Whine like a baby, now with 500% more drama!
- Thread starter strawman
- Start date
That's a pantry.
My uncle's got liver cancer and wants to die, and my mother has been slowly crumbling because of it all day. This has been a tough week.
GasBandit
Staff member
It took 4 days for the package to go 18 miles?
GasBandit
Staff member
Kinda I guess.
"Oooh this smells great!"
"Oooh this tastes so good..."
"Oooh, I better slow down..."
"Oooh, I don't feel so BLLARGH"
I guess the silver lining is when your stomach only holds 5 ounces, it empties quickly.
Aussie started getting those when he was in his 30s.This was in yesterday's mail with my name on it. Oldness now made official...
I got my first one at 16, probably because of a free Times subscription from Thinkgeek.
My alarm clock is busted. It is running too fast and unplugging/replugging doesn't help. My parents bought it for my room when I was a little kid. Its done well for over 20 years at this point and its weird that its finally done. I'd like an identical replacement, but best I can tell, the company that makes it doesn't exist anymore. Its a Cosmo E-526 if you people happen to be better at googling than me, but it looks like another relic of the 90s.
GasBandit
Staff member
Eeesh, that's gonna be a tough find. Your best bet may be to set up an alert in e-bay in case one goes up for auction.
Hang onto it. That type of issue can often be repaired. I don't have time right now, otherwise, I'd do it for you, but maybe poke me next spring or summer.
WARNING: this post is partially influenced by my depression coming back to the fore, and it really is just whining. I know intellectually things aren't all that bad, even on the contrary, and I don't really need advice. I just want to let out some frustration and anxiety. If this may trigger you or make you feel the need to say "suck it up" or make you feel bad, just skip this post.
Right. So. I'm just feeling like I don't actually matter. A robot could live my life just as well. All decisions surrounding me and my life are taken for me, usually "in my best interest" or by "circumstances" or whatever. Some people just like to take decisions away from others, especially when they see you're struggling with the decision. Thing is, while I *do* get stress from having to make big decisions, I also really *do* want to make them. Of course some things are beyond my control - everybody's life is directed by outside forces for a large part. Working hours, opening hours of shops, availability, the weather, children and their needs - all things that compel us to doing specific things at specific times of the day, or on specific days, even if we don't feel like them. In the small part of life that remains, though, I'd like to feel like I'm in control. And I'm not. From big things to small things, things just go, and I'm powerless to stop anything from happening. The upcoming week has me working one day, then packing for upcoming trips, then going on a long trip to measure furniture and dismantle it and all that, then coming back, continuing straight on to the other side of the country to go meet with some colleagues of my girlfriend to make arrangements over a trip we might take together, then coming back home only to depart right away for 3 days visit to friends in Germany. On our way back, we'll be taking along my sister-in-law who returns from a city trip. And then it's back to work.
And, see, all of those things have reasons for being there and being done now. And none if it's terrible. But this was supposed to be a week I could relax and do some work for myself, and instead I find myself doing all these things for other people or that I'm supposed to do, and I just don't want to. I just feel overwhelmed and stressed out and I have no idea how or why I'm supposed to do all this and feel good about it.
I don't want that furniture! I certainly didn't want to go visit those people in Germany! Picking up my sister-in-law means we'll never be home before 1AM - and I have to get up at 7AM the next day. I don't want to go arrange a trip I don't have the money for at the moment!
But, see - the furniture *is* good, so it'd be a waste not to take the opportunity. The trip *does* sound nice (14 days of hiking across a bunch of Norwegian fjords and glaciers). We only have to make a 30 minute detour to pick up the in-law, and wait an hour or so, while if someone else did it, they'd be doing a 3-hour round trip late at night. It's all small things, compounded by a dozen other small things ,and it all just becomes too much.
In between all of that stuff, we've now run out of weed and my gf has helpfully decided that this is a perfect time to stop again - I didn't want to start in the first place because I know I have a hard time quitting, and now we're quitting right in the middle of a busy season. She can just leave it (she claims - her mood is affected too). I can't. Also, my current job is interim-with-an-option-at-full-employment...And they've now posted the vacancy open to everyone. I'm not entirely convinced I want to keep doing this job long-term, but I do have to apply for it just in case...And to make sure I can keep doing this at least for a while. So I have to apply for this job I'm already doing in the coming week, on top of all that other stuff.
It may not be much - and I know some people have a lot more on their plate, and a lot worse things to juggle at the same time - and yet I just can't manage it .I don't know how or when I'll sleep this week, and I'm genuinely looking forward to the whole week being over so I can just go back to my work and be safe for 8 hours a day, with clear responsibilities and decisions.
