Rant VIII: The Reckoning
- Thread starter Anonymous
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Than...what have I been drinking all this time? What if its not coffee at all! What if nothing is real! WHAT IF WE'RE IN THE MATRIX! Man, of all the dystopian futures I'd had to be in I had to be in the boring ass Matrix one!
Dude, dude, DUDE. Stop panicking. You're not in the Matrix. That's just a silly, made up movie.
Just calm down. Here, take this blue pill.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-21392257
tldr: infectious disease threatens to destroy over 70% of coffee supply for upcoming year
I tried to get my dog to retrieve from the lake today... I did not get any video of him running around totally out of his mind.
Okay, so. Wallet is definitely not in the apartment, and they don't have it at the grocery store, which is where I last used it. As an added bonus I've been home all weekend working on an essay, so even though I lost it on Thursday, I just noticed now. Ergo, I can't just retrace my steps and hope to be incredibly lucky. Plus that means that if someone found it and was planning on contacting me, they almost definitely would've done it by now.
Which, in sum, means that I am completely and royally fucked.
Which, in sum, means that I am completely and royally fucked.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Where was it?
Well, this requires a bit of setup to explain why I didn't see it at first .
I normally put my wallet on my desk when I'm not carrying it. Kind of close to the edge, but not hanging off or anything - it's never fallen off, don't really see how it could. Beside my desk on that side is my computer tower, which is typically put my baseball cap when take it off. That one does fall off quite a bit. Worth noting: cap and wallet are the same colour.
So today after I tore the place apart a bit looking for my wallet, I noticed that my cap was upside down on the floor and didn't think anything of it. Happens all the time, and there's no way my wallet is underneat the top of it?. I got up, did one more pass through the rest of the apartment, came back, looked again.
Lifted it up, wallet's underneath. Somehow it not only fell off my desk, but it managed to somehow clip my hat on the way down, knock that off the computer tower, and then land perfectly underneath it, so that I couldn't see that it was there.
I normally put my wallet on my desk when I'm not carrying it. Kind of close to the edge, but not hanging off or anything - it's never fallen off, don't really see how it could. Beside my desk on that side is my computer tower, which is typically put my baseball cap when take it off. That one does fall off quite a bit. Worth noting: cap and wallet are the same colour.
So today after I tore the place apart a bit looking for my wallet, I noticed that my cap was upside down on the floor and didn't think anything of it. Happens all the time, and there's no way my wallet is underneat the top of it?. I got up, did one more pass through the rest of the apartment, came back, looked again.
Lifted it up, wallet's underneath. Somehow it not only fell off my desk, but it managed to somehow clip my hat on the way down, knock that off the computer tower, and then land perfectly underneath it, so that I couldn't see that it was there.
So, left my wife for a bit here. Doing a week apart, no contact. She had been away on business and I had triggered bad over the instagram shit and other little stuff. We had talked it out on the phone, I had gone out to the coast for a weekend, talked a bit more but both felt kinda disconnected. She came home yesterday and it kinda all blew up.
Essentially she's depressed as all hell, I'm not feeling too hot myself. She says she loves me but doesn't know if she loves me as a husband or a best friend or brother or what. We went and talked to my parents where we told them what was going on, told them we cancelled the adoption stuff because we didn't think it fair to bring a child into this kind of uncertainty. She broke down and apologized for being such a horrible person and how much she hates herself and how much she's hurt me and how much she's disappointed them. We decided that she needs some alone time. So I left. Staying at my parents house while they're in Vegas.
*sigh*
I don't feel terrible though. Shes finally told the truth around what she's feeling and it makes all my paranoia and suspicion valid: something was wrong and she couldn't tell me for whatever reason. Shit, if she was having an affair it would be easier because I could just say adios. As it is, she's too down to even know what she wants. All it is is 'why do you even bother with me? Why would anyone love me? I'm sorry for ruining your life.'
Am I concerned for her physical safety? A little bit. She has her family to lean on so thats nice. I've basically said I'm out of the picture until she figures out what she wants, I deserve at least that much.
Shitty times, shitty 2013.
