A
Anonymous
Anonymous
I don't think my best friend or anyone in our circle is on here, but on the off chance they are, I'm making this post anonymous and gender neutral, just in case. My past posts and writing style will probably give me away, but still, precautions are precautions.
So, I've known my best friend for nearly a decade now. They reached out to me once when I went through a hard time. Since then, we've had each others backs more times than I can count. We've done road trips together. Long, late night conversations. We're both creative people and we've bounced ideas back and forth on our latest hairbrained schemes. They've said I give far better, constructive feedback than anyone else.
When we first met, we were both with someone (I admitted to them I had a small crush on them when we first met). I've been single off and on since then, but they've always had the same partner. They've introduced me to a number of their friends; some led to short dating, one to a short relationship.
Their partner was...not exactly perfect. They weren't abusive, but they had a sarcastic, passive aggressive way of dealing with my friend. I've often wondered if it was borderline emotional abuse or manipulation. Little sarcastic jabs, not being emotionally supportive or distant, especially when it came to my best friend's ongoing mental health struggles. That's something my friend and I always had in common and been there for each other.
Now, I never wanted to get in between the two of them because despite the troubles, they made a good, cute couple. And I was more than happy to have a great friend who really got me. Their partner claimed not to be jealous of our friendship, but I sometimes question that because of the comments they'd make. Like if we went to see a movie without them, they'd make a snide joke about our "date." And I believe there was some snide comments about my friend cheating on them with me. It never really bothered either of us too much because they were, seemingly, superficial jokes. There was never an outright, serious accusation. Their partner worked odd hours and often missed out on joining us to see the latest movie. If they were available, they were ALWAYS welcome to join along. I didn't know their partner terribly well, or spoke to them much one-on-one, but I knew them well enough to call them a friend, at least. But there have been times that we've gone out, just the two of us, to movies or trivia nights or road trip excursions, and a few times people confused us for being a couple.
Anyway, my best friend and their partner broke up about two months ago. Best friend was an absolute wreck, as anyone expected they would be if it ever happened. Their partner dumped them unceremoniously and moved out that same day. My friend is slowly getting to a better place now, more focused but stressed out over their job than anything else these days. And we've been talking and hanging out a bit more lately.
To give them a safe space, away from their place that reminds them too much of their partner, I gave them spare keys to my place. They haven't really taken advantage of it yet, but the option is there. They stayed the night this past weekend. Nothing happened, mind you. I had an air mattress so they slept on that. We just hung out, talked, watched a movie, etc. As far as I can tell, there was no spark or hint of intimacy. But it was nice. It was comfortable. They even pointed out they hadn't once felt the need to smoke their weed - usually used in times of high anxiety - because they felt so comfortable here. There's a particular video game they love playing to destress, so I've had that downloaded in case they wanted to play it. And they did, which they said made them feel even more comfortable.
And I guess...after our long history, of spending so much time together, of knowing each other so well, I guess the question constantly in the back of my mind is...should we? Should we try dating?
To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm asking this looking for actual advice or if I'm asking it myself, almost rhetorically. I've said to myself before that I love them, absolutely, but I'm not sure if I'm IN love with them. Neither of us are exactly our usual respective "type" that we're into. And I also want to be mindful of the feelings of her friend I had a relationship with, not just because they're still really good friends, but because I think their friend still harbors feelings for me. Our breakup was mutual, though we've had the odd casual sex since then (not in years, though), and we've remain relatively good friends. But I feel like that added scenario might make things...awkward.
And of course, there's the potential of losing a best friend out of this if things don't work out.
I guess this is one of those things were I can't help thinking to myself, "Why not?" We like each other. We enjoy each others company immensely. We know each other pretty well. Maybe a dumb example, but I think about in Spectacular Spider-Man, where he has some great news and the first person he wants to tell is Gwen, and he realized how much he cares for her right there. That's similar with my best friend. The first person I want to tell ANYTHING, good or bad, is them. I often hold off posting something on social media so they can be the first to know.
On the other hand, I don't know if similar feelings are on their mind. They're still raw from the break-up, which is understandable. I don't want to be just a glorified rebound, nor take advantage of how vulnerable they're feeling. I sure as hell will NEVER make the first move or even make a hint of a move without them clearly consenting or giving a sign. Even then, I wouldn't want to misinterpret a "sign" and push something they don't want. No, if something were to happen, they would have to make the first, blatantly clear move.
