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C
Chazwozel
I like to trim mine like a little nether region bonsai tree.
Hmmmm... This is a really tough one. I read a lot of very intelligent, literary books, but most of the answers that are popping into my head are coming from my "guilty pleasure" reads
If I could be in any book world, I'd have to pick the Harry Potter one. I'm not a diehard fan or anything, but I think Rowling did a fantastic job of developing the sort of world that still elicits childlike wonder in my jaded old heart. Of course, one of the conditions would have to be that I wasn't a Muggle. But fuck Gryffindor--I'd be in Ravenclaw.Any character from a book... hmm. Again, at the risk of sounding like someone who only reads complete trash, I'm going to have to pick a character from one of my guilty pleasure series
I'd probably be Eric from the Sookie Stackhouse novels (which is now on HBO as True Blood.) He's immortal, he's hot as hell, he's very intelligent, and he can tear a dude apart like only a Viking can. And he
gets to sleep with a girl who apparently looks like Anna Paquin! 
I love literary fiction, but a lot of those characters seem to lead rather boring day-to-day lives. So as much as I'd like to say "yeah, I'd be Elizabeth Bennett" or something, I'm honestly not sure I'd like to trade my life for hers.
Doesn't bother me in the slightest. I really have no problem answering personal questions. It's only when people start sending me insulting PMs that I get irritated
*said in a very manly tone of voice* How it do.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Will we be seeing more phallic-shaped pastries in the future?
Hell, I'd love to have copies of the ones I've already seen
Yep, the Juice and I already decided we're doing a sequel to the dickerdoodle pics.
I'll post some of last year's pics when I do the next batch in December.Hell, I'd love to have copies of the ones I've already seen
None, at least that I've found. Thank god.
My brothers, hands-down. The four of us have the weirdest sense of humor, and people think we have the strangest relationship because we'll reply to each other with various "your mom" jokes and vulgar witticisms. I don't know why people think it's so odd for me to tell my brothers to suck my balls when they insult me, but for some reason, people always give me funny looks.
Oh, shit. That's tough. It totally depends on my mood. I've been known to scarf down a bag of chips just as fast as a twinkie. If I had to pick, though, I'd probably say salty, but not by much.
I'd definitely move back to Europe, probably either to Scotland again or to Paris. I absolutely loved living there and miss it so much.
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TotalFusionOne
I want to go get Chinese food and I have the opportunity to go with a girl I met from an All Girls College. Now this girl is nice, intelligent, and fun. But she's kinda.. not fun in the bedroom. And a date with her will mean COMPLETE cutoff from her entire class at the college. Should I go get chinese food with her and enjoy the conversations I'm sure to have, or should I just go by myself and hedge my bets on meeting someone else from that campus?
Beats me. I've never stepped foot into Sam's Wines. They used to have a nice one in my old neighborhood in the city, though.
Don't threaten me with a good time.
I guess that depends on what you mean by "not fun in the bedroom." Could you elaborate?
BananaHands
Staff member
Zombie Apocalypse.
Baseball Bat or Machete?
Choose wisely.
Baseball Bat or Machete?
Choose wisely.
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TotalFusionOne
I mean.. She handled my penis like it was a glass beaker that held volatile solutions. Actually, I think that's what I'll call it from now on.
It was soft feathery licks and gentle strokes which is AMAZING for the first five minutes. But I need some meat. Some grunt. Some grease.
It was soft feathery licks and gentle strokes which is AMAZING for the first five minutes. But I need some meat. Some grunt. Some grease.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Oh my God, Fusion, you just made me laugh so hard that the birds outside my window flew off in fright.
Baseball bat, definitely. A machete would do some damage at first, but once the blade dulls, it's going to be sort of useless. A baseball bat should be good for bashing in quite a few skulls.
Oh, come on, that can be easily rectified. Grab her hair and tell her to go to town on it like it contains the fucking antidote. If she doesn't seem to be getting the picture, start spanking her until she does. Girls love that shit.
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Silvanesti
That sounds like a good plan. I don't think anything could go wrong with that.
*grabs Droll by her hair*
*grabs Droll by her hair*
[/QUOTE]Trust me, Shego, I don't think anyone is going to complain that I'm only doing "soft, feathery licks and gentle strokes." But feel free to spank me anyway
North_Ranger
Staff member
*grabs Droll by her hair*
[/QUOTE]Trust me, Shego, I don't think anyone is going to complain that I'm only doing "soft, feathery licks and gentle strokes." But feel free to spank me anyway
[/QUOTE]...
Excuse me.
