Search forums

Forums

Export thread

The Halforum Downsizing

Apr 5, 2014#1

ThatNickGuy

If you haven't been following, I've been going a little mad with power. Well, I think it's high time I remind everyone who's fired. So, in the interest of hilarity, the following is a list of people that are, thus far, fired.

@WasabiPoptart because of this.
@Tinwhistler for not buying my book.
@Covar for not liking Frank Quitely's art.
@Officer_Charon for this. No second chances. I'm that sort of a man.
@Bowielee for enjoying crocs.
@Ravenpoe for a Nick's prom night joke.
@Celt Z for forgetting a post she read. A light infraction, to be sure, but she needs to be made an example of.
@LittleKagsin for constantly changing avatars.

All of you are required to pack up your desks and hand in your Halforums key cards by the end of your respective shifts. Do please clean out the fridge of any food and containers, please.

Apr 5, 2014#2

PatrThom

Yeah, but what happens if me and 249 of my friends stage a 90min walk-off to protest?

--Patrick

Apr 5, 2014#3

ThatNickGuy

PatrThom said:
Yeah, but what happens if me and 249 of my friends stage a 90min walk-off to protest?

--Patrick

I'll hire 250 monkeys in order to prove just how easy it is to replace you.[DOUBLEPOST=1396745796,1396745720][/DOUBLEPOST]Also, @Krisken and @filmfanatic are the most recent to be fired for using fighting game references in Shoutbox.

Apr 5, 2014#4

Celt Z

You can't fire me! I quit this popsicle stand! I know where I'm not wanted! You don't have Nixon to kick around anymore!

*slams door*

Apr 5, 2014#5

ThatNickGuy

*locks the door*

Apr 5, 2014#6

HCGLNS

True story, I used to have a framed photo of Nixon on my desk at school.

Apr 5, 2014#7

PatrThom

ThatNickGuy said:
I'll hire 250 monkeys in order to prove just how easy it is to replace you.

(I'm-a be nice and not tac nuke you here, in the spirit of fun. But you gotta be careful leaving those dangerous openings)
Oh yeah? How you gonna replace the other 249?

--Patrick

Apr 5, 2014#8

filmfanatic

ThatNickGuy said:
I'll hire 250 monkeys in order to prove just how easy it is to replace you.[DOUBLEPOST=1396745796,1396745720][/DOUBLEPOST]Also, @Krisken and @filmfanatic are the most recent to be fired for using fighting game references in Shoutbox.

Yeah, well... I'm gonna go build my own forum, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the forum!

Apr 5, 2014#9

Cheesy1

I . . . I finished . . . another corgi picture . . . Mmmister Nick . . . :hide:

Apr 5, 2014#10

WasabiPoptart

My contract was up 6 months ago anyway.

Apr 5, 2014#11

jwhouk

As the Union Steward for HalForums, I must protest this move. You are in violation of Article I, Section 3 of the User Agreement, which states the following:

Kurtz is a hack.

Oh, wait, that's not it... Lemme look it up... Oh, yeah, duh. It's Article I, Section 1.

Dave is in charge. What he says, goes.

I hereby am filing a grievance over your violation of this agreement. I will notify the appeals board consisting of @Dave, @Dave, and... uhm, Dave.

Apr 5, 2014#12

grub

Ha! This is the first firing I've survived! :hide:

Apr 5, 2014#13

WasabiPoptart

Oh, by the way...

Apr 5, 2014#14

figmentPez

If @LittleKagsin goes, I'm leaving, too.

Apr 5, 2014#15

ThatNickGuy

WasabiPoptart said:
Oh, by the way...

View attachment 14474

...you monster.[DOUBLEPOST=1396749136,1396749057][/DOUBLEPOST]

grub said:
Ha! This is the first firing I've survived!

Yes, well, now that you've brought yourself to my attention, come into my office, Mr. Grub.

Now, what is it, exactly, that you do here?

Apr 5, 2014#16

Krisken

But I don't wanna be fired!

Apr 5, 2014#17

ThatNickGuy

Cheesy1 said:
I . . . I finished . . . another corgi picture . . . Mmmister Nick . . .

