Gas Bandit's Surgery Recovery Comedy Extravaganza
- Thread starter GasBandit
- Start date
I did until the second or third appearance.
I was disappointed because I thought, “That shoulda been me!”
—Patrick
I'm watching some kind of weird psychodrama session play out in an online forum. Did I drop LSD at some point?
Please allow me to refer you to the last line in my signature.
And then everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
GasBandit
Staff member
Well, a lot of stuff got lost in the 3 month wipe... I'll repost the progress pictures later, maybe when I hit the next milestone. At any rate, I had a week where I got stuck and didn't lose anything. I blame beef jerky and triscuits, which are both doctor and dietician approved, but apparently also both make me soak up water like a dry sponge. Once I figured that out, and quit eatin' it, it started to jostle loose again and I'm back on track. After a week of stalling out, I've lost 2 more pounds in 3 days.
GasBandit
Staff member
I've pretty much settled into a routine, but every so often I still get tripped up by the quantities and only realize too late that I've eaten too much. The triscuits in particular are really bad for that.
The REAL thing that is hard to get used to is having to drink water non-stop if I don't want my colon shredded out by trying to crap asphalt chunks.
I got news for you, the caraway rye Triscuits will do that to anyone.
“Mmm, these are delicious. Wait, why am I feeling the bottom of the box already? This box was full just 30 minutes ago...”
“Oh...”
**OMINOUS RUMBLING**
“Oh no...”
—Patrick
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Hey, I hadn't posted in here because I don't usually look at this forum, but I just wanted to say that congratulations to you on this journey. My cousin has been going through the same stuff. He started at 600 pounds in the last two years and is down to 350 now. Anyone that jostles folk for getting bariatric surgery can fuck right off, it's such a life changing, difficult decision and path.
The fig & honey-flavored ones are ... interesting. Not good, not bad, just unusual.
--Patrick
Yeah, if I discovered I had celiac disease and switched from regular Triscuits to those, I'd be very, very disappointed.
GasBandit
Staff member
So my brother surprised me by coming through town today. He wanted some BBQ, so I took him to my favorite BBQ joint here, C&J's.
I'd forgotten that I hadn't actually tried anything there since my surgery. But I selected a few things I thought I might safely eat.
Thought I was gonna die.
There is literally nothing served there that I can keep down. Everything I tried sent me to the bathroom to eject it back up almost immediately. I just... can't... handle... any amount of grease any more. Even the Mac & Cheese was too much! Even the mashed potatoes!
And I used to love C&J's
But I can tell he's definitely my brother. He introduced me to his girlfriend, Jezebel. Yes, that's her name. And yes, she's got long, bright, red-orange hair.
I'd forgotten that I hadn't actually tried anything there since my surgery. But I selected a few things I thought I might safely eat.
Thought I was gonna die.
There is literally nothing served there that I can keep down. Everything I tried sent me to the bathroom to eject it back up almost immediately. I just... can't... handle... any amount of grease any more. Even the Mac & Cheese was too much! Even the mashed potatoes!
And I used to love C&J's
But I can tell he's definitely my brother. He introduced me to his girlfriend, Jezebel. Yes, that's her name. And yes, she's got long, bright, red-orange hair.
Butter and salt. Are your burgers a little bland, chicken a little lackluster, roast a little dry, or potatoes a little pale? Just add butter and salt. Or, salted butter. Ever have chicken in a restaurant and it came with a wonderful "pan sauce" that wasn't quite a gravy, but wasn't just chicken ju either? It was almost certainly the juices of the chicken, white wine, salt, pepper, whatever herbs they seasoned the chicken with, simmered until reduced 2/3, then the heat is dropped to low and a stick of butter is cut into it, one tablespoon at a time, until the sauce thickens slightly and takes on a lovely satiny appearance. Butter.
That's almost exactly the recipe for buerre blanc. Swap out the chicken juices for shallots. Incidentally, it's my wife's favorite sauce.
GasBandit
Staff member
Me, this morning - "Oh man.. I've actually GAINED three pounds over the course of this week! That's not good! Hrmm... I seem to recall I haven't actually.. uh.. gone number two this week, either. At all. Maybe I better do something about that.
Colace Stool Softener - "I can take care of that."
My Stomach - What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in ...
Me -
.... so... yeah, it's... uh... been a day.
Colace Stool Softener - "I can take care of that."
My Stomach - What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in ...
Me -
.... so... yeah, it's... uh... been a day.
GasBandit
Staff member
When the shit hit the fan at work, I stopped going. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things now. At least my interruption hasn't seemed to have too much of an adverse effect on my weight loss progress. I expect my next batch of progress pics within the next couple weeks.
Hey, Gas. Don't end up like this guy:
Explosive poop-packed “megacolon” prompts warning from doctors
--Patrick
Explosive poop-packed “megacolon” prompts warning from doctors
--Patrick
GasBandit
Staff member
I've hit my next milestone, but I notice my previous batch of progress pics was eaten by the Dave-ening of 2018, so here we go again from the top.
When Pauline died in 2013, I started putting on weight like crazy (really, I started before that, when her health started getting bad). Stress eating graduated into depression, and I was on the heavy side to begin with, and by August 2017, I had gone from ~270 pounds to 435 pounds. That's me, on the right.
I November of that year, I went on a crash diet to prepare for the Gastric Sleeve surgery, and lost 25 pounds, then had the surgery in Jan 2018.
April 2018, I weighed 350.
5 more months have passed, and 50 more pounds have come off. Here's me, today (September, 2018), weighing 300.
Over 100 gone, and here's looking forward to the next 100 to go.
And yes, I know... I need more/smaller clothes
When Pauline died in 2013, I started putting on weight like crazy (really, I started before that, when her health started getting bad). Stress eating graduated into depression, and I was on the heavy side to begin with, and by August 2017, I had gone from ~270 pounds to 435 pounds. That's me, on the right.
I November of that year, I went on a crash diet to prepare for the Gastric Sleeve surgery, and lost 25 pounds, then had the surgery in Jan 2018.
April 2018, I weighed 350.
5 more months have passed, and 50 more pounds have come off. Here's me, today (September, 2018), weighing 300.
Over 100 gone, and here's looking forward to the next 100 to go.
And yes, I know... I need more/smaller clothes
Maybe keep some of your bigger clothes so you can do these someday
Hang onto at least one outfit though. I know whenever I feel like I fucked up after eating too much or something I put on a the one pair of my old pants that I still have and it makes me feel so much better.And yes, I know... I need more/smaller clothes
Edit: highly specific ninja by @Denbrought
GasBandit
Staff member
I haven't adjusted my seat or steering wheel since starting this, and where it used to be digging into my stomach, now I can easily fit a balled up fist between the wheel and myself now, longest-dimension, with no pressure whatsoever. #feelsgoodman
GasBandit
Staff member
They're the best I've ever owned, I love them. And you can only buy them in Canada (at Mark's), so I have to paypal a Canadian halforumite to go buy them for me and ship them.