*cold shower*
BananaHands
Staff member
*grabs Droll by her hair*
[/QUOTE]Trust me, Shego, I don't think anyone is going to complain that I'm only doing "soft, feathery licks and gentle strokes." But feel free to spank me anyway
[/QUOTE]To think... I could have attempted necrophilia last weekend.
Ahhh, just joking. Seeing you IRL, the creepiness can just hit home.
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TotalFusionOne
I have... met my teacher.
I will use "Like it contains the fucking antidote" in everyday conversation from now on.
Some people do Habitat for Humanity or soup kitchens. I give back to the community in my own way.
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Silvanesti
haha, no kidding. Need to make my girlfriend want the antidote
A
Armadillo
I just read the whole thread in one shot.
HOT. DAMN.
HOT. DAMN.
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TotalFusionOne
Okay. Next question:
Since the chinese food question wasn't answered in time I DID end up going out with this girl and a little bit of hanky panky ensued. Halfway through she told me that she likes it in the ass sometimes and so I grab the ever-so-handy bottle of lube and start shipping up the panama canal. I get the freaking HEAD in and she starts crying and saying that it hurts and I need to stop. So we finish, say our goodbyes... Haven't heard from her since. My question is this
Have I:
A) Offended her in some way?
2) Made her self conscious from crying from my, admirably average sized penis?
iv) Just pulled off the greatest escape route ever?
Since the chinese food question wasn't answered in time I DID end up going out with this girl and a little bit of hanky panky ensued. Halfway through she told me that she likes it in the ass sometimes and so I grab the ever-so-handy bottle of lube and start shipping up the panama canal. I get the freaking HEAD in and she starts crying and saying that it hurts and I need to stop. So we finish, say our goodbyes... Haven't heard from her since. My question is this
Have I:
A) Offended her in some way?
2) Made her self conscious from crying from my, admirably average sized penis?
iv) Just pulled off the greatest escape route ever?
A
Armadillo
"Shipping up the Panama Canal."
North_Ranger
Staff member
HowDroll, how would you comment your new-found position as the forum sex guru?
Have you tried to contact her? If not, she's probably sitting there going "ohshitohshit I cried like a little bitch when he tried to stick it in my pooper, and now he's not going to call me again." Girls are very insecure creatures; she's probably more embarrassed than offended. You are under no obligation to call her if she doesn't try to call you; if it's really an "escape route" you're looking for, especially since apparently her personal "escape route" goes only one way, then I'd let it be. If you do want to see this girl again and try once more to make the beast with two backs (maybe third third time is the charm?), I wouldn't even mention the anal thing when you call her. There are some things that are really better left unsaid. However, from what you're telling me, I see no reason why she wouldn't want to go out with you again.
Also, anal sex after eating Chinese food? You are a brave man, my friend.
Shortstop, most definitely.
Oh, wait, are we talking sex?
Well, let's just say that I'm a very versatile ballplayer and also took many years of dance lessons. I have yet to find a position that I couldn't play well.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Is there anything you wouldn't do? Or anyone, to put a cheeky bend to this?
Anything involving feces would be too gross to contemplate. (If a guy was really into giving golden showers, though, I'd probably roll with it.) I also probably wouldn't want to have a threesome with my man and another girl or do any sort of swinging--if I'm monogamous, I'm monogamous. Other than that, I have yet to think of anything. Roleplaying, S&M, bondage, porn going in the background, whipping, kinky positions, toys, whatever--bring it on.
As to anyone? I've only had two partners, like I said in the other thread, but if my boyfriend and I broke up I imagine I'd be fairly selective. I don't really care about looks, but I couldn't imagine having a "just sex" thing with anyone; the one guy I slept with who wasn't my current boyfriend, I slept with mostly because he and I sat up the entire night before having the most amazing conversation of my life. Of course, he turned out to be a head case, but I didn't know that at the time. But I'd definitely have to connect with someone on more than a physical level to allow them the privilege of having sex with me
We don't have to be heading for the altar when we're done, but if I don't like the person enough to want to chill with them after we're done fucking, I wouldn't fuck them in the first place. I'm not that desperate for sex. There are enough people out there that I WOULD do that I wouldn't feel the need to spread my legs indiscriminately. I'm like an employer; I hire without focusing on race, gender, and age, but if you act like a tool during the interview, your ass will be out the door.
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TotalFusionOne
I actually have a funny story about anal after Chinese food. Long story short, my name at one of my jobs was Cleveland. They went as far as to put "Cleveland" into the computer so everytime I went back and got my orders for my tables the screen said "Cleveland."
Z
Zonker
Do you resemble your avatar?
If you haven't seen the pics by now....
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