Excellent, Mr. Cheesy! Exemplary work as of late, I might add. Let's discuss your bonus. Book an appointment with my secretary, @Yoshimickster. I'm sure we can pencil you in sometime next week.[DOUBLEPOST=1396749368,1396749308][/DOUBLEPOST]

Krisken said:
But I don't wanna be fired!

It's just business, Mr. Krisken. It's nothing personal. I don't like it any more than you do.

Bah, that's a lie. This is the bees knees.

Apr 5, 2014#18

Emrys

@ThatNickGuy, you have fired some of my best minions.

Apr 5, 2014#19

ThatNickGuy

Emrys said:
@ThatNickGuy, you have fired some of my best minions.

View attachment 14475

I understand your frustration, Miss Emrys, believe me.

However, I should note that this does clear up some funding in the office. In fact, I'm thinking of allocating some more to your Weasel Division, including research and development.

How do you feel about bionic enhancements?

Apr 5, 2014#20

Krisken

Kriskens (tm) will no longer be supplied until my reinstatement. Consider this corporate policy.

Apr 5, 2014#21

Emrys

ThatNickGuy said:
How do you feel about bionic enhancements?

What do you think makes them doomweasels, cheri?

However, I have been dabbling with nanotechnology. Perhaps we can discuss this while partaking in this wonderful (completely not poisoned) wine that I just happen to have with me.

Apr 5, 2014#22

ThatNickGuy

Emrys said:
What do you think makes them doomweasels, cheri?

However, I have been dabbling with nanotechnology. Perhaps we can discuss this while partaking in this wonderful (completely not poisoned) wine that I just happen to have with me.

I make it strict policy not to fraternize with my employees, but thank you for the invitation. I've sent out a memo to head office about that nanotechnology, though.[DOUBLEPOST=1396750245,1396750046][/DOUBLEPOST]

Krisken said:
Kriskens (tm) will no longer be supplied until my reinstatement. Consider this corporate policy.

We were aware the contract with Kriskens was expiring soon. In fact, we've just finalized a new deal with @GasBandit. But we thank you for your years of service.

Apr 5, 2014#23

Krisken

Going with an inferior product. Sad sign of the times.

Apr 5, 2014#24

Cheesy1

Kriskens™ : Now with 100% more Indignation!

Apr 5, 2014#25

LittleSin

Phew.

I am, once again, getting by on doing nothing.

Apr 5, 2014#26

grub

ThatNickGuy said:
Yes, well, now that you've brought yourself to my attention, come into my office, Mr. Grub.

Now, what is it, exactly, that you do here?

Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

Apr 5, 2014#27

Emrys

ThatNickGuy said:
I make it strict policy not to fraternize with my employees, but thank you for the invitation. I've sent out a memo to head office about that nanotechnology, though.

Employee?! I think you've forgotten who exactly is in charge here.

Doomweasels, attack!

Dammit, doomweasels, you bathe after you attack.

Apr 5, 2014#28

PatrThom

Emrys said:
Dammit, doomweasels, you bathe after you attack.

That's the SEAL team.

--Patrick

Apr 5, 2014#29

ThatNickGuy

Emrys said:
Dammit, doomweasels, you bathe after you attack.

Security.

Miss Emrys? You're fired.

Apr 5, 2014#30

Bowielee

You are not the boss of me.

Apr 5, 2014#31

ThatNickGuy

grub said:
Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

You're a man in desperate need of more motivation. Consider yourself the new head of the Weasel Division. Please see the recent memo regarding nanotechnology.[DOUBLEPOST=1396753265,1396753222][/DOUBLEPOST]

Bowielee said:
You are not the boss of me.

No, of course I'm not. Not any more. That's the whole idea of firing.

Apr 5, 2014#32

Bowielee

You agreed with me, then posted a disagree tag.

Pick one and stick with it, Cybil.

Apr 5, 2014#33

filmfanatic

ThatNickGuy said:
You're a man in desperate need of more motivation. Consider yourself the new head of the Weasel Division. Please see the recent memo regarding nanotechnology.

Wait, wait, wait. Emrys not helming the Weasel Division? This cannot be!

OCCUPY HALFORUMS! VIVE LA REVOLUCION!

Apr 5, 2014#34

Emrys

I think it's time to take over this place.

Who's with me?

