A
Anonymous
Anonymous
Hi all!
I've been agonizing over something for the past few weeks, and now I would like to get some outside advice from you all.
I live in California, and my elderly parents live in Nevada (about 45 minutes east of Las Vegas). My father has numerous health problems and his mobility is severely limited as a result. My mother is more mobile, but she has both COPD and Stage 4 breast cancer. The last time I was out to see them was 10 months ago. I took my family with me, and it did not go well. My mom made some very frustrating choices in how she interacted with us (being passive-aggressive, trying to manipulate us into certain decisions, sulking when we did not go along with every part of her plans, etc.). My dad has been very distant and disconnected to interacting with other people for a while, and mostly just kept to himself on his computer. My girlfriend and our daughter had a horrible time, culminating in my parents giving us the cold shoulder at the end of the trip because we did not choose to stay an extra day simply because they wanted us to.
Now, because I still love my parents, I wanted to fly back out to them so things did not end on such a sour note. As I said, my mother has Stage 4 breast cancer and I have no idea how much time I have left with her. I planned to fly out for Spring Break back in April, but then COVID-19 hit the country. I cancelled my flight and stayed at home. In September things started to look better for for COVID numbers and my mom's health started to look worse, so I thought it would be a good idea to go see my parents for Thanksgiving. I knew it was risky to try it, but I felt that the risk would be worth it since I may not have many other chances in the future. I planned to drive alone, only stopping for gas, so I could limit my exposure to other people and limit chances of infection.
Since I told them I was going to come out things have changed dramatically. As you are all no doubt aware, the country is getting worse and worse as we head into a second wave of COVID (or the first wave coming back, whatever). My parents informed me that my aunt, uncle, and two cousins are travelling from Oregon to come visit them during Thanksgiving too. My cousins have decided to make a road trip of it, going to visit friends in Washington and California before driving down for Thanksgiving. My brother heard about all this and wants to surprise my parents by flying in from Washington. So now instead of a small 3 person gathering (just me and my parents), we now have 6 guests coming in from 3 states, and two of those guests are going on a road trip to see multiple people along the way.
To make things worse, my brother is a Trump supporter who often talks about how the country overreacted, COVID isn't that bad, etc. He scoffs at most of the common recommendations for preventing infection, such as wearing a mask or not going out. My parents have been downplaying the danger too, having friends come over and out of town visitors on occasion. My mom can't wear a mask because of her COPD, but refuses to have a delivery service bring groceries or do curbside pickup. In summary, no one else in my family is taking this threat seriously. Everyone thinks that the pandemic is exaggerated or distant enough to not be a concern.
AND IT GETS BETTER! My girlfriend's work is very strict about protecting from Covid. Because I am traveling to another state, I have to quarantine myself upon my return for 2 weeks. Otherwise she would have to quarantine with me, and be cut off from work for 2 weeks (and get into a ton of trouble, since her work doesn't look kindly on employees engaging in potentially risky behavior). If I come home, have contact with her, and she doesn't inform them or quarantine, she would be fired immediately. So what does this mean? I get to rent a hotel room from two weeks after I get back so I don't completely screw up my girlfriend's life. Also, our daughter has had extended family members acting reckless about COVID (going to parties, traveling to crowded places, going out to bars) and we've been trying to teach her that it's wrong and irresponsible. I can't come back and break those same rules.
So the TL;DR summary: Is it worth potentially being exposed to COVID and disrupting my life for 2+ weeks in order to see my dying mother for Thanksgiving? Or should I wait for better circumstances to go visit, with the risk there may not be another chance?
I've been agonizing over something for the past few weeks, and now I would like to get some outside advice from you all.
I live in California, and my elderly parents live in Nevada (about 45 minutes east of Las Vegas). My father has numerous health problems and his mobility is severely limited as a result. My mother is more mobile, but she has both COPD and Stage 4 breast cancer. The last time I was out to see them was 10 months ago. I took my family with me, and it did not go well. My mom made some very frustrating choices in how she interacted with us (being passive-aggressive, trying to manipulate us into certain decisions, sulking when we did not go along with every part of her plans, etc.). My dad has been very distant and disconnected to interacting with other people for a while, and mostly just kept to himself on his computer. My girlfriend and our daughter had a horrible time, culminating in my parents giving us the cold shoulder at the end of the trip because we did not choose to stay an extra day simply because they wanted us to.
Now, because I still love my parents, I wanted to fly back out to them so things did not end on such a sour note. As I said, my mother has Stage 4 breast cancer and I have no idea how much time I have left with her. I planned to fly out for Spring Break back in April, but then COVID-19 hit the country. I cancelled my flight and stayed at home. In September things started to look better for for COVID numbers and my mom's health started to look worse, so I thought it would be a good idea to go see my parents for Thanksgiving. I knew it was risky to try it, but I felt that the risk would be worth it since I may not have many other chances in the future. I planned to drive alone, only stopping for gas, so I could limit my exposure to other people and limit chances of infection.
Since I told them I was going to come out things have changed dramatically. As you are all no doubt aware, the country is getting worse and worse as we head into a second wave of COVID (or the first wave coming back, whatever). My parents informed me that my aunt, uncle, and two cousins are travelling from Oregon to come visit them during Thanksgiving too. My cousins have decided to make a road trip of it, going to visit friends in Washington and California before driving down for Thanksgiving. My brother heard about all this and wants to surprise my parents by flying in from Washington. So now instead of a small 3 person gathering (just me and my parents), we now have 6 guests coming in from 3 states, and two of those guests are going on a road trip to see multiple people along the way.
To make things worse, my brother is a Trump supporter who often talks about how the country overreacted, COVID isn't that bad, etc. He scoffs at most of the common recommendations for preventing infection, such as wearing a mask or not going out. My parents have been downplaying the danger too, having friends come over and out of town visitors on occasion. My mom can't wear a mask because of her COPD, but refuses to have a delivery service bring groceries or do curbside pickup. In summary, no one else in my family is taking this threat seriously. Everyone thinks that the pandemic is exaggerated or distant enough to not be a concern.
AND IT GETS BETTER! My girlfriend's work is very strict about protecting from Covid. Because I am traveling to another state, I have to quarantine myself upon my return for 2 weeks. Otherwise she would have to quarantine with me, and be cut off from work for 2 weeks (and get into a ton of trouble, since her work doesn't look kindly on employees engaging in potentially risky behavior). If I come home, have contact with her, and she doesn't inform them or quarantine, she would be fired immediately. So what does this mean? I get to rent a hotel room from two weeks after I get back so I don't completely screw up my girlfriend's life. Also, our daughter has had extended family members acting reckless about COVID (going to parties, traveling to crowded places, going out to bars) and we've been trying to teach her that it's wrong and irresponsible. I can't come back and break those same rules.
So the TL;DR summary: Is it worth potentially being exposed to COVID and disrupting my life for 2+ weeks in order to see my dying mother for Thanksgiving? Or should I wait for better circumstances to go visit, with the risk there may not be another chance?
), SOMEONE should know how to set one up. Don't put you, your girlfriend, or your daughter's health at risk for this.
