Whine like a baby, now with 500% more drama!

The most positive thing I've done today is stare at the wall for about half an hour. ... I'm just sitting here feeling guilty for not doing something useful

Give yourself permission to do nothing. Many people do this by using words to give their version of "nothing" meaning - for instance, you may have been meditating. I know that some people attach extra meaning to the word "meditation" that makes it seem active but the reality is that it's little different that watching a fire or a snowfall - you're allowing your mind to be blank, or to run wild, or to be ignored, or, etc, etc, etc.

So stare at that wall and don't worry about it. No need to feel guilty. Perhaps later you'll regret it, but that doesn't mean you should feel anxiety now for a future feeling you may or may not have. In some belief systems detaching yourself is important for a variety of reasons, but one thing it does for you is allows you to get rid of the anxiety and regret by accepting your actions have value, even though in your current culture and society or upbringing that value may be minimized.

Who cares if it has extrinsic value? If you accept it, then it's as valuable as anything else you might do.

If that still bothers you, then perhaps what your mind wants is to perform an act of creation, rather than consumption. I know that often fills a void for me when none of the entertainment options available are enticing. I don't know what you might do to create. Writing, artsy stuff, even just playing with paperclips and magnets might be enough. Make a plan for a future vacation (even one you might never take) including cost, things to do, etc can be creative. Cooking.

If that's not it, physical activity might be needed - perhaps what your body is missing is the normal level of physical activity your job requires, and a short walk might be enough to get back in the groove.

But personally, I'd put on a video of a fire or snowfall if you can't have a real one, grab something yummy to drink, and just relax, sinking into the nothingness of nothing.
 
I'm home alone, I've done pretty much all of the chores I needed to be doing yesterday and the day before; I've even played a bit of computer games. Frankly, for the first time in a long time, there's nothing or no-one I need to take into account or mind or have to do but am pushing ahead or whatever. I should be free to do whatever I like. I'm not particularly sick or ill at the moment (a bit of sniffles but nothing serious). This should be a good day.

Instead, I've been sitting at my desk, starting up and closing down computer games, reading facebook and all kinds of media, and I just. don't. care. about. any. of. it. The most positive thing I've done today is stare at the wall for about half an hour. I hate my mind and the way it works. I'm just sitting here feeling guilty for not doing something useful (though, short of "big" things there's nothing that really needs doing right now), feeling sorry for myself for not enjoying my free time, being angry at myself for not enjoying myself now because of course tomorrow I have to work again, and in general just feeling crappy. Blegh.
You have my permission to have a Bubble181 day. Relax and enjoy.
 
So, because I worked 16 hours yesterday, I was going to comp myself today and take it off.

Guess who's at work? One of the things I do is scrape a state dig/miss utility/811 website to see if our dig locates have been cleared by the utility companies. We do over a thousand a day.It's a completely automated system, and when locates are cleared, jobs get routed electronically to a number of subcontractors who go out and start digging. No human being has to touch a thing. It's a real-time system that lets us get out to jobs within minutes of being cleared to dig (and one that has lowered dig response times by up to 3 days in most cases).

All of the people who used do it by hand, years ago, don't work here any more or have moved into other positions. Back when we did less than a hundred a day.

Today, without warning, the state updated their website. By updated, I mean "completely changed". So now the company is dead in the water and doing no work until I finish re-writing this scraper. Which I'm taking a break from, because my brain hurts.

On a positive note, here's the bumpy, rickety twin prop plane I took yesterday.



Did I say positive? I meant the opposite of that.

Edit: well, I guess we're doing *some* work. Most states have back end web services that let me perform the same function. I suspect this one does too, but they won't/can't/haven't given us access to anything like that. So, we're doing work in 6 states. But our presence in those states is much smaller. 90% of our workload (and therefore, revenue) actually comes from this one system that is now broken.

On a truly positive note: There's nothing like the job security you get when the powers that be realize that you're completely indispensable at this point, and the company would completely and utterly stop without you there to keep the wheels greased.
 