Apr 5, 2014#35

grub

I would but it sounds too much like work. Even the weasel division should be in Emrys' more than capable hands.

Apr 5, 2014#36

Emrys

@ThatNickGuy, you're fired.

Apr 5, 2014#37

ThatNickGuy

grub said:
I would but it sounds too much like work. Even the weasel division should be in Emrys' more than capable hands.

She's clearly not mentally fit for the job. I will not condone employees threatening their superiors.[DOUBLEPOST=1396754245,1396754210][/DOUBLEPOST]

Emrys said:
@ThatNickGuy, you're fired.

You see?

Apr 5, 2014#38

Bowielee

Apr 5, 2014#39

Krisken

A riot is an ugly thing. And its about time we had one!

Apr 5, 2014#40

Emrys

Don't make me break out the heavy weaponry.

Apr 5, 2014#41

Bowielee

What the hell is that? A Dire Weasel?

Apr 5, 2014#42

Krisken

Bowielee said:
What the hell is that? A Dire Weasel?

They're Canadian Marines.

Apr 5, 2014#43

ThatNickGuy

*Folds his hands* Hm. I see. Well, this is probably as good a time as any.

I'd like to introduce everyone to my new head of security. @Shegokigo, if you would please. Dispose of these trouble makers. Use whatever means necessary. Feel free to be creative.

Apr 5, 2014#44

Emrys

[DOUBLEPOST=1396754778,1396754716][/DOUBLEPOST]

ThatNickGuy said:
*Folds his hands* Hm. I see. Well, this is probably as good a time as any.

I'd like to introduce everyone to my new head of security. @Shegokigo, if you would please. Dispose of these trouble makers. Use whatever means necessary. Feel free to be creative.

@Shegokigo, would you like to play with the doomweasels?

Apr 5, 2014#45

Krisken

ThatNickGuy said:
*Folds his hands* Hm. I see. Well, this is probably as good a time as any.

I'd like to introduce everyone to my new head of security. @Shegokigo, if you would please. Dispose of these trouble makers. Use whatever means necessary. Feel free to be creative.

Yeah, not scared.

Apr 5, 2014#46

Bowielee

Apr 5, 2014#47

Krisken

At first I was going to say "Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf?" but then decided it might sound insulting/give the wrong impression.

Apr 5, 2014#48

BananaHands

Can't fire me.

Everyone needs potassium!

Apr 5, 2014#49

Krisken

BananaHands said:
Can't fire me.

Everyone needs potassium!

His hands are bananas.

Apr 5, 2014#50

BananaHands

Krisken said:
His hands are bananas.

Oh god I always forget that video exists.

Apr 5, 2014#51

Shawn

Yay! I keep my job.

Apr 5, 2014#52

Krisken

BananaHands said:
Oh god I always forget that video exists.

Every time I see you post it's the first thing I think of

Apr 5, 2014#53

Zappit

Survived the purge, but now I gotta pick up the slack for the sudden staff loss? I demand higher compensation for those efforts!

Apr 5, 2014#54

Tinwhistler

you can't fire me. They fired me months ago...

Apr 5, 2014#55

ThatNickGuy

Zappit said:
Survived the purge, but now I gotta pick up the slack for the sudden staff loss? I demand higher compensation for those efforts!

A fair argument. Done. You'll see the raise in your next pay cheque.[DOUBLEPOST=1396757189,1396757154][/DOUBLEPOST]

Tinwhistler said:
you can't fire me. They fired me months ago...

We're still requesting you return the red stapler you stole.

Apr 5, 2014#56

BananaHands

Ah, cripes.

I just remembered that I gotta meet my quota in cute animal gifs.

Apr 5, 2014#57

Yoshimickster

I've penciled in @Cheesy1 for 10:00 on Wednesday. I will make sure to be at my desk instead of sleeping in like the millennial I am, as this is the closest thing to a job for me in months.

Apr 5, 2014#58

ThatNickGuy

BananaHands said:
Ah, cripes.

I just remembered that I gotta meet my quota in cute animal gifs.

Cutting it close to the wire on that one, mate. You're slipping.

Apr 5, 2014#59

Thread Necromancer

In light of the current lay offs I would like to officially protest by resigning my position. As I am aware that this will create a considerable inconvenience I would like to offer my services for consultation.

