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Post a movie worse than the poster above you

Jun 19, 2011#1

Steve

Yeah, Charlie had the good movie thread but I've always been a fan of bad movies. Movies that had good intentions but just downright sucked. So using the rules from Charlie's thread what is the worst movie you have ever seen.

Rules:

1) You should probably genuinely think your movie is worse than the one before.
2) No posts that are just "Movie Title". At least a couple words about why your movie is good and/or the other one is not as good.
3) SUPER obscure movies are fine here.
4) The game will never end - just like a bad movie never seems like it's going to end.

Dungeonmaster (1985)

Basically a nerd (Paul) gets challenged by the devil to compete in seven challenges. One of the challenges is a giant stone statue that comes alive and attacks. But the statue has a weak spot. . . on the soul of his foot. The one area you'd not want a weak spot. Of course our nerdy hero finds it and defeats the giant. He wins the first six challenges. The seventh challenge is a race ala Road Warriors where Paul wins but while celebrating his win ends up crashing his car and the devil calls that a loss. So what does Paul do? He challenges the devil to a fist fight. And who know Satan was such a pussy. He got his ass handed to him by Paul and being a demon of honor lets Paul leave the blazing pits of hell. This is truly the worst movie I've ever witnessed. Some movies are so bad they are fun. This movie is not one of them.

Jun 19, 2011#2

LittleSin

Ultraviolet. /thread

Jun 19, 2011#3

sixpackshaker

The Pledge

Jack Nicolson

Directed by Sean Penn.

I'd rather watch paint dry. I think in one scene you do, because nothing else happens.

Jun 19, 2011#4

Ravenpoe

Because someone has to.

Transformers.

Enough said.

Jun 19, 2011#5

sixpackshaker

Transformers II

Jun 19, 2011#6

Krisken

Meatballs 2. This sorry excuse of fecal matter masquerading as a kids film takes a mediocre movie and makes a sequel based on, get this, an alien going to summer camp here on earth. He has weird alien powers and helps to rig a boxing match, which is supposedly the climax of the film.

Terrible. Terrible terrible. Do not watch if you prefer not to experience a form of stigmata.

Jun 20, 2011#7

DarkAudit

Speed Racer.

An assault on the ears, eyeballs, and brain. None of it in a good way. I was frantically searching for the remote to stop the torture after only 20 minutes.

Jun 20, 2011#8

Steve

Krisken said:
Meatballs 2. This sorry excuse of fecal matter masquerading as a kids film takes a mediocre movie and makes a sequel based on, get this, an alien going to summer camp here on earth. He has weird alien powers and helps to rig a boxing match, which is supposedly the climax of the film.

Terrible. Terrible terrible. Do not watch if you prefer not to experience a form of stigmata.

Oh God, Meatballs 2. I forgot about that. Me Ted. Meathead. Horrible movie.

Along the same lines was Scott Baio's Zapped. Still not sure what that movie was about. Some guy gets telekinetic power and uses it to disrobe women so he can check out their yams? Hmmm. Maybe I need to rewatch that one.

Jun 20, 2011#9

ThatNickGuy

Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

Jun 20, 2011#10

HCGLNS

Ninja Wars

Fear their deadly projectile vomit attack!

Jun 20, 2011#11

Steve

Gymkata. Gymkata? GYMKATA!!!!!

And I would name this one of the most disturbing movies ever made. Is there an audience for limbless martial arts experts? And watching a dangling nub for arms or legs flailing around making minced meat out of fully limbed martial arts experts is puzzling at best.

Jun 20, 2011#12

Steve

To all of you that have Netflix do yourself a favor and don't stream "Wrong Side of Town" starring RVD (the wrestler). I was thinking it was Jeane Claude Van Damn (which is not much better I know). This is one steaming pile of bad movie. Horrible acting. Lame effects. Laughable villains. I made it to the 30 minute mark before I turned it off.

Jun 20, 2011#13

General Specific

Manos: The Hands of Fate (with no help from MST3k)

Witness! 5-minute tracking shots of empty roadside!

Thrill! To reoccurring characters that have absolutely nothing to do with what is generously called "The Plot"!

Chill! At TORGO!

See! The only cat-fight between lingerie-clad women ever described as "Boring and much too long."

Only with...

MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE!!

Jun 21, 2011#14

Gryfter

Plan 9 from Outer Space

/thread

Jun 21, 2011#15

HCGLNS

Gigli

/life

Jun 21, 2011#16

Frankie Williamson

This is an injoke between an old friend and I but The Doom Generation is the worst.

