Marriage must be especially awful for a bisexual. There's TWICE as many people you can't have sex with!
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I donââ¬â¢t always use UTF-8, but when I do, I parse it as ASCII.
Soon To Be Retired Cheesehead.
If there is a universal constant, it might be that no man of any age ever wants to consider the thought that he may have had his last BJ.
Yogurt is just spoiled milk pretending to be pudding.
If animals didn't want to be eaten, why are they made out of food.
It annoys me that the lowest magnitude numbered street in my town is 15th street. Doesn't that really make 15th street... 1st street?
Whose IQ is higher, a Hanzo Main, or a Rick and Morty fan?
Being a solid 3.5 with a thing for 10s is rough.
Karma means I can do bad things to people all day long and rest easy in the knowledge they deserve it.
Dysthymia, datthymia, what difference does it make?
Being an adult is easy. You just feel tired all the time and tell people about how tired you are and they tell you THEY are tired as well.
A slumbering god atop his dragons hoard.
I married a muffalo.
Every mother teaches their son to mansplain from day one by pretending not to know. And then they grow up and get griped at for it.
I caught a Dragonite!!
Perusing the crevices for stuffs :3c
A man's got to know his limits.
We really ought to retitle this section "GasPundit's Profile Puntime"
Why does Norway paint barcodes on their warships? So when they all return to port, they can SCANDINAVIAN
"Dependence begets subservience and venality, suffocates the germ of virtue, and prepares fit tools for the designs of ambition." Jefferson
You ever notice how unburned CD-Rs smell like celery?
We went a walking in the dark, goosing statues in the park, and honey, if Sherman's Horse can take it, so can you.
I bet the first guy to hear a parrot talk freaked right the hell out and was afraid to tell anybody.
Horror movies with jump scares are like stand up comedians who tickle people instead of telling jokes. "You laughed! Technically I'm funny!"
Why is Monday so far from Friday but Friday is so close to Monday.
Picking your nose doesn't make you a bad person, it's what you do next that determines your character.
...
There's no longer such things as unacceptable behavior, just unacceptable victims.
Most adult friendships are just figuring out whose turn it is to cancel plans.
Where do I register to become a sex offender?
Pollen count's so high, the meth heads are trying to convert it back into sudafed.
I was Bart's age when the Simpsons launched (not counting Tracy Ullman). They're still on the air, and I'm now Homer's age, and I envy him.
Light! Bless my allies so that they might stop FOOLING AROUND!