You may compensate me at 3x my prior rate and I will do half the work. Take it or leave it.

Apr 5, 2014#60

BananaHands

ThatNickGuy said:
Cutting it close to the wire on that one, mate. You're slipping.

Did someone say...

...slipping?

Apr 5, 2014#61

ThatNickGuy

Thread Necromancer said:
In light of the current lay offs I would like to officially protest by resigning my position. As I am aware that this will create a considerable inconvenience I would like to offer my services for consultation.

You may compensate me at 3x my prior rate and I will do half the work. Take it or leave it.

Get out of my office. How the hell did you get past my secretary?

Apr 5, 2014#62

WasabiPoptart

ThatNickGuy said:
...you monster.

Yeah yeah.

Apr 6, 2014#63

HCGLNS

Apr 6, 2014#64

Cheesy1

Sir, the new intern is waiting for you in the boardroom.

Apr 6, 2014#65

HCGLNS

Apr 6, 2014#66

Ravenpoe

Is he gone?

Apr 6, 2014#67

Gusto

*dodges that bullet*

Apr 6, 2014#68

ThatNickGuy

Ravenpoe said:
Is he gone?

Apr 6, 2014#69

HCGLNS

Apr 6, 2014#70

ThatNickGuy

HCGLNS said:
View attachment 14491

You're fired.

Apr 6, 2014#71

HCGLNS

ThatNickGuy said:
You're fired.

You lack the power, knowledge, corporate goodwill, leadership and tenacity to execute that fantasy.

Pick up this mess you've made and get back in the mail room before I tell your mom that you can't play here anymore.

Apr 6, 2014#72

ThatNickGuy

Okay.

Apr 6, 2014#73

HCGLNS

Apr 6, 2014#74

DarkAudit

Ah, one of the perks of third shift. All the day's drama is already played out before I get in the door.

Apr 6, 2014#75

Cajungal

Krisken said:
Kriskens (tm) will no longer be supplied until my reinstatement. Consider this corporate policy.

Great. Now there's nothing but armadillo food pellets and cherry flavored "Prom Night" brand condoms in the break room vending machine.

Also, where do I file a complaint about the contents of this vending machine?

Apr 6, 2014#76

HCGLNS

Cajungal said:
Great. Now there's nothing but armadillo food pellets and cherry flavored "Prom Night" brand condoms in the break room vending machine.

Also, where do I file a complaint about the contents of this vending machine?

Apr 6, 2014#77

Krisken

Cajungal said:
Great. Now there's nothing but armadillo food pellets and cherry flavored "Prom Night" brand condoms in the break room vending machine.

Also, where do I file a complaint about the contents of this vending machine?

I believe it's...

Care of Brian Williams
c/o NBC
NBC Nightly News
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10012
USA

Apr 6, 2014#78

Bones

We at BONES-CO will gladly take all the talent people that our competitors are shedding. Good luck to all of you possible new BONES-CO Family members!

Apr 6, 2014#79

rac3r_x

This company needs more sad clowns singing Lorde songs

Apr 6, 2014#80

Charlie Don't Surf

Pretty sure I got fired years ago, but I'm like Milton in Office Space and just shuffle around mumbling about my stapler (my anarcho-socialist agenda. And Cloud Atlas)

Apr 6, 2014#81

BananaHands

Charlie Don't Surf said:
Pretty sure I got fired years ago, but I'm like Milton in Office Space and just shuffle around mumbling about my stapler (my anarcho-socialist agenda. And Cloud Atlas)

Apr 6, 2014#82

WasabiPoptart

Apr 6, 2014#83

CrimsonSoul

Charlie Don't Surf said:
Pretty sure I got fired years ago, but I'm like Milton in Office Space and just shuffle around mumbling about my stapler (my anarcho-socialist agenda. And Cloud Atlas)

And you never actually get anything done :-P

Apr 7, 2014#84

Officer_Charon

You're welcome to TRY and fire me...

Apr 7, 2014#85

Terrik

Officer_Charon said:
You're welcome to TRY and fire me...

Apr 7, 2014#86

Cheesy1

He's a Rocket Daaaaaaan! . . .

. . . ROCKET DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Forums