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The North Ranger Paradox! I have solved it!

Mar 23, 2011#1

HCGLNS

Mar 23, 2011#2

makare

Made in America. I am so damn proud.

Mar 23, 2011#3

North_Ranger

...

BLASPHEMY!!! BURN THE INFIDEL!!

Mar 23, 2011#4

Gusto

What the what?

Mar 23, 2011#5

HCGLNS

That's the can do attitude that makes America great, they saw a need and they made a product to fill it. Now Finns everywhere can enjoy their pantless sauna loving lifestyle as they roam the fjords.

Mar 23, 2011#6

North_Ranger

That shit ain't sauna!

Sauna is supposed to be about relaxing, letting the worries of the day melt away, potentially awesome sex, and generally enjoying a moment of pore-cleansing relaxation.

Not looking like you've just been seeing a clown tailor.
Added at: 01:37

HCGLNS said:
--- they saw a need and they made a product to fill it.

I can think of one good place they could use this to fill it. It's a place where the sun don't shine - and where this idea likely came from in the first place.

Mar 23, 2011#7

HCGLNS

Yes but now you can enjoy all those activities while taking public transportation!

Mar 23, 2011#8

North_Ranger

That's it, buddy. You just lost your sauna and couch privileges.

Mar 23, 2011#9

HCGLNS

Hmmm, it seems that Finns are .... finicky.

:csi:

Mar 23, 2011#10

makare

I... don't like saunas. There I said it. Whew. Glad that's out.

Mar 23, 2011#11

North_Ranger

makare said:
I... don't like saunas. There I said it. Whew. Glad that's out.

That's because you haven't had a proper sauna yet.

Mar 23, 2011#12

makare

Well it wasnt the pants thats for sure.

Mar 23, 2011#13

HCGLNS

makare said:
I... don't like saunas. There I said it. Whew. Glad that's out.

But do you like sauna-pants?

Mar 23, 2011#14

North_Ranger

HCGLNS said:
But do you like sauna-pants?

Use that word again and I will personally shave you, coat you with honey and throw you on top of a huge anthill.

Yes, THIS anthill.

Mar 23, 2011#15

HCGLNS

(to the tune of Lollipop Lollipop)

Sauna-Pants! Sauna-Pants!
Sauna-Sauna-Sauna-Pants!
Sauna-Pants!
Pants!
Ba dum bum bum!

Mar 23, 2011#16

Cheesy1

When I opened this thread, I expected to see a picture of assless chaps as the answer. I don't know if I'm any less disturbed, though.

Mar 23, 2011#17

Baerdog

How do you pee in those things?

Mar 23, 2011#18

Allen who is Quiet

HCGLNs, you know that I want this
And you know that I need this
I want it bad, these sauna-pants

Mar 23, 2011#19

North_Ranger

HCGLNS said:
(to the tune of Lollipop Lollipop)

Sauna-Pants! Sauna-Pants!
Sauna-Sauna-Sauna-Pants!
Sauna-Pants!
Pants!
Ba dum bum bum!

You dead, furball. You dead.

Mar 23, 2011#20

HCGLNS

Baerdog said:
How do you pee in those things?

Warmly.

Mar 23, 2011#21

Baerdog

Touche'.

Mar 23, 2011#22

strawman

LIKE A BOSS!

Mar 23, 2011#23

LittleSin

I am a lover of saunas...though not as much as some others II have encountered in there, as you know.

I keep seeing Sauna suits in health shops...these giant silver suits that make you look like a baked potato. What the hell is the point? Admittedly, I've never been in a genuine steam sauna, only a dry one but....c'mon! I don't want to jog in that thing!

Mar 23, 2011#24

Wasabi Poptart

It sounds like it should be part of a bad pick up line.

Man to a woman at the bar: Are those sauna-pants you're wearing? Cause your ass looks hot!

Mar 23, 2011#25

HCGLNS

LittleSin said:
I am a lover of saunas...though not as much as some others II have encountered in there, as you know.

I keep seeing Sauna suits in health shops...these giant silver suits that make you look like a baked potato. What the hell is the point? Admittedly, I've never been in a genuine steam sauna, only a dry one but....c'mon! I don't want to jog in that thing!

Those suits are designed to deny perspiration and cooling, forcing you to sweat more and more.

Mar 23, 2011#26

LittleSin

HCGLNS said:
Those suits are designed to deny perspiration and cooling, forcing you to sweat more and more.

So wouldn't that mean you only losing water weight?

Mar 23, 2011#27

Wasabi Poptart

Not only that, but you can make yourself sick wearing those things because you tend to overheat in them.

