ElJuski
Staff member
Texts From Last Night
- Thread starter ElJuski
- Start date
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This place and fmylife dot com are really really fun. I like to pretend and hope beyond hope they're all genuine.
figmentPez
Staff member
(850): I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
[hr:85g3qbie][/hr:85g3qbie]
(214): I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
(1-214): Mike i'm at church right now...
[hr:85g3qbie][/hr:85g3qbie]
(530): Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
[hr:85g3qbie][/hr:85g3qbie]
(732): i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
(215): well..are you winning?
[hr:85g3qbie][/hr:85g3qbie]
(630): I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
-- Sat Jun 20, 2009 8:03 pm --
(832): I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
[hr:85g3qbie][/hr:85g3qbie]
(832): super hot butfun
(832): Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
[hr:85g3qbie][/hr:85g3qbie]
(214): I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
(1-214): Mike i'm at church right now...
[hr:85g3qbie][/hr:85g3qbie]
(530): Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
[hr:85g3qbie][/hr:85g3qbie]
(732): i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
(215): well..are you winning?
[hr:85g3qbie][/hr:85g3qbie]
(630): I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
-- Sat Jun 20, 2009 8:03 pm --
(832): I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
[hr:85g3qbie][/hr:85g3qbie]
(832): super hot butfun
(832): Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
S
Shazam
I love this site.
(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
[hr:22bswh4i][/hr:22bswh4i]
Some from my area code:
(210): How crunk are you?
(713): I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
(713): Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana
(713): wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
(281): umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
[hr:22bswh4i][/hr:22bswh4i]
Some from my area code:
(210): How crunk are you?
(713): I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
(713): Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana
(713): wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
(281): umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm struggling to wrap logic around this one.Allen said:
What is this rumpus?Shegokigo said:
P
Philosopher B.
That is my new favorite site.
(323): You got in a fight last night?
(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
(864): and the officer said have you been drinking
(864): and i said NOO SIR.
(864): and he said, I am a woman.
(507): I want your puppy
(507): I meant pussy
(612): I would rather you take my puppy
(323): You got in a fight last night?
(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
(864): and the officer said have you been drinking
(864): and i said NOO SIR.
(864): and he said, I am a woman.
(507): I want your puppy
(507): I meant pussy
(612): I would rather you take my puppy
E
elph
I'm liking this one. I just did a search on my local area codes, just incase...
(203): i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
(813): morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
(203): oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
(813): ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
(813): I'm fucking your sister right now.
(1-813): You motherfucker
(813): She's next.
(813): I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
(813): you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
(813): My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
(813): Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
(901): I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
(813): sounds like you understand them just fine
(203): i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
(813): morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
(203): oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
(813): ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
(813): I'm fucking your sister right now.
(1-813): You motherfucker
(813): She's next.
(813): I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
(813): you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
(813): My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
(813): Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
(901): I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
(813): sounds like you understand them just fine
My area code turns up:
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
W
Wasabi Poptart
My old area code...
(609): Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
(267): This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
(609): AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
(609): i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Area code where I live now...
(619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
(419): my computer doesn't work...
(619): why?
(419): i puked on it last night
(609): Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
(267): This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
(609): AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
(609): i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Area code where I live now...
(619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
(419): my computer doesn't work...
(619): why?
(419): i puked on it last night
From my Area code:
(614): You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
(614): The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
(614): She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
(614): You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
(614): The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
(614): She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
E
EsteBeatDown
Oh man. This one made me laugh.
(432): TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
(425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
(201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
(989): Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
(432): TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
(425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
(201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
(989): Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
D
Dusty668
searched area code
I
Iaculus
This site is fascinating, horrifying, and hilarious. Sometimes all three at the same time.
Tough call.
Hurrah technology
I may have to do that myself sometime
-- Sun Jun 21, 2009 2:36 pm --
-- Sun Jun 21, 2009 2:41 pm --
P
Philosopher B.
That one had me rolling for a while.Thread Necromancer said:
Can't get enough of these.
Because potato is spelled wrong?Gared said:
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