Jun 21, 2011#17

Emrys

Robot Monster. This has all the cheese. Stilted dialogue; hackneyed anti-communism plot; footage of fake dinosaurs; the wonderful meshing of deep-water diver and gorilla to make Ro-Man; and, of course, the Automatic Billion Bubble Machine. I wouldn't be surprised if they got Lawrence Welk on that thing.

Jun 22, 2011#18

sixpackshaker

I have a hard time considering Plan 9 from Outer Space, or Manos the Hands of Fate as the worst movies of all time. Or any other truly B-Movie. Films like Ishtar, the Transformers series, etc... that have the talent and budgets to make good films AND stink, should be trashed much harder than some Semi-pro's efforts.

Jun 22, 2011#19

Philosopher B.

The writers on Transformers 2 were paid 8 million for the task.

Think about that.

Jun 22, 2011#20

sixpackshaker

Philosopher B. said:
The writers on Transformers 2 were paid 8 million for the task.

Think about that.

And that is why it should be considered the worst film in history.

Jun 22, 2011#21

strawman

So worseness can only be measured relative to what it *could* have been?

Wow. I thought it would be hard coming to agreement with this simple arrangement, but if you add another subjective factor in, we'll never get anywhere!

Jun 22, 2011#22

sixpackshaker

Everything is subjective when it comes to Film...

I guess you can check the color balance and run time.

Jun 22, 2011#23

Philosopher B.

It's like if you were not only paid 8 mill to drop a deuce, but instead of turning out a firm, normal-smelling nugget ... you had diarrhea. The things a talented writer/director could do with half that money ...

*twitches*
Added at: 19:47
Look what can be done with $5 million:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_(film)

Jun 22, 2011#24

Philosopher B.

Also, while I have not seen Robot Monster, it cannot possibly be as lame nor morally repugnant as the indie horror flick Doghouse. It is the most misogynistic and fucktastic piece of cinematic ass-gravy I have had the misfortune to sniff in quite some time. Its basic premise is that, deep down, women are all man-hating cannibals and that the military-released virus within the film only shows them for what they truly are.

I actually feel really bad for not turning it off half-way through, but I've only ever done that with one movie ever. Ugh. I can't believe someone would fucking sit down and write a thing like that.

Jun 22, 2011#25

Gryfter

sixpackshaker said:
I have a hard time considering Plan 9 from Outer Space, or Manos the Hands of Fate as the worst movies of all time. Or any other truly B-Movie. Films like Ishtar, the Transformers series, etc... that have the talent and budgets to make good films AND stink, should be trashed much harder than some Semi-pro's efforts.

Ok, fine then.... The Last Airbender or for that matter any movie based on awesome source material that fails utterly.

Jun 22, 2011#26

Gusto

The Last Airbender is the worst major motion picture I have ever seen, narrowly beating out G.I. Joe.

Jun 22, 2011#27

sixpackshaker

Gryfter said:
Ok, fine then.... The Last Airbender or for that matter any movie based on awesome source material that fails utterly.

Yes, they had the intention, the source material, and budget to make a passable film. And they stunk. Picking on Plan 9 is like the arseholes that push down developmentally challenged kids.

Jun 22, 2011#28

Shannow

Suckerpunch

Jun 22, 2011#29

LittleSin

I'm adding Dragon Ball Evolution for how soul crushingly bad it was.

Jun 22, 2011#30

GasBandit

Once again I gotta break out "A Polish Vampire in Burbank." Had all the plot of an 80s porn movie (with no porn), the production value of my folks' home movies and... just... ugh. I tried watching it several times, couldn't ever last more than 20-30 mins a sitting.

Trailer

Jun 22, 2011#31

sixpackshaker

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Jun 22, 2011#32

Gryfter

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Jun 22, 2011#33

Krisken

Oh, pulling out the big guns, eh?

Ankle Biters. A movie about midget vampires.

Jun 22, 2011#34

DarkAudit

For the sheer amount of damage it did...

Heaven's Gate

Destroyed a studio, a director, and paved the way for the suit-driven crap of today.

Jun 22, 2011#35

jwhouk

Nothing But Trouble. So bad that it essentially put an end to the "all-star lineup" type of movie. And it had no freakin' plot.

Jun 22, 2011#36

Wasabi Poptart

The Pacifier. Vin Diesel as a Navy SEAL assigned to be a Nanny/bodyguard. It was as bad as a month old diaper.