Mar 23, 2011#28

makare

I don't like being hot.

Mar 23, 2011#29

HCGLNS

I bet you could fill those sauna-pants with ice cold alcohol and be the life of the party!

Mar 23, 2011#30

MindDetective

The party would literally be in your pants, then.

Mar 23, 2011#31

HCGLNS

MindDetective said:
The party would literally be in your pants, then.

There's a party going on right here,
A Celebration to last throughout the year!

Mar 23, 2011#32

CynicismKills

Baerdog said:
How do you pee in those things?

Oh, you thought you used water in these things?

Mar 23, 2011#33

evilmike

Mar 24, 2011#34

Hylian

Mar 24, 2011#35

Azurephoenix

Sauna's rule! These pants suck!

Mar 24, 2011#36

strawman

Azurephoenix said:
These pants suck!

If they literally did, there'd be a market for them...

Mar 24, 2011#37

Azurephoenix

Haha... true... but they don't... they just look fugly and uncomfortable

Mar 24, 2011#38

North_Ranger

Azurephoenix said:
Sauna's rule! These pants suck!

Despite the error with the apostrophe... you're okay in my books.

Mar 24, 2011#39

Azurephoenix

I blame the error on not having enough sleep to due my son being awake with a fever all last night.

However, saunas do indeed rule (must be my Scandinavian heritage talking).

Mar 24, 2011#40

Mathias

I can't hear you, I'm wearing my Jacuzzi suit...

How can you not like a sauna? The cedar smell alone is to die for.

Mar 24, 2011#41

North_Ranger

Nice moobs.

Mar 24, 2011#42

Mathias

North_Ranger said:
Nice moobs.

Mar 24, 2011#43

HCGLNS

Must be Finnishian for Milhouses' Moms' Boobs.

Mar 24, 2011#44

North_Ranger

Oh? I thought that was Mathias. I haven't seen a picture of him in a while. Guess I got confused

Mar 24, 2011#45

HCGLNS

And can explain why you think that anthill is large? I live in Canada, we have beaver dams bigger than Helsinki over here.

Also

Sauna-pants!

Mar 24, 2011#46

North_Ranger

HCGLNS said:
And can explain why you think that anthill is large? I live in Canada, we have beaver dams bigger than Helsinki over here.

Also

Sauna-pants!

I've seen your North American ant-hills. Just wanted to make sure you understood the severity of my threat. Of course, I could simply staple some steaks on your naked ass and let the bears have their way with you.

Also

You're no longer welcome to sleep on my couch-bed.

Mar 24, 2011#47

HCGLNS

North_Ranger said:
I could simply staple some steaks on your naked ass and let the bears have their way with you.

Can't be worse than the bear attack I survived when I was a park ranger up in the shield back in the 80's.

Fuckin bastard ruined my zippo!

Mar 24, 2011#48

North_Ranger

There's just no pleasing you, is there?

Mar 24, 2011#49

HCGLNS

You could just try the sauna-pants

Mar 24, 2011#50

North_Ranger

Sure, sure. Right after I cover my balls with Bengay and listen to Abba.

Mar 24, 2011#51

HCGLNS

Awesome! So next Tuesday then?

Mar 24, 2011#52

North_Ranger

Don't make me slap you back to Melmac, dude.

Mar 24, 2011#53

Gusto

He will not try them in a box.

He will not try them with a fox.

Mar 24, 2011#54

HCGLNS

He will not try those sauna-pants!
He will threaten you with ants.

Mar 24, 2011#55

Null

Cheesy1 said:
When I opened this thread, I expected to see a picture of assless chaps as the answer. I don't know if I'm any less disturbed, though.

Yeah, but that's what you expect in EVERY thread. It's time to adjust your hopes, man.

Also, if chaps covered the ass, they'd be pants, not chaps.

Mar 24, 2011#56

Tress

This thread has shown me why HCGLNS is one of my favorite posters around here.

Mar 24, 2011#57

figmentPez

What would happen if you wore sauna pants inside of a sauna?

Mar 24, 2011#58

Cheesy1

You would be awesomeness per-sauna-fied? :cool:

Mar 24, 2011#59

Wasabi Poptart

Cheesy1 said:
You would be awesomeness per-sauna-fied?

Mar 25, 2011#60

North_Ranger

Cheesy1 said:
You would be awesomeness per-sauna-fied?

You're already on my List, cheese-boy.

Mar 25, 2011#61

DarkAudit

This thread needs more pink...

