I won't be able to make the main funeral services in Kansas, but burial will be at Arlington. My uncle won't be able to make the trip because of health issues of his own, and I doubt my cousin will make it, either. My sister's in Frederick, and plans on going if she can. My plans are up in the air. It's only ~2.5hrs away, but I'll have to make arrangements to get away from work.
Rant VII: Now With 25% Less Drama
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Dave
Staff member
And now straight from the "Add Injury to Insult" file...
They came and took our car tonight. Why? Because it was in my dad's name and he died. Since it was a loan and he was the only one on it, the bank took it back. So now we're at 1 car.
So to tally things up, in the last year I've lost:
They came and took our car tonight. Why? Because it was in my dad's name and he died. Since it was a loan and he was the only one on it, the bank took it back. So now we're at 1 car.
So to tally things up, in the last year I've lost:
- Two uncles
- My father
- My home
- My main car
Some decided to bathe in cologne in the employee restroom before I got in tonight. Let me add something else that mimicks a heart attack: anaphylactic shock. All it's done to me so far is give me chest pains. Took a nitro pill and an aspirin before I finally figured out what it really was. Doing my best to not die before 7am and quitting time for the week.
figmentPez
Staff member
My legs feel like they're filled with molten lead. Like they're being crushed under their own weight, and it burns at the same time.
I've really had to over-extend myself this week, and now I'm just starting to pay for it. Tomorrow will likely be worse, but tonight is almost certain to be a real bitch-and-a-half. If all I have to face are pain and nightmares about the pain, that'll be a relief. Unfortunately, it's more likely that, while I lie awake with my limbs screaming at me, I'll get to go over every stupid thing I've said in the last week, and I'll be too tired to figure out if I'm being too hard on myself or not and too unfocused to keep my mind away from self-recrimination. Yay.
This week has been one thing after another, and most of it's been good, but it's just been too much too fast.
I've really had to over-extend myself this week, and now I'm just starting to pay for it. Tomorrow will likely be worse, but tonight is almost certain to be a real bitch-and-a-half. If all I have to face are pain and nightmares about the pain, that'll be a relief. Unfortunately, it's more likely that, while I lie awake with my limbs screaming at me, I'll get to go over every stupid thing I've said in the last week, and I'll be too tired to figure out if I'm being too hard on myself or not and too unfocused to keep my mind away from self-recrimination. Yay.
This week has been one thing after another, and most of it's been good, but it's just been too much too fast.
"Hello, Mr. Bhamv? Thanks for coming in for that interview last week, for the full-time position. We've reviewed your information, and we've found that your skills aren't suited for this job. We hope we can retain your services on a part-time basis though, at a fraction of the pay of the full-time position, and we'd need you to be available at our beck and call. Thank you for your interest in our company."
Yeah... screw you guys.
Yeah... screw you guys.
Rest well, brother. We'll take it from here.
Tonight, I'm going to do my annual watching of What Dreams May Come. It's a very personal movie for me due to all the things that it hits about my ongoing battle with depression and the suicidal thoughts that I used to have. The key phrase there is "used to have," as I haven't had those kind of thoughts in a long time.
February 27 will by my 12th anniversary. Twelve years ago, I had a major breakdown that included a suicide attempt and was in the hospital for about two weeks. It's been a long road for me, with a lot of ups and downs, but I'm making it. Speaking of making, I might make a new video for the anniversary, like I did for my 10th. This one might be a video letter to myself back in 2000.
February 27 will by my 12th anniversary. Twelve years ago, I had a major breakdown that included a suicide attempt and was in the hospital for about two weeks. It's been a long road for me, with a lot of ups and downs, but I'm making it. Speaking of making, I might make a new video for the anniversary, like I did for my 10th. This one might be a video letter to myself back in 2000.
I never realized how much I used to look like the little boy at the end of the movie. So, it's pretty clear: the woman I wind up with probably used to look like the little girl at the end. 
And yeah, I'm still wiping tears. Hell, the waterworks started almost as soon as it started. Dammit.
And yeah, I'm still wiping tears. Hell, the waterworks started almost as soon as it started. Dammit.
Ugh. Do you know what my least favourite thing is about shopping my novel around? Writing a synopsis. Not only am I seemingly unable to write a decent one, but 90% of the novel's fun is Dill's narration. And I can't write a synopsis from his point of view.
ARGH!
ARGH!
I hate you. So much.
This day bites.
