I just had sex thread

Frank

Frank

So, I'm lying around playing video games last night. I get a text from my girlfriend (who was at home doing reports as far as I knew) that is just two words, "You home?" I reply the truth, "Yes." 30 seconds pass and she comes in to my place, comes downstairs, wordlessly....assaults me and then, when she's getting dressed she just says, "I really needed that, I need to go home and finish work. Bye."

If it wasn't so rad, I'd feel used.
 
Mathias

Mathias

Kids are the biggest damn cock-blocks!

Cornered wife in the bedroom. We locked the door. Sexy time commences. Not 5 minutes go by, and the doorknob is rattling like there are goddamn Raptors outside. "What are you doing in there?" "Mom, can we have something to drink." "Mom, Dad? Hello?"

GO THE FUCK DOWNSTAIRS FOR 20 DAMN MINUTES YOU MONSTERS!
 
Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

Had that just the other day. Except it was the 11 month old wandering into the room.... riiiiiiiight after we both finished. Thought the door had been better secured.
 
Mathias

Mathias

Oh this shit is coming back full circle when they're teenagers. Once they get the gist of the birds and bees, I'm explaining that a hat on the door means I'm plowing their mom, and to stay the hell out.
 
HCGLNS

HCGLNS

Daughter "Daddy what doing to Mommy?"
And you know that ol'Hobo was so smart and so slick he thought up a lie and he thought it up quick!

"Hugging her."

"Oh dats nice Daddy can I hug her too?"
 
Dei

Dei

Once when my son was two, he wandered into our room, climbed into our bed, and obliviously fell back asleep. I started laughing. My husband was extremely annoyed that I could do nothing else but laugh.
 
PatrThom

PatrThom

Mathias said:
Oh this shit is coming back full circle when they're teenagers. Once they get the gist of the birds and bees, I'm explaining that a hat on the door means I'm plowing their mom, and to stay the hell out.
Click to expand...
Especially if the hat is quaking on the doorknob like there's a T-Rex chasing the house.

--Patrick
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Mathias said:
Oh this shit is coming back full circle when they're teenagers. Once they get the gist of the birds and bees, I'm explaining that a hat on the door means I'm plowing their mom, and to stay the hell out.
Click to expand...
Then they'll start cheering you on for a new baby brother or sister.
 
Frank

Frank

To steal a joke that's been stolen about 11000 times before GotG stole it, house is gonna look like a Jackson Pollock painting before the 26th rolls around.
 
Bowielee

Bowielee

Successful date number 2 accomplished.[DOUBLEPOST=1421786312,1421785776][/DOUBLEPOST]I may be in trouble. This guy I've been seeing is pretty much like someone reached into my head and plucked out every single thing I find sexy and made him to order. He's also a sweetheart of a guy who owns his own business.
 
Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

Bowielee said:
Successful date number 2 accomplished.[DOUBLEPOST=1421786312,1421785776][/DOUBLEPOST]I may be in trouble. This guy I've been seeing is pretty much like someone reached into my head and plucked out every single thing I find sexy and made him to order. He's also a sweetheart of a guy who owns his own business.
Click to expand...
Hm... Made to order... I've seen enough movies to know he's a spy who's been parachuted into your life in order to steal vital information, or get close to an assassination target.
 
Frank

Frank

Bowielee said:
Successful date number 2 accomplished.[DOUBLEPOST=1421786312,1421785776][/DOUBLEPOST]I may be in trouble. This guy I've been seeing is pretty much like someone reached into my head and plucked out every single thing I find sexy and made him to order. He's also a sweetheart of a guy who owns his own business.
Click to expand...
You're getting honeydicked!
 
Bowielee

Bowielee

Honestly... for you guys, imagine that Scarlett Johansen turned out to be totally into you. That's what it's like for me.

It's crazy to me. he thinks I'm adorable, the poor daft bastard.
 
Bubble181

Bubble181

Well, enjoy it while it lasts. Perhaps you were Gandhi in your previous life and karm's finally catching up? Or perhaps vice versa. Or, you know, maybe you're everything he ever wanted, too. Don't overthink, enjoy :)
 
fade

fade

Staff member
That was the plot. The protagonist falls for this perfect guy who turns out to be an android duplicate of a scientist that he designed to send into deep space. Played by John Malkovich With Hair.
 
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