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Obviously, I'm generally going to talk about straight sex type of porn. So this may not apply to everyone.

I really don't see why people would get turned on watching it. I mean, the fakeness of the girls' performance is simply unbearable. They are excessively loud, fakes moan throughout the act and talk dirty (but not in a hot way, more on that later) but clearly they don't enjoy the sex and performers who enjoy sex is the main factor of a good porn, at least for me... to turn me on.

If it's not the generic female "body template" with the blonde/bleach hair made up by an artist before the shoot or the ridiculous breast jobs with DD+, the massive hips, or shitload of make-up... or perhaps the grand selection of 10 bodybuilders with fugly faces penis catalogue that annoys me.

But nothing, noooothing gets to me more than the generic "*stupid angry fake sex sound from mouth* OH YEAH OH YEAH FUCK ME *stupid angry fake sex sound from mouth*" x100 times during the scene they keep spitting out that simply kills the mood. I shall call this the "RAGING COW SYNDROME". It was cute when Jenna Jameson did it 2 decades ago, today? Not so much. Especially when EVERYONE IS DOING IT.

The opposite happens in European porn. Many times you can see the lust in their eyes and genuine movement while they perform. Even when they clearly act, they act it good and generally you'll see a more natural look to the women and most of them don't perform the "raging cow syndrome"... but even that has been catching on even there slowly over the years.

I won't go in the Asian market and all as I've seen is those girls look to be either stoically enduring it all with Vulcan-like performances or on the verge of tears while they make noises like chipmunks being stabbed with sharpened pencils. It's very disturbing and not at all hot, at least for me. I will not even bother to discuss the "other Asian porn" today.

Other things that annoy me :

The complete lack of kissing beyond the half-assed kisses at the beginning of scenes. Call me a hopeless romantic but when I watch a guy ramming a marble-hard cock the size of a civil war cannon into an 35 year old "teenage girl" in pigtail's tender ass, I want to see a little kissing, too. European porn? Kissing is always there, sometimes very passionate.

I get the whole idea behind having an orgasm on a woman's face, really I do. Sometimes I feel I want to do it as well. Just. Not. Every. Single. Fucking. Goddamn. Time. For the love of God, stop all the coming on all the faces!

I like seeing two women getting it on. Such is the way of things. Watching two women kiss... is the shit. And I enjoy watching it in porn, in regular movies and in real life. I recently stared at two women kissing a few rows in front of me in a movie theatre, and they weren't that attractive. Still, it was hot to watch! I could watch women kissing each other for hours. What I can't watch for hours is the "rest of it". You know... the lesbian sex part... it's a little, uh. Boring. There's a lot of, like, lapping. Hours of it. It's hot at first but after a while I stop paying attention and start balancing my checkbook or thinking about how badly I need to go buy light bulbs. Nothing against lesbians or anything, I know you're doing your best without the penis but it just gets a little dull for me to watch during a movie and throwing one of these scenes in every single goddamn straight porn movie gets old.

I hate stupid camera angles. So there's these two women working their way down on this guy. Just when they reach the destination with their mouths, the camera slowly pans up his muscular bodybuilder body to show us his fugly face. Sure, they'll eventually cut back to the action but not before showing us about ten seconds of how much he's enjoying it. Well, of course he's enjoying it. No shit sherlock. Who wouldn't? I don't need to see him enjoying it, is all... especially for 10-15 seconds.

Another point on this... excessive zooming. GOD DAMNIT I DON'T WANT TO SEE ALL THE WAY UP TO THE UTERUS! Just give a proper view of the situation instead of pressing the dick against the camera button. I hate it when finally a natural looking girl is in one of the scenes before the bastardisation of their bodies with implants AND they are wearing something hot, like lingerie, stockings, heels but you'll never see any of that, nope. Here's the guy's nut sack for a few minutes, only times they pan out is to their faces while they act like fucking retards. "OH YEAH! TAKE THAT SHIT." "Fuccck Meeeee... Fuuuuuuucccccckkk Meeeeeee Eeeeee EEEEeeee AAAAAhhhhhh AAhahaaaaaa AAaaaaa OOOOHHH OHHHH FUCK ME....... FUCK....... ME.... EEEEEEAaaaa Aaaaah, I'm commming!". Uh huh. Sure.

Sweet Jesus kill me now.

When the male actors start playing mini-putt with their dicks in the middle of the act, repeatedly while they both moan like fucking retards as if it's the best thing since sugar pie. This is a new trend and about as useless and evil as Twitter.