Jun 22, 2011#37

sixpackshaker

DarkAudit said:
For the sheer amount of damage it did...

Heaven's Gate

Destroyed a studio, a director, and paved the way for the suit-driven crap of today.

Slow film, but I dug it.

Jun 23, 2011#38

Shannow

Pluto Nash

Jun 23, 2011#39

sixpackshaker

Ishtar

Jun 23, 2011#40

Gryfter

Shannow said:
Pluto Nash

Jun 23, 2011#41

IronBrig4

The Green Berets. It's sheer propaganda from beginning to end.

Jun 23, 2011#42

sixpackshaker

IronBrig4 said:
The Green Berets. It's sheer propaganda from beginning to end.

Nearly all war movies are sheer propaganda. Normally Anti-War, but G.B. was one of the few Pro-War Propaganda Films of the 60's.

Jun 24, 2011#43

IronBrig4

Yeah, but Green Berets was done in such a hamfisted manner. You could have taken out the "kill the Commies" message and replaced the North Vietnamese with Japanese soldiers or Indians... and it still would have been a rather lackluster John Wayne film.

Regardless, I saw a worse movie today. Anaconda is terrible. It's a J-Lo film from when she decided to try her hand as an actress. You know, I don't think she was in any good films at all.

Jun 25, 2011#44

sixpackshaker

Out of Sight was decent, then again, it was hard to figure out why she went for.... never mind, spoiler

Jun 25, 2011#45

Charlie Don't Surf

I can't believe we got this far without The Room. I guess it's only cult/popular for hipsters like me though.

Jun 25, 2011#46

LittleSin

I'll see your 'The Room' and raise you 'Birdemic'.

Jun 25, 2011#47

General Specific

Battlefield Earth

Jun 27, 2011#48

Cajungal

Charlie Don't Surf said:
I can't believe we got this far without The Room. I guess it's only cult/popular for hipsters like me though.

I can't wait to see the Rifftrax of that movie.

Jun 27, 2011#49

figmentPez

Charlie Don't Surf said:
I can't believe we got this far without The Room. I guess it's only cult/popular for hipsters like me though.

I was trying to keep to movies I've actually seen. Otherwise I'd be mentioning such gems as Pocket Ninjas and Gooby.

As for what I've actually seen "The Adventures of the American Rabbit" is pretty bad.

Jun 27, 2011#50

Steve

I had a trifecta yesterday thanks to Netflix On Demand. Started with Rampage. Two words: Uwe Boll. Then went with Anneliese: The Exorcist Tapes. One of those "real footage" movies that claims to be the inspiration for The Exorcist. The only inspiration I got from it was to take a massive dump. Horrible acting, obviously staged "real footage", and horrible effects. The bed shaking scene was terrible. Then, to add insult to injury, I watched a movie called "The New Guy" starring DJ Qualls. Who in the hell greenlit this movie? The basic nerd transforms into hero movie but the director forgot that the nerd should be somewhat likable. And who would buy this 120 pound trainwreck could be a bad ass. Of three sucky movies The New Guy had to be one of the worst movies I've ever watched. And that includes anything with Jamie Kennedy.

Jul 1, 2011#51

Mathias

The Island of the Dead.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0157836/

What a piece of shit.

Jul 1, 2011#52

Philosopher B.

Jesus, 2.9 ... that's gotta be a winner.

Jul 1, 2011#53

General Specific

If we're going by IMDB's ratings, Manos has a 1.5

Jul 2, 2011#54

Hailey Knight

Colma: The Musical. A low-budget musical where no one can sing, the music is single-note, there's barely a story, no acting... I had to turn it off due to physical discomfort.

Jul 3, 2011#55

Overflight

Night of Horror.

If you want to know why, just watch this:

http://thecinemasnob.com/2011/05/04/night-of-horror.aspx

Jul 3, 2011#56

Steve

Overflight said:
Night of Horror.

If you want to know why, just watch this:

http://thecinemasnob.com/2011/05/04/night-of-horror.aspx

Wow, that tops any piece of garbage I've seen. I wanted to punch everyone involved in this project squarely in the puddins.

Jul 3, 2011#57

Overflight

If you're feeling masochistic and/or insomniac, you can watch the whole thing on Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWo58G1gwdw

Jul 3, 2011#58

General Specific

Steve said:
Wow, that tops any piece of garbage I've seen. I wanted to punch everyone involved in this project squarely in the puddins.

