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Salad is stupid

Aug 26, 2015#1

GasBandit

From the Washington Post:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/life...7-11e5-8ab4-c73967a143d3_story.html?tid=sm_tw

Some of my favorite lines:

"Lettuce is a vehicle to transport refrigerated water from farm to table." It's almost all water. "A head of iceberg lettuce has the same water content as a bottle of Evian (1-liter size: 96 percent water, 4 percent bottle) and is only marginally more nutritious."

"Four of the five lowest-ranking vegetables ([nutrition] by serving size) are salad ingredients: cucumbers, radishes, iceberg lettuce and celery. (The fifth is eggplant.)"

"Take Applebee’s, where the Oriental Chicken Salad clocks in at 1,400 calories, and the grilled version is only 110 calories lighter." Conversely, the Thai Shrimp entree is only 390 calories.

Lettuce is also "the chief culprit for foodborne illnesses. According to the Centers for Disease Control, green leafies accounted for 22 percent of all food-borne illnesses from 1998-2008. "

Aug 26, 2015#2

Squidleybits

Use spinach!

Aug 26, 2015#3

drawn_inward

Or kale.

Aug 26, 2015#4

GasBandit

Squidleybits said:
Use spinach!

Spinach is no better for the food poisoning angle. Unless it's cooked. Which turns it into horror mush.

Aug 26, 2015#5

WasabiPoptart

I like mixed greens.

Aug 26, 2015#6

GasBandit

drawn_inward said:
Or kale.

10 reasons why kale sucks:

Have you ever HAD kale? It sucks. You eat it and it's like, BE BETTER you fucking piece of shit! FUCK, man. Makes me so mad.

Pizza RULES! Bacon is EPIC. You really think kale is better than those two foods? WOW you are wrong. Stop constantly saying that kale is better than pizza and bacon you fucking dipshits, it's NOT.

It tastes BAD when it should taste GOOD. What is its motherfucking problem???? Case closed. Fuck.

My stupid VEGETARIAN friends (don't get me started - they will never shut up about being vegetarian!!!!!!!) are constantly forcing me to the ground, forcing my mouth open, and cramming kale into it and I'm like NO WAY MAN, IT'S BAD. Stop literally forcing me to eat KALE, you fucking dicks!!!!

What is kale's fucking PROBLEM? It's like, hey, I'm this food, and I'm like, bad. FUCK YOU talking kale. Even if it talked I wouldn't give one fuckshit about it, that's how much I god damned motherfucking HATE it. I'd kick it in its stupid-ass kale mouth as it was talking and be like "shut the fuck up, talking kale, how about you taste BETTER then we'll hear what you have to say and even then, fuck you."

Just get rid of it! Get rid of all the kale. Kill all of the farmers who make it and burn their land, then salt the earth so their children don't try to continue their legacy by growing kale in their honor. Then put all remaining kale on an island and firebomb it. Anyone who asks "why are you doing this" gets FUCKING KILLED too. Keep every other food though, except the bad ones that I HATE.

I HATE it. I HATE it. SHklefjnwlgk w;gkbsw;g.kngl;dkg ,sg KAAAAALE FUCK MOTHERFUCKING KALLE ARRGGHHH WHY DOES IT EXISTTTTTT It's like not very goodddddd fuck you dad fuck you kale

Here's the thing about kale: it is NOT good. And the fact that it isn't bothers me so much, I can't not keep telling all of you this. If you like it, or anything that I do not, then FUCK you. You're an idiot. You know what rules? Fuckin' FAST FOOD, man. Love me some big gross MICKEY DEE'S. Actually haven't eaten there in months but dude it rules so hard, harder than KALE, which doesn't rule AT ALL. It's like a PEASANT getting RULED by KING MICKEY DEE'S, plowing its fields and making them taste all shitty probably. Fuck fuck FUCK I feel it coming on againnnn

You FUCKIN' PIECE OF SHIT KALE you think you're some alright vegetable but I'M ONTO YOU AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR YOU EXISTING I HATE YOU AND I HATE MOVIE CRITIC PAULINE KAEL AND 'KAEL' THE SKULL GUY FROM THE MOVIE WILLOW AND KALEIDOSCOPES AND CALENDERS (TOO CLOSE) ANDDD I just.... I just want to have an opinion on a thing so badly... one that isn't interesting and that most people will agree with.... GGGRGRGGRGGGG KAAAAALLEEEEE

Dan sadly passed away in the middle of this article. Before he could write a tenth reason for why the vegetable kale was bad, he ran to the nearest Whole Foods and just started violently punching some kale with his bare hands, and he cut up his hands so badly, he contracted a rare kale-related blood disease known as "Kaler's Coffin."