The lazy porn routine. You know... chick removes the man's pants while half-assedly kissing him. Uninspired blowjob, talking like idiots, "Suck it beautiful". Chick is then suddenly naked with no seductive getting naked scenes nor natural progression between positions. Woman does not get oral or gets a 30 second one while the guy looks absolutely lost on how to perform that act. Clipped sex in positions where bodies are hardly in contact ever (so you never get sense of them actually being interested in each other) for the best "camera view". Raging Cow Syndrome is consistent regardless of speed or action. AAAHA AAAAAH AAAAAH. Close-ups 80% of the time, who needs to know what the fuck is going on, look at the bodybuilder's balls for the next 5 minutes. Pull out early. Guy jacks off onto appreciative face.

Borrring.

The fact the guys need to jerk themselves off to finish, speaks wonders how terrible the whole industry is North American overall.

Throat fucking. Seriously, WTF.

And lastly, tattoos and piercings. Both are awful. When girls start having The Rock like tribal arm tattoos, along with the tramp stamp... with the assortment of more ink, I'll tell you, it turns me straight off.


So what's happening here? Do American people simply love that kind of over-the-top and unreal porn so directors are just giving people what they want? Or is this really happening in homes down there? How do you feel about the porn industry?

Discuss.

I think it's obvious where you must go from here...

Minotaur porn



or sheisse videos. Either way.

Karl Hungus starring in Log jammin', fixing cable.
That's different!

The other night we wanted to try something diffect...so we booted up the browser on you PS3 and went to redtube. I was excited. I like looking at naughty still images,some hentai and I like reading erotic stories so I thought this would be fun evening.

It wasn't. We flipped from porn to porn. All of it was fucking nasty. The husband was getting randy over it but I was just like 'What the hell is this?'

By the time he was ready to go...I wasn't. I might as well have stepped in a cold shower. It led to a less then stellar time in the bed room and a lot of frustration on both our parts.

He keeps apologizing about it but it really isn't his fault.

I'd love to see this 'European' porn.

Well, it's kind of supposed to suck

I agree with redthirtyone, minotaur penis solves all porn problems.

LittleSin said:

I'd love to see this 'European' porn.

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Look for Marc Dorcel. Retired porn star who now has his own productions. But anything that, French, Italian or Hungarian.

Sounds like Gianna Michaels would be right up your alley as far as ''enjoying it'' goes. Other than that, Viv Thomas always makes great scenes, as does X-Art.

The good thing about porn on the internet is that you can just skip your way through the bad things and find whatever gets your goat. Especially with collective sites like apetube or fapdu that search through a number of different sites to provide clips.

The terribly acted moans and constant "fuck me now"'s aren't an issue when they're gagged.

You know, just tossing that out there.

What about those X-Art vids?Those are pretty hot.

LittleSin said:

The other night we wanted to try something diffect...so we booted up the browser on you PS3 and went to redtube. I was excited. I like looking at naughty still images,some hentai and I like reading erotic stories so I thought this would be fun evening.

It wasn't. We flipped from porn to porn. All of it was fucking nasty. The husband was getting randy over it but I was just like 'What the hell is this?'

By the time he was ready to go...I wasn't. I might as well have stepped in a cold shower. It led to a less then stellar time in the bed room and a lot of frustration on both our parts.

He keeps apologizing about it but it really isn't his fault.

I'd love to see this 'European' porn.

Click to expand...

Good hentai is probably my poison of choice when watching with a partner.

North American porn sucks because of all the white knights on the internet.

Yeah... those, or the itouchmyself vids (same song, different tune)... very hot to watch, so far as vanilla goes.

I agree with this thread.

Adammon said:

I agree with this thread.

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hoonpooty.jpg

You may like "Amateur Porn" then.

It's, uhhh..

nice.

-----------------------

On a separate and more TMI note, North American cosplay porn is way better than any Japanese cosplay porn. Unfortunately, THERE IS VERY LITTLE OF THIS.

Er, I mean.... um... nothing.

Hot.

Officer_Charon said:

hoonpooty.jpg

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No way man, no way!

seinfeld.gif'ing out of this one

Tinwhistler said:

I personally have a thing for the "beautiful agony" videos.

You don't see any naughty bits at all..but they're hot as fuck

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There's beautiful agony style vids out there now that do show all the naughty bits. Those are my favorite.

