[Question] Quickie Advice - Asking out Online
- Thread starter ThatNickGuy
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Biannoshufu
Mouth herpes?
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And then when you go rock climbing, she'll climb up first, to demonstrate. And then her harness will slip, or she'll lose her grip, and she'll fall down from the wall, and you'll be right there to catch her.
And then when she's lying there cradled in your arms, with a slightly scared but incredibly relieved expression on her face, she'll turn her wide adoring eyes to you and be silently thankful that she's dating a manly, strong, and confident man like you.
And then something funny will happen, like someone will fart, or something.
And then when she's lying there cradled in your arms, with a slightly scared but incredibly relieved expression on her face, she'll turn her wide adoring eyes to you and be silently thankful that she's dating a manly, strong, and confident man like you.
And then something funny will happen, like someone will fart, or something.
Or maybe she'll be wearing a skirt and you may be able to take a peek!
What? Why not? I would!
What can I say, I'm such a romantic.
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Biannoshufu
I'd pay money to see bhamv in a skirt on a rock climbing date.
fade
Staff member
I'm apprehensive because I've never dated a single mother before (first date with one, once, but she realized she wasn't ready to date yet).
Still, I'm not remotely afraid to take baby steps, here. Heck, for all I know, I'll just be her rebound guy to get her back into the dating scene.
I foreigner, yes? What this mean?
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Biannoshufu
If you have any honor, don't have sex with a single mother without commitment to her and her child, as her life is hard enough as it is without feeling like a one night stand.
at least this is what youtube tells me, I could be wrong.
at least this is what youtube tells me, I could be wrong.
Very Thanks you!
Shyeah, like my integrity would ever let me do that.
Goddamnit...damnit, damnit, damnit. No, Nick, you can't fall for this girl. Not this quick! DAMNIT.
So, she invited me over tonight for a movie, after her son went to sleep. We barely watched the movie.
...no, not like that. We talked. Lord, we talked. I can't remember the last time (if ever) I've felt so immediately comfortable with somebody. She has a lot of anxiety and insecurity about dating again. She admitted to me that her ex was abusive with her. Physically, even. Which makes my blood boil, but at the same time, I understand more now why she's so scared about getting into anything.
We sort of backpedelled a little. At her request, we're just hanging out for now, without the 'date' pressure. And I'm absolutely okay with that. It's driving me flipping nuts, but I'm okay with it. After the movie tonight, we kept talking until 1 AM. At one point, I started gently caressing her knee. She was nervous even about that, but was okay with it. That's as far as it got. I told her as I was leaving (which was awkward because we both wanted to kiss) that I understood, even if it drove me absolutely insane.
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GODDAMNIT, I CAN'T FALL FOR SOMEONE SO QUICKLY!
So, she invited me over tonight for a movie, after her son went to sleep. We barely watched the movie.
...no, not like that. We talked. Lord, we talked. I can't remember the last time (if ever) I've felt so immediately comfortable with somebody. She has a lot of anxiety and insecurity about dating again. She admitted to me that her ex was abusive with her. Physically, even. Which makes my blood boil, but at the same time, I understand more now why she's so scared about getting into anything.
We sort of backpedelled a little. At her request, we're just hanging out for now, without the 'date' pressure. And I'm absolutely okay with that. It's driving me flipping nuts, but I'm okay with it. After the movie tonight, we kept talking until 1 AM. At one point, I started gently caressing her knee. She was nervous even about that, but was okay with it. That's as far as it got. I told her as I was leaving (which was awkward because we both wanted to kiss) that I understood, even if it drove me absolutely insane.
...
GODDAMNIT, I CAN'T FALL FOR SOMEONE SO QUICKLY!
That is, perhaps, the best metaphor I've ever heard for this stage...
Not to confuse what I said Nick, you could very well be developing feelings for her, BUT it is very crucial that develop is the key word. There's still years of history you need to know about her, regardless of how much you talked already. There's also ALOT of inner feelings and ideas that she most likely will not vocalize for a good while, for fear that you may not understand. When she does tell you, they may feel like no big deal to you, but they were a huge step for her to talk about.
The best thing about this Nick is you know she likes you, you know you like her, and there's not a single reason to go any faster than you are. Also, while you should let her lead the way, "little" nudges are fine.
The best thing about this Nick is you know she likes you, you know you like her, and there's not a single reason to go any faster than you are. Also, while you should let her lead the way, "little" nudges are fine.
heh, learned that phrase a good while back. I've even said it, straight out, to people who fall too hard, too fast.
That's probably pretty close to accurate. Not sure how aggresive she'll be when she's "ready" but I'm sure she'll let Nick know.