Despite the name, the condition is eminently treatable, but Dan refused to be treated by doctors until they loudly declared that they also "fucking hated" kale, and after a solid forty-five minutes of confusion, the doctors eventually agreed, but their un-energetic pronunciation of the "fuck" convinced Dan that they weren't being genuine enough with their hatred of kale, and he started calling them "covert kale-loving bastard doctor men" and started punching the medical equipment randomly with his bloody kale-infected fists.

With the hospital's only kale-related machine on the fritz and the nearest one in New Haven, Connecticut, Dan's condition worsened, and he continued refusing treatment from the "kale loving fuckbags" and proceeded to sign numerous 'Do Not Resuscitate' legal forms then kept punching the forms with his bloody now-bright-green fists until he eventually perished with a smile on his face after 92 hours of kale-related agony. His last word was "kale."

Aug 26, 2015#7

Bubble181

Cooked spinach with cream is yummy.

Also, the whole point of eating a salad in our Western system is to eat something that fills, provides vitamins and whatnot, while not being nutritious. If we only ate stuff that was packed with everything we needed ,we'd be constantly hungry. We need stuff with a lot of water in it for...well, the water, and simply for our bowels, and to stuff ourselves with. Obviously, lettuce isn't what you'd ship to Somalia to feed the starving - that's what rice is for. It is what you give someone who's used to eating 5 full meals a day and needs to lose weight. It provides filling.

Aug 26, 2015#8

drawn_inward

Arugula

Aug 26, 2015#9

Celt Z

I like salad. It's my lunch almost every day. It's nice and cheap to buy the ingredients ahead of time and make when I'm hungry. I also hate iceberg lettuce, so I'll use any kind but that. Some fresh tomato, maybe some shredded carrot, chicken, occasionally some fruit and a spritz of dressing. It's like Bubbles said:it fills me up but it doesn't leave me sluggish.
It's unfair to compare bacon to salad because while it is yummy, you can eat salad a lot more often than bacon without a negative effect on your health.

Iceberg lettuce is the devil's lettuce. F*** that s***.

Aug 26, 2015#10

drifter

Thanks Buzzfeed.

Aug 26, 2015#11

GasBandit

drifter said:
Thanks Buzzfeed.

*collegehumor

Aug 26, 2015#12

drifter

At least it's not FunnyJunk

Aug 26, 2015#13

klew

Bubble181 said:
Also, the whole point of eating a salad in our Western system is to eat something that fills, provides vitamins and whatnot, while not being nutritious. If we only ate stuff that was packed with everything we needed ,we'd be constantly hungry. We need stuff with a lot of water in it for...well, the water, and simply for our bowels, and to stuff ourselves with. Obviously, lettuce isn't what you'd ship to Somalia to feed the starving - that's what rice is for. It is what you give someone who's used to eating 5 full meals a day and needs to lose weight. It provides filling.

You mentioned water for bowels, also important is the fiber/roughage angle.

Aug 26, 2015#14

PatrThom

I'm all for greens that aren't iceberg lettuce. Spinach, kale, arugula, even radicchio. There are so many tastier greens out there.

--Patrick

Aug 26, 2015#15

Bubble181

I odn't understand the iceberg hate. I love it

Aug 26, 2015#16

Gruebeard

If I could be bothered, I'd create an alt named Salad and post "Nuh-uh. YOUR stupid!"

Pretend I did that and laugh.

. . . Grueberg Lettuce?

Aug 26, 2015#17

HCGLNS

Salad is the place holder the chef gives you as an assurance that steak will soon arrive.