Hey, OC agrees with me. Good taste.
Added at: 20:55

Shegokigo said:

Good hentai

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I know it's opinion and I'm not someone who judges anyone on their choice of beat-off material (God knows I would never want anyone doing the same) unless it's law breaking but is there such a thing? I've only ever seen poorly animated, vile shit.

Never heard of beautiful agony.... this isn't a trap is it?

Like.... dude, www.lemonparty.org is awesome... and then bam.... can't sleep with the images burnt into your mind?

Beautiful Agony is basically a camera pointed down only framing the head and shoulders of someone (usually one of dem broads) while they masturbate and you watch the O-face.

Frankie Williamson said:

There's beautiful agony style vids out there now that do show all the naughty bits. Those are my favorite.

Hey, OC agrees with me. Good taste.
Added at: 20:55


I know it's opinion and I'm not someone who judges anyone on their choice of beat-off material (God knows I would never want anyone doing the same) unless it's law breaking but is there such a thing? I've only ever seen poorly animated, vile shit.

Click to expand...

There's some very high quality, high production value hentai out there.

And some of it gets weird.

Personally, I go for the weird.

Hmmmmm, I'll take a looksie one of these days.

How do you guys/gals feel about the state of the porn industry? I'm sure more than LittleSin have gone "What the fuck is this shit".

Tinwhistler said:

Unfortunately, since Beautiful Agony got somewhat popular, I've seen plenty of o-faces that look fake as hell to me..totally ruins the awesomeness of these vids.

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Yeah, those are unfortunate.
Added at: 21:10

Jay said:

Hmmmmm, I'll take a looksie one of these days.

How do you guys/gals feel about the state of the porn industry? I'm sure more than LittleSin have gone "What the fuck is this shit".

Click to expand...

Like the massive popularity of trashy, nasty and often demeaning gonzo porn. Yeah, doesn't really interest me.

I only watch kink.com porn really and it's generally pretty good. There is porn I watch for stimulation and then there is porn I watch for laughs.. big hearty wtf laughs.

I also enjoy cam4 i think it is called. that can be fun. Sadly all my fave cams were linked up on my desktop which is rip at the moment.

I didn't get a chance to clean it off either and I am scared take it in the way it is. The first time I ever took it in to the computer repair shop it came back sans porn. Jerks.

makare said:

I only watch kink.com porn really and it's generally pretty good. There is porn I watch for stimulation and then there is porn I watch for laughs.. big hearty wtf laughs.

I also enjoy cam4 i think it is called. that can be fun. Sadly all my fave cams were linked up on my desktop which is rip at the moment.

I didn't get a chance to clean it off either and I am scared take it in the way it is. The first time I ever took it in to the computer repair shop it came back sans porn. Jerks.

Click to expand...

Would it have been weirder if it had come back with more porn?

That would have been nice...

makare said:

That would have been nice...

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What if it was porn of the computer repair guys?

I'm just researching a new business idea.

You know, I've always been one to say that if there's a problem, do something about it.

My problem, as mentioned above, is that there is not enough North American cosplay porn. And I know I could make it. I have a background in web presence AND media, along with anime con / cosplay marketing. I could GET SOME MADE. Legally! And I would share it with the world! Possibly for a modest monthly fee!

But the girlfriend wouldn't approve. :|

(And don't even mention Cosplay Deviants, they are ugly and they suck.)

My porn of choice is my imagination, you can never go wrong.

ScytheRexx said:

My porn of choice is my imagination, you can never go wrong.

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Minotaur penis.

I have started to wonder if I should just start my own porn production company and film the kinda stuff that gets me off.

"Okay. So now in this scene I want to to run a thumb along her bottom lip before sweeping in for a soft kiss. This kiss should deepen to something more passionate al though you don't need to ram each others tongues down one anothers throats. Mary, I want you to clutch his sghoulder, like you are heaving your breast into him. Alright Chuck now kiss down her neck...SLOWLY! Slooowly, savour each taste of her skin...."

...yeh.

... Please continue.

If you wanna see some awful shit, try japanese live action non-fetish porn. Good god, the squeaking. The squawking.

There's nothing worse than Japanese porn. The sound is as said, fucking awful.

Frankie Williamson said:

There's nothing worse than Japanese porn. The sound is as said, fucking awful.

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Boys and girls, I give you now, the script of your average japanese porn:

Helium junky said:

AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! ITAI!!! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! ITAI!!! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! ITAI!!! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! ITAI!!! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! ITAI!!! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! AAANH! ITAI!!! AAANH! AAANH!