So so very true in my experience. However, just because I slept with "you" does not mean I'm interested past that. The fact that Nick and her are taking it slower, gives me hope for a much longer and fullfilling situation.
Oh believe me, Shegster, I understand that. Man, do I ever understand that. My problem is that, because of my low self-esteem, if a girl shows interest, I tend to fall quick and fall hard. I'm trying very hard to not think about this too much and just enjoy the ride (before I enjoy the ride, wink wink nudge nudge).
She's actually incredibly surprised at how open I am to the idea that she has a kid and being a divorcee. I told her straight out that at my age, it's something I kind of expect to run into more and more as I grow older. It's like when I hit my early 20's and suddenly realized I had to do a ring check on girls I might flirt with. It's just sort of expected, especially in this day and age. I told her that it's not like this was just an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. That would be weird if she still saw him. But the biological father? Different story.
The funny thing is, bhamv says I'm the confident party and that's not really true. We're both the insecure party here. We're both scared. Her insecurities are about letting someone in after an abusive relationship, to say nothing of protecting her child. My insecurities revolve around the fact that I have no confidence in myself and afraid I'm going to scare her away with something I do or say.
But I will say this: I haven't smiled or laughed as much as I did last night in a very long. My cheeks actually hurt by the end of the night (sounds like my prom night?). I feel really comfortable with this girl and feel like I can talk to her about anything and she'll understand. Hell, when she invited me over last night, she greeted me in her flannel pajamas. And I found that flipping adorable and endearing.
So yeah, just to reiterate, I'm trying very hard not to fall hard for this girl.
She's actually incredibly surprised at how open I am to the idea that she has a kid and being a divorcee. I told her straight out that at my age, it's something I kind of expect to run into more and more as I grow older. It's like when I hit my early 20's and suddenly realized I had to do a ring check on girls I might flirt with. It's just sort of expected, especially in this day and age. I told her that it's not like this was just an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. That would be weird if she still saw him. But the biological father? Different story.
The funny thing is, bhamv says I'm the confident party and that's not really true. We're both the insecure party here. We're both scared. Her insecurities are about letting someone in after an abusive relationship, to say nothing of protecting her child. My insecurities revolve around the fact that I have no confidence in myself and afraid I'm going to scare her away with something I do or say.
But I will say this: I haven't smiled or laughed as much as I did last night in a very long. My cheeks actually hurt by the end of the night (sounds like my prom night?). I feel really comfortable with this girl and feel like I can talk to her about anything and she'll understand. Hell, when she invited me over last night, she greeted me in her flannel pajamas. And I found that flipping adorable and endearing.
So yeah, just to reiterate, I'm trying very hard not to fall hard for this girl.
Necronic
Staff member
Way I've always seen it is that in the opening stages it's about the sweet. In the long stages it's about the savory. See, I like candy bars, a lot. In fact, a lot of the time I would probably rather eat a candy bar than a steak. Candy bars have a powerful, if unsubtle richness to them.
But I won't eat candy bars for dinner. It's a short thing. If I eat 6 candybars I get sick. The long thing is the savory. That's dinner, that's the steak. That's the really good stuff, and it's something you can keep tasting without it getting worse. In some ways it gets better. Part of this has to do with the subtlety and complexity of the flavor.
Anyways, you're in the candy bar phase. That's not a knock on you, *everyone* starts in the candybar phase. This is because you don't know each other well, there isn't a lot of complexity to the flavor. The real test is when you start to get into the savory, and whether or not the subtlety of the savory and the lack of pow from the candybar is something you can give up, because, unlike the real dinner in this overly extended metaphor, there's no desert after the savory dinner. You don't get to go back to the sweet while maintaining the savory.
....I don't really know where I was going with this. Do with it what you will.
But I won't eat candy bars for dinner. It's a short thing. If I eat 6 candybars I get sick. The long thing is the savory. That's dinner, that's the steak. That's the really good stuff, and it's something you can keep tasting without it getting worse. In some ways it gets better. Part of this has to do with the subtlety and complexity of the flavor.
Anyways, you're in the candy bar phase. That's not a knock on you, *everyone* starts in the candybar phase. This is because you don't know each other well, there isn't a lot of complexity to the flavor. The real test is when you start to get into the savory, and whether or not the subtlety of the savory and the lack of pow from the candybar is something you can give up, because, unlike the real dinner in this overly extended metaphor, there's no desert after the savory dinner. You don't get to go back to the sweet while maintaining the savory.
....I don't really know where I was going with this. Do with it what you will.
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Biannoshufu
All I know from that is that I am eating six steaks for dinner.
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Biannoshufu
She doesn't eat beef. So, steak won't be on the menu anytime soon.
Wait, hang on...
Wait, hang on...
Man, I had no idea the kind of steaks involved in dating a divorcee.
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