Essentially she's depressed as all hell, I'm not feeling too hot myself. She says she loves me but doesn't know if she loves me as a husband or a best friend or brother or what. We went and talked to my parents where we told them what was going on, told them we cancelled the adoption stuff because we didn't think it fair to bring a child into this kind of uncertainty. She broke down and apologized for being such a horrible person and how much she hates herself and how much she's hurt me and how much she's disappointed them. We decided that she needs some alone time. So I left. Staying at my parents house while they're in Vegas.
*sigh*
I don't feel terrible though. Shes finally told the truth around what she's feeling and it makes all my paranoia and suspicion valid: something was wrong and she couldn't tell me for whatever reason. Shit, if she was having an affair it would be easier because I could just say adios. As it is, she's too down to even know what she wants. All it is is 'why do you even bother with me? Why would anyone love me? I'm sorry for ruining your life.'
Am I concerned for her physical safety? A little bit. She has her family to lean on so thats nice. I've basically said I'm out of the picture until she figures out what she wants, I deserve at least that much.
Shitty times, shitty 2013.
I can so feel you Adam, I don't even know where to begin. Up and down relationship of 7yrs, we lived together and raised 3 children in those years so when she told me the same thing (Not sure how I love you, or if I'm in love with you THAT way anymore), I was pretty crushed. I gave her a month to herself to see if it would help and when I came back she finalized that she wanted to be alone to figure herself out. I spent 9 months apart from her, with just myself and my kids. After finally calling her after all that time to see how she was doing, she pretty much realized what she had lost and what it really did mean and we mended things.
This is in no way some kind of advice as to what to do, more simply I'm trying to let you know that I know the position you're in and even though my story ended on a good note, I hope very much that yours goes much much better. Please continue to update us as a vent if it helps, I know I needed to alot in my time. We're here for you man.
Adam, we're here for ya, man. My sister and her husband separated for awhile some years ago. It helped her decide she wanted to go back to school, which led to her now teaching high school, which she loves. They went to counselling (for each other and as a couple) and they're a much stronger, closer couple as a result.
While I don't know if that will happen here with you and your wife, I truly hope it does. You're a good guy, Adam. You deserve a good life.
While I don't know if that will happen here with you and your wife, I truly hope it does. You're a good guy, Adam. You deserve a good life.
Well Adam, I can't say I've been there (and hope never to be), so I can't say "I know how you feel"....But I can guess enough to know it can't be that great 
Best of luck to both of you, and I hope it'll work out eventually, one way or another, with the least possible amount of heartaches and hurt...
Best of luck to both of you, and I hope it'll work out eventually, one way or another, with the least possible amount of heartaches and hurt...
Now for my own rant:
I hate my life right now, or what little of a life one could call it. Since dropping out of my teaching practicum, I feel like I've hit this huge brick wall and nothing has gone right for me. I can't seem to find a job. I'm lonely as hell (mostly for a romantic relationship, but also friendship). My parents, bless them, are helping me pay for my expenses. Since selling their house some years ago and moving into an apartment in Halifax to be closer to my sister and her family - along with Dad's savvy way with money thanks to years in banking - they can afford to help me at least for awhile. It doesn't help, though, because I just feel so much less independent as a result. They've, in fact, been helping me financially for a few years now, helping with my living costs that student loans or part-time jobs like Blockbuster couldn't fully help me with.
But it's just...Christ, I don't know. I feel like I just have nothing going for me. Like my entire life and everything I'd been working towards has just gone straight down the crapper. I've applied to a local college program in Human Services, which includes a potential future as a teacher's aid, but it just feels like a huge step down from my original direction or plan.
I spend most of my time at home now, doing nothing but sleeping, eating, and watching TV, movies, or playing games. I check both the Job Bank and Kijiji daily, but there's almost never anything. And anything I've applied to never get back to me. I barely leave the house because I don't have anywhere to go, can't afford to go anywhere or do anything, or the weather is just too fucking horrible to bother leaving the apartment.
On top of all that, even though my book is supposed to be coming out this month, I've barely heard anything from the publisher. They've been so uncommunicative about the whole thing that I don't even know what the hell is going on. At one point, they tried "surprising" me by saying it was going to be released last December, but I talked them out of it to change it back to February because I didn't like the last minute surprise without notice or warning, after telling everybody I knew that the book was coming out in February. Now, I don't even know what's going on.
I'm turning 35 this year and I just feel like a completely useless waste of space that's accomplished little...or at least accomplished anything that I could earn a living at. I don't feel like I have any kind of useful skills.