Agreed, I think that wins... or loses, I'm not sure how to score it

Jul 9, 2011#59

Holy Knickers

Teeth

It was explained to me that it was a womens empowerment movie.

Jul 9, 2011#60

Kovac

Gummo

No movie has bored me nearly as much as this one

Jul 10, 2011#61

Overflight

Holy Knickers said:
Teeth

It was explained to me that it was a womens empowerment movie.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's possible to make a "Women's empowerment movie" that doesn't imply "ALL men are rapists".

...seriously, EVERY MALE CHARACTER IN THIS MOVIE (except for her stepfather) tries to RAPE THE PROTAGONIST. WTF.

Jul 11, 2011#62

strawman

All men are rapists, and until a woman realizes it, she isn't free from the tyranny of the male.

Duh.

Jul 11, 2011#63

sixpackshaker

All sex is rape.

Nov 24, 2012#64

strawman

Twilight. All of it.

Nov 24, 2012#65

Covar

Showgirls. Makes nudity boring.

Nov 24, 2012#66

Yoshimickster

The Jetson's Movie.

I didn't think it was possible, but they made Judy Jetson MORE annoying by giving her a pop-star voice actress. Also it kind-of sucks that THIS was Mel Blanc's last voice role before he died. Not some awesome Looney Tunes or Woody WoodPecker movie, but this.

Nov 24, 2012#67

Frank

George O'Hanlon's last role too, he suffered his second (and mortal) stroke in the fucking studio after he was finished recording the dialog. That movie killed two people.

Nov 24, 2012#68

Yoshimickster

Frank said:
George O'Hanlon's last role too, he suffered his second (and mortal) stroke in the fucking studio after he was finished recording the dialog. That movie killed two people.

Damn straight. Guy had a damn stroke and he STILL recorded the 80s episodes and the movie. Both he and Mel were too good for this movie.

Nov 24, 2012#69

Zappit

Fun with Dick and Jane. They told the story of Enron workers as a comedy - without any jokes! Ha! You got me there! A dentist's drill has more entertainment value, and it ends quicker than this piece of crap.

Out of all those movies that make you hate Jim Carrey, this is one of them.

Nov 24, 2012#70

Krisken

In that vein, Cabin Boy. It 'stars' Chris Elliott. I use 'star' loosely.

Nov 24, 2012#71

North_Ranger

Doom.

This movie was so bad, it made BloodRayne look like frickin' Schindler's List. I swear, I started bleeding from my pores trying to watch the 'acting' of the Rock and the other people fooled into this film. The final fight with the "1st person shooter" view was just goddamn stupid.

Nov 24, 2012#72

Krisken

Van Helsing. As one friend said "The vampire made Bela Lugosi look like Laurence Olivier".

Nov 24, 2012#73

Cheesy1

Carnosaur.

Made right after Jurassic Park in hopes of capitalizing on its success, Carnosaur is about a geneticist who decides that humans aren't worthy to be the dominant species on the planet. She proceeds to bring back dinosaurs by genetically altering chickens with dino D.N.A. The story was incredibly stupid and the special effects were absolutely horrible, even by the standards of the early 90's.

Nov 24, 2012#74

Silent Bob

Nov 24, 2012#75

Emrys

That was so horrible it gave me cancer.

Nov 24, 2012#76

Yoshimickster

I'm not sure if its worse than Thanksgivingsploitation, but I hate it anyways: The Village. Worst. Twist. EVER!

Nov 24, 2012#77

Bowielee

I can't see the youtubes posted, so this may have been already mentioned, but seriously.... A Serbian Film.

I have never had a movie I couldn't get through and usually like fucked up stuff, but this movie... just... it makes you weep for humanity.

Nov 24, 2012#78

WasabiPoptart

The Love Guru - This movie should have a warning on it saying it is hazardous to the viewer's health.

Nov 24, 2012#79

Yoshimickster

Every American Pie sequel between "American Wedding" and "American Reunion". The real ones could at least pull off some good dumb humor, but the ones SANS the main cast...ugh. Just awful.

Nov 24, 2012#80

WasabiPoptart

Solaris (2002) - It felt like something exciting should happen at any minute, but it never did. The story was so slow I think I could have slept for 45 minutes, nearly half of the film, and not missed anything important.

Nov 25, 2012#81

IronBrig4

Street Fighter was so bad it killed Raul Julia.

Nov 25, 2012#82

Covar