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If that still bothers you, then perhaps what your mind wants is to perform an act of creation, rather than consumption.
I decided to take out (part of) my SS gift (still waiting on parcel #2 for pictures), an adult coloring book. I have now determined that in all of my house there is exactly one color of pencil: black. And I somehow don't think making a black-and-white-and-gray-scale picture is going to lift my spirits :p

But I know, I should just convince myself to do something creative or physical. heck, I have a fitness subscription...but I can't motivate myself to go there. And I do have to cook, so going out and getting ingredients would be both a bit of movement, going outside,and doing something sensible, but....Blegh. Thanks for trying, though.
 
Still. F-ing. Sick.
On the plus side, I'm now better enough to at least work from home. ? I guess that's good. And I was super organized at work going into December, so all I have to do before Christmas is write 1000-ish words. Totally doable, if I could just come up with something to say! I have a bunch of half ideas, but none of them really seem to fit the community here right now. But they're all perfectly fine, and maybe it's the copious meds that's making me think they won't work, on the other hand, maybe they're really not that good a fit. I'm using something at the Blue Christmas/Longest Night service that's super tempting, but it's kind of a downer. But it could work really well. Arg!
I need inspiration dammit! And Fallout4 isn't going to provide it, but that's what I really want to be doing (if I'm not going to be productive, and my brain's not co-operating). I don't wanna adult, I want to play video games and put up shiny decorations.
Grrr.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
I don't wanna adult
I hate adult. I hate adulting soooo much. I've been finding excuses not to do the paperwork on my IRA for, like, 6 months now. UUUGHHH. I hate taxes and insurance and interest and car maintenance and doctors and lawyers and cops. I just wanna sit on my couch and pew pew til I can't Q Q.
 
...all I have to do before Christmas is write 1000-ish words.
So can they be just any words or do they have to be seasonally-relevant? Cause I'm sure your fellow Halforumites could help you come up with 1000 words.

On second thought, that might not be such a good idea. Good luck!
 
Still. F-ing. Sick.
On the plus side, I'm now better enough to at least work from home. ? I guess that's good. And I was super organized at work going into December, so all I have to do before Christmas is write 1000-ish words. Totally doable, if I could just come up with something to say! I have a bunch of half ideas, but none of them really seem to fit the community here right now. But they're all perfectly fine, and maybe it's the copious meds that's making me think they won't work, on the other hand, maybe they're really not that good a fit. I'm using something at the Blue Christmas/Longest Night service that's super tempting, but it's kind of a downer. But it could work really well. Arg!
I need inspiration dammit! And Fallout4 isn't going to provide it, but that's what I really want to be doing (if I'm not going to be productive, and my brain's not co-operating). I don't wanna adult, I want to play video games and put up shiny decorations.
Grrr.
It may be the least original topic in the world at the moment, but the nativity story being basically about a Middle-Eastern family trying to find shelter, warmth and food and finding none comes to mind.

...Err, this is for a sermon thing, right?
 
Cause I'm sure your fellow Halforumites could help you come up with 1000 words.
Here's the first half. Repeat twice and then some for 1k, or simply fill it out further with details geared towards your community:

Despite what many might think, Minotaur genitals is well known across hundreds of nations all over the world. Minotaur genitals has been around for several centuries and has a very important meaning in the lives of many. It would be safe to assume that Minotaur genitals is going to be around for a long time and have an enormous impact on the lives of many people.

Social & Cultural Factors
Minotaur genitals has a large role in American Culture. Many people can often be seen taking part in activities associated with Minotaur genitals. This is partly because people of most ages can be involved and families are brought together by this. Generally a person who displays their dislike for Minotaur genitals may be considered an outcast.

Economic Factors
It is not common practice to associate economics with Minotaur genitals. Generally, Minotaur genitals would be thought to have no effect on our economic situation, but there are in fact some effects. The sales industry associated with Minotaur genitals is actually a 2.3 billion dollar a year industry and growing each year. The industry employs nearly 150,000 people in the United States alone. It would be safe to say that Minotaur genitals play an important role in American economics and shouldn't be taken for granted.

