A'right, here's my whine; an update to all the breakup drama from 5 months ago. (God damn time flies...)
5 months ago I had that awful mess of a breakup thread and that awful mess of a breakup. To recap, we were together for 4.5 years. She'd moved to Japan to teach (for 3 years planned) and expected me to come with her. That's a bit unreasonable on her part, I've realized, but a lot of other shit caused the breakup to become necessary. One of them was that I just was not ready to commit at all. She was ready for marriage and all of that and I just was not at all.
So, immediately after the breakup, some bad stuff happened (literally the day after I left) and she was begging me to chat with her to help her feel better and I just couldn't. I wasn't in any kind of mental condition to help her, and I knew that if I did she would convince me to stay with her somehow. So unfortunately I had to shut her out. This labeled me as an asshole by her friends, family, and whatever.
So after about 2 weeks where she hasn't contacted me, she blocked me on Facebook and her sister came to tell me off and tell me to never speak to them again. So, understandably, I thought she hated me. I'd wanted to contact her some, but just couldn't bring myself to.
At the 2.5 month mark, she got into a long-distance relationship with her internet friend of 10 years who lives in England (and she's probably always had a crush on), which kind of devastated me, because I'd been coming to the conclusion that maybe she was the one for me and all that jazz. I was going to contact her before long, but well. Fuck me, right? Only 2.5 months. Oh, and after this year of teaching in Japan she's going to grad school in England. GUESS WHO'S IN ENGLAND. WEEEE.
Anyway, this sent me into a spiraling depression. I contacted her and did a bunch of embarassing shit, but we were at least able to be friendly. But, obsessing over her and everything was killing me, so I cut contact. She eventually unblocked me so she could see my posts in a group we share with the convention we run, but I just blocked her back because I couldn't stand seeing her posts. That may have given her the impression that I didn't want to talk to her, as she hasn't contacted me in about a month, or I her.
Anyway, it's now about 2.5 months after she got with him, and I'd say I probably didn't start my -real- breakup process until after she got with him, so she's likely twice as moved on as I am. She had her British Prince Charming to help her pick up the pieces and all of that.
Where I am, I'd say I'm at about 5/6th moved on. I still miss her, like, a lot, but I'm working on being happy on my own and am improving myself in so many ways. Taking saxophone lessons, voice lessons, dance lessons, picked up archery, and have been exercising just about every day along with sticking to a healthy diet. I've lost a decent bit of weight in addition to what I'd already lost and have gained a good bit of muscle. (I think I look pretty bitchin'.) Also been upping my wardrobe and looking waaaaaay nicer than I ever did. Like, damn y'all.
And, I went on a date a few days ago. It sure wasn't a big date and wasn't especially romantic, but hanging out with one of literally five single girls I know was nice. I need to meet more people. Oy.
Anyway, I'm currently on the teetering stages of hanging on and letting go. I know I need to let go once and for all and for good, but it's really hard. Like I said, I'm close, 5/6th of the way there. Maybe another month should do it.
It's just crazy hard when you spent a very important 4.5 years with someone (who you were friends with 1.5 years before that) and they just move on like it was nothing, and you have to figure out what the hell you're doing.
I haven't heard anything about her in a while, but from what I heard before she seems happy. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I wish I was wrong, but she's seemed crazy happy. I'd just like to feel like she's struggling some still, or still cries some at night, or something. But, probably not.
Anyway, that's my whine. Just missing a girl that completely fucked my head. Weeee!