Aug 26, 2015#18

Ravenpoe

Bubble181 said:
I odn't understand the iceberg hate. I love it

It's a garbage green that you only ate because your mother bought it because she didn't know any better.

Aug 26, 2015#19

Bubble181

Ravenpoe said:
It's a garbage green that you only ate because your mother bought it because she didn't know any better.

It's the type of cabbage with the highest amount of the whitish tasty refreshing bit and the least amount of useless green leafy bit.

Aug 26, 2015#20

Ravenpoe

Bubble181 said:
It's the type of cabbage with the highest amount of the whitish tasty refreshing bit and the least amount of useless green leafy bit.

But the green leafy bit is the good part... the white bit is the garbage part.

I don't even know who you are anymore.

Aug 26, 2015#21

Gruebeard

He an owl. He wise.

He also eat mice.

Aug 26, 2015#22

Bubble181

Ravenpoe said:
But the green leafy bit is the good part... the white bit is the garbage part.

I don't even know who you are anymore.

So you guys spend half your time complaining about the heat and about having to drink so much, and you haven't figured out that eating the nice white bit leaves you hydrated, satisfied, and cooled down? Man, 'mericans :awesome:

Aug 26, 2015#23

Dei

Actually I'm pretty sure Poe would be complaining about humidity AND heat.

Aug 26, 2015#24

GasBandit

Celt Z said:
I like salad. It's my lunch almost every day. It's nice and cheap to buy the ingredients ahead of time and make when I'm hungry. I also hate iceberg lettuce, so I'll use any kind but that. Some fresh tomato, maybe some shredded carrot, chicken, occasionally some fruit and a spritz of dressing. It's like Bubbles said:it fills me up but it doesn't leave me sluggish.
It's unfair to compare bacon to salad because while it is yummy, you can eat salad a lot more often than bacon without a negative effect on your health.

Iceberg lettuce is the devil's lettuce. F*** that s***.

I think the article is mostly talking about the $12 "Salad" entrees that chain restaurants sell, not so much what you make yourself at home from scratch. Though it does compare supermarket prices for salad ingredients vs more nutrient dense vegetables.

Aug 26, 2015#25

PatrThom

GasBandit said:
I think the article is mostly talking about the $12 "Salad" entrees that chain restaurants sell, not so much what you make yourself at home from scratch.

^this.
Lettuce should be green, not white.
Tomatoes should be red or orange, not pink (and not frozen!).
"Family" restaurant-style salads are usually limp, pale excuses for a salad, where you drown them in dressing to cover the banality the same way you drown their steaks in A1.
If I make a salad at home, it's gonna be with field greens, fruit, cheese/nuts/seeds, possibly some fajita-style cut of meat, and a splash of seasoned vinegar or oil. It is NOT going to be random crunchy bits floating in a sea of dressing.

--Patrick

Aug 26, 2015#26

Tinwhistler

It's taken me literally years to get my wife to enjoy field greens. When I first started making salads with them, she'd complain and say she wanted iceberg. I refuse. Iceberg is crunchy water with practically no flavor.

Just a few weeks ago, I broke down and got iceburg for a salad, thinking I'd make them the way she liked for once. She pouted and said "you know, I kind of like the field greens"

Aug 26, 2015#27

Frank

I like bok choy myself.

Aug 26, 2015#28

PatrThom

Frank said:
I like bok choy myself.

That's cabbage.

--Patrick

Aug 26, 2015#29

Ravenpoe

PatrThom said:
That's cabbage.

--Patrick

Aug 26, 2015#30

Tinwhistler

I got some baby bok choy heads a couple weeks ago, cut them in half, marinated them in a vinaigrette and grilled 'em on the grill. They were pretty awesome.

Aug 26, 2015#31

PatrThom

Tinwhistler said:
I got some baby bok choy heads a couple weeks ago, cut them in half, marinated them in a vinaigrette and grilled 'em on the grill. They were pretty awesome.

I've really started to appreciate napa cabbage in cole slaw instead of the usual green or red cabbage.
But it's still not lettuce.

--Patrick

Aug 26, 2015#32

Frank

PatrThom said:
That's cabbage.

