There really isn't anything interesting to talk about in Guardians of the Galaxy if the thread keeps getting derailed to other topics. I think everyone wants the movie to be a lot better / deeper / more interesting than it actually was.
These other subjects began in this thread. We go off-topic all the time. If you genuinely feel there's nothing left to discuss about Guardians of the Galaxy, then it shouldn't matter if it keeps getting derailed. I'm sure I'll be bringing it up again when I see it again a week from Saturday. My wife and I would see it this weekend, but we have other plans.
My frustration in this situation is complicated. Essentially she has told me it's "It's fine, it's whatever" which means that she's allowing me, but grudgingly so.
Okay. Discussion done. It doesn't matter; she said it was fine.
My wife and grudges are a bad combination, and I'm a nice guy anyway, so I'd rather clear things up.
What you're doing in this is making it her responsibility. Don't. I know you want to avoid conflict, or avoid her grudge, but that only bugs you because you let it bug you. That's what she's counting on, that you're going to cave. Because that's the way it's been.
She may not realize it, but it puts too much pressure and stress on one person to be giving permission for everything. She's making things worse for herself.
I don't think I'm asking for much for my wife to want me to do something because I enjoy doing it, even if it doesn't include her.
She thinks seeing a movie we already went to see is counter-productive (even though I didn't get to actually see it) and that the movie was supposed to be a date movie and now I'm seeing it with someone else.
I've suggested seeing it again with her, but we would have to find a sitter for the quartet. I also know she's not big about watching movies twice.
Then go alone?
Unfortunately she stopped reading my texts before we could resolve things. I've remained calm in my discussion with her, but I have informed her that I can not go until I have her absolute approval. Basically acknowledgement that she's letting me do something I enjoy doing and is completely fine with it. Not "Fine, whatever".
This is gonna sound weird, but you're being overly demanding. She doesn't have to like it. Again, saying you can't do it until she's completely fine with it is putting undue pressure on her. She already begrudgingly said it was okay, but now you're making it an emotional conflict by insisting you can't do it until she likes that you're going to do it. She already said fine, there's no need for her to like the decision as well. We don't have to like everything we allow between spouses. "I'm not allowed to have fun unless you like the thing I'm going to do." That's not fair to either of you and it doesn't matter. She gave approval; don't force her to like it so that you can do it.
Another part of my frustration is the fact that I am more than supportive of my wife in other areas, and I feel that she doesn't often "give back". She is continually making her schedule more and more complicated as she finds more and more things to volunteer for such as being a coach for the kids' soccer team, the PTA, cooking projects at the kids' schools, etc. Of course these aren't "leisure" to her as they serve a purpose. Sometimes she has legit things that she needs to be available for as well like court appearances over child custody with the ex. I am continually changing my work schedule to meet her needs, such as just a few hours ago when I switched my AM for the other manager's PM so I can watch the baby on Thursday morning. Course that means I have to work a PM and then an AM the following day, but hey. I'm doing my wife a favor.
This is all part of marriage and being a parent, so ... sorry, man, tough luck there. This is your lot for as long as you're a husband and a dad.
The frustration expands from even there.
As of two days ago our household consisted of the six family members (us and the 4 kids), 2 giant rabbits, 6 chickens in the backyard, and 1 dog. I have voiced concern and disapproval at every pet addition on the grounds that we do not have the time/energy or money for it. EVery time she has ignored me and even once said "I didn't ask because I knew you would say no." .Yesterday she upped that two 2 dogs when she "found" a puppy wandering the street and brought it home. She asked me if she could keep it (after buying $200 in stuff from Petsmart). My exact words were "You would just ignore me if I objected so all I can be is supportive". She seemed pleased with that answer and was very happy afterward.
Now this item here is bullshit. First of all, having four kids already doesn't exactly lead to proper care of all these animals. Second, it's draining resources that should be for the family. Third, getting a pet should be a joint decision. The only time my wife went off on her own to get an animal, it was a hamster. You may not know this, but they take a lot less work than multiple rabbits, chickens, and dogs. When we did get a pet that required a more hands-on approach, it was a joint decision. It should be, because unless you own a farm, it's a big deal.
On the emotional stuff, her first response is her being childish, "I knew you'd say no." It almost sounds like she wants a fight, but you cave. The second, where she was happy about your defeatist outlook, is scary. Maybe you guys need to sit down and talk. The chickens should at least earn their keep in eggs, but for an already full house, three dogs and two rabbits is excessive. Really, this movie thing is a small thing compared to her bringing in more and more responsibilities and expenses.
Yes, but you always give
in a lot. I know you're tired from all the other stuff, but that's the life you got into with this, man. The emotional manipulation is where there's an issue.
I'm sure she'll eventually argue that all the pets means we don't have money for extra stuff like movie tickets.
You already have her permission; you don't need her approval.
You have three routes here:
1. Cave, as you've been doing.
2. Become passive-aggressive, still not arguing, keeping it nice on the surface, but not letting her get to you.
3. Actually sit down and talk about this; confront her in a closed environment where it's not in a rush to get something done, or friggin texting, where you can be understanding and offer her the chance to be understanding without being in a hurry.
You can probably guess which of these has the best chance at improving the situation.
), but really...."can I go see the second half of a movie I missed part of because I had to leave with a kid while you watched the rest of the movie?" is a much smaller thing than "can I get a 6th pet we have time nor money for?".