Environmental Factors
After a three month long research project, I've been able to conclude that Minotaur genitals doesn't negatively effect the environment at all. A Minotaur genitals did not seem to result in waste products and couldn't be found in forests, jungles, rivers, lakes, oceans, etc... In fact, Minotaur genitals produced some positive effects on our sweet little nature.

Political Factors
Oh does Minotaur genitals ever influence politics. Last year 5 candidates running for some sort of position used Minotaur genitals as the primary topic of their campaign. A person might think Minotaur genitals would be a bad topic to lead a campaign with, but in fact with the social and environmental impact is has, this topic was able to gain a great number of followers. These 5 candidates went 4 for 5 on winning their positions.

Conclusion
Minotaur genitals seem to be a much more important idea that most give credit for. Next time you see or think of Minotaur genitals, think about what you just read and realize what is really going on. It is likely you under valued Minotaur genitals before, but will now start to give the credited needed and deserved.

Footnotes
Minotaur genitals researched in wikipedia. Minotaur genitals @ dictionary.com
If it's not exactly what you need, try your luck at http://www.longessays.com/essay.php with a different keyword. Or just use search/replace on this one for the obvious phrase.

:csi:
 

GasBandit

Staff member
I am now officially in the foulest of moods. I'm so grouchy I can barely type correctly (I've had to correct 7 typos in the previous sentence already).

So fuck this,
fuck that,
fuck me,
fuck you,
fuck them,
fuck EVERYTHING.
 
Welp, we just lost our power due to high winds.

Slightly ironic (or at least hilariously timely) that I have a job interview tomorrow with Nova Scotia Power.
 
As I said elsewhere, I've been home, alone, all day. I live in a small apartment, I can hear the door bell from any room. Except for showering, I was never out of reach of the door bell buzzer - and even in the shower, I can still hear it.
Apparently, the postal service passed by with part 2 of my SS gift....But "I wasn't at home" so it was delivered to a neighbor. Luckily, I found it out in the communal hallway, but still. They also passed - the same postal service, mind! - with a gift I have to wrap and give to someone else for a SS. That one wasn't delivered, but a notice of absence was left. Except it wasn't. Dear postal service, if you have to packaged for me, deliver them both at once. Also, try ringing my doorbell you dipshits. Also also, at least leave the message you tried to deliver something.

Gah!

Anyway, SS pics will be up soon.
 
Today was to be a moderately relaxing day at work. Then my coworker called in sick, so now I need to pick up the slack and handle his cases too.

Haha, remember when someone said when you just walk out of a job, you're not inconveniencing your coworkers?
 
Today was to be a moderately relaxing day at work. Then my coworker called in sick, so now I need to pick up the slack and handle his cases too.

Haha, remember when someone said when you just walk out of a job, you're not inconveniencing your coworkers?
Oh yeah, I remember the conversation, but who was the twat that suggested it?
 
We are bowling at work today and I'm wearing cute little flats with no socks. Bowling...no socks....FML.

Will be going to a store on my way to bowling.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
(Folgers song)
The best
part
of waking up
is power supply failure in your primary work PC.

Gagh, well, at least that's easily diagnosed and easily replaced and I had the replacement on hand. I just wish it had failed completely instead of rebooting me 3 times over the course of the morning and me trying to figure out what I did wrong. After the 3rd time I said, "OK, this smells like hardware failure," and it was. You could have fried an egg on the PSU.
 
(Folgers song)
The best
part
of waking up
is power supply failure in your primary work PC.

Gagh, well, at least that's easily diagnosed and easily replaced and I had the replacement on hand. I just wish it had failed completely instead of rebooting me 3 times over the course of the morning and me trying to figure out what I did wrong. After the 3rd time I said, "OK, this smells like hardware failure," and it was. You could have fried an egg on the PSU.
Broke off one of the clips on one of the PCIe slots when removing the old video cards a few minutes ago. When I tried to shake it loose out of the case, it didn't come out, but several thumb-sized dust bunnies DID.
 

fade

Staff member
Recipe: I make 3 dozen cookies! Just drop by mountainous, overloaded tablespoonfuls.