--Patrick

It's a green I use in salad, or I grill, or I stir-fry.

Aug 26, 2015#33

PatrThom

Ravenpoe said:

Frank said:
It's a green I use in salad, or I grill, or I stir-fry.

Agreed. But when I use it in salad, I call it "slaw."

--Patrick

Aug 26, 2015#34

Frank

Bok Choy is leafy enough and it's leaves are much more like lettuce in texture that it's more like salad than slaw.

Aug 26, 2015#35

PatrThom

Frank said:
Bok Choy is leafy enough and it's leaves are much more like lettuce in texture that it's more like salad than slaw.

And glass lizards look like snakes, too.
But they aren't.

--Patrick

Aug 26, 2015#36

WasabiPoptart

As far as I know arugula, spinach, swiss chard (which is in mixed greens), and kale are not lettuce, yet they have been mentioned in this conversation as salad ingredients without question. Bok choy is different...how?

Aug 26, 2015#37

Frank

PEDANTICS!

Aug 27, 2015#38

PatrThom

WasabiPoptart said:
As far as I know arugula, spinach, swiss chard (which is in mixed greens), and kale are not lettuce, yet they have been mentioned in this conversation as salad ingredients without question. Bok choy is different...how?

It's cabbage.

Frank said:
PEDANTICS!

No, we're "pedants" arguing "semantics." Get it right!

--Patrick

Aug 27, 2015#39

drawn_inward

Pedantic semantics! Amirite?

Aug 27, 2015#40

Sara_2814

PatrThom said:
It's cabbage.

--Patrick

I see your pedant semantics and raise you a biology nerd:

Arugula and kale are both in Family Brassicaceae.

Which is the cabbage family.

Aug 27, 2015#41

drawn_inward

Ahem. Botany nerd. That's a scientific pedantic semantic!

Aug 27, 2015#42

Tinwhistler

You know what else is a brassica? Broccoli, cauliflower, turnip, rapeseed, mustard, radish, horseradish, cress, wasabi, watercress, and mustard.

I'm not going to serve up broccoli and cheese and call it "cabbage and cheese."

Nor am I going to ask someone if they want "cabbage sauce" on their hot dog.

Nor will I ask the grocer where the "cabbage oil" is next time I need to replace my canola.

Last time I checked, a plate of watercress with dressing was still referred to as "salad" and not "slaw"

And if you want to get pedantic about it, they're all "mustards", not "cabbages".

Aug 27, 2015#43

GasBandit

Aug 27, 2015#44

PatrThom

Tinwhistler said:
You know what else is a brassica? Broccoli, cauliflower, turnip, rapeseed, mustard, radish, horseradish, cress, wasabi, watercress, and mustard.
I'm not going to serve up broccoli and cheese and call it "cabbage and cheese."
Nor am I going to ask someone if they want "cabbage sauce" on their hot dog.
Nor will I ask the grocer where the "cabbage oil" is next time I need to replace my canola.
Last time I checked, a plate of watercress with dressing was still referred to as "salad" and not "slaw"
And if you want to get pedantic about it, they're all "mustards", not "cabbages".

I once tried to compile a list of foods which were "hot" for someone who wanted to try and make new zesty sauces.
It started to get long much faster than I expected (peppers, mustards, cinnamon, etc).

--Patrick

Aug 27, 2015#45

redthirtyone

So uh, what would you consider the MAXIMUM meat + cheese / lettuce ratio & have it still be considered a "salad"

Asking for a friend... :ninja:

[DOUBLEPOST=1440686312,1440686200][/DOUBLEPOST]Also...

Aug 27, 2015#46

PatrThom

redthirtyone said:
So uh, what would you consider the MAXIMUM meat + cheese / lettuce ratio & have it still be considered a "salad"

I've unofficially tried to hold to protein (cheese/meat/nuts) !> 25% of total by volume.

--Patrick

Aug 27, 2015#47

GasBandit

redthirtyone said:
So uh, what would you consider the MAXIMUM meat + cheese / lettuce ratio & have it still be considered a "salad"

Asking for a friend... [DOUBLEPOST=1440686312,1440686200][/DOUBLEPOST]Also...