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*ITAI: "Ouch"

Just as according to keikaku

This may be a Hal first, but I actually completely agree with Jay. I cannot stand the same things. Fake grunting, and the stupid ass facial expressions the women make. But the biggest turn-off definitely has to be the zoomed in shots of just the penis and vagina. Do people actually get off on that? "Here's a 1080p shot of the ugliest parts of human anatomy." Looks more like a medical video or a monster movie than porn.

You know what I like? The noise a woman makes at the moment of initial penetration. Even in those stupid videos, that always seems genuine. Oh, they may grunt over the top of it, but the real noise is in there too. Also a big fan of a woman trying to talk, and the pleasure interrupts her words. It's like it's so overwhelming. Weird, maybe, but I like it.

I'm also a big fan of bilingual girls forgetting (or "forgetting") how to speak English. Nothing like overriding the forebrain to let you know you're doing your job properly. Just sayin'

Frankie Williamson said:

gonzo porn

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???

Really, guys? You like my fantasies?

Huh.

Sounds like my reality.

( ಠ_ಠ)



(╯ಠ_ಠ）╯︵ ┻━┻

Wh-what?

I lost it at "perfect 7" body.

( ಠ_ಠ)

WHAT is that?

Reminds me of:

Oh god I remember that one! I still love the Half-life and death of Gordon Fromen.

Due the wording of the title of this thread I am now wondering how much of the porn I have seen is Canadian...

Gotta admit, I've never seen any porn. Not real porn. I've seen soft-core stuff there the guy's clearly grinding on some annoyed woman's thigh. Closest thing I've seen was very strange. The fella and I were at a hotel flipping through the channels, and all of a sudden we see this giggly, totally nude woman with taut, fake-looking boobs. I said "hello, porn star," as a joke, but it turned out she was one. Not sure who.

Anyway, it was some kind of show about different sex toys. It was funny because she had commentary for each one. Then she'd laugh and bounce around and maybe try one of the things they'd just been talking about. I saw this one enormous bazooka-looking instrument that a guy affixes to his penis and uses to jack off. It just seemed so unnecessary. The lazy man's wank, really, since he just sat there while this accordion-looking pump did all the work.... although it must have gotten heavy. No idea what that show was or what the hell channel that was.

Holy crap, Sera. I laughed my ass off.

Cajungal said:

WHAT is that?

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One page of a nonexistent work this guy did for shits and giggles.

CG: Now go watch some porn and report back. I'd love to here the uninitiated's point of view.

Which ones aren't too silly?

Well, you could be introduced to the genre with the classic film that I started it with:

Indiana Joan in the Black Hole of Mammoo
(It's even worse than the reviews make it sound!)

French ones, apparently. *chuckles*

Oh, goodness. "Interracial action," you say?

In all seriousness, you could do worse than the work of Marc Dorcel, like Jay said... c'est de la classe, ça

The French don't take their porn too seriously either. Lots of porn-comedies like "Le Camping des foutriquets"

For porn funny I recommend This Ain't Avatar, that Avatar porn spoof. It is pretty funny. Also, there is a blow job scene where if I were the guy I would have smacked the chick off me and run the hell away.

Almost.. almost.. almost.. there we are.

Good show.

I can only assume the Petal thing was written AS a joke, but I actually knew an autistic girl who WROTE stuff like that, in full seriousness. She thought it was sexy. They often involved rape, which was.... illuminating.

makare said:

For porn funny I recommend This Ain't Avatar, that Avatar porn spoof. It is pretty funny. Also, there is a blow job scene where if I were the guy I would have smacked the chick off me and run the hell away.

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*starts a list* This is going to be an interesting summer.

Star Wars XXX has a surprisingly vast non-porn to porn screen time ratio. Most of the jokes in it fall kind of flat but there's a couple chucklers in there.

She's cute. And yeah, I watched a few of those episodes. They were fun.

Tinwhistler said:

Her?
That's Katie Morgan. HBO has a few fun sex ed shows starring her, which she does while naked. They're fairly informative.

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Man, I pitched that same show to HBO. They didn't take my offer.

How taut are your boobs?

fade said:

How taut are your boobs?

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Admittedly, they're a little saggy.

But they're all real, baby!

YES, thank you!

Actually was on HBO the other night. Felt weird to watch it while trailers of Game of Thrones kept coming up during commercial breaks.

It was nice tho.

HBO has commercials? Man, fuck TV. You have to pay for that shit and they still make you watch commercials.

HBO doesn't have commercials during shows. They only play commercials for their own series and movies in between programs.