Me: Okay.

Cookies: There are like 3 of us.

Why does this happen every time? Are my tablespoons bigger than average?
 
At any rate, I'm going to get the test data and get a second opinion before I act on it.
And I apparently also get to wait until I know my insurance is solid. Looks like the company I work for has a dispute with the insurance company...

The sleep specialist only does telemedicine - you don't have an office to go to for appointments, but the phone call appointment is with a certified nurse and counts as an appointment for insurance purposes. Sounds like an easy way to rake in dough for a doctor.

Anyway, they suggest CPAP as "the gold standard" in treating sleep apnea, but a mouth appliance might work for my mild case. If I don't choose either, or if I wait, though, she strongly suggested I get oxygen at night due to the low blood saturation.

Also I should lose 30 pounds or more. There's a strong correlation between weight and sleep apnea, but losing weight doesn't work for everyone, sometimes it's fatty tissue helping restrict the airway, and sometimes it's simply structural.

At any rate, I'm going to attempt to lose some weight between now and January when the insurance issue should be resolved, and if I actually do lose a reasonable amount of weight, I'll stick to that and do another sleep test. If I'm not losing fast enough, or the second sleep test shows apnea, I'll seek treatment for the apnea - it's important enough (heart failure isn't fun, I'm told) that it has to be resolved one way or another asap so as to avoid further stress on my heart.

I'm secretly hoping that it'll resolve a host of other minor issues I usually attribute to age, such as illnesses lasting longer and hitting harder than they used to.
 
For those unaware:
Sleep apnea is most commonly caused when your tongue, throat and nasal passages close during sleep due to muscle relaxation and gravity (your body is in a different position than when awake). Breathing becomes harder, your blood oxygen drops, and eventually your body realizes the CO level of your blood is too high and wakes you partially - enough to resolve the situation. You might not remember waking at all, but it results in poor sleep. Most of the questions trying to detect sleep apnea have to do with how sleepy you are during the day. Are you likely to fall asleep in certain situations, such as reading, watching a movie, riding as a passenger in a car for a long trip, etc.

CPAP involves a mask over the nose (or nose and mouth if you breathe through your mouth while sleeping) and adds pressure when it senses your body is trying to inhale. This aids your body in overcoming the blockage, preventing your blood oxygen from dropping. There are a variety of variations - bipap adds pressure to both the inhale and exhale breaths, and some try to add intelligence by monitoring the body, which can allow them to use larger pressure gradients since they have more complete information about what your body is trying to do. They all involve a face mask of some sort and tubing to the machine - this is their biggest problem, taking weeks or months to get used to. They are all relatively portable, fitting easily in a small bag, so they don't restrict where you can sleep as long as you have power nearby.

A mouth appliance attempts to resolve the situation by opening the airway mechanically. The most common one, and one insurance companies will often cover, is like a retainer that attaches to both the upper and lower teeth, and when your mouth closes it forces your lower jaw forward, pulling the tongue forward and opening the airway. Others try to pull the tongue forward, but most simply position the jaw. None of these involve tubes or masks, and so are usually easier to adapt to.

There are also surgical interventions available, but they aren't recommended unless CPAP doesn't work, and rarely needed in mild cases.
 
A

Anonymous

Anonymous

God I love my students. They are so sweet and kind and thoughtful and I just adore them to pieces. I hit the jackpot with this class.

But this kid.

This poor, sweet girl.

She's got severe ADHD and is on this medicine that just turns her into molasses incarnate. And I'm so exhausted that it's starting to grate on me. She does that uptalk, too, so it's like having a conversation with an extremely high Californian snail. On the outside I'm bright and smiling and "of course I'm happy to go over these instructions for the 8th time" but on the inside I feel everything clench and say "two more days... two more days..."

Any other week, she's the apple of my eye. She's out class's mother hen, the one who takes care of anyone who is having a bad day. I have got to get more sleep tonight.
 
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