The program that our company uses to release orders, look up check remittances and find invoices crashed on Monday. My job corelates directly to this program, so I've been stuck at my desk watching myself get behind in my work with no way to fix it. I also work on a monthly project, which I've been doing for the past few days. Oh, but no, watching my everyday work pile up wasn't enough, the program I use for my monthly project also crashed today. For the first time since I started work there over 2 years ago, I literally had nothing to do today. And got sent home. Graaahh, hours, I need you!
The program that our company uses to release orders, look up check remittances and find invoices crashed on Monday. My job corelates directly to this program, so I've been stuck at my desk watching myself get behind in my work with no way to fix it. I also work on a monthly project, which I've been doing for the past few days. Oh, but no, watching my everyday work pile up wasn't enough, the program I use for my monthly project also crashed today. For the first time since I started work there over 2 years ago, I literally had nothing to do today. And got sent home. Graaahh, hours, I need you!
Also, adding to my day, just found out my dad has pneumonia.
Was there a simile involved?
As I do once in awhile (neither frequently, nor consistently), I corrected a friend on Facebook on their spelling. Very simple correction, just "you're" instead of "your". And she deletes it. What bothers me isn't that she deleted it, but that she's one of my classmates in my teacher certificate program.
I've seen a handful of my fellow "cert students" (as we call ourselves) make these sort of posts often enough. In fact, there's one guy that I've read that is almost unreadable the way he'll type (everthin is lik short lik this an its hard 2 read cause he typs lik a 5 year old). I corrected one of their essays which had atrocious spelling or improper homophones (different spelling, same sound, different meaning). Every time I read one of their posts, I want to scream, "You're supposed to be a future teacher! A TEACHER! Set a goddamn example, you moron!"
Now, I'm by no means a perfect writer myself. Quotemander and other people who have edited my writing can attest to that. At the very least, though, I know the basics. I'll certainly make mistakes along the way, but to not even know the difference between basic words like "you're" and "your" or "its" and "it's"? How will they be future educators if they don't even know the difference themselves? It'd be like being an algebra teacher and not knowing how to do long division.
I've seen a handful of my fellow "cert students" (as we call ourselves) make these sort of posts often enough. In fact, there's one guy that I've read that is almost unreadable the way he'll type (everthin is lik short lik this an its hard 2 read cause he typs lik a 5 year old). I corrected one of their essays which had atrocious spelling or improper homophones (different spelling, same sound, different meaning). Every time I read one of their posts, I want to scream, "You're supposed to be a future teacher! A TEACHER! Set a goddamn example, you moron!"
Now, I'm by no means a perfect writer myself. Quotemander and other people who have edited my writing can attest to that. At the very least, though, I know the basics. I'll certainly make mistakes along the way, but to not even know the difference between basic words like "you're" and "your" or "its" and "it's"? How will they be future educators if they don't even know the difference themselves? It'd be like being an algebra teacher and not knowing how to do long division.
I don't mean this against teachers, for whom I have the utmost respect (as a general rule, and, in fact, my mother is a teacher), but I detect an astonishing amount of educational apathy among the education students/new teachers I meet. I suspect it's not especially different from the apathy in other faculties or professions, but it somehow seems worse. Cliche as it is, children are the future and it'd be nice if all teachers had the verve for education, or if they utter contempt for basic learning/effort just didn't seem so widespread.
Dave
Staff member
I've been having a bad couple days. I don't give a fuck about anything or anyone right now and the weight of the world is getting me down. I recognize it and acknowledge it but don't seem to care enough to give a shit. The slightest thing sets me off. I'm trying to stay away from my family for the most part so I don't go nuclear on them, but my work is suffering and I can seem to care.
Man, I need to get out of this funk.
Man, I need to get out of this funk.
Is it gas? I bet it's gas. It's probably just gas. It's usually gas for me. It's gas, isn't it? Yeah, it's gas.
Is it gas?
Is it gas?
Dave
Staff member
No, it's Dave. gas is that other guy.
It's your sunny personality. Rubs some people the wrong way.
GasBandit
Staff member
Well, I refuse to moisturize. My skin is a rasp, and that's how I like it.
Nick, he could be constipated. Old people have trouble like that ya know. I bet he's constipated and as soon as he passes it he'll be all better.
Now that my wife has spent over a month busting her ass to get a doctor's office in working order, the doctor fires her.
GasBandit
Staff member
That sucks, that's one of my recurring fears, too. I've made sure there are a small number of tasks that, if I am not here to perform them weekly, great and terrible inconveniences will be felt by those who are left behind.
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