, or suing them, or anything else is just going to hurt you more, with no upside.
Well, other than the money and possibly meeting Judge Judy.
#9
BananaHands
If you sue him it's going to take a lot of time and money to get your money back, unless you DO want to grace the realm of daytime television.
T is with some girl that got him arrested once, so I'm fairly sure this relationship is going to explode and he's going to be up shit creek again soon. Give it time, he'll either come back and you'll have the chance to get your money back or you'll get the joy of his idiotic decisions crashing down on him.
BananaHands
This^Well, I've always felt that if I loan money to a friend I have to be prepared to lose the money or the friend, and probably both.
The position you're in is terrible, but it also looks like its emotionally draining and damaging. I suspect you would be better off writing it all off as a lost cause, and moving on. Getting embroiled in their problems, or suing them, or anything else is just going to hurt you more, with no upside.
If you sue him it's going to take a lot of time and money to get your money back, unless you DO want to grace the realm of daytime television.
T is with some girl that got him arrested once, so I'm fairly sure this relationship is going to explode and he's going to be up shit creek again soon. Give it time, he'll either come back and you'll have the chance to get your money back or you'll get the joy of his idiotic decisions crashing down on him.
#10
Necronic
Necronic
Wait are J and B together or T and B?
#11
strawman
strawman
I'm pretty sure the op accidentally switched T and J halfway through, then switched back at the end. It's probably safe to assume that the person that was with her, then was arrested due to her, then took money from the op, then went back to her is the same person.Wait are J and B together or T and B?
#12
Dave
Dave
As I see it you have two options:
- Write it all off - the money and the person - and call it a day.
- Small claims court
#13
Adam
Adam
Write it off as a horrible, horrible lesson. Without knowing where you live, you can't just charge interest because you feel like it. Had you signed a promissary note, it would have been a contractual obligation and yes, you could have charged interest and the like with no legal impediments. As well, if you charge interest, that's considered taxable income so it has ramifications on your return. Thankfully, the amount is low enough (although still impactful) that this wouldn't be an issue.
Your best bet is to consider it a gift, and that any repayments that come from it are a surprise. It's a harsh, horrible lesson but a necessary one.
Your best bet is to consider it a gift, and that any repayments that come from it are a surprise. It's a harsh, horrible lesson but a necessary one.
#14
WasabiPoptart
WasabiPoptart
Would this even have a chance in court? Is there a contract of any sort to prove a loan was made and promised to be paid back? Otherwise, yeah, I think it is going to have to be written off as a bad decision and a hard lesson learned.
#15
SpecialKO
SpecialKO
I have to reluctantly agree - unless you have some clear legal avenue beyond he-said-she-said, the cost and emotional investment to re-coup are likely going to be much higher than the amount you lost. It's a horrible lesson to learn, but fortunately it wasn't as awful as it could have been (I know IRL folks who have a similar tale to the tune of 5 digits).
Only lend what you're willing to risk.
Only lend what you're willing to risk.
#16
Frank
Frank
I don't loan money to people, especially family. I will give them money though. I never expect to see it back.
#17
Krisken
Krisken
Want to be my long lost brother?I don't loan money to people, especially family. I will give them money though. I never expect to see it back.
#18
GasBandit
GasBandit
Neither borrower nor lender be.
#19
T
The_Khan
T
The_Khan
I have a lot of family in edmonton, are you related to any of them?I don't loan money to people, especially family. I will give them money though. I never expect to see it back.
#20
Frank
Frank
Edmonton is now pretty my family free. My mom, brothers, dad, 3 aunts, 2 uncles and a plethora of adult cousins all used to reside in Edmontonchuck, but now it's just me and a brother.
The misconception here is I just give money to people, not really the case. When someone I know is in a situation where they need to ask for money, which sucks complete nuts, if I can I will try to help them out (within reason). I call it giving them money because always, despite all the payback promises, people rarely do. I don't really expect them to.
If they are in the situation to need to borrow money, do you really expect them to be able to repay you anytime soon?
The misconception here is I just give money to people, not really the case. When someone I know is in a situation where they need to ask for money, which sucks complete nuts, if I can I will try to help them out (within reason). I call it giving them money because always, despite all the payback promises, people rarely do. I don't really expect them to.
If they are in the situation to need to borrow money, do you really expect them to be able to repay you anytime soon?
#21
bhamv3
bhamv3
Is that what happened with THQ?
#22
Frank
Frank
If only.
OBSIDIAAAAAAN!!!!!
OBSIDIAAAAAAN!!!!!
#23
Anonymous
Anonymous
There's pretty much zero chance that I'd take this to court. I'm actually not too worried about getting the money back *eventually*, I just had to rant and also had to give T my $0.02 rather than shrug and sit idly by.
M and I are actually very close with the entire family, so there's no way T would ever get away with refusing to pay me back. His mother adores me, his dad I've met once (and we're attending his vow renewal in Vegas come August - while T may now be uninvited...) and he thinks I'm peachy, his brother is my roommate, and because J is my roommate, his cousin visits regularly and we always have good talks! His grandpa and grandma love me, and the rest of the family knows of me too! Really, I have the advantage. I just couldn't believe the things he said to me, and some time yesterday he also un-friended me on Facebook (LOL). I'm not upset about being unfriended, I just find it humorous that through everything, I'M the one that gets the ban hammer.
I also wouldn't seriously add interest. I just thought that would be a funny dick-move. He's kind of being weird with paying people back. Rather than pay a bit to everyone at a time, he's paying one person a large sum of money at a time, so everyone's having to wait...
Anyway, M talked to T briefly today and was nice enough, but said it didn't seem like T was too happy with him. He stated he wasn't taking sides, but he just didn't like the way T was treating me. T apologized to M, said he hated that everyone was judging, and said we'd get paid back with his tax return. M shot a quick text back basically saying it's all understandable, but he should also realize that everyone who is now "judging" were also the same people who were there supporting him before. T hasn't said anything else...
M and I are actually very close with the entire family, so there's no way T would ever get away with refusing to pay me back. His mother adores me, his dad I've met once (and we're attending his vow renewal in Vegas come August - while T may now be uninvited...) and he thinks I'm peachy, his brother is my roommate, and because J is my roommate, his cousin visits regularly and we always have good talks! His grandpa and grandma love me, and the rest of the family knows of me too! Really, I have the advantage. I just couldn't believe the things he said to me, and some time yesterday he also un-friended me on Facebook (LOL). I'm not upset about being unfriended, I just find it humorous that through everything, I'M the one that gets the ban hammer.
I also wouldn't seriously add interest. I just thought that would be a funny dick-move. He's kind of being weird with paying people back. Rather than pay a bit to everyone at a time, he's paying one person a large sum of money at a time, so everyone's having to wait...
Anyway, M talked to T briefly today and was nice enough, but said it didn't seem like T was too happy with him. He stated he wasn't taking sides, but he just didn't like the way T was treating me. T apologized to M, said he hated that everyone was judging, and said we'd get paid back with his tax return. M shot a quick text back basically saying it's all understandable, but he should also realize that everyone who is now "judging" were also the same people who were there supporting him before. T hasn't said anything else...