My heart doesn't hurt so much anymore

Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

Oh.

Kags.

Don't get divorced.

It seems like such unfair advice for a person like me to give. Unmarried, lonely - surely I'm just externalizing my own insecurities onto you.

But no. Divorce is a real damage - to you, to him, to your families, to society. It has huge implications, ones that you do not and cannot know.

This isn't to say divorce has no place or has never been the correct option.

But I yearn for you to exhaust every long, boring, tedious, painful option, before considering divorce. I know your heart hurts. I know it does. Mine did, once. I wish it did again. Don't get a divorce.
 
jwhouk

jwhouk

Kids?

Memories?

Empty places?

Emotional?

Personality changes?

Just off the top of my head. I have never experienced divorce, but my wife and step-family have.

It's not pretty.

An example: my father-in-law declined to walk my wife down the aisle - from what he claimed to be a religious reason (he's JW, we're not). The resentment level on my mother-in-law's side rose noticeably.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

jwhouk said:
Kids?

Memories?

Empty places?

Emotional?

Personality changes?

Just off the top of my head. I have never experienced divorce, but my wife and step-family have.

It's not pretty.

An example: my father-in-law declined to walk my wife down the aisle - from what he claimed to be a religious reason (he's JW, we're not). The resentment level on my mother-in-law's side rose noticeably.
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At the same time, had your wife never been divorced she wouldn't be your wife, and she probably feels it was the right decision
 
fade

fade

Staff member
Well, I'm going to disagree with Mr Sexington mostly on the grounds that staying together can have much worse effects. And if your mind is made up or you know from experience that nothing is going to change, those long boring attempts are going to be just that, and it's likely they'll have your predicted outcome. Maybe theyll work, but I've I got a feeling you know better than anyone here whether any attempt like that will. Is it going to be rough? Probably. You'll lose some people undoubtedly. But you also gain a lot. Let me tell you other guys who don't know, staying with someone who has become a roommate and looking longingly across the room, table, or bed at them and knowing they don't feel the same is the worst kind of torture. Feeling trapped because of the potential damage to family, friends, and society is like drowning a little more everyday.
 
jwhouk

jwhouk

Wife wasn't divorced. Her parents were.

Divorce does strange things to people attached to the couple. You feel sometimes like you have to choose sides.
 
Gruebeard

Gruebeard

jwhouk said:
Wife wasn't divorced. Her parents were.

Divorce does strange things to people attached to the couple. You feel sometimes like you have to choose sides.
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Life, like water to the ocean, will find its way to fuck us up.

My advice for Kags would be to get out of her marriage, finalize the divorce as soon as possible and move on with a new phase of her life.
 
Cheesy1

Cheesy1

Gruebeard said:
Life, like water to the ocean, will find its way to fuck us up.

My advice for Kags would be to get out of her marriage, finalize the divorce as soon as possible and move on with a new phase of her life.
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Move to central California, find a nice fat Mexican midget to hook up with, enjoy cosplay bliss with him . . .

. . . uh, I mean "WHATEVER'S BEST FOR YOU!!!" . . . yeah . . .
 
Jay

Jay

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.
 
Mathias

Mathias

I think you guys should have a baby! That'll solve everything!




what...?


Seriously though, I wish I could give you some sound advice (being a 13 year marriage veteran), but I don't really know what makes a happy marriage work.

Some days I love my wife. Some days I can't stand her. Some weeks go by and it's like roommates. Others it's like newly weds. Others it's just trying to keep up with the kids. One day I'll think about how trapped I feel in my marriage and my own life, the next I feel like I'm a lucky bastard to have a family. One day I long for more adventure. The next day I'm glad I have dug in my roots.

We do vent our frustrations pretty regularly though. I really don't leave things too pent up - the whole don't go to bed angry deal. I dunno. I wouldn't say my marriage is happy all the time, but it's not bad. Not bad enough to go through with a divorce anyway.
 
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Mathias

Mathias

What's the status? Have you guys tried to work things out? Counseling ?



Bonus: I pretty much don't like most children aside from my own.
 
Mathias

Mathias

It might be for the best.

I mean, I like toddlers and babies. They're at least cute and innocent.

Some of the kids in my daughters class though (10 year olds)... You just have to have infinite patience with these little snot-nosed monsters. My nephew is 13 now and, boy, teenagers are a pain in the ass.
 
LittleKagsin

LittleKagsin

Mathias said:
It might be for the best.

I mean, I like toddlers and babies. They're at least cute and innocent.

Some of the kids in my daughters class though (10 year olds)... You just have to have infinite patience with these little snot-nosed monsters. My nephew is 13 now and, boy, teenagers are a pain in the ass.
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I unfortunately don't even like toddlers or babies (I don't even find them cute...) :/ I think my maternal instinct was broken and replaced to be geared elsewhere. And yes, teens are the WOOOOORST. I'm sure a lot of my feelings stem from inexperience and not growing up around them. I'm from a small family where I'm the youngest. I'm also a reclusive person, so it's just never been my vibe.
 
Bubble181

Bubble181

LittleKagsin said:
I unfortunately don't even like toddlers or babies (I don't even find them cute...) :/ I think my maternal instinct was broken and replaced to be geared elsewhere. And yes, teens are the WOOOOORST. I'm sure a lot of my feelings stem from inexperience and not growing up around them. I'm from a small family where I'm the youngest. I'm also a reclusive person, so it's just never been my vibe.
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Puppies are way cuter and more fun than babies :p
 
Mathias

Mathias

He'll just make your ass clean your own house and then make you thank him for charging you an arm and a leg.

"If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please... with sugar on top. Clean the fucking house. "
 
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