Salad is stupid

GasBandit

GasBandit

Staff member
From the Washington Post:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/life...7-11e5-8ab4-c73967a143d3_story.html?tid=sm_tw

Some of my favorite lines:

"Lettuce is a vehicle to transport refrigerated water from farm to table." It's almost all water. "A head of iceberg lettuce has the same water content as a bottle of Evian (1-liter size: 96 percent water, 4 percent bottle) and is only marginally more nutritious."

"Four of the five lowest-ranking vegetables ([nutrition] by serving size) are salad ingredients: cucumbers, radishes, iceberg lettuce and celery. (The fifth is eggplant.)"

"Take Applebee’s, where the Oriental Chicken Salad clocks in at 1,400 calories, and the grilled version is only 110 calories lighter." Conversely, the Thai Shrimp entree is only 390 calories.

Lettuce is also "the chief culprit for foodborne illnesses. According to the Centers for Disease Control, green leafies accounted for 22 percent of all food-borne illnesses from 1998-2008. "
 
GasBandit

GasBandit

Staff member
drawn_inward said:
Or kale.
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10 reasons why kale sucks:


Have you ever HAD kale? It sucks. You eat it and it's like, BE BETTER you fucking piece of shit! FUCK, man. Makes me so mad.



Pizza RULES! Bacon is EPIC. You really think kale is better than those two foods? WOW you are wrong. Stop constantly saying that kale is better than pizza and bacon you fucking dipshits, it's NOT.



It tastes BAD when it should taste GOOD. What is its motherfucking problem???? Case closed. Fuck.



My stupid VEGETARIAN friends (don't get me started - they will never shut up about being vegetarian!!!!!!!) are constantly forcing me to the ground, forcing my mouth open, and cramming kale into it and I'm like NO WAY MAN, IT'S BAD. Stop literally forcing me to eat KALE, you fucking dicks!!!!



What is kale's fucking PROBLEM? It's like, hey, I'm this food, and I'm like, bad. FUCK YOU talking kale. Even if it talked I wouldn't give one fuckshit about it, that's how much I god damned motherfucking HATE it. I'd kick it in its stupid-ass kale mouth as it was talking and be like "shut the fuck up, talking kale, how about you taste BETTER then we'll hear what you have to say and even then, fuck you."



Just get rid of it! Get rid of all the kale. Kill all of the farmers who make it and burn their land, then salt the earth so their children don't try to continue their legacy by growing kale in their honor. Then put all remaining kale on an island and firebomb it. Anyone who asks "why are you doing this" gets FUCKING KILLED too. Keep every other food though, except the bad ones that I HATE.



I HATE it. I HATE it. SHklefjnwlgk w;gkbsw;g.kngl;dkg ,sg KAAAAALE FUCK MOTHERFUCKING KALLE ARRGGHHH WHY DOES IT EXISTTTTTT It's like not very goodddddd fuck you dad fuck you kale



Here's the thing about kale: it is NOT good. And the fact that it isn't bothers me so much, I can't not keep telling all of you this. If you like it, or anything that I do not, then FUCK you. You're an idiot. You know what rules? Fuckin' FAST FOOD, man. Love me some big gross MICKEY DEE'S. Actually haven't eaten there in months but dude it rules so hard, harder than KALE, which doesn't rule AT ALL. It's like a PEASANT getting RULED by KING MICKEY DEE'S, plowing its fields and making them taste all shitty probably. Fuck fuck FUCK I feel it coming on againnnn



You FUCKIN' PIECE OF SHIT KALE you think you're some alright vegetable but I'M ONTO YOU AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR YOU EXISTING I HATE YOU AND I HATE MOVIE CRITIC PAULINE KAEL AND 'KAEL' THE SKULL GUY FROM THE MOVIE WILLOW AND KALEIDOSCOPES AND CALENDERS (TOO CLOSE) ANDDD I just.... I just want to have an opinion on a thing so badly... one that isn't interesting and that most people will agree with.... GGGRGRGGRGGGG KAAAAALLEEEEE




Dan sadly passed away in the middle of this article. Before he could write a tenth reason for why the vegetable kale was bad, he ran to the nearest Whole Foods and just started violently punching some kale with his bare hands, and he cut up his hands so badly, he contracted a rare kale-related blood disease known as "Kaler's Coffin."

Despite the name, the condition is eminently treatable, but Dan refused to be treated by doctors until they loudly declared that they also "fucking hated" kale, and after a solid forty-five minutes of confusion, the doctors eventually agreed, but their un-energetic pronunciation of the "fuck" convinced Dan that they weren't being genuine enough with their hatred of kale, and he started calling them "covert kale-loving bastard doctor men" and started punching the medical equipment randomly with his bloody kale-infected fists.
​
With the hospital's only kale-related machine on the fritz and the nearest one in New Haven, Connecticut, Dan's condition worsened, and he continued refusing treatment from the "kale loving fuckbags" and proceeded to sign numerous 'Do Not Resuscitate' legal forms then kept punching the forms with his bloody now-bright-green fists until he eventually perished with a smile on his face after 92 hours of kale-related agony. His last word was "kale."
 