If it doesn't happen? I'm okay with that. I still get to have my best friend to confide in. If they find someone else, I'd be happy for them.
So, I've known my best friend for nearly a decade now. They reached out to me once when I went through a hard time. Since then, we've had each others backs more times than I can count. We've done road trips together. Long, late night conversations. We're both creative people and we've bounced ideas back and forth on our latest hairbrained schemes. They've said I give far better, constructive feedback than anyone else.
When we first met, we were both with someone (I admitted to them I had a small crush on them when we first met). I've been single off and on since then, but they've always had the same partner. They've introduced me to a number of their friends; some led to short dating, one to a short relationship.
Their partner was...not exactly perfect. They weren't abusive, but they had a sarcastic, passive aggressive way of dealing with my friend. I've often wondered if it was borderline emotional abuse or manipulation. Little sarcastic jabs, not being emotionally supportive or distant, especially when it came to my best friend's ongoing mental health struggles. That's something my friend and I always had in common and been there for each other.
Now, I never wanted to get in between the two of them because despite the troubles, they made a good, cute couple. And I was more than happy to have a great friend who really got me. Their partner claimed not to be jealous of our friendship, but I sometimes question that because of the comments they'd make. Like if we went to see a movie without them, they'd make a snide joke about our "date." And I believe there was some snide comments about my friend cheating on them with me. It never really bothered either of us too much because they were, seemingly, superficial jokes. There was never an outright, serious accusation. Their partner worked odd hours and often missed out on joining us to see the latest movie. If they were available, they were ALWAYS welcome to join along. I didn't know their partner terribly well, or spoke to them much one-on-one, but I knew them well enough to call them a friend, at least. But there have been times that we've gone out, just the two of us, to movies or trivia nights or road trip excursions, and a few times people confused us for being a couple.
Anyway, my best friend and their partner broke up about two months ago. Best friend was an absolute wreck, as anyone expected they would be if it ever happened. Their partner dumped them unceremoniously and moved out that same day. My friend is slowly getting to a better place now, more focused but stressed out over their job than anything else these days. And we've been talking and hanging out a bit more lately.
To give them a safe space, away from their place that reminds them too much of their partner, I gave them spare keys to my place. They haven't really taken advantage of it yet, but the option is there. They stayed the night this past weekend. Nothing happened, mind you. I had an air mattress so they slept on that. We just hung out, talked, watched a movie, etc. As far as I can tell, there was no spark or hint of intimacy. But it was nice. It was comfortable. They even pointed out they hadn't once felt the need to smoke their weed - usually used in times of high anxiety - because they felt so comfortable here. There's a particular video game they love playing to destress, so I've had that downloaded in case they wanted to play it. And they did, which they said made them feel even more comfortable.
And I guess...after our long history, of spending so much time together, of knowing each other so well, I guess the question constantly in the back of my mind is...should we? Should we try dating?
To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm asking this looking for actual advice or if I'm asking it myself, almost rhetorically. I've said to myself before that I love them, absolutely, but I'm not sure if I'm IN love with them. Neither of us are exactly our usual respective "type" that we're into. And I also want to be mindful of the feelings of her friend I had a relationship with, not just because they're still really good friends, but because I think their friend still harbors feelings for me. Our breakup was mutual, though we've had the odd casual sex since then (not in years, though), and we've remain relatively good friends. But I feel like that added scenario might make things...awkward.
And of course, there's the potential of losing a best friend out of this if things don't work out.
I guess this is one of those things were I can't help thinking to myself, "Why not?" We like each other. We enjoy each others company immensely. We know each other pretty well. Maybe a dumb example, but I think about in Spectacular Spider-Man, where he has some great news and the first person he wants to tell is Gwen, and he realized how much he cares for her right there. That's similar with my best friend. The first person I want to tell ANYTHING, good or bad, is them. I often hold off posting something on social media so they can be the first to know.
On the other hand, I don't know if similar feelings are on their mind. They're still raw from the break-up, which is understandable. I don't want to be just a glorified rebound, nor take advantage of how vulnerable they're feeling. I sure as hell will NEVER make the first move or even make a hint of a move without them clearly consenting or giving a sign. Even then, I wouldn't want to misinterpret a "sign" and push something they don't want. No, if something were to happen, they would have to make the first, blatantly clear move.
If it doesn't happen? I'm okay with that. I still get to have my best friend to confide in. If they find someone else, I'd be happy for them.