I love those commercials, but the mic placement on that singer bothers the hell out of me. If it's got a puff guard, it's not a boom mic - it goes right in front of the face! Which the producer or director probably said "well that's shit, we can't see his face! Just... I don't know, hang it over his head or something. They do that with mics, right?"

Aug 27, 2015#48

PatrThom

GasBandit said:
the mic placement on that singer bothers the hell out of me. If it's got a puff guard, it's not a boom mic - it goes right in front of the face! Which the producer or director probably said "well that's shit, we can't see his face! Just... I don't know, hang it over his head or something. They do that with mics, right?"

That moment when a scene is ruined because YOU actually know how something works. See: NCIS, CSI, Flashdance, etc.

--Patrick

Aug 27, 2015#49

GasBandit

PatrThom said:
That moment when a scene is ruined because YOU actually know how something works. See: NCIS, CSI, Flashdance, etc.

--Patrick

Oh yeah, my folks can't watch medical dramas at all.

Aug 27, 2015#50

fade

Any earth disaster movie or anything involving physics for me. The Core made me want to throw my TV. I showed it in my Exploration Geophysics class once just to make fun of it.

Aug 27, 2015#51

Covar

PatrThom said:
That moment when a scene is ruined because YOU actually know how something works. See: NCIS, CSI, Flashdance, etc.

--Patrick

I don't know about you, but I often need to help out my co-workers from massive hacks.

Aug 27, 2015#52

WasabiPoptart

Watching a military-centered movie with someone who has actually been in the military is a 90 minute+ lesson in what the film got completely wrong. Between my dad and my husband I know more about what's wrong with Top Gun than I ever needed to know.

Aug 27, 2015#53

GasBandit

WasabiPoptart said:
Watching a military-centered movie with someone who has actually been in the military is a 90 minute+ lesson in what the film got completely wrong. Between my dad and my husband I know more about what's wrong with Top Gun than I ever needed to know.

Ohhh yeah.

Aug 27, 2015#54

Frank

I don't know what you guys are talking about. TV is 100% accurate. CSI, especially Miami, might as well be a documentary.

Aug 27, 2015#55

drawn_inward

I am that guy that ruins movies and tv. My wife sarcastically tells me, "It's not real."

Aug 27, 2015#56

WasabiPoptart

Oh! That reminds me of an argument I once had with someone on here, or maybe pre-Halforums, about casino surveillance on tv and in movies vs real life, particularly facial recognition. I had actually been in the surveillance room of the casino I worked in as part of my old job. It sometimes involved catching people committing fraud (ie: using someone else's credit line with a false ID and faking the signature), so I'd have to go up to surveillance to either watch the live stream or video. Yet, my experience meant nothing since Casino (or whatever show that was discussed) was supposed to be a reality show or based in reality. It was a bunch of BS.

Aug 27, 2015#57

GasBandit

WasabiPoptart said:
Oh! That reminds me of an argument I once had with someone on here, or maybe pre-Halforums, about casino surveillance on tv and in movies vs real life, particularly facial recognition. I had actually been in the surveillance room of the casino I worked in as part of my old job. It sometimes involved catching people committing fraud (ie: using someone else's credit line with a false ID and faking the signature), so I'd have to go up to surveillance to either watch the live stream or video. Yet, my experience meant nothing since Casino (or whatever show that was discussed) was supposed to be a reality show or based in reality. It was a bunch of BS.

That sounds like a JCM argument.

Aug 27, 2015#58

jwhouk

Truth is, most surveillance cameras in operation are for crap, and only feature digital zoom because actual zoom lenses are way more expensive. And I learned many years ago that digital zoom, in a word, sucks.

<== Works in a living unit where over half the offender rooms have cameras in them - in various states of disrepair or damage.

Aug 27, 2015#59

AshburnerX

jwhouk said:
Truth is, most surveillance cameras in operation are for crap, and only feature digital zoom because actual zoom lenses are way more expensive. And I learned many years ago that digital zoom, in a word, sucks.

<== Works in a living unit where over half the offender rooms have cameras in them - in various states of disrepair or damage.

