My cheating wife wants me to forgive her...and should I quit my job because of this

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Timmus

Timmus

I'm in the middle of ending a really fucked up marriage. I live and work in china and my soon to be ex-wife is chinese as well. We got married for all the wrong reasons. Her family was heavily pressuring her not to be involved with me and did their best to keep us separated. So we decided to get married in secret. We were only married four months. In that time she barely lived with me in order to maintain the lie that she and I had not married. Just recently she confessed that she was also having an affair and she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with him or me. I told her I wanted a divorce. I will do this as soon as possible.

My family--my mom especially-- would like me to come home right away. I am off two minds about this. On the one hand I would like to go home and reevaluate my life and let my parents be rest assured that I'm not going to fuck up my life anymore than I already have. On the other hand I feel bad about leaving my job. My contract ends in January and the idea of not fulfilling that obligation doesn't make me feel good. To stay I would be giving up christmas with my family who I have not seen in over a year now. On the other hand I feel the need to prove to myself that although I made some mistakes in my personal life my employer shouldn't have to suffer for that and I should meet my commitments to them.

At this point all I'm really sure of is that getting married was a huge mistake and I don't want to be married anymore. Now what?
 
ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Is there a chance you can divorce, keep your job until January and THEN go home? I don't see why the end of the marriage means the end of your job.

Either way, your wife cheated on you within the first four months of your marriage. There's a good chance she'll do it again. Kick 'er to the curb.
 
Timmus

Timmus

Yeah the marriage is over. There is no question about that.

It's up to me wether I stay until January or not. My family wants me home now and I don't know what I want except to not be married anymore.
 
Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

Thread title: "My cheating wife wants me to forgive her"
Question everyone is going to answer: "Should I forgive my wife?"
Question thread is actually asking: "Should I quit my job early?"

???????
 
Fun Size

Fun Size

Not my subforum, but my $.02: it sounds like being responsible and finishing the job is important to you, and perhaps after dealing with a situation where something is ending badly, it would behoove you to follow it with an accomplishment and opportunity to prove to yourself that you are, despite this setback, a responsible and capable individual who can take care of things.

EDIT: Good point, Juice. No, you should not forgive her unless you really want to, and certainly not to make her feel better.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

Look on the bright side, it was only four months. Get the divorce, stick it out until january, and then leave the baggage when you come back home. You haven't screwed up your life, you just made a bad decision that cost you a few months time and some heartache.
 
bhamv3

bhamv3

You'll have a lifetime of Christmases to spend with your family, I'm sure missing this year's will suck, but you can make it up in the many Christmases to come. :)

Though I sense, and this is just armchair psychology speaking, that you may want to leave China to get away from the emotional clusterfuck you went through there? Is that influencing your decision whether to see out your contract? Because otherwise, getting a divorce, and then finishing your contract, and then going home seems like an obvious route.
 
Timmus

Timmus

I think so. My instincts tell me I should stick it out. I'm just having trouble trying to put the arguments for and against it into words.

I'm going to sleep now thanks for the input. I don't have to make a decision immediately but I do have to make one that's quicker than i would prefer.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

Timmus said:
I think so. My instincts tell me I should stick it out. I'm just having trouble trying to put the arguments for and against it into words.

I'm going to sleep now thanks for the input. I don't have to make a decision immediately but I do have to make one that's quicker than i would prefer.
Click to expand...
Just remember, when the time comes, to UP THE MAN FUCK!

Wait, I don't think that's right.
 
ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

They bring screwing to a whole new level with Poe. They UPFUCK THE MAN!
Added at: 12:30
Whereas me, thanks to my prom night, I'm known as THE FUCK-UP MAN!

Wait, hang on...
 
C

Chibibar

If you want good references (also keep in good contact with business in China) stick with the contract. You don't want to offend any business there in CASE you need a job elsewhere in China.
 
strawman

strawman

Aside from keeping your professional life spotless, staying at your job will prevent you from becoming mired in the divorce proceedings and all the emotional baggage that comes along with it. Keeping busy is important. If you have a job waiting for you at home, then you'd probably be ok either way, but this is one more checkmark in the "complete contract" column.
 
C

Chibibar

stienman said:
Aside from keeping your professional life spotless, staying at your job will prevent you from becoming mired in the divorce proceedings and all the emotional baggage that comes along with it. Keeping busy is important. If you have a job waiting for you at home, then you'd probably be ok either way, but this is one more checkmark in the "complete contract" column.
Click to expand...
Yup. Since you work in China, keep in mind when it comes to business, they have a LONG memory. Breaking contract is gonna be bad bad bad bad for you. Depending on the company, you could get black listed (if they hate you enough) so, don't wanna do that.
 
G

Gagaoohlala

If you break your contract, isn't that sort of the same thing your wife did to you? You'll be screwing your company and betraying then in the same way you were betrayed. I would be a responsible adult and stick out your time there. Thats the most mature adult thing to do. Your personal life should not affect your work that much.
 
Timmus

Timmus

I just want to thank everyone who replied to this thread. It helped me to get the perspective I needed to make the right decision.

I'm going to see out my contract. I enjoy the work. Although my family will be disappointed I'm not coming home I'll be able to take pride in the fact that I didn't go running home to mommy when the going got tough.

So thank you all.
 
Timmus

Timmus

Just found out my landlord wants to sell my apartment and I have to leave by the end of October.

A friend of mine from work has a spare room though so I'll be ok and I'll save some money to boot.

Things are looking up in a strange way.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
I went to a concert yesterday. Lasted from 2 until midnight. So I missed this thread.

What they said.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

Timmus said:
Update:

Good news everyone! I just talked with my Mom and Dad and they were really understanding and supportive of my decision. I feel so much better!
Click to expand...
Everything's coming up Timmus! Good job, man. And remember, what happens in China stays in China.

Unless it's made with lead paint.
 
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