In the mean time, I'm just overreacting to a whole bunch of stuff. My GF thinks I should switch my backpack - I've been using it for a few years, and it's showing quite a bit of wear, mostly one of the shoulder straps that's falling apart. Yet the other backpacks she suggests I use are cheap given-away-for-free-at-the-fitness affairs that don't have the amount of pockets I want, the build quality I want ,the comfort I want. So I say no. So she comes along and starts on about it again the very next day. And the day after. And I tell her I'll look into buying a new one when they're on sale in January, and still she sends messages about people at her work getting a new backpack because theirs is old - "but not nearly as bad as yours" and she's surprised when I tell her she's nagging and needs to quit it. It's my backpack, I think I get to decide when to replace it. Today, she eats at work, so I have to eat alone - just like yesterday. Not an issue, except yesterday she put out all the food I had to make and a time table of when to eat it, and she wanted to do the same for today. When I said I was just going to eat a pizza, she got angry. While dammit, what I eat on my own is damn well my own decision and I think I should get to make it. I'm sick and tired of people giving "suggestions" then treating it like you've already agreed, as if it's a done deal.
I feel powerless and useless, and like everybody else not only has their shit together a lot more, but wants to get my shit together too, for me, while I don't even know what shit is mine to begin with.
I dunno. I feel like I'm overwhelmed without any reason to feel that way, I feel like I'm just too weak to deal with everyday life, I feel like I'm completely replaceable and unimportant. I don't have any hobbies, nor the time or energy to keep up with one - this place is the closest to a hobby I have. My current job is too easy for me to do but I'm too scared to leap out and go elsewhere again. I could be replaced in practically everything I do without anyone noticing - and those who would notice, mostly wouldn't care. I'm sure some people care about me - my gf, my parents, maybe a few people on here - but if I were to drop dead tomorrow, the world wouldn't be a worse place for it. My GF would have the house paid off because of my insurance, and she could easily find a better match. My parents and family are so cold and fixed in their positions they would get on with practical life and pretend I wasn't around anymore like my sister. On here, I guess I'd be remembered for a few years and eventually it'd be "hey, remember that Belgian we used to have?" "What, Wahad?" "No, the other guy" "errr" "The owl guy" "Oh, right! yeah, shame he left". A few minor memories for five people on here, another few vague memories in 10 people in RL, and that's it. Not that I want to leave a legacy ,but it'd be nice to think you left the world a better place than when you came in it, that you really made a difference to at least someone. And I don't, and I haven't.
Anyway, I'm aware this is my depression coloring everything more black than it needs to be, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with it - because the voice saying "yeah, but who cares about you anyway? Even you don't!" is pretty strong inside.
Right. So. I'm just feeling like I don't actually matter. A robot could live my life just as well. All decisions surrounding me and my life are taken for me, usually "in my best interest" or by "circumstances" or whatever. Some people just like to take decisions away from others, especially when they see you're struggling with the decision. Thing is, while I *do* get stress from having to make big decisions, I also really *do* want to make them. Of course some things are beyond my control - everybody's life is directed by outside forces for a large part. Working hours, opening hours of shops, availability, the weather, children and their needs - all things that compel us to doing specific things at specific times of the day, or on specific days, even if we don't feel like them. In the small part of life that remains, though, I'd like to feel like I'm in control. And I'm not. From big things to small things, things just go, and I'm powerless to stop anything from happening. The upcoming week has me working one day, then packing for upcoming trips, then going on a long trip to measure furniture and dismantle it and all that, then coming back, continuing straight on to the other side of the country to go meet with some colleagues of my girlfriend to make arrangements over a trip we might take together, then coming back home only to depart right away for 3 days visit to friends in Germany. On our way back, we'll be taking along my sister-in-law who returns from a city trip. And then it's back to work.
And, see, all of those things have reasons for being there and being done now. And none if it's terrible. But this was supposed to be a week I could relax and do some work for myself, and instead I find myself doing all these things for other people or that I'm supposed to do, and I just don't want to. I just feel overwhelmed and stressed out and I have no idea how or why I'm supposed to do all this and feel good about it.
I don't want that furniture! I certainly didn't want to go visit those people in Germany! Picking up my sister-in-law means we'll never be home before 1AM - and I have to get up at 7AM the next day. I don't want to go arrange a trip I don't have the money for at the moment!
But, see - the furniture *is* good, so it'd be a waste not to take the opportunity. The trip *does* sound nice (14 days of hiking across a bunch of Norwegian fjords and glaciers). We only have to make a 30 minute detour to pick up the in-law, and wait an hour or so, while if someone else did it, they'd be doing a 3-hour round trip late at night. It's all small things, compounded by a dozen other small things ,and it all just becomes too much.
In between all of that stuff, we've now run out of weed and my gf has helpfully decided that this is a perfect time to stop again - I didn't want to start in the first place because I know I have a hard time quitting, and now we're quitting right in the middle of a busy season. She can just leave it (she claims - her mood is affected too). I can't. Also, my current job is interim-with-an-option-at-full-employment...And they've now posted the vacancy open to everyone. I'm not entirely convinced I want to keep doing this job long-term, but I do have to apply for it just in case...And to make sure I can keep doing this at least for a while. So I have to apply for this job I'm already doing in the coming week, on top of all that other stuff.
It may not be much - and I know some people have a lot more on their plate, and a lot worse things to juggle at the same time - and yet I just can't manage it .I don't know how or when I'll sleep this week, and I'm genuinely looking forward to the whole week being over so I can just go back to my work and be safe for 8 hours a day, with clear responsibilities and decisions.