If you're in Vegas, they have the real stuff (at least at the tables anyway). The amount they can lose to a cheater is staggering compared to the cost of a zoom camera, making it worth it to have at least one covering all of the tables.

Aug 27, 2015#60

CynicismKills

WasabiPoptart said:
Watching a military-centered movie with someone who has actually been in the military is a 90 minute+ lesson in what the film got completely wrong. Between my dad and my husband I know more about what's wrong with Top Gun than I ever needed to know.

Exactly this. My dad worked on the Miramar base for over 10 years, the Sundowners (the F-14 squadron filmed for flight scenes) were his first squadron, and he worked on the radar/electronics systems of F-14s until they were decommissioned (he was on F-18s after that until he was promoted off the flight line). It's one of his favorite movies but my God it's impossible to watch with him.

Aug 27, 2015#61

fade

I can be a pedant, but most of those top gun complaints seem surprisingly minor. Most of them can be chalked up to telling a story visually.

Best part of the article was the comment that said he didn't comment on the volleyball game so that must mean it was accurate.

Aug 27, 2015#62

WasabiPoptart

AshburnerX said:
If you're in Vegas, they have the real stuff (at least at the tables anyway). The amount they can lose to a cheater is staggering compared to the cost of a zoom camera, making it worth it to have at least one covering all of the tables.

Even then you would be surprised at how awful the systems are. I was in Atlantic City before the casinos started to go belly up. We had some high rollers that dropped and lost millions in a matter of hours. We had warnings about cheaters in the gaming pits. Usually they were card counters from an MIT team. The warning sheets would feature pictures that looked like the shots you see on tv of bank robbers. There was no facial recognition except people saying "Hey doesn't that look like the guy..."
I'm sure things have changed a bit since I worked in the industry. I don't doubt Vegas has it better than AC did, but it isn't as fancy they try to make it seem in movies and TV. Just as half-real as those "enhanced" pictures in CSI.[DOUBLEPOST=1440729834,1440729696][/DOUBLEPOST]

GasBandit said:
That sounds like a JCM argument.

It was someone else. He had a thing for telling me I was wrong about things I was experienced in while he had no direct experience at all.

Aug 27, 2015#63

GasBandit

WasabiPoptart said:
It was someone else. He had a thing for telling me I was wrong about things I was experienced in while he had no direct experience at all.

Ha ha ha ha that REALLY sounds like JCM though

Aug 28, 2015#64

Frank

You guys keep selling TV short and I'll have to taze you.

Aug 28, 2015#65

DarkAudit

Frank said:
You guys keep selling TV short and I'll have to taze you.

Aug 28, 2015#66

WasabiPoptart

Aug 28, 2015#67

drawn_inward

Frank said:
You guys keep selling TV short and I'll have to taze you.

The long arm of the law...

Aug 28, 2015#68

figmentPez

Mmm, butter lettuce.

Aug 28, 2015#69

Adam

I will argue that Mad Men is basically my life.

Aug 28, 2015#70

HCGLNS

Adam said:
I will argue that Mad Men is basically my life.

Hello Joan :unibrow:

Sep 2, 2015#71

Bubble181

WasabiPoptart said:
I'm sure things have changed a bit since I worked in the industry. I don't doubt Vegas has it better than AC did, but it isn't as fancy they try to make it seem in movies and TV. Just as half-real as those "enhanced" pictures in CSI

I've been in (camera) security for 8 years now, and the advances have been enormous. 8 years ago, facial and license plate recognition was in its infancy. These days, some of our clients have cameras up where I can tell the brand of bra you're wearing from the tag on your back; on some sites you don't need a badge anymore and you don't have to peer into a retinal scanner because facial recognition is good enoguh to give clearance from 2 meters away. While by far most security cameras are ass with sprinkles on top, high security sites really can do quite amazing things these days. I don't monitor any casinos (SHAPE headquarters, though, I can totally get you inside if you want to), but I'd imagine they wouldn't be too far behind on the curve.

Sep 2, 2015#72

WasabiPoptart

I can't even imagine not needing a badge. The state gaming division, state auditors, and casinos themselves were adamant about wearing your state-issued casino license and casino ID in a clear plastic badge holder at all times.

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