I hate my life right now, or what little of a life one could call it. Since dropping out of my teaching practicum, I feel like I've hit this huge brick wall and nothing has gone right for me. I can't seem to find a job. I'm lonely as hell (mostly for a romantic relationship, but also friendship). My parents, bless them, are helping me pay for my expenses. Since selling their house some years ago and moving into an apartment in Halifax to be closer to my sister and her family - along with Dad's savvy way with money thanks to years in banking - they can afford to help me at least for awhile. It doesn't help, though, because I just feel so much less independent as a result. They've, in fact, been helping me financially for a few years now, helping with my living costs that student loans or part-time jobs like Blockbuster couldn't fully help me with.
But it's just...Christ, I don't know. I feel like I just have nothing going for me. Like my entire life and everything I'd been working towards has just gone straight down the crapper. I've applied to a local college program in Human Services, which includes a potential future as a teacher's aid, but it just feels like a huge step down from my original direction or plan.
I spend most of my time at home now, doing nothing but sleeping, eating, and watching TV, movies, or playing games. I check both the Job Bank and Kijiji daily, but there's almost never anything. And anything I've applied to never get back to me. I barely leave the house because I don't have anywhere to go, can't afford to go anywhere or do anything, or the weather is just too fucking horrible to bother leaving the apartment.
On top of all that, even though my book is supposed to be coming out this month, I've barely heard anything from the publisher. They've been so uncommunicative about the whole thing that I don't even know what the hell is going on. At one point, they tried "surprising" me by saying it was going to be released last December, but I talked them out of it to change it back to February because I didn't like the last minute surprise without notice or warning, after telling everybody I knew that the book was coming out in February. Now, I don't even know what's going on.
I'm turning 35 this year and I just feel like a completely useless waste of space that's accomplished little...or at least accomplished anything that I could earn a living at. I don't feel like I have any kind of useful skills.
dude I feel the same way and I am only 25. I have a liberal arts degree that basically means squat and just Saturday finally received my diploma for my B.Sc in environmental science and management and hydrogeology. My parents are letting me continue to crash with them while I look for a career job. I still have my current job so I am not in terrible shape, but I really want to make something of my hard-won education. The only thing I do anymore other than occasionally skim job sites and apply for things(Which I have yet to hear back from any of, wtf) is exercise, watch anime, talk with friends, and play video games. on the bright side at least after 5.5 months I am down over 30 lbs of weight, so now I am only Moderately overweight instead of GROSSLY overweight.(body loathing go!)
so tl:dr I feel you bro, and I hope shit works out for you, but just wanted to rant that I am feeling the same way.
Minus the book stuff, Nick, I'm in the same boat. Can't find a job, living with the folks while they help me pay bills, only close friend I have is my brother. If I had money to spend I'd be buying shitloads of booze and drinking this year away.
Thanks Gil. Right now I'm feeling pretty raw. Unfortunately I don't have a lot of confidence in a positive outcome. For us anyways. I will go on regardless, she will go on regardless. Sucks.
Cheating.
I'm aware of the defenition, but you didn't mention any of that in your previous rant.
Adam, I brofisted you (*snrk*) because I'm in a similar situation. Kati is similarly inclined to bouts of depression and all the sackcloth and ashes mentality, and the only thing that seems to salve her feelings of worthlessness is to keep up a constant stream of reassurance. Trouble is, it's like there is a drain at the bottom and I have to keep pouring in the stuff faster than it goes out, and there are times when I miss or just can't keep up the flow. She knows it happens, most of it is family-related, and more than I would like to admit is due to the fact that I don't give as much positive reinforcement as I probably should, but it is always an emotional time.
I suppose all I can say is that, if you are someone who makes her feel valued and valuable, then she will stick with you (and only you) through just about anything. If she doubts your sincerity or you make her feel worthless, then her self-confidence will evaporate and she will start crumbling again. I only speak from my personal experience, but I hope it is useful. We are working out our issues, I hope yours ultimately resolve pleasantly as well.
--Patrick
I finally got the nerve to post some of my writing and was disappointed with the reaction, which has been really good in other places. It's been one of those kick-in-the-face kind of days for my creative side. However, the General is currently sitting beside me, reading the thread and that makes me even more unnerved. I don't want to know what you think, General! Don't tell me! 
That's normal.