Been rather successful with ladies recently. Very weird because I never had that life before and suddenly lots of girls are snapping at my heels. I actually had 4 girls in one night tell me, completely separately, that they want to do me.
Anyway, while fun, it's all empty and hollow. I don't feel romantic connections with any of the girls I hang out with. The one girl I feel a huge romantic connection with isn't interested. (Though we did chat some and clear some air between us.) And my ex dating someone new is getting to me a lot more than I thought it would. It's been two stupid years since we broke up. I'm having about 3 bad dreams about her a night. Guess that happens when you still care about someone.
Thing is, she's kind of awful. All my friends tell me the lies she's telling people (like 4 different conflicting stories of the same event to 4 different people), manipulating people, being self centered, etc. Two of my friends even told me that she said that I'm a dangerous stalker and she's afraid I'll hurt her, and bought mace in case I attack her. This is silly for 2 reasons: 1, I avoid the shit out of her. I do not talk to her unless I have to. I am in no way a threat to any person. 2, she fucking e-mails me every now and then about this or that trying to engage me in conversation. So again, she's just full of shit and actually being offensive and upsetting.
Also, I recently got a job. I was under the impression it would be part time, but they decided to go ahead and make it full time. It's actually a pretty good job, but I just don't think full time is what I need in my life right now. I have a lot of money saved up, and part time could carry me fine. But the days are very draining and drag on forever. There's no freedom with full time. Without the responsibilities of, like, a family or anything like that, I don't see any reason to be trapped like this. No random trips here or there, no hanging with friends past midnight, none of that crap.
Yeah, it's what "an adult should be doing", but what the fuck? I don't need that. My parents are pressuring me to keep it and work there for however long at least, which I understand, they're like "You need to be able to support yourself," and "You have to think about your future!" And yes, I CAN support myself. Without full time. And right now I feel like I need to be concerned with my present. The future is important, but I live in the present. I don't want to regret my life down the line like so many people do.
Anyway, I'm pretty well about to ask my parents to stay out of it, and any bills they might currently be helping with I want transferred to me so they no longer have a say in it. I love them and they're very helpful, but I don't want to keep living under the guilt of my parents.
Whine whine, I'm successful with ladies and have a job. Boo hoo.