Mar 25, 2011#62

Allen who is Quiet

North_Ranger said:
You're already on my List, cheese-boy.

Mar 25, 2011#63

North_Ranger

Allen who is Quiet said:

It's not that kind of a list, you perverted hipster. Not unless you're into severe beatings administered with deepfrozen goods.

Mar 25, 2011#64

Allen who is Quiet

:angry:

I am not a hipster.

Mar 25, 2011#65

North_Ranger

You wear clothes, do you not?

Mar 25, 2011#66

Allen who is Quiet

Without being ironic, yes.

Mar 29, 2011#67

Emrys

This thread is so full of awesome. And saunas.
Awesaunas!

Mar 29, 2011#68

HCGLNS

OK, so the Finns will build a gondola sauna

but won't try sauna-pants?

Silly Finns.

Mar 29, 2011#69

Ravenpoe

For a fin, ranger sure is uptight. He won't wear sauna pants, he won't have a orgy with me... Where's the adventure, man?

Mar 29, 2011#70

Officer_Charon

It's BECAUSE he won't wear the pants that he's so uptight... he just needs to learn to relax...

Mar 29, 2011#71

HCGLNS

Officer_Charon said:
It's BECAUSE he won't wear the pants that he's so uptight... he just needs to learn to relax...

Are you suggesting that he might have something on his pantless pantholders that might cause his ire to rise?

Mar 29, 2011#72

Officer_Charon

I daresay that lack of pants would definitely get a rise out of him, yes.

Mar 29, 2011#73

filmfanatic

*to the Spider-Man theme song*

Sauna pants, sauna pants,
Get North_Ranger some sauna pants!

Mar 29, 2011#74

Gusto

filmfanatic said:
*to the Spider-Man theme song*

Sauna pants, sauna pants,
Get North_Ranger some sauna pants!

That will be a very sad Halforums Secret Santa picture.

Mar 29, 2011#75

North_Ranger

Get it in your head, folks: those pants have nothing to do with a proper sauna. There's no element of relaxation, no letting loose after a long day, no enjoyment of the humid heat that surrounds you. It is nothing more than a gimmick to get a few bucks out of people who can't tell the difference between a sauna and cooking your balls - or ovaries, as the case may be.

Also, Finn, not a fin.

This is a fin:

This is also a fin:

This, on the other hand, is a Finn:

I trust you can tell the difference.

Mar 29, 2011#76

Emrys

<wolf whistle> :unibrow:

Mar 29, 2011#77

Cheesy1

I . . . I still don't understand what you're getting at, Fin.

Mar 30, 2011#78

North_Ranger

Emrys said:
<wolf whistle>

Oh behave, you li'l minx, you :unibrow:

Added at: 23:28

Cheesy1 said:
I . . . I still don't understand what you're getting at, Fin.

And that is why you will be grated. Feet first.

Mar 30, 2011#79

Allen who is Quiet

North_Ranger said:
Feet first.

Mar 30, 2011#80

North_Ranger

I just don't like headcheese that much

Mar 30, 2011#81

sixpackshaker

North_Ranger said:
I just don't like headcheese that much

Be sure they bathe first.

Apr 5, 2011#82

figmentPez

And here's a job for North_Ranger:http://idle.slashdot.org/story/11/04/05/157229/Software-Firm-Looking-To-Hire-Naked-Coders
Software Firm Looking To Hire Naked Coders

Nude House, a Buckinghamshire computer software and naturist company, is looking for coders who aren't afraid to let a few Cheetos fall where no Cheetos have fallen before. The company would like to become the first all nude tech business. From the article: "Company spokesman Chris Taylor told The Register: 'As far as I am aware this is not only the first UK office job for naturists in web-coding or web-selling, but is also the first worldwide facility for naturists to earn substantial sums of money from work that incidentally provides them with the capability to work entirely without clothes.'"

Apr 6, 2011#83

sixpackshaker

I would not want the job of cleaning the chairs there.

Apr 6, 2011#84

Emrys

I agree. That's 42 different shades of wrong.

Apr 6, 2011#85

Azurephoenix

Just burn them... it's the only way to be sure.

Apr 6, 2011#86

North_Ranger

Seat covers. That is all.

Apr 6, 2011#87

sixpackshaker

North_Ranger said:
Seat covers. That is all.

Those are called pants.

Apr 6, 2011#88

HCGLNS

Did some one say Sauna-pants?

Apr 6, 2011#89

Azurephoenix

HCGLNS said:
Did some one say Sauna-pants?

HAHAHA!!!

Apr 6, 2011#90

Emrys

The circle of liiiiiife!

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