Bubble181

Bubble181

Cooked spinach with cream is yummy.

Also, the whole point of eating a salad in our Western system is to eat something that fills, provides vitamins and whatnot, while not being nutritious. If we only ate stuff that was packed with everything we needed ,we'd be constantly hungry. We need stuff with a lot of water in it for...well, the water, and simply for our bowels, and to stuff ourselves with. Obviously, lettuce isn't what you'd ship to Somalia to feed the starving - that's what rice is for. It is what you give someone who's used to eating 5 full meals a day and needs to lose weight. It provides filling.
 
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Celt Z

Celt Z

I like salad. It's my lunch almost every day. It's nice and cheap to buy the ingredients ahead of time and make when I'm hungry. I also hate iceberg lettuce, so I'll use any kind but that. Some fresh tomato, maybe some shredded carrot, chicken, occasionally some fruit and a spritz of dressing. It's like Bubbles said:it fills me up but it doesn't leave me sluggish.
It's unfair to compare bacon to salad because while it is yummy, you can eat salad a lot more often than bacon without a negative effect on your health.

Iceberg lettuce is the devil's lettuce. F*** that s***.
 
klew

klew

Bubble181 said:
Also, the whole point of eating a salad in our Western system is to eat something that fills, provides vitamins and whatnot, while not being nutritious. If we only ate stuff that was packed with everything we needed ,we'd be constantly hungry. We need stuff with a lot of water in it for...well, the water, and simply for our bowels, and to stuff ourselves with. Obviously, lettuce isn't what you'd ship to Somalia to feed the starving - that's what rice is for. It is what you give someone who's used to eating 5 full meals a day and needs to lose weight. It provides filling.
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You mentioned water for bowels, also important is the fiber/roughage angle.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

Bubble181 said:
It's the type of cabbage with the highest amount of the whitish tasty refreshing bit and the least amount of useless green leafy bit.
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But the green leafy bit is the good part... the white bit is the garbage part.

I don't even know who you are anymore.
 
Bubble181

Bubble181

Ravenpoe said:
But the green leafy bit is the good part... the white bit is the garbage part.

I don't even know who you are anymore.
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So you guys spend half your time complaining about the heat and about having to drink so much, and you haven't figured out that eating the nice white bit leaves you hydrated, satisfied, and cooled down? Man, 'mericans :awesome:
 
GasBandit

GasBandit

Staff member
Celt Z said:
I like salad. It's my lunch almost every day. It's nice and cheap to buy the ingredients ahead of time and make when I'm hungry. I also hate iceberg lettuce, so I'll use any kind but that. Some fresh tomato, maybe some shredded carrot, chicken, occasionally some fruit and a spritz of dressing. It's like Bubbles said:it fills me up but it doesn't leave me sluggish.
It's unfair to compare bacon to salad because while it is yummy, you can eat salad a lot more often than bacon without a negative effect on your health.

Iceberg lettuce is the devil's lettuce. F*** that s***.
Click to expand...
I think the article is mostly talking about the $12 "Salad" entrees that chain restaurants sell, not so much what you make yourself at home from scratch. Though it does compare supermarket prices for salad ingredients vs more nutrient dense vegetables.
 
PatrThom

PatrThom

GasBandit said:
I think the article is mostly talking about the $12 "Salad" entrees that chain restaurants sell, not so much what you make yourself at home from scratch.
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^this.
Lettuce should be green, not white.
Tomatoes should be red or orange, not pink (and not frozen!).
"Family" restaurant-style salads are usually limp, pale excuses for a salad, where you drown them in dressing to cover the banality the same way you drown their steaks in A1.
If I make a salad at home, it's gonna be with field greens, fruit, cheese/nuts/seeds, possibly some fajita-style cut of meat, and a splash of seasoned vinegar or oil. It is NOT going to be random crunchy bits floating in a sea of dressing.

--Patrick
 
Tinwhistler

Tinwhistler

It's taken me literally years to get my wife to enjoy field greens. When I first started making salads with them, she'd complain and say she wanted iceberg. I refuse. Iceberg is crunchy water with practically no flavor.

Just a few weeks ago, I broke down and got iceburg for a salad, thinking I'd make them the way she liked for once. She pouted and said "you know, I kind of like the field greens"

 
Tinwhistler

Tinwhistler

I got some baby bok choy heads a couple weeks ago, cut them in half, marinated them in a vinaigrette and grilled 'em on the grill. They were pretty awesome.
 
PatrThom

PatrThom

Tinwhistler said:
I got some baby bok choy heads a couple weeks ago, cut them in half, marinated them in a vinaigrette and grilled 'em on the grill. They were pretty awesome.
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I've really started to appreciate napa cabbage in cole slaw instead of the usual green or red cabbage.
But it's still not lettuce.

--Patrick
 
Frank

Frank

Bok Choy is leafy enough and it's leaves are much more like lettuce in texture that it's more like salad than slaw.
 
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