In the mean time, I'm just overreacting to a whole bunch of stuff. My GF thinks I should switch my backpack - I've been using it for a few years, and it's showing quite a bit of wear, mostly one of the shoulder straps that's falling apart. Yet the other backpacks she suggests I use are cheap given-away-for-free-at-the-fitness affairs that don't have the amount of pockets I want, the build quality I want ,the comfort I want. So I say no. So she comes along and starts on about it again the very next day. And the day after. And I tell her I'll look into buying a new one when they're on sale in January, and still she sends messages about people at her work getting a new backpack because theirs is old - "but not nearly as bad as yours" and she's surprised when I tell her she's nagging and needs to quit it. It's my backpack, I think I get to decide when to replace it. Today, she eats at work, so I have to eat alone - just like yesterday. Not an issue, except yesterday she put out all the food I had to make and a time table of when to eat it, and she wanted to do the same for today. When I said I was just going to eat a pizza, she got angry. While dammit, what I eat on my own is damn well my own decision and I think I should get to make it. I'm sick and tired of people giving "suggestions" then treating it like you've already agreed, as if it's a done deal.
I feel powerless and useless, and like everybody else not only has their shit together a lot more, but wants to get my shit together too, for me, while I don't even know what shit is mine to begin with.
I dunno. I feel like I'm overwhelmed without any reason to feel that way, I feel like I'm just too weak to deal with everyday life, I feel like I'm completely replaceable and unimportant. I don't have any hobbies, nor the time or energy to keep up with one - this place is the closest to a hobby I have. My current job is too easy for me to do but I'm too scared to leap out and go elsewhere again. I could be replaced in practically everything I do without anyone noticing - and those who would notice, mostly wouldn't care. I'm sure some people care about me - my gf, my parents, maybe a few people on here - but if I were to drop dead tomorrow, the world wouldn't be a worse place for it. My GF would have the house paid off because of my insurance, and she could easily find a better match. My parents and family are so cold and fixed in their positions they would get on with practical life and pretend I wasn't around anymore like my sister. On here, I guess I'd be remembered for a few years and eventually it'd be "hey, remember that Belgian we used to have?" "What, Wahad?" "No, the other guy" "errr" "The owl guy" "Oh, right! yeah, shame he left". A few minor memories for five people on here, another few vague memories in 10 people in RL, and that's it. Not that I want to leave a legacy ,but it'd be nice to think you left the world a better place than when you came in it, that you really made a difference to at least someone. And I don't, and I haven't.
Anyway, I'm aware this is my depression coloring everything more black than it needs to be, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with it - because the voice saying "yeah, but who cares about you anyway? Even you don't!" is pretty strong inside.
I don’t really have any advice to give, as I have very similar issues and have’t found any solution that isn’t essentially “tough it out.” It reminds me a lot of spoon theory, except that the depression isn’t brought about simply due to running out of spoons, rather that there are no spoons remaining to spend on one’s self, leaving a person in the weird position of feeling neglected by one’s self.
So thank you for sharing.
—Patrick
All I can say is that you are totally justified in feeling unfairly burdened by a lot of that shit because other people have taken for granted that you'll do all these things that you didn't really agree to do in the first place, but you find yourself having to do them because it's easier to do them than get someone else to do them. You have every right to feel like you're being taken advantage of, and that you're being held to a double standard. And the backpack thing? Fuck her, it's your fucking backpack that you have to deal with every fucking day. Sure thing, if you take a freebie/cheapo one like she's suggesting as a placeholder and then buy one that's like you want it when it's on sale later, it'll be "But you already had a new backpack, why are you spending money on this?"
For what it's worth, you've left an indelible impression on me. The owl Belgian, the giver of ratings, the sudsy one. The one and only Bubble.
Sometimes you don't need to have been some incredibly great person to leave a strong impression on them. A good guy, a good pal, one who I can talk to and laugh with, that's all that's needed, really.
Sometimes you don't need to have been some incredibly great person to leave a strong impression on them. A good guy, a good pal, one who I can talk to and laugh with, that's all that's needed, really.
@Bubble181 , I'm not sure how to speak to everything you are going through, but I do think this would be a poorer place without you.
Had three days off in a row. Back at work tomorrow.
And was so despressed that I did nothing but play video games the entire time, completely wasting those days off.
And still depressed.
And was so despressed that I did nothing but play video games the entire time, completely wasting those days off.
And still depressed.
5 days of vacation and same my dude. was time well wasted.
I'm not sure video games are necessarily wasted time. I understand the feeling though. If I could take a whole day to play video games, I absolutely would.
Dave
Staff member
My wife gives me crap for playing games all day or streaming on Twitch, yet she watches TV for the same amount of time.
GasBandit
Staff member
"That Marijuana will ruin your life, you know," said Bob as he again raised his beer glass to his lips.
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My parents do the same. At least when you stream you have the potential to make a few bucks eventually.
Either that, or ageism. May want to experiment with dropping older jobs if you haven't already, or looking up guides for older applicants. I know you're not Dave, but you might be getting accidentally pigeonholed.